Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

[quote=“aayl1”]This week I had a bit of a breakthrough with it (alongside a therapy session I had two weeks that left me sobbing for like 30 minutes)[/quote]

Hope you’re coping OK after this Aaron, therapy sessions can unlock some weird strawberry floating gooseberry fool.

This gave me a ‘Nam style flashback to a really intense ninety minute long “interview” I had in 2017 when they were looking at whether or not I had some form of ADD(spoiler alert - I do) that left me sitting in my car in floods of tears for a good ten or fifteen minutes afterwards just because it dredged up some awful memories. It’s tough man!

Corazon de Leon wrote:
Hope you’re coping OK after this Aaron, therapy sessions can unlock some weird strawberry floating gooseberry fool.

This gave me a ‘Nam style flashback to a really intense ninety minute long “interview” I had in 2017 when they were looking at whether or not I had some form of ADD(spoiler alert - I do) that left me sitting in my car in floods of tears for a good ten or fifteen minutes afterwards just because it dredged up some awful memories. It’s tough man!

I'm doing okay thanks! I think since that session (and the previous one I had) I've managed to build on some of the stuff it's unlocking via meditation (and specifically metta/loving-kindness meditation which I am amazed at how well this works and wonder why I didn't start this sooner*) and generally feel a bit calmer.

It's weird - I've thought of myself as a bit of an emotionless robot - with the exception of anger which I feel very acutely - over the years not realising that that's a coping mechanism for trauma from my youth. I would very much like to break this cycle before I have kids!

So yeah the past couple of weeks I've been actively trying to be kinder to myself and start actively doing things I've wanted to try for a while (like streaming!) rather than tell myself it'll be gooseberry fool or not good enough. "Perfect is the enemy of good" is a mantra I am trying to internalise as I definitely get anxiety about everything I do having to be perfect.

And yeah totally empathise at how traumatising that ADD interview must have been - the constant questions about my parents combined with some genuine empathy from my therapist is what got me going.

*I know you've mentioned that you don't have the attention span for meditation (which even with the traditional "focus on your breath" meditation is a fallacy because the point of meditation is to notice that you've lost focus and bring the focus back, however long that takes - that's like a "rep" at the gym but for your focus muscles) but this style gets you good results quickly and is easy to do. Again no worries if you're not interested or genuinely believe it's not for you and apologies for constantly banging on about this - I've just seen great results and want everyone else to feel peace too!

Please don't think ill of me for saying this but the brighter that proverbial light at the end of the Covid-19 tunnel gets, the shittier I feel. Obviously I don't want people to keep falling sick and dying but I just don't want to return to "normal". Maybe I'm just having a rough few days. Not to sound like a sociopath but it almost feels like I'm disappointed that we narrowly avoided annihilation.

I think the crux of this problem is my workplace. I just really don't want to go back there.

And I think isolation has made me realise that I've never really enjoyed the company of people (except for very close friends), not even my own family. I just want to WFH and not interact with humans forever.

Am I broken?

Zilnad wrote:Please don't think ill of me for saying this but the brighter that proverbial light at the end of the Covid-19 tunnel gets, the shittier I feel. Obviously I don't want people to keep falling sick and dying but I just don't want to return to "normal". Maybe I'm just having a rough few days. Not to sound like a sociopath but it almost feels like I'm disappointed that we narrowly avoided annihilation.

I think the crux of this problem is my workplace. I just really don't want to go back there.

And I think isolation has made me realise that I've never really enjoyed the company of people (except for very close friends), not even my own family. I just want to WFH and not interact with humans forever.

Am I broken?

You're not broken, you just prefer being away from people rather than forced into situations you don't like very often. I have social anxiety and I'd rather sit alone than have to deal with other people, especially working as it's so draining on my brain - it's like I have an engine inside of me that takes forever to build up to allow me to be social and then by the time I've finished I feel half dead from almost forcing myself for hours to try and be social. I think it's normal, dealing with other people can be draining and especially work is awful for it.

WFH for me has been heaven and I really don't want to go back to my office either. The idea of everything going back to normal sounds good to me though, but I want a new normal where I can be happier with it. I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to go back exactly how things were before.

Thanks Qikz. Makes me feel a little better knowing it's okay to prefer my own company.

Honestly, if I won the lottery, I'd never leave my house and just become an Otaku.

Been feeling pretty crappy these last few days, it's not the complete mental health collapse i had in November, more just a feeling of despair (which wasn't helped by being faced with the sight of sofa bloke yet again watching me from his throne as i came home from town).

Up until recently, i'd been coping with this latest shutdown pretty well, but the longer it goes on, the more it's beginning to get to me. I'm also getting fed up with all the accompanying bs there seems to be in the media, the doom and gloom is endless and there always seems to be something stupid that people are getting their knickers in a twist about.

We live in such a grey, miserable, and po-faced society these days, all i want is a bit of freedom and (god forbid) fun.

Does anyone else run imaginary conversations through their head when they're worrying about stuff? I've been unable to escape my brain today and have been having imaginary arguments with my boss all day and now I'm bloody exhausted.

But now work is done I can finally shut it out.

I'm not actually hearing things though, in case that's what it sounds like! I just imagine what they would say and how I would respond back and forth.

Zilnad wrote:Does anyone else run imaginary conversations through their head when they're worrying about stuff? I've been unable to escape my brain today and have been having imaginary arguments with my boss all day and now I'm bloody exhausted.

But now work is done I can finally shut it out.

I'm not actually hearing things though, in case that's what it sounds like! I just imagine what they would say and how I would respond back and forth.

Yeah I run through a lot in my head and often find situations that would make me anxious playing over and over in my head - it especially happens if I'm worried about something, all of the worst possible situations will play in my head which makes me even more worried.

That's the effect it's had on me today. At first it was making me feel better but after a day of it, I just feel drained and much more worried about things than I otherwise would have been. Going to stick a game on now and reset myself.

YouTube

Yes, I do that all the time, in the past, present and future. I'm unsure if it's a useful skill or not...

I think it's a really sharp, double edged sword. The rewards can be great when used correctly but the damage can be devastating.

Amazing what a difference a bit of sun can do for the mind. Spent my lunch break mowing the lawn and that hour in the sun was so uplifting.

Gotta watch out for skin cancer though.

YouTube

I burnt 37 calories today on Wii Fit.

Tbh 12 minutes of light exercise felt pretty good.

I'm also happy the sun is out and it's my birthday soon which tends to mark the turn of spring. The world is still fairly miserable but at least there's that.

I realise how British this is.

Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Who is online

Affiliates