Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Skarjo
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Skarjo » Thu Mar 11, 2021 12:47 pm

Karl_ wrote:I think the advice above on space is good, Qikz, and that you're doing the right thing now. It sounds to me like you didn't do anything wrong, but your feelings are stronger than his are. The risk is that by being very enthusiastic about him you've inadvertently come across as "needy" or "controlling", so you need to demonstrate you're not those things. Hopefully he'll miss you and let you know soon - if you don't hear anything then it's probably not going to happen, though you could follow up in a couple weeks to get a final answer if you wanted to.

When it comes to the question of if you're bi - well, a guy falling in love with a guy is pretty bi. But labels are for you, not for anyone else. It's something you might be discovering about yourself - you don't have to officially decide it and declare it, there's no deadline, you can just keep an open mind and go with the flow. For what it's worth, a lot of bi people find that once it "clicks" that they're able to see the same gender in a sexual / romantic way, they suddenly notice a lot of attractive people they had been kind of filtering out before. So maybe be open to having that experience, but equally, don't pressure yourself or worry about it.


This, but with a sarcastic comment about hentai.

Like.... “Haha, drawings are simpler amirite?”

.... no forget it, just Karl’s post,

Karl wrote:Can't believe I got baited into expressing a political stance on hentai

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Thu Mar 11, 2021 1:39 pm

Never really written about it before Qiqz but I identity as pansexual/queer, I have flights of fancy or could possibly be in a romantic relationship with a guy like maybe you are describing, or possibly a trans person, although I don't really have sexual thoughts about that and I guess I have a preference for women. Perhaps because of the distance and the focus on more meaningful interactions than just what somebody looks like or gender norms / heterosexual bias in our culture, that has allowed your brain and your heart (or soul or whatever) to more openly consider those feelings and that's maybe pretty great! I like the phrase "gender blind" in that I don't really care what gender someone is if I love them and care about them enough to be "in love" with them and I'm sometimes attracted to members of the same as well as opposite sex. There's nothing to feel awkward or ashamed about here, sure it can be hella confusing but please feel free to openly discuss your experiences with thinking and feeling your way through that and you can also do that in the relationship thread if you like. :wub:

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aayl1
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by aayl1 » Thu Mar 11, 2021 3:29 pm

This situation really sucks, Staydead, I'm sorry. This sounds like it might be your first real heartbreak - I'm sure everyone in here who's experienced that has that feeling etched in their memory. I know I do!

You've been given some great advice already so I won't weigh in too much in that regard, but I did just want to comment to say how well you seem to be handling it - I'm sure you feel like an absolute mess but you are acting very maturely and not letting said feelings get the better of you - that's very respectable.

Also the sexuality stuff must be a real mindfuck but, again, you seem to be dealing with that with aplomb. A lot of people wouldn't have accepted that they were feeling that way about a member of the same gender and repressed those feelings but the fact you were even willing to explore them in the first place I think shows a level of maturity and self confidence a lot of people wish they had.

All the best with this situation. It sucks but this is the real character building stuff life is ade of and it's looking like you have a great character being built judging by your reactions thus far.

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Zilnad
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Zilnad » Thu Mar 11, 2021 3:35 pm

When it comes to sexuality, I definitely feel hetero in myself but I'm always keeping an open mind because you never know how you might feel a week, month, year, decade from now. That and I sometimes find myself undeniably attracted to some of the Queens on RuPaul.

I hope you get through this okay, Staydead. Much love to you.

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Qikz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Thu Mar 11, 2021 4:26 pm

aayl1 wrote:This situation really sucks, Staydead, I'm sorry. This sounds like it might be your first real heartbreak - I'm sure everyone in here who's experienced that has that feeling etched in their memory. I know I do!

You've been given some great advice already so I won't weigh in too much in that regard, but I did just want to comment to say how well you seem to be handling it - I'm sure you feel like an absolute mess but you are acting very maturely and not letting said feelings get the better of you - that's very respectable.

Also the sexuality stuff must be a real mindfuck but, again, you seem to be dealing with that with aplomb. A lot of people wouldn't have accepted that they were feeling that way about a member of the same gender and repressed those feelings but the fact you were even willing to explore them in the first place I think shows a level of maturity and self confidence a lot of people wish they had.

All the best with this situation. It sucks but this is the real character building stuff life is ade of and it's looking like you have a great character being built judging by your reactions thus far.


Honestly with the second bit I'm not really sure how I took it so easily, but if I'm honest I've gone so long without any form of connection with anyone that maybe I'm just desperate enough that any form of positive feelings I just jumped into without really thinking much of it. :slol:

Maybe if it was an IRL thing it'd be different and I still don't know how I'd feel if it was IRL but whatever. I'm still not 100% sure this is heartbreak but if it is it is and there's nothing I can really change about that anymore so I'll just see what happens. :toot:

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Thu Mar 11, 2021 5:31 pm

If you've not felt like you've had a crush / fallen in love / had he "feels" for someone in the past then I can imagine that could be heartbreak yes just thinking about losing that connection with someone. Unreciprocated love is a pretty hard thing to deal with. Myself I fall for people pretty easily but barely ever pursue those things (I mean I struggled to even tell someone I had feelings like that) so it oftentimes was like I was constantly having my heart broken by... Myself, just not doing anything about it. Even when that person pretty obviously had feelings for me too! At least you haven't done that. Forming relationships in your life is important, whatever form they take.

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Return_of_the_STAR
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Return_of_the_STAR » Tue Mar 16, 2021 9:41 pm

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/ ... f4249df784

Quite a nice article here from Roman Kemp about his own struggles with mental health and suicide particularly in young men.

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Victor Mildew
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Victor Mildew » Wed Mar 31, 2021 7:25 am

Its been 10 years today since my mum died, and I feel odd. Its not something I tend to dwell on (intentionally) and I don't know how I feel. In a way I'm glad she isn't about as she didn't have to live through this gooseberry fool.

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Qikz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Wed Mar 31, 2021 8:29 am

Victor Mildew wrote:Its been 10 years today since my mum died, and I feel odd. Its not something I tend to dwell on (intentionally) and I don't know how I feel. In a way I'm glad she isn't about as she didn't have to live through this gooseberry fool.


I'm about 2 years 2 months in now and I also have days where I feel the same. It's nice to know that must never go away, but I guess in the long term if you're close to someone the fact you feel odd should maybe be comforting because it shows how good of a relationship you must've had. I loved my Mum so unbelievably much and the fact she's gone sucks, but yeah I don't think I would've given my Mum much of a chance surviving this last year. She lived in a care home in the end and had a lot of underlying health problems. I can't help but wonder if losing her during Covid would've felt even worse than losing her when did.

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Prototype
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Prototype » Wed Mar 31, 2021 8:52 am

Can't imagine not having my Mum around so my heart goes out to you guys. And I totally get why you'd need to intentionally not dwell on things. It would just eat you up. Kudos to you both for keeping on moving.

I can imagine that even whilst she's not physically around, you feel her sense of presence all the time some way?

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Qikz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Wed Mar 31, 2021 8:58 am

Prototype wrote:Can't imagine not having my Mum around so my heart goes out to you guys. And I totally get why you'd need to intentionally not dwell on things. It would just eat you up. Kudos to you both for keeping on moving.

I can imagine that even whilst she's not physically around, you feel her sense of presence all the time some way?


I mean for me I've spent more of my life with her than anyone else (including my Dad). I don't really feel like she's around, but because she raised me everything she's ever taught me is in my head and it kind of affects how I do things. Even now I think when I'm doing something about how my Mum would be annoyed at me for doing something x way or not looking after myself properly if I'm letting things slip a bit and thinking about that kinda helps me put me back on track a bit. I guess it's different for everyone.

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Victor Mildew
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Victor Mildew » Wed Mar 31, 2021 9:09 am

Prototype wrote:Can't imagine not having my Mum around so my heart goes out to you guys. And I totally get why you'd need to intentionally not dwell on things. It would just eat you up. Kudos to you both for keeping on moving.

I can imagine that even whilst she's not physically around, you feel her sense of presence all the time some way?


Not in a religious or spiritual sense as I don't believe in all that, but I do believe people aren't really gone as long as you remember them. I can picture and hear her now in a way thats no different to when she was about, it's just you cant got and see them.

She'd have been rubbish during this pandemic though, there's no way she'd have followed the rules properly (can guarantee she'd have been a nose out masks wearer).

Hexx wrote:Ad7 is older and balder than I thought.
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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Thu Apr 01, 2021 10:30 pm

I added to my bio about being pansexual, not sure how I feel about it. Even if it might seem "odd" or "nobody's business" or "irrelevant" to something vaguely professional like that, if an aspect of your identity has been repressed for most of your life, does that not then make it pertinent when are trying to identify with your sexuality, queerness, or anything like that? Telling somebody's story, introducing the history of a person, even if that person is yourself, well, that's kind of the point of a website, no? Who's to say what I can and can't write on a personal journal or blog entry? I guess I still fear that if I write something like that, people will judge me. I know, I know, strawberry float them, simply give less strawberry floats. But I still feel that pressure to "not talk about things that... People don't want to talk about". But I do want to talk about it! I also want to advocate for things like autism, and queerness, because these are aspects of my personality that face a lot of difficulties and discrimination simply for being different. Obviously I don't feel that's right and it's had an impact on areas of my mental wellbeing, of course, largely trying to cope without really understanding any of it, and having no professional help for most of my life.

My brain problems are mostly around money at the moment. Even if cashflow isn't a problem right now, I suppose I always worry it might be, because being a graduate in relative poverty in the south east (yeah, I know, just move up north / leave you family and friends and everything because it's cheaper innit) was hard (for me), not being able to pay the bills was hard, the guilt was massive. I also grew up where basic things like the heating, or the light in my bedroom, or this or that renovation was never finished. To the extent that even when money comes in, I feel bad about it. strawberry floating money man, it's a load of gooseberry fool. It doesn't help, that if you claim in-work benefits, obviously those go down too. My partner gets a rise, we get punished for that, and the calculation is often wrong because they implicate a £100 back pay as something else.

My mum is recovering from cancer surgery at the moment, I text her every other day at least to check in, as she never calls/rings herself, and didn't hear back the other day. I don't know at all how I would cope if I lost her, even if we had a difficult relationship. I feel so sorry for you guys who have lost your parents, although I have to say it makes that fear all the more real of how I would feel if she did pass away before her time. Especially as then it would be "just" my dad, who is emotionally, well, moronic.

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No:1 Final Fantasy Fan
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by No:1 Final Fantasy Fan » Sun Apr 04, 2021 4:17 pm

A friend of mine seems to have anger issues. But this was a bit odd, he doesn't want a PS5 not until a few years when the slim version comes out and when more games are available. But the other day he was trying to purchase a PS5, I asked why thought you didn't want one? He said he doesn't want one but only wants to get one to spite some girl at work who he doesn't like because she's been trying to get one. What does this say about him?

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Zilnad
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Zilnad » Sun Apr 04, 2021 4:21 pm

Could be any number of things wrong with him but that definitely isn't the behaviour of a well balanced mind.

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kerr9000
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by kerr9000 » Sun Apr 04, 2021 5:17 pm

I once nearly brought a bundle of games I didn't want because someone who had been a prick to me wanted them but then I stopped myself, I put it down to my autism I just felt really really hurt and it seemed like a good idea for a few seconds, maybe she has really pissed him off and he cant let it go? He doesn't have any issues like autism does he?

I also have weird money issues, I like my money to be in round amounts if I had £95 in my account id sooner add or take away 5 so its even.

My mum passed away I dont know 7 to 10 years ago, I have memory issues and obviously this is not something I like to focus on, id sooner think about her life than her death. A lot of the things she taught me stay with me and sometimes I will see things shed like that id want to buy her and get upset that I cant, but I try to take that energy and channel it in other directions, I will buy my daughter or my auntie or my other half or her mum a present because I want to do something that makes someone else in my life feel happy and appreciated.

Recently my brother has split from his wife and he has 4 of the 5 kids and I have been spending a lot on buying them presents and living essentials partly because I want to and partly because its what my mum would have done if she was still here.

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No:1 Final Fantasy Fan
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by No:1 Final Fantasy Fan » Sun Apr 04, 2021 5:45 pm

Tbh I think we have all had feelings of doing something to spite someone but to spend £500 on something you don't want...I thought was a bit extreme.

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Outrunner
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Outrunner » Mon Apr 12, 2021 7:54 pm

I've just been watching the news with people sat outside of pubs now that they're open. I started to feel really panicked and could feel myself welling up. And just now my classmates at uni have been in touch trying to arrange a social thing. It's a nice thing to do since we've all only met once but I just felt really panicky (more so than my usual social anxiety). I need to get in touch with my doctor but I know I'm probably going to get filtered into cognitive therapy (which generally hasn't worked for me) or talking therapy (I've had a couple of rounds over the past year and it was fine but just ended up feeling like I as repeating myself by the end). I'd like to go back to the mental health nurse but don't know if my problems are serious enough.

I don't know if I'm making a big deal out of nothing, maybe I need to get over myself and sort myself out. I don't want to be taking up resources when other people are probably in greater need.

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Prototype
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Prototype » Mon Apr 12, 2021 7:59 pm

Outrunner wrote:I've just been watching the news with people sat outside of pubs now that they're open. I started to feel really panicked and could feel myself welling up. And just now my classmates at uni have been in touch trying to arrange a social thing. It's a nice thing to do since we've all only met once but I just felt really panicky (more so than my usual social anxiety). I need to get in touch with my doctor but I know I'm probably going to get filtered into cognitive therapy (which generally hasn't worked for me) or talking therapy (I've had a couple of rounds over the past year and it was fine but just ended up feeling like I as repeating myself by the end). I'd like to go back to the mental health nurse but don't know if my problems are serious enough.

I don't know if I'm making a big deal out of nothing, maybe I need to get over myself and sort myself out. I don't want to be taking up resources when other people are probably in greater need.


"making a big deal out of nothing" is probably one of the best descriptions of anxiety i've ever heard. I don't mean that in a bad way, but for me, it's precisely that. Something which for most people probably is nothing but for you, causes you to tense up.

If you've been enjoying alone time during the pandemic, then stay doing that and meet people when you want to.

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Drumstick
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Drumstick » Mon Apr 12, 2021 8:27 pm

Agreed. Do not wilt under pressure (real or otherwise) to meet people socially if you don't feel comfortable.

And definitely don't feel bad about feeling that way.

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