Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Karl
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Karl » Tue Dec 25, 2018 4:44 pm

Christmas can be hugely stressful. I hope everyone here is doing OK today. Have a Merry Christmas if you can; if not, look after yourself, you can get through it!

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue Dec 25, 2018 5:53 pm

I've already fallen out with my mum because she is chronically cynical in interpreting anything anyone ever says and gets stuck in this insane cycle of putting words in your mouth and then claiming you are projecting when calling her out on that and asking her to please not be so negative and overly apologetic "oh sorry if I offended you" etc when no reasonable person could consider what you just said offensive. I can't strawberry floating deal with additional negative thinking piled on top of my own when 99% of cases I talk about stuff because I am curious or give a gooseberry fool which is a GOOD THING Christ. After getting about 4 hours sleep so had a nap and apologised, going for dinner but going to bring my 3DS and just have to raise a request not to consider that "being offended" or some gooseberry fool because I need to lose my head in something every 30 minutes or so and essentially meditate.

Meanwhile my dads in France having a jolly old time in a huge warm and tidy country house all paid up with rental income from their own house turned Airbnb or whatever, in my (and his) hometown where two sons are left wanting, and a rented flat (which has never been offered to us) with my step mother and sisters and little cousin I would assume but strawberry float am I flying out there just to see him mere days after finally closing up shop here. I mean who the strawberry float wants to fly overseas at this time of year? I just want to watch TV where I wasn't abandoned and try not to dredge up old gooseberry fool like breaking my hand and permanently disfiguring myself because I made some toast next my brother while he was sleeping and that annoyed him and woke my mum (seriously) in the same space and also same place where I sort out a room for my disabled mum for one of countless ocassions I have helped do that stuck in an endless cycle of sorting stuff and moving rooms and big heavy furniture over and over again for odd reasons.. But that wasn't due to care it was due to wanting to "make a point" whatever that means. Here I can barely move an inch without bumping into some random object or pile of clothes.

Sometimes I really do just wish my family weren't so eccentric and I just got a lobotomy so I didn't think about this gooseberry fool so much. I think it would be much easier just to host family here next year as there is actually space, a dining table I built myself without stuff all over it (I mean space to actually pull it out and sit at it, or not even needing to do that because it's a strawberry floating dining table not a sorting office) and none of the bad memories. Should have sold up years ago but my mum can't realistically cope with that.

My brother's with his girlfriend for the meal which is understandable and my other lives in Japan, at least it was nice skyping him but passing a phone around is like a mysophonia nightmare. I'm so weak at the moment I keep randomly dropping things like my motor skills just switch off for no reason. So I ask for a bit of 1to1 on the phone and my brother has a go for me hijacking his call well strawberry float try telling me to turn my blue eyes brown if you want me to suddenly have those missing skills and abilities to have a group conversation because my brain is what it is and they all know this (although it took far too long, instead I had to put up with being called a psycho and stuff), woe me.

I think maybe I should just stay home but then I'd be lonely and more sad so at least trying is a credit to me I think but my family will still find some way of negatively assessing my behaviour instead of accepting the fact I am weird and different and yes I didn't get enough sleep and no I didn't do that deliberately I have real problems with it. Or God forbid actually helping me with being sick and giving me a hug and saying it's OK, don't worry, merry Xmas. No it's the same old gooseberry fool, I talk about anything and it's "let it rest Ben" and "oh for strawberry floats sake" under breath etc it's extremely rude and it's verboten to say you know what mate please could you be nicer to me? No no not acceptable at all I just have to "take it" like the past and it's my fault for being too sensitive.

It makes no sense because I very rarely upset anyone in day to day interactions with... Pretty normal people. But maybe I'm wrong.

First thing I heard in the morning on the phone was "well do you want to see your family or sleep" in a very condescending tone, well how about doing better than telling me at 12am on Christmas Eve at the pub that I have to get up in a few hours then and strawberry floating plan something for once?? It's barmy. Apparently my mum forgot to tell me but she didn't know the time and why ask someone else to tell me something? Why not just actually contact me directly? It's like being set up to fail. So fed up of gooseberry fool like that. I highly doubt most young people who went to the pub in the evening (I didn't drink more than one I just cried instead) are going to find it super easy to get up the next morning for a poached strawberry floating egg and the back home.

At least the dog is cool miniature daschunds are great, not that I can afford nevermind justify 2 grand on a dog (at least he's healthy). I just wish I was better and could somehow transcend all this so these constant analyses and hyper criticisms least of all coming from me could go away and stop happening.

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Blue Eyes
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Blue Eyes » Tue Dec 25, 2018 6:34 pm

My mum died this year so Xmas has not been the same. If I’m honest, I haven’t liked it for ages anyway but the first one without her feels strange. She loved xmas so that kind of makes it even worse. I wish you all lovely holiday and a great new year. Together, we can climb this crazy mountain.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue Dec 25, 2018 6:56 pm

Sorry to here that man. I've cheered up a bit thanks to secret Santa. My brother on Skype moaned that the other had left but it was to visit his girlfriend's father grave, I can't imagine what that must be like mourning on Xmas day although I suppose we all mourn someone some of the time. I must phone my grandmother in a bit as she is still with us and she wouldn't take part in any of this nonsense. Why can't we all just have a cup of tea and some mandarin cakes!

I worry about how my mum will be into old age, I'm not sure she'll live as long as she should due to a terrible riding accident (victim on horseback, idiot was drunk), she's broken her collar bone yet again just from stumbling and bracing herself against the wall so she can barely get in and out of someone else's car and just when she had started driving herself again. The wounds and breaks just never end, well they do but I hope not yet.

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VlaSoul
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by VlaSoul » Tue Dec 25, 2018 11:27 pm

I found out a couple hours ago that my grandfather died. A part of me knew it'd happen today, but yeah this is probably the worst Christmas of my life so far and that isnt helped by my mother and sister being in a different country (they went to see my grandfather before he passed so it's fair enough)

It was already shaping up to be a pretty shitty day but yeah idk
Like when my grandmother died I'm honestly just kind of angry now; I'd kill for a joint or a cig or something atm
strawberry float christmas, i guess

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Dec 26, 2018 5:39 am

Grim dude. I'm sorry. Not that it's better if more important or anything, but part of my current episode is staying up until now 5:30 tidying up and tetrising the bedroom so it's much better. Good way to stay up I suppose. Just wanted to sort it the strawberry float out.

Set up two quite high end tape and CD decks only then realising they both have headphone sockets so can listen to old hit hikers guide to the galaxy and Harry Potter audiobooks, distraction free like the good old days. I should ban the iPad as well but honesty I probably just wouldn't get most emails if I did that which has its own problems.

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kerr9000
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by kerr9000 » Wed Dec 26, 2018 10:04 am

Blue Eyes wrote:My mum died this year so Xmas has not been the same. If I’m honest, I haven’t liked it for ages anyway but the first one without her feels strange. She loved xmas so that kind of makes it even worse. I wish you all lovely holiday and a great new year. Together, we can climb this crazy mountain.


I remember the first Christmas after my mum died, trying to do all the food she did and make eeryone satisifed and to do Christmas the way she would while holding back the tears and feeling like garbage inside, its a tough mountain to climb and I dont feel like ive managed it any of the years since during this absolute season of suck and all the bad things that are going on for me I just try and remember the following (yes its from a rocky film)

''The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.''

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Outrunner
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Outrunner » Fri Dec 28, 2018 6:26 pm

I'm sorry to hear you guys had a hard time over the Christmas period. It card be hard and the best of times but the things you guys have been through must have made it really hard. I hope you're doing better now or, at the very least, you're getting there.

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Tafdolphin
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tafdolphin » Wed Jan 02, 2019 12:44 pm

Green Gecko wrote:I think maybe I should just stay home but then I'd be lonely and more sad so at least trying is a credit to me I think but my family will still find some way of negatively assessing my behaviour instead of accepting the fact I am weird and different


Sounds a lot like my wife's dilemma. Your whole post is familiar in fact. She stayed in France this year to show support for her brother who's having a strawberry floated up time at the moment (see the Relationship thread) but she ended up just feeling like an outsider. She left before the end of Christmas day and spent the rest of the holiday alone.

Me, I've started getting jaw pains again, which is the defining symptom of my anxiety. From what we can tell I spend all night with my jaw tensed when I'm stressed which leads to a severe ache during the day. My mum does the same apparently. It got so bad in 2017 that I couldn't sleep and although it hasn't reached that level yet it's still driving me crazy. I've really been worrying about my future recently: moving to France has been much harder than I anticipated and my crippling lack of self-confidence has really come to the fore and stopped me making any significant gains last year. Going back to Manchester over the holidays reconfirmed how much I miss the place but I don't want to return to the mindless admin 9-5 that enabled me to live there last time.

Hmm.

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Fade
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Fade » Wed Jan 02, 2019 8:54 pm

I don't think I've ever felt so lonely in my life.

I called in to work today to day I had some personal problems and couldn't come in.

And I haven't heard from anybody all day. I messaged the only friend I have (who I haven't seen in over a year) and told her I wasn't in a good place and she just said she was sorry to hear that, didn't even ask me what was wrong.

I never fit in anywhere, and it didn't used to bother me, but it's getting to the point in my life now where it's really taking its toll on me.

I don't know what to do. My head feels like it's going to explode.

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shadow202
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PostRe: RE: Re: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by shadow202 » Wed Jan 02, 2019 9:14 pm

Fade wrote:I don't think I've ever felt so lonely in my life.

I called in to work today to day I had some personal problems and couldn't come in.

And I haven't heard from anybody all day. I messaged the only friend I have (who I haven't seen in over a year) and told her I wasn't in a good place and she just said she was sorry to hear that, didn't even ask me what was wrong.

I never fit in anywhere, and it didn't used to bother me, but it's getting to the point in my life now where it's really taking its toll on me.

I don't know what to do. My head feels like it's going to explode.
Do you exercise, Fade? You could look in to joining a club, running club, boxing club etc. That will get you out of the house, help you exercise, meet new people and you'll end up making friends along the way too.

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Sandy
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Sandy » Thu Jan 03, 2019 11:22 pm

Fade wrote:I don't think I've ever felt so lonely in my life.

I called in to work today to day I had some personal problems and couldn't come in.

And I haven't heard from anybody all day. I messaged the only friend I have (who I haven't seen in over a year) and told her I wasn't in a good place and she just said she was sorry to hear that, didn't even ask me what was wrong.

I never fit in anywhere, and it didn't used to bother me, but it's getting to the point in my life now where it's really taking its toll on me.

I don't know what to do. My head feels like it's going to explode.


These guys offer iapt services for your area. You can do a self referral and skip the GP stage if you want. They'll be able to help you provided you want to work with them to help yourself as well.

https://www.italk.org.uk/self-referral/

Just to confirm, you're not feeling in anyway suicidal?

If your friend had asked you what was wrong, would you have been able to quantify it?

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawafour » Tue Jan 08, 2019 3:51 pm

Fade wrote:...

Fade, haven't seen you in GR for a few days... how are you getting on? Are you feeling any better than you were?


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