Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Mon May 13, 2019 11:36 am

It seems like you're coming up with reasons for why they can't be your friend or possibly like you. Is there anywhere else you can try to make friends? Can you make that somewhere else or look for it?

Try not to judge people you don't know.

Outrunner wrote:I had my interview, maths and English tests for university yesterday. Initially I thought it went well but because because of my anxiety, low self-esteem and my ability to turn everything into a catastrophe I'm picking apart the whole thing. My current thought patterns:

"What were you thinking? Why would they want you after that performance"
"If you're this stressed with one day how do you think you'll cope with a full degree"
"Even if you do get in think of the cost, you'll have no more holidays, no money in your pension pot for 4 years"
"You do realise this will only cause you more problems down the line? No money, no friends, no job"
"You're not smart enough to do this, why not take the easy route and stay where you are?"

It's all self indulgent self-loathing and I hate that my mind does this

Don't worry, the standard for that sort of thing are pretty low. It really is just to cut out the very bottom who won't be able to do work because they lack the basic skills to write or do arithmetic, which is a waste of time and they need to go to evening classes or something. I really doubt you are that behind the curve based only on your ability to introspect. That makes you naturally improve yourself anyway and study harder than average.

People tend to think university is this ridiculously intense thing. Maybe it is in the final year when gooseberry fool matters the most, but that sounds more like a doctorate.

If you show up and write your papers/coursework, you can take a day or two off here or there without much hassle. There will be plenty of days where there aren't any lectures or seminars at all.

You already have employment experience, whereas most graduates do not. That puts you ahead of the vast majority of graduates, so you will benefit from both aspects of increased employability. What a degree does is help you to target more specialised roles that may be of interest to you, but it doesn't give you general work experience. You won't necessarily have that problem.

You would struggle NOT to at least have the opportunity to relatively easily make friends at university.

You do get times at university when the campus is half shut, mostly during Christmas and summer. There are reading weeks where you are expected to read but really this is just another word for half term (in between semesters).

As for pension, I have about £50 in mine. Having a pension at all before starting university puts you in a stronger position financially than the vast majority of students.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Sandy » Mon May 13, 2019 1:15 pm

Fade wrote:Dude I talk to them quite a bit. They're just all 20 year olds who like to go out and get drunk, gossip and get their nails done.

Also I've been working there 2 years.


Have you given any of them a chance, Benjamin?

Or jumped to a conclusion about that they're like based on a, probably very shallow, exterior that they allow out into the open?

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Mon May 13, 2019 1:22 pm

My girlfriend likes to do her nails sometimes, and drink with her friends. There's always a bit of gossip around as she works at a college but mostly about kids doing dumb stuff and interdepartmental politics. It offloads stress and nails are a confidence and time for me thing mostly.

But that is only in the past couple of months since she got a new job and can go out more with more income.

I would never make an impression based on that when we met years ago. You never know people from how they are just about the office, everyone's pretending to be normal and a good employee or whatever. They have to fit in.

As you probably know, if you don't fit in you wind up getting fired or miserable or both. An office is the last place in the world I'd expect to get to know anyone.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Outrunner » Tue May 14, 2019 9:42 pm

Green Gecko wrote:It seems like you're coming up with reasons for why they can't be your friend or possibly like you. Is there anywhere else you can try to make friends? Can you make that somewhere else or look for it?

Try not to judge people you don't know.

Outrunner wrote:I had my interview, maths and English tests for university yesterday. Initially I thought it went well but because because of my anxiety, low self-esteem and my ability to turn everything into a catastrophe I'm picking apart the whole thing. My current thought patterns:

"What were you thinking? Why would they want you after that performance"
"If you're this stressed with one day how do you think you'll cope with a full degree"
"Even if you do get in think of the cost, you'll have no more holidays, no money in your pension pot for 4 years"
"You do realise this will only cause you more problems down the line? No money, no friends, no job"
"You're not smart enough to do this, why not take the easy route and stay where you are?"

It's all self indulgent self-loathing and I hate that my mind does this

Don't worry, the standard for that sort of thing are pretty low. It really is just to cut out the very bottom who won't be able to do work because they lack the basic skills to write or do arithmetic, which is a waste of time and they need to go to evening classes or something. I really doubt you are that behind the curve based only on your ability to introspect. That makes you naturally improve yourself anyway and study harder than average.

People tend to think university is this ridiculously intense thing. Maybe it is in the final year when gooseberry fool matters the most, but that sounds more like a doctorate.

If you show up and write your papers/coursework, you can take a day or two off here or there without much hassle. There will be plenty of days where there aren't any lectures or seminars at all.

You already have employment experience, whereas most graduates do not. That puts you ahead of the vast majority of graduates, so you will benefit from both aspects of increased employability. What a degree does is help you to target more specialised roles that may be of interest to you, but it doesn't give you general work experience. You won't necessarily have that problem.

You would struggle NOT to at least have the opportunity to relatively easily make friends at university.

You do get times at university when the campus is half shut, mostly during Christmas and summer. There are reading weeks where you are expected to read but really this is just another word for half term (in between semesters).

As for pension, I have about £50 in mine. Having a pension at all before starting university puts you in a stronger position financially than the vast majority of students.


Thank for helping put all this into perspective, I think I know all this stuff but hearing it from a third party actually drives it home for me.

I meant to drop by yesterday but I was busy celebrating as I have been offered a place! So I was worrying for nothing. But thanks for listening/reading, having this thread to come to can be a lifesaver :)

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue May 14, 2019 10:10 pm

That's awesome dude, well done for sticking at the whole UCAS thing (assuming you still go through that even if it's after college). It's so terribly easy to see an opportunity and veer off in another direction because of worrying about failure or rejection but the truth is even if at first we don't succeed it helps us clarify our goals or what we need to do next. Glad it worked out for you. If you have any questions about academic stuff look at the university thread, sure it's mostly the few doctorates on here still posting but they have all been through it and I will check in as well. I went through some serious ups and downs at uni especially around my mental health so I know what it's like on those stormy seas of self discovery and determination!

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Fade » Wed May 15, 2019 8:29 pm

Sandy wrote:
Fade wrote:Dude I talk to them quite a bit. They're just all 20 year olds who like to go out and get drunk, gossip and get their nails done.

Also I've been working there 2 years.


Have you given any of them a chance, Benjamin?

Or jumped to a conclusion about that they're like based on a, probably very shallow, exterior that they allow out into the open?

Benjamin :lol:

I've 'given them a chance' and I talk quite a lot to people at work. We just don't have a lot in common, that's just the way it is, we talk about the job and what we did at the weekend and that's about it. you can't force people to be friends with you.

I've worked there for two years. I haven't jumped to conclusions about anything.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rocsteady » Wed May 15, 2019 11:27 pm

Fade wrote:
Sandy wrote:
Fade wrote:Dude I talk to them quite a bit. They're just all 20 year olds who like to go out and get drunk, gossip and get their nails done.

Also I've been working there 2 years.


Have you given any of them a chance, Benjamin?

Or jumped to a conclusion about that they're like based on a, probably very shallow, exterior that they allow out into the open?

Benjamin :lol:

I've 'given them a chance' and I talk quite a lot to people at work. We just don't have a lot in common, that's just the way it is, we talk about the job and what we did at the weekend and that's about it. you can't force people to be friends with you.

I've worked there for two years. I haven't jumped to conclusions about anything.

Where do you live? If it’s a big city there’ll be a bunch of meet up groups you could head to meet folk.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Return_of_the_STAR » Fri May 17, 2019 6:19 am

Has anyone had any issues with side effects from an antidepressant? I’m on Escitalopram, went on 5mg for 3 weeks then moved up to 10mg just over a week ago. I felt the side effects were subsiding before going up a dosage but since being on the 10mg I’ve had pretty bad light headedness, dizziness, occasional hot sweats etc. Just wondering how long to put up with it all before looking at changing them. Been on them in total for about 4 and a half weeks.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Sandy » Fri May 17, 2019 10:35 am

Rocsteady wrote:
Return_of_the_STAR wrote:Has anyone had any issues with side effects from an antidepressant? I’m on Escitalopram, went on 5mg for 3 weeks then moved up to 10mg just over a week ago. I felt the side effects were subsiding before going up a dosage but since being on the 10mg I’ve had pretty bad light headedness, dizziness, occasional hot sweats etc. Just wondering how long to put up with it all before looking at changing them. Been on them in total for about 4 and a half weeks.


Speak to your doctor but 4 weeks isn't uncommon in my experience.

Last edited by Sandy on Tue May 21, 2019 9:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rocsteady » Tue May 21, 2019 10:10 am

Somewhat struggling just now. Not sleeping great, getting a lot of liver pain and separated from a lass who I got too infatuated with. Got some work/travel/exam pressures on the go too. Can feel occasional suicidal thoughts creeping back in, hopefully just temporarily.

Got a shift in my circumstances from Sunday which I’m hoping might help (could also make it worse) so I’m just trying to get through this week and see how I go. Not feeling great.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Fade » Tue May 21, 2019 11:42 am

Sandy wrote:
Rocsteady wrote:
Fade wrote:
Sandy wrote:
Fade wrote:Dude I talk to them quite a bit. They're just all 20 year olds who like to go out and get drunk, gossip and get their nails done.

Also I've been working there 2 years.


Have you given any of them a chance, Benjamin?

Or jumped to a conclusion about that they're like based on a, probably very shallow, exterior that they allow out into the open?

Benjamin :lol:

I've 'given them a chance' and I talk quite a lot to people at work. We just don't have a lot in common, that's just the way it is, we talk about the job and what we did at the weekend and that's about it. you can't force people to be friends with you.

I've worked there for two years. I haven't jumped to conclusions about anything.

Where do you live? If it’s a big city there’ll be a bunch of meet up groups you could head to meet folk.


The kids on the street call him Basingstoke Benji on account of him being from Basingstoke.

I own the Fadecy book of facts, which is where I get this creepy level of knowledge from. One day he'll point something I say out as being wrong and I'll be found out as just being a lucky guesser.

Return_of_the_STAR wrote:Has anyone had any issues with side effects from an antidepressant? I’m on Escitalopram, went on 5mg for 3 weeks then moved up to 10mg just over a week ago. I felt the side effects were subsiding before going up a dosage but since being on the 10mg I’ve had pretty bad light headedness, dizziness, occasional hot sweats etc. Just wondering how long to put up with it all before looking at changing them. Been on them in total for about 4 and a half weeks.


Speak to your doctor but 4 weeks isn't uncommon in my experience.

I don't know why exactly you keep posting personal information. I could understand it a little more from someone I coverse with more often but it's honestly a little weird coming from you.

Especially on a thread where people are meant to be able to post their insecurities in a safe space.

And there you are making someone uncomfortable.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Sandy » Tue May 21, 2019 9:33 pm

Fade wrote:I don't know why exactly you keep posting personal information. I could understand it a little more from someone I coverse with more often but it's honestly a little weird coming from you.

Especially on a thread where people are meant to be able to post their insecurities in a safe space.

And there you are making someone uncomfortable.


It's just stuff I remember you saying from 10 years ago. I did think about this afterwards that it was pretty inappropriate for me to restate it on here if you haven't previously shared it on here.

I've edit it out of the post. Apologies.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rocsteady » Fri May 31, 2019 10:46 am

If you download the Couchsurfing app Fade you can use the hangout feature to find folk. Had a quick look and there’s roughly 500 people in your area so should be some decent banana splits about.

How’s everyone getting on?

Been mad struggling lately, to the point where a few days ago I was having brief sucidial ideation of hanging myself. Luckily, and bizarrely, the girl I’ve been dating chatting gooseberry fool about being 'casual' last night (we’ve been dating for a couple of months now and it’s been far from casual) seemed to click my brain back into gear and feeling normal again today. Been blasting karma police as the realisation I was overly infatuated was breaking me a bit.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by False » Fri May 31, 2019 11:04 am

I have been up and down - mostly ok but a lot of stress. Perhaps unwisely did a lot of MDMA at the weekend and couldnt come up at all so did more than I should which has left me a bit more down afterwards. Ill survive.

Can empathise with the suicdial ideation stuff though, just seems to pop up out of nowhere. I have some other thoughts which I dont feel like sharing on here but they would definitely completely ruin my life. Need to find someone to talk about it with really. Thoughts always seem to shrink outside of your head.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sun Jun 02, 2019 12:45 am

I've had some really bad couple of days and had to take about 4-5 days off doing all most no work, but the summer helps. I've downloaded a couple games to keep me busy and have been taking day trips out which is good. New PC is fun to muck around on.

Probably worst anxiety was a giant banana split harassing me online again at a workplace I returned to thinking I got over that gooseberry fool (and he was gone), but just reported it and got on with my day after that subsided. Heading there next week to make use of the space so hopefully I'l alright.

I've been listening to lots of old music recordings and wondering what the strawberry float I'm doing leaving music out of the picture, my brother's doing quite well promoting his gooseberry fool and I was listening to this girl singing for us years back, now she's on the same talent label as Nick Cave and Roots Manuva, so thinking about that and whether I want to make game of thrones T-shirt for another 2 years or just jack it all in and pursue music. But I know deep down that's just another type of business and a bloody tough one at that - nobody will pay, it takes forever to build a gig schedule (and keep a band from killing each other). Got in touch with some old musician peeps but no reply yet.

With the whole death thing I think about weird gooseberry fool like, what if I died would anyone find all these 1000s of recordings on my laptop some of which were pretty decent and give a gooseberry fool posthumously... I need to go to an open mic ffs, I wrote and performed my stuff when I was 12 and then depression started to strawberry float me massively and school/college/uni/carreer blahblah. It's one of only things that gets my heart feeling elated and wanting to do stuff, I just have nobody to share that with these days.

Been trying to fill out some applications for arts residencies/stipends and I've got a social worker to help me look at ACE funding form (basically bonafide paid-by-the-government-to-do-art funding) so I've got other avenues for work/expression than just putting people's stuff on T-shirts which should be my "day job" but not my entire life.

I do have my partner and it seems she has clawed my back again, so that's good (and it isn't always, stress doesn't help your love life).

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Clarkman » Fri Jun 14, 2019 10:10 pm

Two weeks post op on my broken elbow. Went to hospital today for a check up on the wound and for xrays. While they said it was healing okay, I still have a 30% chance of needing a full elbow replacement.

They also wouldn't prescribe more codeine, so I'm in a lot of pain doing more intense physio.

It's now been three full weeks since I've worked in my next novel and I can't focus through this pain and I'm strawberry floating depressed as hell. My support network has been very poor tbh in terms of caring - only one friend has come to see me in three weeks.

Just very low.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Fri Jun 14, 2019 10:18 pm

Clarkman wrote:Two weeks post op on my broken elbow. Went to hospital today for a check up on the wound and for xrays. While they said it was healing okay, I still have a 30% chance of needing a full elbow replacement.

They also wouldn't prescribe more codeine, so I'm in a lot of pain doing more intense physio.

It's now been three full weeks since I've worked in my next novel and I can't focus through this pain and I'm strawberry floating depressed as hell. My support network has been very poor tbh in terms of caring - only one friend has come to see me in three weeks.

Just very low.

Sorry to hear about this, recovering from a break in a major area of mobility strawberry floating sucks and I was on a sofa/bed with orphadontic wedge I got from Gumtree for months.

When I fractured my spine I went down to Co-codamol which is basically paracetamol + codeine, you can get it from a pharmacist for example it's regularly dispensed for period pains and so quite normal. Have you tried that? Also you should taper off codeine (such as codeine phosphate) because of the side effects and withdrawal which will probably make you feel depressed. Speak to your GP about tapering off strong pain medication like codeine.

You can also take anti-inflammatory naproxen together with ibuprofen which isn't the same sort of pain medication (they don't react badly together), they might allow that. Sometimes it's not the pain in the break that is as bad as the irritation and heat build up caused by tender inflammation in the muscles around the break. Then you can move down to ibuprofen and paracetamol as you heal. afaik Naproxen has almost no side effects, it's the codeine that can make you constipate and for that you take senna (natural irritant / laxative)

I would also try some mindfulness exercises. Sometimes there are some pretty miraculous effects from "talking" to your pain and focusing on it until it almost disappears, this happens through a process of normalisation and by doing that somewhat letting it go; your nervous system can if your brain is focusing on it signal healing or focus on parts of your body that feel well to lessen the focus on the pain. There are pain-management specific mindfullness exercises you can probably find on YouTube or give Headspace a go, I can send you a pain-specific exercise but it's only 3 minutes, you'd probably want to practice the normal 10 minute meditation sessions first until you learn the whole practice of listening to your body and trying to let the mind rest, as really for specific issues like pain it's just the same thing but with different words.

Of course it's important to have distractions. When I was healing (and I didn't even get given any physio so I was pretty much left on my own with a broken back!!) I read a programming book until I got bored of it and I built a remote controlled forklift because... why not. Try not to worry about things you can't do now because you absolutely WILL be able to do them when you are better and it's OK to do that because your body MUST heal (and it WILL! It's an amazing thing). But you can distract yourself from missing out on stuff you've not been doing by other tasks like finishing a book on audiobook maybe, I also did some other reading on technical subjects because I felt at least I was learning something. Try to make use of the downtime so when you come out of it won't feel so bad having done "none of XYZ". Everyone has stuff they never get around to doing and kick themselves for not doing because "there's no time", but there is time when you can't do all that other stuff you're used to :)

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Clarkman » Fri Jun 14, 2019 10:34 pm

Green Gecko wrote:
Clarkman wrote:Two weeks post op on my broken elbow. Went to hospital today for a check up on the wound and for xrays. While they said it was healing okay, I still have a 30% chance of needing a full elbow replacement.

They also wouldn't prescribe more codeine, so I'm in a lot of pain doing more intense physio.

It's now been three full weeks since I've worked in my next novel and I can't focus through this pain and I'm strawberry floating depressed as hell. My support network has been very poor tbh in terms of caring - only one friend has come to see me in three weeks.

Just very low.

Sorry to hear about this, recovering from a break in a major area of mobility strawberry floating sucks and I was on a sofa/bed with orphadontic wedge I got from Gumtree for months.

When I fractured my spine I went down to Co-codamol which is basically paracetamol + codeine, you can get it from a pharmacist for example it's regularly dispensed for period pains and so quite normal. Have you tried that? Also you should taper off codeine (such as codeine phosphate) because of the side effects and withdrawal which will probably make you feel depressed. Speak to your GP about tapering off strong pain medication like codeine.

You can also take anti-inflammatory naproxen together with ibuprofen which isn't the same sort of pain medication (they don't react badly together), they might allow that. Sometimes it's not the pain in the break that is as bad as the irritation and heat build up caused by tender inflammation in the muscles around the break. Then you can move down to ibuprofen and paracetamol as you heal. afaik Naproxen has almost no side effects, it's the codeine that can make you constipate and for that you take senna (natural irritant / laxative)

I would also try some mindfulness exercises. Sometimes there are some pretty miraculous effects from "talking" to your pain and focusing on it until it almost disappears, this happens through a process of normalisation and by doing that somewhat letting it go; your nervous system can if your brain is focusing on it signal healing or focus on parts of your body that feel well to lessen the focus on the pain. There are pain-management specific mindfullness exercises you can probably find on YouTube or give Headspace a go, I can send you a pain-specific exercise but it's only 3 minutes, you'd probably want to practice the normal 10 minute meditation sessions first until you learn the whole practice of listening to your body and trying to let the mind rest, as really for specific issues like pain it's just the same thing but with different words.

Of course it's important to have distractions. When I was healing (and I didn't even get given any physio so I was pretty much left on my own with a broken back!!) I read a programming book until I got bored of it and I built a remote controlled forklift because... why not. Try not to worry about things you can't do now because you absolutely WILL be able to do them when you are better and it's OK to do that because your body MUST heal (and it WILL! It's an amazing thing). But you can distract yourself from missing out on stuff you've not been doing by other tasks like finishing a book on audiobook maybe, I also did some other reading on technical subjects because I felt at least I was learning something. Try to make use of the downtime so when you come out of it won't feel so bad having done "none of XYZ".


Thanks for all of the above, GG. Your pain med advice is consistent with theirs. I understand the hesitancy to continue prescribing anyone dihydrocodeine, but I'm already only sleeping in three hour blocks. Just don't feel the ibuprofen/para combo will kick it.

The issue with the pain is that I'm supposed to be reaching 5/10 on pain threshold 5 times a day through physio. So hard to have mindfulness through self imposed pain, when your body is screaming to just revert back to safe postures.

I've blamed by focus on the pain, but it is probably more so general shitty old depression limiting me, with a decent excuse for once.

Willing to try the mindfulness exercises for sure though, so please do PM them through.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tafdolphin » Mon Jun 24, 2019 8:48 am

I'm in a place of massive highs and lows at the moment. One moment I'll be great, happy that it's summer and skipping around, the next I'll be unable to get out of bed, crushed by fear of the future and feeling completely oppressed by simple chores.

Big low yesterday as we started the day with an argument, then later went for a walk and ran into a few friends of my wife. I'm in a weird place with the French language: I can speak OK in controlled conditions but when I'm confronted by native speakers on short notice my brain shuts down and, worse than not being able to speak, I blurt out garbled, incorrect versions of the French I do know. As we're talking to these people, my wife jokingly referenced a private conversation we had had previously about how some stereotypes of the French were true by telling her friends, who I'd never met, that I thought French people stunk of BO. This isn't what I think, and the conversation she was referencing had a lot more nuance than that, so I was absolutely mortified that this was what she was telling them, the first time I'd ever met them. I snarled "what are you doing?" in English beneath a clenched smile but she somehow thought I was joking and kept going on and on about it. I actually think I had a mild panic attack, started sweating profusely and couldn't stop digging my nails into my arms whilst wanting the ground to just strawberry floating swallow me.

Of course as soon as we said goodbye to them I snapped, got proper angry at her in the middle of a crowded street. The whole incident brought up so many negative feelings, how ashamed I am of not being good at the language, how isolated I feel as a result of it, how desperately strawberry floating sad I am that I am denied even basic interactions with other people as I am usually an incredibly social person. Soon as we got home I went to bed and started listening to headspace modules over and over but nothing really helped. I pretty much stayed there for the rest of the afternoon and evening, and we haven't really spoken since. I don't want to apologise as I think she was being massively inappropriate but I also realise there are cultural differences perhaps I'm not getting. The problem also lies with me and in my reactions to these sorts of situations which I genuinely strawberry floating hate.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Johnny Ryall » Mon Jun 24, 2019 7:01 pm

That's a tough complex situation man, but they probably weren't nearly as offended as you think.

I've got a Cisco ICND2 exam on the 3rd of July and it's stressing me the strawberry float out as I keep failing practice exams!

Like I thought I did super well on one and it was 75% argh. I need this stupid thing out of my life. Really taking the wind out of my sails now. If I fail part of me thinks I'll tell my boss I'm done with it because at this point I'm not bothered about the pay rise that comes with it.


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