Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Fed up talking videogames? Why?
Corazon de Leon

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Corazon de Leon » Wed Jul 21, 2021 10:10 am

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:Damn, Drummy. It never rains but it pours, huh. Got to imagine things can only improve from here and you'll look back on it as an unfortunate rough patch.

Cosmo wrote:Cheers, dude. I'm still here, which I think is good?? At least I'm in familiar surroundings.

Might not be so bad if we weren't surrounded by Tory wankers :slol:.

Corazon de Leon wrote:TBF I don't have a personality and I'm shite at following a schedule, but when I *did* keep to my schedule people actually turned up! I think you'd be really good at it Cosmo, you should give it a shot. :D

How did I not know about this :o when's your next stream?


Should’ve been last night but internet has been a bit screwy so I’ll be back tomorrow most likely.

Completely contrary to what I said there though, I’m kind of winding it up a little bit for various reasons for a little while. :lol: My Mrs seems to be building up a nice following on her channel and I thought I’d let her take the lead for a while.

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Vermilion
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Vermilion » Sat Aug 14, 2021 8:14 am

Last night i couldn't sleep because of anxiety, and i had anxiety because i couldn't sleep.

I hate anxiety, been on a slow downward spiral over the last few weeks, it started not long after pfizer 2: pfize harder, and it's now reached the point whereby sleeping is a luxury i rarely seem to get.

Doesn't seem to have been a particular cause this time either, i think it's more a combination of unrelated things which have kinda all merged together in my messed up mind.

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Vermilion
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Vermilion » Tue Aug 17, 2021 9:07 am

This latest flare up is being an absolute shitter now, the palpatations keep coming and going (especially when i try to sleep at night), while i've also had tingling hands and have been getting a lot of trembling.

Looking back, i had a huge migraine after the second vaccine, and the next couple of weeks i spent feeling headachey and tender as a result, and as time went on i became more and more worried about it, only for this crap to be triggered by it.

Sent a message to the councillor i spoke to last november, i've yet to hear back as i only sent the message last night, but i'm hoping it might allow me to go and speak to someone as i could probably do with that at that moment.

But yeah, these physical symptoms are just horrible, barely slept last night because of them. :dread:

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Trelliz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Trelliz » Sun Aug 22, 2021 9:54 pm

I think i'm just broadly strawberry floated off with the world in general; now international mass-casualty terrorism is back on the agenda with the shitshow in Afghanistan, the apocalyptic warnings of "now being the time to step up and tackle climate change" which of course nobody who can do anything about will do anything about because they won't make quite a mind-boggling amount of money to go with the rest. It definitely makes me wonder what the point is. I'm just irritable with very little patience and not caring about most things in general.

I try to sit down and do some creative hobby stuff in the evenings/weekends and so far everything has gone wrong for days; resin models come out of the moulds covered in this anti-stick stuff you have to scrub off otherwise the paint won't stick, and i've managed to permanently ruin some by soaking them in something for too long, so into the bin they go and the rest go on ebay for a better man than me to sort out, which seems to be my normal reaction; hyper-focus on selling things to regain some modicum of control, and money to buy more pointless bullshit and the cycle begins anew. I've tried airbrush undercoating some stuff but the strawberry floating thing clogs after about 30 seconds, leading to a lot of cleaning it out, reading various "sure bro just set it to 15 psi, add a few drops of flow improver and it's 100% fine i've been using it for 300 years straight and have never had to clean it once", trying all that gooseberry fool and of course it doesn't work. I've spent days just strawberry floating around with this gooseberry fool, getting nowhere and getting utterly demotivated, which for something which is supposed to be a relaxing escape is categorically neither. As someone with autism doing model stuff is kind of "my thing" and for it to just kick me in the face over and over isn't exactly great.

Work has been pretty mad for the past few months and i've got a long holiday coming up and strawberry float do I need it, i remember some shitty facebook post that was remarkably prescient that went something along the lines of "depression isn't all sitting in dark rooms and crying all the time; it's talking, laughing and smiling with people during the day then coming home and doing nothing before just going to bed" and I definitely understand that more at the moment. I have definitely looked forward to going to sleep just to not be awake for a bit, which probably isn't good.

jawa2 wrote:Tl;dr Trelliz isn't a miserable git; he's right.
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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sun Aug 22, 2021 10:53 pm

I hear you man (And Vermi). I hope things get better soon.

With airbrush stuff, I have a cheap one from amazon but my compressor dies after about 10 minutes. I read a book that basically said you need to spend hundreds of euros just to get a reliable air stream and everyone forgets about the compressor. These and the brush are precision things not made all that precisely.

I ended up with my paint too thin but the retarder I added to my citadel paints was by Golden which is very effective stuff and revives dried paints from 20 years ago.

For undercoating I do have vajello air polyurethane primer in a large bottle (light grey stuff) which I imagine does better on its own.

Perhaps air brushing just isn't for you and that's ok... I imagine I will never take to it like I have brushes. Often tech and new methods we think will fix something or add an interesting dimension just get in the way... Perhaps get off that bus and get back to basics? When I'm depressed I'm more prone to solving things with purchases I then have to learn to use... If I can't get that to work it's very punishing cycle. What I really need is the satisfaction gained from completing a relatively simple creative process.

I also melted a resin model leaving it too long in detoll to strip the previous owners terribad paint job. You're not the only one.

What releasing agent are you using for resin casting? There are some more unusual tips out there, I know at least that much.

"It should be common sense to just accept the message Nintendo are sending out through their actions."
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Trelliz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Trelliz » Mon Aug 23, 2021 6:04 am

Cheers GG, I bought the resin models from Ttcombat so have no idea what they use, but I sure as strawberry float won't be buying anything resin from them ever again.

I'll probably go back to using spray cans for priming large quantities of models or particularly large ones, or brushing it on, particularly black, which is what I've been trying to airbrush prime and which jams it up within a minute tops. I think the normal non primer air paints go through fine so maybe brush on the grey then a coat of normal air black; twice the work but at least that means making something resembling progress.

I'm going to be busy for the next few days but will come back to it after and give it another go. It's just so strawberry floating crushing, looking at all this stuff strawberry floating up and then to the cupboard where shelf after shelf of sealed and unstarted boxes sit there going "you'll never get round to us ever, you're wasting your money and time and will just buy more gooseberry fool to join us to temporarily make yourself feel better."

I want to start actually using all this plastic crap I surround myself with but can't seem to work up the energy or get past the autistic paranoia to go to the one of several gaming clubs that are opening up again.

jawa2 wrote:Tl;dr Trelliz isn't a miserable git; he's right.
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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Mon Aug 23, 2021 11:53 am

Totally get the social anxiety dread mate! I wrote you a story but glitch deleted it :/. In a gaming parlour you probably have a good chance of finding neurodiverse people compared to other places owing to how much detail and rules there are in those worlds! I speak as someone with a diagnosis. I also get the pile of boxes things. I once tried to satiate this with just single blisters or painted retro minis to strip. It still added up to an ebay haul around £75. :dread:

I'm still painting a set of tyranid guants from 2001.

"It should be common sense to just accept the message Nintendo are sending out through their actions."
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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue Aug 24, 2021 4:19 pm

Cross posting with the politics thread as this has really hit me hard and comes down to reaffirming what a friend is or whether I need to lose one.

____

Deeply struggling with some queer politics again. I came out to a friend and reaffirmed to another at the same time that I'm bi/pan/queer. My friend who is openly bi and I've always accepted that insisted I was bandwagoning on the alternative term "pan" (which most generally doesn't accept the gender binary and monosexualism, but then neither does generally "bi" either). I actually identify with all three of these terms and that is based on my feelings and emotions and thoughts towards either or both genders to varying degrees.

Most strikingly he then insisted that because I've been in a "heterosexual" relationship with a woman for 10 years (and that's my only serious or long relationship because I struggle a lot with anxiety... Woe me for just one!) and have never slept with a man, I am therefore heterosexual. If I am bi, then I must prove it.

I was lost for words and started crying, threw half a tin of beer across the room and then was asked to leave.

I feel dreadful about it. This guy has slept with 5 men and even put his hand up to show 5 fingers for each man. As if this invalidated me and authorised him to be... More genuinely bi I guess? He repeated the phrase, "you have nothing to say" over and over again because... I haven't had sex with a man?

What kind of burden or proof am I supposed to have? They even said most crassly that "unless you know how a penis fits into an arse you are not bi". And my friends laughed about this.

Since when did the act or sex, and specifically anal sex, affirm sexuality?

We've been friends who used to see each other at least weekly playing in a band for 2 years and many years (15 years) since then. Frankly it was strawberry floating horrible and I've hung up about it all night and all day (this went down at 2am at his family's flat. Earlier in the day, I gave them both hand printed to shirts with the gig flyers I designed for our gigs on them from 2007).

:(

I found this article helpful, for anyone who cares.

https://bi.org/en/articles/im-bi-should ... f-you-need

"It should be common sense to just accept the message Nintendo are sending out through their actions."
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Rocsteady
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rocsteady » Tue Aug 24, 2021 4:29 pm

He sounds like a dick but I can imagine that was tough. Was he drunk and trying to impress the rest of the group or something? If he was strawberry floated up, maybe he didn't realise how hurtful he was being.

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Imrahil
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Imrahil » Tue Aug 24, 2021 4:33 pm

Don't be afraid to get rid of the odd friend if they turn out to be bad for you. Just keep the ones that are good for you.

Life's too short to stick with friends out of some kind of loyalty when they're actively being an arsehole towards you.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue Aug 24, 2021 4:48 pm

He was a bit drunk but that was all. He seems totally in control, calm and collected. No drugs. And had barely spoken a word literally the entire time. He's always been a quiet listener type.

But this idea of ansexuality and the incredulous response to me coming out to him really hit a button.

Also seemed like he thinks non binarism is nonsense too. Perhaps he's had resolute and damming ideas this entire time I've perhaps not really known him at all.

We played in a band.. Perhaps that's, well, that's it then?

I don't see the point in being a friend when there's not trust in the integrity of decisions and feelings only I can have. What's the use in suffering that kind of pain? Did they ever trust me? Was I always a fraud to them? Were they in fact dishonest and closed off this entire time I was wrong to trust in them?

I feel somewhat violated. Thankfully I have counselling in 10 minutes but I just absolutely hate jacking in relationships by putting my needs first.

"It should be common sense to just accept the message Nintendo are sending out through their actions."
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Tsunade
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tsunade » Tue Aug 24, 2021 6:54 pm

He was being a dick. Drunk or not, if you're pan/bi/queer, who you've been with really doesn't matter. You know what you identify as.

I know bi people who have only been in "hetero" relationships but do feel attraction to the same sex. Just because you haven't been in a relationship with someone of the same sex doesn't mean you're any less attracted to them. I don't get why having sex has anything to do with it. Surely being attracted to someone can be entirely different to wanting to get your leg over them? What about asexual bisexuals in relationships who are attracted to both sexes? Are they not "valid" bisexuals?

You know who you're attracted to and what you're attracted to. No one else's opinion on it should matter (unless it's illegal stuff). Anyway I feel like I'm ranting a bit here so I'll stop.

Ludo is gooseberry fool!
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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue Aug 24, 2021 7:24 pm

Nah that's really helpful. :wub: Acknowledging people in asexual romantic or bi relationships is important too. Those people aren't in any way in a less valid relationship or attraction to one another because they don't have or want sex. For some people sex isn't even possible or practical, they just don't do it.

This idea that sex confirms a romantic or sexual attraction is school child bullshit. I can't believe a doctor married in their thirties thinks that way, but I suppose I have too.

My counselor put it well too. The idea of a penis in an arse representing valid bisexual attraction is a very heteronormative definition of sex. Its focusing on the phallus and it going in the closest thing physiologically and locally to a vagina in the anatomy of a man. That's... Pretty straight? What the strawberry float is gay sex supposed to look like? What's real sex look like?

strawberry floating ridiculous. I've written to my friend I honestly value more and who was contrite and said they would continue to accept me regardless and explained if they wanted to meet together I would have to pass on seeing the bi guy again as I don't feel safe around them. I do feel that their words were more painful as I have felt afraid all day than me chucking some lager on a sofa. It's not equitable. As a friendship that doesn't make sense.

"It should be common sense to just accept the message Nintendo are sending out through their actions."
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Fade
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Fade » Tue Aug 24, 2021 8:09 pm

That seems like such a weird viewpoint, not sure why anyone would voluntarily identify themselves as a marginalised group just to bandwagon.

Also, is he saying that virgins don't know their sexuality? How ridiculous :lol:

I personally identify as pan because in general I'm not attracted to heteronormative masculinity, even on women, but I am often attracted to 'feminine' traits regardless of a person's gender or how they identify.

I've always read bi as being a lot more, well, 'binary' therefore I've never really identified with it.

You're right though, sex means different things to different people, it's not a blanket thing.

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Victor Mildew
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Victor Mildew » Wed Aug 25, 2021 9:07 am

What an absolute bag of shite from your 'friend'. You're not properly gay unless you take it up the arse? I know a male gay couple who find anal sex disgusting so dont do it - are they not real gays then? Sounds like one of those who likes being 'the gay one' and has to always have a conversation revolve around it, and usually instigated by him saying some crass innuendo to turn the attention to him. You saying you're feeling that way threatens his special status in the group, so he's got to gatekeep levels of gay to still be the special one. What a colossal banana split.

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aayl1
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by aayl1 » Wed Aug 25, 2021 9:33 am

Victor Mildew wrote:You saying you're feeling that way threatens his special status in the group, so he's got to gatekeep levels of gay to still be the special one.


This is it in one.

I'm sorry your "friend" turned out to be an insecure arsehole that cared more about protecting their own feelings than listening and supporting you during a vulnerable time.

He's done you a favour here and showed you he is not worth your time. Treat him like a GRCade Secret Santa present and bin him.

Hope you're doing okay.

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Corazon de Leon

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Corazon de Leon » Wed Aug 25, 2021 1:36 pm

Imrahil wrote:Don't be afraid to get rid of the odd friend if they turn out to be bad for you. Just keep the ones that are good for you.

Life's too short to stick with friends out of some kind of loyalty when they're actively being an arsehole towards you.


Completely this. I'm finding more and more that I have no desire to hang out with people who are like that, whether I've known them for fifteen years or fifteen minutes.

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Drumstick
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Drumstick » Wed Aug 25, 2021 1:40 pm

+1. I am completely unbothered who you are, if you are an arsehole I will cut you out of my life. Even if you are my parent or blood relative.

Check out my YouTube channel!
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Corazon de Leon

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Corazon de Leon » Wed Aug 25, 2021 1:52 pm

Indeed. Not quite as easy with family, as both me and my wife have found out at different times, but worth doing to avoid the absolute maelstrom of stress and anxiety that comes with shitty relationships.

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Fade
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Fade » Wed Aug 25, 2021 4:33 pm

Drumstick wrote:+1. I am completely unbothered who you are, if you are an arsehole I will cut you out of my life. Even if you are my parent or blood relative.

I go by this mantra too.

It annoys me when a family member is a piece of gooseberry fool and then someone points out to you "but they're family!"

I don't care, doesn't excuse being a horrible person :lol:


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