Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Victor Mildew wrote:I've been offered support from.St David's hospice, which I've accepted. Someone will be in touch to help advise on what to do when she's gone, and they're going to offer me some sort of counselling.

It's good that they've reached out to you like this and that there will be some support when you need it, I had no such help with Dad and things ended up a bit of a mess as a result.

I’m so sorry I know it means nothing from an interment dickweed but I love you and her and say the world and I’ll move worlds for you x

Vermilion wrote:
It's good that they've reached out to you like this and that there will be some support when you need it, I had no such help with Dad and things ended up a bit of a mess as a result.

Sorry I saw you mention this before and didn't respond. That's gooseberry fool you had trouble getting help for your dad. I'm sorry that happened to you.

False wrote:I’m so sorry I know it means nothing from an interment dickweed but I love you and her and say the world and I’ll move worlds for you x

Thank you, and thank you everyone

Victor Mildew wrote:

Vermilion wrote:
It's good that they've reached out to you like this and that there will be some support when you need it, I had no such help with Dad and things ended up a bit of a mess as a result.

Sorry I saw you mention this before and didn't respond. That's gooseberry fool you had trouble getting help for your dad. I'm sorry that happened to you.

It's ok, just know though that what's been happening has dragged up a lot of bad memories for me so i may not always be able to respond when you give an update.

At this point you probably just feel like a passenger, but it's okay to feel that way, there's no set way of dealing with this sort of thing and in my case, i didn't type a single word about it until around a month after it was all over.

I'm at a loss for words, and so sorry you're going through this, Ad. Sending you both all my love, and we're all here for you however you need us.

I came in here to post about my ‘situation’ at the moment - I don’t know if I’m suffering from stress or depression, all caused by work. I fluctuate between being angry, frustrated, sad, quiet. People have let me down, I feel like I’m being shoved aside at work despite doing nothing wrong - and, actually, doing a bloody good job.

And then I read the past 10 or so pages. Ad, I’m so sorry you are both going through this. Even though I don’t know you, have never shared banter with you on this forum, I just wish you all the best.

TonyDA wrote:I came in here to post about my ‘situation’ at the moment - I don’t know if I’m suffering from stress or depression, all caused by work. I fluctuate between being angry, frustrated, sad, quiet. People have let me down, I feel like I’m being shoved aside at work despite doing nothing wrong - and, actually, doing a bloody good job.

And then I read the past 10 or so pages. Ad, I’m so sorry you are both going through this. Even though I don’t know you, have never shared banter with you on this forum, I just wish you all the best.

Please continue to talk about your problems here.

This just absolutely unbearable. I can't believe it's happening. I'm spending as much time as I can with her, trying to just enjoy whatever we can. I wrote her a letter telling her what she means to me that I read to her, which was hard to do but I needed her to hear it.

She's become open to visitors now which is good, and has had some relatives make a huge round trip to see her. They drove 7 hours to get here, spent a few hours with her until she got too tired and then drove straight back. Wouldn't have got home until at least 2am at best. Amazing.

It just breaks my heart every time i see her, she's so scared and wants be home but it can't happen.

Victor Mildew wrote:This just absolutely unbearable. I can't believe it's happening. I'm spending as much time as I can with her, trying to just enjoy whatever we can. I wrote her a letter telling her what she means to me that I read to her, which was hard to do but I needed her to hear it.

She's become open to visitors now which is good, and has had some relatives make a huge round trip to see her. They drove 7 hours to get here, spent a few hours with her until she got too tired and then drove straight back. Wouldn't have got home until at least 2am at best. Amazing.

It just breaks my heart every time i see her, she's so scared and wants be home but it can't happen.

Sending you all my love my man. I am truly sorry this is happening for you both and I can only wish you all of life's blessings no matter the outcome. You're a super great guy and I'm sure your wife is lovely too. <3

We're here for you.

The whole shambles of NHS really boils my blood, Victor. Sadly, I doubt a change in government will make it a lot better any time soon but man, strawberry float the tories.

Spending time with your wife at this hard time is the right time. I know you are scared, Victor but it'll be far worse for her. I wish I can just pop up and give you a massive hug.

I may have been waiting almost 15 years for a referral but at least I had those 15 years. Not sure the NHS had much to do with it to be honest unless you count vaccines, but yes, it's strawberry floated. My mum never got a knee or hip replacement waiting 7 years and now I have to help her just stand up, she no longer goes to the bathroom (stoma etc.), she's only 72 which is not that old - prior injuries aside, that certainly saved her life (when the NHS was less strawberry floated probably), it's just strawberry floating unacceptable what under provision has effectively done to millions of people (including me).

What's mind boggling to me is that you can see someone in A&E for minor accidents like fractures in roughly 24hrs (which is crap by global standards). But you can't get serious or chronic conditions often seen to for literally decades, not even once. How is that possible. Just how. The money is there. The greedy strawberry floaters just don't give a gooseberry fool.

Sorry pivoting from one emotion to another (this is mild - very mild lol - anger, which I pretty much only express in writing nowadays!) but it's also right.

I'll have to strongly consider my nationality after the political situation plays out. In the meantime, it all feels meaningless.

You better be prepared for a group hug, Wedgie, because I'll be joining you in that. All my love to you and your wife, Ad.

Wedgie wrote:I wish I can just pop up and give you a massive hug.

Same.

At least some family have now been able to visit which i hope is a small help.

Sounds like they care more than my brother who told mum (when dad was in hospital) that she would need to take a train and buses to go and see him daily (my brother has a car), in the end, mum spent thousands over the weeks on taxis.

A lovely idea with that letter, Ad. Like many folk here, I am thinking of you both.

It's so unfair. It's heartbreaking to read your posts, but the letter and everything you are doing for her is important for both of you.

I don't know how you're managing to keep yourself together at all, but you're doing an amazing job.

Green Gecko wrote:I may have been waiting almost 15 years for a referral but at least I had those 15 years. Not sure the NHS had much to do with it to be honest unless you count vaccines, but yes, it's strawberry floated. My mum never got a knee or hip replacement waiting 7 years and now I have to help her just stand up, she no longer goes to the bathroom (stoma etc.), she's only 72 which is not that old - prior injuries aside, that certainly saved her life (when the NHS was less strawberry floated probably), it's just strawberry floating unacceptable what under provision has effectively done to millions of people (including me).

What's mind boggling to me is that you can see someone in A&E for minor accidents like fractures in roughly 24hrs (which is crap by global standards). But you can't get serious or chronic conditions often seen to for literally decades, not even once. How is that possible. Just how. The money is there. The greedy strawberry floaters just don't give a gooseberry fool.

Sorry pivoting from one emotion to another (this is mild - very mild lol - anger, which I pretty much only express in writing nowadays!) but it's also right.

I'll have to strongly consider my nationality after the political situation plays out. In the meantime, it all feels meaningless.

My mum was in a similar position operation wise.
Osteoporosis, knackered lungs, weak heart and knackered hip. By the time she got referred for a hip operation she was too weak to be operated on. She had pneumonia twice last year and she passed last November after being told she wasnt going to survive. I struggled with that the most - that someone can be well enough in hospital to understand the situation but know its over for them. It sucks balls that people spend the end of their lives basically in fear of what's happening to them. I cannot say enough good things about the people in the NHS. I've seen first hand the great things that these people do and the situations they are in.
There is solace in knowing there is no pain for her now and if I'm honest, I don't miss what she had become. I miss my mum from when I was a kid.

Mommy Christmas wrote:

Green Gecko wrote:I may have been waiting almost 15 years for a referral but at least I had those 15 years. Not sure the NHS had much to do with it to be honest unless you count vaccines, but yes, it's strawberry floated. My mum never got a knee or hip replacement waiting 7 years and now I have to help her just stand up, she no longer goes to the bathroom (stoma etc.), she's only 72 which is not that old - prior injuries aside, that certainly saved her life (when the NHS was less strawberry floated probably), it's just strawberry floating unacceptable what under provision has effectively done to millions of people (including me).

What's mind boggling to me is that you can see someone in A&E for minor accidents like fractures in roughly 24hrs (which is crap by global standards). But you can't get serious or chronic conditions often seen to for literally decades, not even once. How is that possible. Just how. The money is there. The greedy strawberry floaters just don't give a gooseberry fool.

Sorry pivoting from one emotion to another (this is mild - very mild lol - anger, which I pretty much only express in writing nowadays!) but it's also right.

I'll have to strongly consider my nationality after the political situation plays out. In the meantime, it all feels meaningless.

My mum was in a similar position operation wise.
Osteoporosis, knackered lungs, weak heart and knackered hip. By the time she got referred for a hip operation she was too weak to be operated on. She had pneumonia twice last year and she passed last November after being told she wasnt going to survive. I struggled with that the most - that someone can be well enough in hospital to understand the situation but know its over for them. It sucks balls that people spend the end of their lives basically in fear of what's happening to them. I cannot say enough good things about the people in the NHS. I've seen first hand the great things that these people do and the situations they are in.
There is solace in knowing there is no pain for her now and if I'm honest, I don't miss what she had become. I miss my mum from when I was a kid.

I'm sorry to read this. My mum was/is the same (including osteoporosis since she was in her 40s I think) in terms of overall "weakness" (to use that word seems ridiculous given what she's had to cope with all my life) - she's survived cancer (albeit with half her colon gone), she's survived being smashed up by a drunk banana split in a car accident (and another car accident too, neither were her fault, the first one she was on a horse which is kind of hard to miss), she's (barely) survived all kinds of mind fuckery and abuse, divorce (which took over a decade), and wrongful redundancy/termination as well (essentially ableism/ageism and getting railroaded despite spending 16 years directing a regional Mind organisation and helping thousands of people with their issues), but when it came to the MSK issues they waited so bloody long they said doing the operation would mess her up more than not doing it. So she's just stuck with pain and not being able to get up or down perpetually until whatever ends up happening to her.

With the means available it is wrong not to help someone retain their already limited mobility after having that robbed from them by a stupid banana split but to just let things run into the ground like that with "it took us too long" as the excuse is reprehensible. Especially for someone working in the charity sector for decades helping people with their messed up lives. Her just being around, if anyone understood that as anything less than a herculean triumph, while she is still visiting me while my life is a bit shagged too (something that didn't happen for a very very long time, mostly due to caring for her mum as well and refusing to put her in a home), I would probably bury them.

And that's effectively what the pricks in office say, with things like, oh back in the day a little bit of sadness wasn't a disorder. strawberry float off, people have plenty of reasons to be miserable, it may not be an excuse to stay that way, but public health is not good when most men my age are just topping themselves if they're going to shift their mortal coils.

Speaking of male rates of suicide, my mum was responsible for introducing suicide intervention training in the UK. It literally wouldn't exist without her. How many people has that saved? Who knows.

These people can't be deluded about anything, it's too obvious and undeniable how broken things are. They're just not interested in nationalised/social health and it doesn't matter how hard you work or whatever bollocks they claim is the problem - they'll do anything to divert attention away from insufficient taxation of hyper rich corporations for example or handing out insanely valuable contracts to companies that only existed yesterday and then strawberry float it up.

Thinking of you both every day Ad.

Haven't been on here for the past couple of weeks and just catching up on this. So, so, so sorry Ad Thinking of you both.

Reading the last few pages has been heartwrenching, my thoughts are with you both Ad.