Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Rapidly-Greying
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rapidly-Greying » Wed Jun 30, 2021 4:43 pm

I've just been existing for a long time now. I'm done in with everything. I'm too much of a pragmatist to off myself(so much could go wrong,ie try and hang myself, fail and end up paralysed or something similar).

I'm totally ready for a heart attack, serial killer stabbing me to death, accidently falling down the stairs and breaking my neck or having a jet engine fall from the sky and splatter me all over the pavement. I'm just so consistently down I'm ready to see what happens after life.

Any secret serial killers on here feel free to track me down and end it for me, just don't torture me please, a quick broken kneck or bullet to the back of the head will suffice.

I really hope you guys suffering on here can turn things around, I wish you all the luck on the world.

Rapidly-greying is Mediocre to Average at games :fp:
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coldspice
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by coldspice » Wed Jun 30, 2021 5:37 pm

Does anyone have much experience of helping partners who are having issues with their mental health?

My girlfriend has a rocky history with mental health, including self harm, and is on long term courses of medication, but has generally had things under control for the 18 months or so we've been together. Lately she's been really low due to issues with various parts of her personal and work lives. She's the type of person who will put everything on her own shoulders, and won't ask for help. We don't live together which makes things worse as I have no way of telling if she wants to be left alone or would feel better if I was with her.

I'm finding it really hard to shake the feeling that I'm not helping, or actually making things worse by asking what I can do to make things better for her. I'll do little jobs for her, ie taking parcels she needs to post when she's not feeling up to going anywhere, but it's difficult seeing someone you want to make feel good, be so down and feeling useless.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Jun 30, 2021 6:08 pm

I would say don't let that feeling of uselessness and rejection get to you. You are helping. You are helping her in ways that establish her baseline so she doesn't bottom out completely. In psychology we have this concept of "euthymic", which means "relatively normal" for a person with a formal thought disorder and/or biochemical emotional problem like chronic depression. You might not know yet what that state is. Chances are, due to how relationships tend to happen, she was doing relatively well when you met, and you haven't experienced the lows yet. But that certainly doesn't mean that when you were there then, and how you are there now, that's lost value. Don't leave her alone in this but also give her the time and space she needs. Just be available to her whenever and however she reaches out, and keep an eye on her wellbeing. Help her spot her good and bad times, the things she's struggling with but also the things she's managing to do despite going through a rough patch.

Whatever you do, don't serve her platitudes or Britishisms like "just put a smile on" or "just look on the bright side" or "just cheer up" or "it isn't all bad" etc as these phrases are dismissive. Just listen. You don't necessarily have to say anything at all, just give her an opportunity to speak. Ask her how she is, and if she says "I'm fine" then ask her about something else: hobbies, pets, things about the house, friends, memories you had together. What is there that you find beings positivity and joy into her life? You'll find her opening up about things that perhaps are bothering her but she doesn't even consider a problem enough to discuss with even the people close to her, even when she is bothered by them. She might not yet even know herself why she is depressed, so it'd unreasonable to demand that she talks about it. You can talk about feelings, thoughts or problems. They might be connected or they may not be. She might just be having inexplicable feelings on their own, or racing thoughts about particular issues or multiple issues with no clue how she feels about those things. The trouble often is the malaise caused by the mind not being able to keep up with, process and connect together all these aspects of human existence.

You could read a little a bit on TFB cycles (thoughts feelings and behaviors) which is a core tenet of cognitive behavioral therapy and you can get online exercises (also on the NHS) and books etc about that. A mood journal is good.

If she doesn't improve in 2-3 weeks with her current course of medication, exercise, sunlight, good diet, time off, she needs to see a doctor or call a mental health support line. But you can do that too to help you deal with helping someone else who is struggling with their mental health. It's not easy to get therapy on the NHS at the moment but you should consider counselling too, it really helps just to talk about these things, even if you feel at times you are talking about random bollocks or avoiding the subject, just being present and focusing on listening is about the best you can do for her in the interim.

I have a lot of experience of this with my mother and my partner as well so I hope this helps somewhat. Just don't take her behaviour to heart at all as not only is that very hypocritical it will drive a wedge between you and her getting the help she needs as she'll feel even more isolated if she feels like she can't talk to her partner because her condition is inconvenient and painful. It is by far most painful for her. I know that's hard to hear but she needs a rock and you can be that rock, a rock she loves. I can't tell you the number of times I've leaned on my partner and eventually let on just how much I was suffering. It takes time but it will come out and you'll have a much better idea of the cause of the pain and how to move forward.

Again, you don't need to say lots of things or strategies a way to "fix her". You just need to listen. Not merely hear, listen. Maybe read about stage 2 and 3 listening. You can learn some incredible things when you actually listen to people who are depressed or in some other alterative plain of thought, no matter how, well, depressing that is.

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coldspice
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by coldspice » Wed Jun 30, 2021 6:57 pm

Thanks, that's comprehensive response. At the moment, it's definitely known triggers that are worsening things, but they're not things that either I, or even she, can easily fix, so although she will talk to me about them, it's tough being unable to offer much more than an agreement that it sucks. I need to embrace listening as an aide in and of itself rather than a vehicle to searching for solutions.

Luckily most of your advice describes responses that I would give naturally, I would never dismiss her feelings having gone through similar, albeit less extreme, feelings. I think just being there is a difficult task for someone whose brain doesn't deal well without explicit instructions and roadmaps, but that's for me to work out. I'm thankful that she is able to tell me exactly what level she is at each day and what is on her mind - I know that's not always an easy level of openness to achieve.

Unfortunately therapy isn't financially viable at the moment, for either of us, and experience of the support available for free hasn't been great so far. I'll educate myself more on some of the things you suggested - thank you.

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Cosmo
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Cosmo » Fri Jul 16, 2021 3:42 pm

So I've struggled with my mental health for a number of years, mainly depression and anxiety. I quit my job in January of 2020 because it was destroying me, and the management did not give a single strawberry float that we were understaffed and overworked. My plan was to take a couple of months to try and get myself back on track before looking for something new and then Covid rocked up and strawberry floated everything up. I didn't leave the house for months and started suffering from panic attacks in December, one of which was so bad it made me sick and crippled my appetite, and possibly triggered an eating disorder. I applied for Universal Credit at the start of the year and was tentatively looking for work. It got so bad that I requested a fit note from a doctor so I could manage my anxiety without the need to be looking for work at a time when everything is screwed. The DWP sent a health questionnaire that I had to fill out with my conditions and how they affect me. I think I did a gooseberry fool job explaining it and now they're going to say 'm8 you're fit for work' and I'll be back to square one. Having health anxiety at a time when getting in touch with a GP is nigh on impossible really isn't ideal, especially when it's physical as well as mental.. I do have a appointment on Thursday with some sort of MH organisation, so hopefully they can give me some sort of guidance.

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Prototype
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Prototype » Sat Jul 17, 2021 10:57 am

I doubt this is what you want to hear Cosmo, and I preface this with only basing your situation on precisely what you've said and having no consideration of the entirety of your situation, but I honestly believe that the longer you're out of work the more your anxiety will eat at you. Whilst work can be a strawberry floating nightmare for people at times, the structure it provides and the appreciation for days off etc, along with the sense of self-worth (i.e making money for yourself) can improve anyone's wellbeing.

Have you considered looking into any home-based work? More and more organisations are completely remote these days anyway so that may help ease you in?

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Oblomov Boblomov
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Oblomov Boblomov » Sat Jul 17, 2021 11:01 am

Really sorry to hear you're going through that gooseberry fool, Cosmo :(.

I'm local again, unless you've moved, and a bit less of a drunken arsehole than I used to be so let me know if you fancy a coffee or something.

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Drumstick
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Drumstick » Mon Jul 19, 2021 4:37 pm

Unsure of the best place to put this but the last ten days or so have been very difficult.

1) I had an interview for a promotion into a field I want to get into. The interview went very, very well and I thought I stood a good chance at securing the role. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful. The feedback I received was words to the effect of, "your interview was excellent, but someone else with more experience also provided a similarly competent interview". I asked if there were any weaknesses I could address and was told no.

2) I sat an exam which has a very challenging time limit, to the point where getting the information required across in the time is more challenging than actually learning the syllabus. The exam did go well, but I didn't answer all the questions due to the aforementioned duration. I reckon I have a 50/50 chance of passing, which is a mandatory requirement of passing the apprenticeship it is in relation to.

3) My house shares a water connection with three other houses and this connection sprung a leak last week. The leak was under my neighbour's drive, he's had to dig it up to fix it, the costs of which are to be shared across the four households. Consequently, this neighbour is adamant he is going to pay for his own personal water supply pipe and has made it clear in as kind a manner as one could that if the other three houses continue to use this shared supply and it causes further damage to his property (the pipe runs directly under his house and garden) that he will look to the other three households to compensate him.

4) I put my phone on top of my car whilst popping my daughter into her child seat. I was very tired and forgot about my phone and drove off. I realised my mistake when I got home and raced back to where I'd come from but the phone wasn't anywhere to be seen. All pictures, messages etc lost. I ended up ordering a refurbished version of the same model (OnePlus 3T) for £60 as there was nothing wrong with the phone when I lost it.

5) I had my credit card in the phone case. I cancelled the card and eventually received a replacement.,

6) Today I went to unlock my front door, which was fitted just under a year ago, and the key snapped off. As I had no way of getting into the house as I'd locked all windows and other doors I had to cough up £60 for a locksmith to get me in.

7) My wife, who is pregnant has been bleeding for many weeks, finally stopped last week which is good news. The baby seems unaffected. However, we received a call from the hospital on Friday (her birthday) to say that they need to do additional tests because the baby is currently seen as a high risk of being afflicted with Down's Syndrome. This has required some tremendously difficult conversations between us as to whether the pregnancy would still be viable for us or not, depending on further test results.

Medication has been worth its weight in gold this week.

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Corazon de Leon

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Corazon de Leon » Mon Jul 19, 2021 6:02 pm

Drumstick wrote:Unsure of the best place to put this but the last ten days or so have been very difficult.

1) I had an interview for a promotion into a field I want to get into. The interview went very, very well and I thought I stood a good chance at securing the role. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful. The feedback I received was words to the effect of, "your interview was excellent, but someone else with more experience also provided a similarly competent interview". I asked if there were any weaknesses I could address and was told no.

2) I sat an exam which has a very challenging time limit, to the point where getting the information required across in the time is more challenging than actually learning the syllabus. The exam did go well, but I didn't answer all the questions due to the aforementioned duration. I reckon I have a 50/50 chance of passing, which is a mandatory requirement of passing the apprenticeship it is in relation to.

3) My house shares a water connection with three other houses and this connection sprung a leak last week. The leak was under my neighbour's drive, he's had to dig it up to fix it, the costs of which are to be shared across the four households. Consequently, this neighbour is adamant he is going to pay for his own personal water supply pipe and has made it clear in as kind a manner as one could that if the other three houses continue to use this shared supply and it causes further damage to his property (the pipe runs directly under his house and garden) that he will look to the other three households to compensate him.

4) I put my phone on top of my car whilst popping my daughter into her child seat. I was very tired and forgot about my phone and drove off. I realised my mistake when I got home and raced back to where I'd come from but the phone wasn't anywhere to be seen. All pictures, messages etc lost. I ended up ordering a refurbished version of the same model (OnePlus 3T) for £60 as there was nothing wrong with the phone when I lost it.

5) I had my credit card in the phone case. I cancelled the card and eventually received a replacement.,

6) Today I went to unlock my front door, which was fitted just under a year ago, and the key snapped off. As I had no way of getting into the house as I'd locked all windows and other doors I had to cough up £60 for a locksmith to get me in.

7) My wife, who is pregnant has been bleeding for many weeks, finally stopped last week which is good news. The baby seems unaffected. However, we received a call from the hospital on Friday (her birthday) to say that they need to do additional tests because the baby is currently seen as a high risk of being afflicted with Down's Syndrome. This has required some tremendously difficult conversations between us as to whether the pregnancy would still be viable for us or not, depending on further test results.

Medication has been worth its weight in gold this week.


Jesus mate, sorry to hear all of this. Chuck me a WhatsApp if you need to vent or anything, I’m slow at responding but there if you need anything.

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Dual
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Dual » Mon Jul 19, 2021 7:40 pm

You're having some bad luck there Drummy to say the least. Thinking of you and your wife as well, that must be a difficult subject to talk about; I can only imagine.

Regarding 3) I don't think your neighbor can do that and would suggest you do some research or maybe even go to a solicitor for advice. First thing I would do is check with your water supplier. Whether you've got the energy atm to that is another thing! But don't let your neighbor proceed without doing some due diligence.

Sending love either way xxx

Last edited by Dual on Mon Jul 19, 2021 7:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Prototype
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Prototype » Mon Jul 19, 2021 7:41 pm

Number 7, Drummy. It's nothing to do with anyone but you and your wife. Don't let anyone else get involved and you will come to the conclusion you need to.

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Cosmo
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Cosmo » Tue Jul 20, 2021 2:05 pm

Prototype wrote:I doubt this is what you want to hear Cosmo, and I preface this with only basing your situation on precisely what you've said and having no consideration of the entirety of your situation, but I honestly believe that the longer you're out of work the more your anxiety will eat at you. Whilst work can be a strawberry floating nightmare for people at times, the structure it provides and the appreciation for days off etc, along with the sense of self-worth (i.e making money for yourself) can improve anyone's wellbeing.

Have you considered looking into any home-based work? More and more organisations are completely remote these days anyway so that may help ease you in?


Cheers, Proto. I have looked in to some home-based stuff, as being at home would allow me to manage any panic attacks, but a lot seem to want experience or skills that I just don't have, and any with on-the-job training seem non-existent. It's just so gooseberry fool feeling like you're unable to leave the house without feeling like you're going to be trapped wherever you go.

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:Really sorry to hear you're going through that gooseberry fool, Cosmo :(.

I'm local again, unless you've moved, and a bit less of a drunken arsehole than I used to be so let me know if you fancy a coffee or something.


Cheers, dude. I'm still here, which I think is good?? At least I'm in familiar surroundings.

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Prototype
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Prototype » Tue Jul 20, 2021 2:20 pm

You still live with your folks right? Apologies if that’s wrong i am just assuming. Don’t think you have kids or any MAJOR commitments/responsibilities etc.

Have you considered Twitch/YouTube etc? If you have a passion for video games etc why don’t you gently try your hand at content creation?

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Cosmo
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Cosmo » Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:05 pm

Prototype wrote:You still live with your folks right? Apologies if that’s wrong i am just assuming. Don’t think you have kids or any MAJOR commitments/responsibilities etc.

Have you considered Twitch/YouTube etc? If you have a passion for video games etc why don’t you gently try your hand at content creation?


As of February this year I live with my older brother, but still no real responsibilities. He now has a mortgage though, which is a worry for him, and that becomes a worry for me. :fp:

Honestly I'd love it, but confidence is such a major issue, and I don't think I have the personality required to be honest.

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kerr9000
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by kerr9000 » Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:06 pm

Cosmo wrote:
Prototype wrote:I doubt this is what you want to hear Cosmo, and I preface this with only basing your situation on precisely what you've said and having no consideration of the entirety of your situation, but I honestly believe that the longer you're out of work the more your anxiety will eat at you. Whilst work can be a strawberry floating nightmare for people at times, the structure it provides and the appreciation for days off etc, along with the sense of self-worth (i.e making money for yourself) can improve anyone's wellbeing.

Have you considered looking into any home-based work? More and more organisations are completely remote these days anyway so that may help ease you in?


Cheers, Proto. I have looked in to some home-based stuff, as being at home would allow me to manage any panic attacks, but a lot seem to want experience or skills that I just don't have, and any with on-the-job training seem non-existent. It's just so gooseberry fool feeling like you're unable to leave the house without feeling like you're going to be trapped wherever you go.

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:Really sorry to hear you're going through that gooseberry fool, Cosmo :(.

I'm local again, unless you've moved, and a bit less of a drunken arsehole than I used to be so let me know if you fancy a coffee or something.


Cheers, dude. I'm still here, which I think is good?? At least I'm in familiar surroundings.


Pretty much seconding Proto here but I have been unemployed before and felt it swallowing me up and getting some form of side project I can treat as a job has massively helped me, At first I started writing stories and putting them up for sale on Amazon , then I started doing a blog, then I worked for two kids charities as a volunteer one for bullied kids one for kids mental health and then I started my 150 SNES reviews series that's on here all of them were things that I thought would keep me busy and either help me or help someone else and I find all of them did kind of keep me in some form of routine and lifted me a bit. Something like that trying YouTube or blogging or something might help

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Prototype
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Prototype » Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:16 pm

Cosmo wrote:
Prototype wrote:You still live with your folks right? Apologies if that’s wrong i am just assuming. Don’t think you have kids or any MAJOR commitments/responsibilities etc.

Have you considered Twitch/YouTube etc? If you have a passion for video games etc why don’t you gently try your hand at content creation?


As of February this year I live with my older brother, but still no real responsibilities. He now has a mortgage though, which is a worry for him, and that becomes a worry for me. :fp:

Honestly I'd love it, but confidence is such a major issue, and I don't think I have the personality required to be honest.


You’d be surprised how many people with questionable personalities are popular streamers.

All about schedule imo. If you say you’ll do 8 hours a week and are there for those times, people will follow. Cora is slowly building a following as well (not implying he doesn’t have a personality :slol:)

Corazon de Leon

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Corazon de Leon » Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:29 pm

TBF I don't have a personality and I'm shite at following a schedule, but when I *did* keep to my schedule people actually turned up! I think you'd be really good at it Cosmo, you should give it a shot. :D

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Oblomov Boblomov
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Oblomov Boblomov » Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:41 pm

Damn, Drummy. It never rains but it pours, huh. Got to imagine things can only improve from here and you'll look back on it as an unfortunate rough patch.

Cosmo wrote:Cheers, dude. I'm still here, which I think is good?? At least I'm in familiar surroundings.

Might not be so bad if we weren't surrounded by Tory wankers :slol:.

Corazon de Leon wrote:TBF I don't have a personality and I'm shite at following a schedule, but when I *did* keep to my schedule people actually turned up! I think you'd be really good at it Cosmo, you should give it a shot. :D

How did I not know about this :o when's your next stream?

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Cosmo
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Cosmo » Tue Jul 20, 2021 4:38 pm

Thank you, for the advice, guys. I'll look into it, try and find a thing to do on side to help me through and see where that takes me.

Ob, don't get me started on those bastards. :x

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aayl1
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by aayl1 » Wed Jul 21, 2021 9:52 am

Yeah I'd second the "just give twitch a go" advice. I did back in Jan and it's been very helpful for my mental health.

I don't really follow a set schedule but I still get a decent audience by people that just come and hang when they see I'm on. You also don't need to necessarily go in with the mindset of "entertaining people". I just play games how I play them and enjoy chatting to people at the same time.

And I don't have a capture card either - just do it on a laptop and use ps4 remote play/stadia.

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