Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

False wrote:handsome ones hehehe

Ah Tom Holland

Tom Hiddleston

This went better than expected but I may have to bow out, I got a bit tough love about it, if you can take a straight to the point opinion then let me know Fade.

In brief, I don't think there's a great deal that *you* can do about attitudes towards women *you* internalise unless *you* choose to do that. Men too. I think that applies regardless of whether you are transfemme non binary or not. I say that as someone who is pansexual, possibly genderfluid/queer and a bit femme too (I can only say it varies), I don't identify non-binary at the moment, however I was raised by a single mother since 5yo who faced pretty much every kind of discrimination you can think of specifically as a woman (and I hope you can), besides being heteronormative (as far as I can tell, she was born in 1952 so who really knows!). Hence I am generally sympathetic to feminist issues while also being one of 3 boys with a mother, and queer, having dealt with homophobia and even intersectional LGBTQIA+ hatred, understanding what it is like to not fit into stereotypical masculinity or, well, "man". Or even stereotypical "gay".

I also really urge you to listen to the women posting here from a position of *relative* safety (I hope) and less so people in social groups / settings / workplace settings who will be less direct exactly because of what's somewhat expected of them to play such things quietly for fear of patriarchal retribution, essentially. I.e. hurting your feelings given the viewpoints that you hold. Whether they subtly still respond to you as a male figure (even if you aren't one) or the men around them and, well, basically all men everywhere (whether we like it or not), or not. That's what a lifetime of oppression does.

In essence, you can't necessarily trust everything people say to you in person and at work etc. It's also a bit risky to go down the route of "10 out of 14 women agreed" (silly example but anecdotal evidence and confirmation bias can really mess things up when forming our view of the world).

I don't think your experience is invalid by the way, I'm just not sure what you can *do* with the subsequent world view.

My anxiety levels are now so high, my hand trembles.

I never used to get a tremor when anxious, but since 2019 it's been a regular thing when I really start to get in a state over things.

Generally I'm feeling a lot better in myself physically after everything I've had to deal with of late, but I've now reached the point where my meds are due to end tomorrow and at the moment, I'm not even sure whether the remaining small symptoms are caused by remnants of the infection (which the meds have hopefully dealt with as this time they gave me a longer and stronger course) or the anxiety (which can cause very similar issues like excess mucus and the feeling of a lump in my throat).

I suppose this is the best place to put this - my 99 year old nan has quite advanced dementia, and lives up in Sunderland in a home, so I very rarely see her. We used to make the journey when we could to see her, but it's a 7 hour drive on a good day, and you can talk to her for about 5 minutes tops before she zones out and even then she doesnt really get what's going on. Its selfish really but it's not worth the trip now.

Anyway, we have a great relationship, probably more like a mum to me than my nan (she's mum's mum) and we used to talk a few times a week on the phone. Now though it's rare I can actually speak to her as she either picks the phone up, presses buttons like homer simpson while I'm trying to talk and doesn't say anything, or just talks utter nonsense.

Once in a blue moon she'll be lucid and you can talk relatively normally, so when that happens I make sure to tell her I love her (last time I did that she just laughed at me!).

She's really gone though. Thinks my dead mum comes to see her, thinks I have kids that she's looking after, and my non existent pain in the arse ex wife keeps visiting. The other night she phoned me up saying she was my mum, then asked for the special code for the back of her cupboard door (??), then when I tried to play along she angrily said WELL IF YOU DONT WANT TO HELP and hung up. Last night I managed to get through and she was telling me about the two little boys she's currently sat with who were being cheeky (one was my son apparently). She also told me about her cousins throwing her a 17th birthday party at the weekend and she stayed out until 7am

I shouldn't laugh really but I just have to play along with it when I do get to speak to her. I'm amazed she's still going really, I half expect a call most days saying she's died. When she's gone that will be my entire direct family on both sides gone - the last of the jedi will I be. Mad to think that's coming and I'm only in my forties.

dementia and assisted living is hard on the family, as selfish as that sounds

having experienced it with people before i think there is some solace in the fact that they mostly dont appear to be aware of what is happening so cant get too upset about it, i think you have to approach it with a degree of humour and candor (as you are)

weird feeling to be the last of the line though i bet

Yes its all I can do really. I'd go nuts if I thought about it too much. As you say, hopefully she's blissfully unaware of what's going on and is just in her own little world and not getting too upset by it. Apparently when she was in the hospital waiting room for her diagnoses she thought there was a polar bear walking around, and a wedding going on in the corridor

I've seen late stage dementia / alzheimer's in both my grandmothers and kind of with my grandad as he was dying of cancer (on strong painkillers) and a following a few strokes in my other grandad. It's hard to see people drift away like that, but they are in there, somewhere, we can still love them (of course) and they all but certainly love "us" (whoever we are ).

My grandmother is still alive, I think she's 95 now. She occasionally lashes out and hits and even spits at us (the family). Pretty wild. She's normally docile as strawberry float but needs basically 24/7 care / watch. My mother's doing that, who's 72 and severely disabled herself (physically and some other issues). I think she is setting an example.

Yup, goodbye 60s/70s

Sister in law's dad has it, it's not so bad that he needs to go into a home yet.

He keeps talking about going to see people who have died. His wife is taking him to the city they used to live in to see if it would jog his memory. strawberry floating terrible idea obviously family have tried to talk her out of it but she won't listen. They are heading next month.

Victor Mildew wrote:I suppose this is the best place to put this - my 99 year old nan has quite advanced dementia, and lives up in Sunderland in a home, so I very rarely see her. We used to make the journey when we could to see her, but it's a 7 hour drive on a good day, and you can talk to her for about 5 minutes tops before she zones out and even then she doesnt really get what's going on. Its selfish really but it's not worth the trip now.

Anyway, we have a great relationship, probably more like a mum to me than my nan (she's mum's mum) and we used to talk a few times a week on the phone. Now though it's rare I can actually speak to her as she either picks the phone up, presses buttons like homer simpson while I'm trying to talk and doesn't say anything, or just talks utter nonsense.

Once in a blue moon she'll be lucid and you can talk relatively normally, so when that happens I make sure to tell her I love her (last time I did that she just laughed at me!).

She's really gone though. Thinks my dead mum comes to see her, thinks I have kids that she's looking after, and my non existent pain in the arse ex wife keeps visiting. The other night she phoned me up saying she was my mum, then asked for the special code for the back of her cupboard door (??), then when I tried to play along she angrily said WELL IF YOU DONT WANT TO HELP and hung up. Last night I managed to get through and she was telling me about the two little boys she's currently sat with who were being cheeky (one was my son apparently). She also told me about her cousins throwing her a 17th birthday party at the weekend and she stayed out until 7am

I shouldn't laugh really but I just have to play along with it when I do get to speak to her. I'm amazed she's still going really, I half expect a call most days saying she's died. When she's gone that will be my entire direct family on both sides gone - the last of the jedi will I be. Mad to think that's coming and I'm only in my forties.

if i may victor, i think you need to laugh at it. my grandfather had dementia and wasn't great towards the end. but there was a point when he was in the home where he saw his second wife bending over and said "is that a dog?". i've been laughing at it ever since and it does sorta help

Just reading over these past posts, it's sobering to hear of the situations that folk have to deal with. Fade, Gecko, Vermi, Victor, Squinty, shy guy... I dunno, really, but I hope that things work out; or at least become more manageable.

Found out yesterday that that my Dad's cancer is not spreading. A big relief, of course, but he still has it and now treatment will commence; initially pills/injections, maybe an operation, and then, when progress is made from that, radiotherapy. It has been a bolt from the blue but we're just grateful that there is now a way forward.

False wrote:dementia and assisted living is hard on the family, as selfish as that sounds

having experienced it with people before i think there is some solace in the fact that they mostly dont appear to be aware of what is happening so cant get too upset about it, i think you have to approach it with a degree of humour and candor (as you are)

weird feeling to be the last of the line though i bet

This, essentially. I think it's harder on the family than it is on the sufferer, we lived with my gran when she was declining with Alzheimer's and some of the stuff she came away with is still laughed about, even though the situation was incredibly traumatic. As False says, it sounds like you're going about things the right way, which is great.

Not to say it isn't horrible to deal with at times though. Something that's always stuck with me is going with my brother, uncle and granda to visit my gran in a care home when she finally had to go into one. She thought my uncle was her husband(his dad), and my brother was her son(my uncle), which was absolutely farcical and quite funny. However, she completely ignored me and my granda, which didn't bother me so much but I've never seen such a strong man look so completely broken, being unrecognised by his wife of fifty years. Triggers me a little bit to even think about.

jawa_ wrote:Just reading over these past posts, it's sobering to hear of the situations that folk have to deal with. Fade, Gecko, Vermi, Victor, Squinty, shy guy... I dunno, really, but I hope that things work out; or at least become more manageable.

Found out yesterday that that my Dad's cancer is not spreading. A big relief, of course, but he still has it and now treatment will commence; initially pills/injections, maybe an operation, and then, when progress is made from that, radiotherapy. It has been a bolt from the blue but we're just grateful that there is now a way forward.

Glad it’s good news at least Jawa, wishing him and your family all the best.

jawa_ wrote:Just reading over these past posts, it's sobering to hear of the situations that folk have to deal with. Fade, Gecko, Vermi, Victor, Squinty, shy guy... I dunno, really, but I hope that things work out; or at least become more manageable.

Found out yesterday that that my Dad's cancer is not spreading. A big relief, of course, but he still has it and now treatment will commence; initially pills/injections, maybe an operation, and then, when progress is made from that, radiotherapy. It has been a bolt from the blue but we're just grateful that there is now a way forward.

My father in law has prostate cancer, I think his diagnosis was maybe 8 or so years ago now. It did spread to the base of his spine but is under control for now. If you want to talk about it, PM me.

Victor Mildew wrote:

jawa_ wrote:Just reading over these past posts, it's sobering to hear of the situations that folk have to deal with. Fade, Gecko, Vermi, Victor, Squinty, shy guy... I dunno, really, but I hope that things work out; or at least become more manageable.

Found out yesterday that that my Dad's cancer is not spreading. A big relief, of course, but he still has it and now treatment will commence; initially pills/injections, maybe an operation, and then, when progress is made from that, radiotherapy. It has been a bolt from the blue but we're just grateful that there is now a way forward.

My father in law has prostate cancer, I think his diagnosis was maybe 8 or so years ago now. It did spread to the base of his spine but is under control for now. If you want to talk about it, PM me.

I'm really glad to hear your Dads cancer is not spreading Jawa... One of my uncles went through it, and my Auntie I am very close to had cancer but she's ok now. I will keep you in my thoughts.

I replied to this as I wanted to draw both yours and Jawa,s attention Victor and I'm too rubbish on my phone to do it other ways. My Grandma had dementia and I used to visit her in at first her bungalow and then nursing home. It was sad but yeah at times you had to laugh at some of the funny things it really helps you to cope with it... My Grandma forgot who I was almost instantly when Dementia hit but remembered all the older family memories she used to think I was my Dad at times and would be really happy to see me/him but would get upset if I tried to explain who I was, so I'd be like 12 to 16 answering to my Dad's name and taking her Yorkie bars because she developed an obsession with them. Thinking of you pal, just so you know your a great guy.

Thanks Kerr. I think as long as it's not upsetting, it must be really nice genuinely thinking dead loved ones are back and interacting normally.

And shyguy, i was catching up on the last few pages instead of being selfish and my condolences.

Victor Mildew wrote:And shyguy, i was catching up on the last few pages instead of being selfish and my condolences.

thanks

Feeling really depressed right now, I'm hating my dissertation despite it being my passion project, and starting to hate the game I'm writing about. Feel really lonely and isolated, not helped by the fact that my one friendship group has expanded with people I don't like and don't feel comfortable around. Feeling a bit pushed out tbh. I just want uni to be over and done with, feel like quitting despite being so close to the end of my degree. It's not just the degree and the friends thing, just have no interest in doing anything. I am forcing myself to do things but not getting any pleasure out of them. Even my recent trip with uni to Tokyo was a bit of a bust. Feel like getting on a train and disappearing. I've been let down by mental health services at uni and feel like my GP, who is usually pretty good, has been a bit dismissive putting it down to winter blues (it isn't) and just giving me some extra tablets on top of my anti-depressants. Really fighting the urge to hurt myself. I'm not suicidal but I have been thinking a lot about dying.

Photek wrote:Glad it’s good news at least Jawa, wishing him and your family all the best.

Victor Mildew wrote:My father in law has prostate cancer, I think his diagnosis was maybe 8 or so years ago now. It did spread to the base of his spine but is under control for now. If you want to talk about it, PM me.

kerr9000 wrote:I'm really glad to hear your Dads cancer is not spreading Jawa... One of my uncles went through it, and my Auntie I am very close to had cancer but she's ok now. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Thanks so much, chaps. Even though the world can sometimes feel like it's a bit crap, it's heartening how some people will go out of their way to say a kind word and help out.

Outrunner wrote:Feeling really depressed right now... Really fighting the urge to hurt myself. I'm not suicidal but I have been thinking a lot about dying.

Outrunner, I'm not too experienced in depression medication but your thoughts stand out as being concerning, dude. Is it possible that you could speak to an advisory group such as The Samaritans to find out about any additional support that might be available to you? It feels like they might be worth talking to in your situation?

Good news about your dad, Jawa - all the best to both of you, and the rest of your extended family.

Outrunner wrote:Feeling really depressed right now, I'm hating my dissertation despite it being my passion project, and starting to hate the game I'm writing about. Feel really lonely and isolated, not helped by the fact that my one friendship group has expanded with people I don't like and don't feel comfortable around. Feeling a bit pushed out tbh. I just want uni to be over and done with, feel like quitting despite being so close to the end of my degree. It's not just the degree and the friends thing, just have no interest in doing anything. I am forcing myself to do things but not getting any pleasure out of them. Even my recent trip with uni to Tokyo was a bit of a bust. Feel like getting on a train and disappearing. I've been let down by mental health services at uni and feel like my GP, who is usually pretty good, has been a bit dismissive putting it down to winter blues (it isn't) and just giving me some extra tablets on top of my anti-depressants. Really fighting the urge to hurt myself. I'm not suicidal but I have been thinking a lot about dying.

This is something I can really empathise with, at least the dissertation part of things. I've gone through it myself, and supported dozens of friends and students through the misery of that final push to get things done. This may not be a massive help, but you're not alone in feeling burnt out and disillusioned with the process, and many students struggle to get over the line with limited support available. Mental health services at universities are truly struggling to keep up with demand, and I'm so sorry you're feeling the impact.

The only advice I can really give is to lean on your supervisor where possible for advice on the project and the direction of your writing, and make sure you schedule plenty of time to a) get the draft completed with time to have someone read it over before final submission (I'm probably in a different field, but as long as it's in English and not STEM I can certainly have a look through it for you if needed!), and b) to ensure that you have time for other pursuits. Even if that's just decompressing at the end of the day with a TV show or some music. You may not enjoy yourself due to the stress, but in my experience having a bit of time to not think about the work is absolutely invaluable.

It also helps to have people to talk to about your issues, especially if you're struggling to push through with uni work. Post frustrations in this thread if you need to - I got through the last few pieces of coursework in my undergraduate degree by posting wordcount updates in the midnight thread. It was probably annoying as hell to read, but it helped me to renew my focus and gave me a goal to aim at. Finding something similar might help you to push through. And I'm around via PM if you need to vent about university concerns to someone who knows how things work from the supervision side of things. Best of luck mate, and please check in here regularly to let us know how you're doing.