Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

That certainly sounds like anxiety/panic attacks, something I have a bit of experience with. Aaron has some good meditation tips, it may be worth shooting him a message. Alternatively, speak to your GP to see if they can help with anything. Sorry to hear of that Milner, they can be utterly debilitating at their worst - keep us up to date on how you’re doing.

RetroCora wrote:That certainly sounds like anxiety/panic attacks, something I have a bit of experience with. Aaron has some good meditation tips, it may be worth shooting him a message. Alternatively, speak to your GP to see if they can help with anything. Sorry to hear of that Milner, they can be utterly debilitating at their worst - keep us up to date on how you’re doing.

Cheers Cora, it’s hitting me hard at the moment as I’m just feeling really burnt out. I was thinking of contacting the GP just for advice and see if there is anything over the counter I could try first but I’ll have to see what Aaron recommends as well

My friend I mentioned before is going through a pretty bad spiral at the moment, every morning when he wakes up it seems to start and get worse and worse, then by the evening it's usually a little bit better. I hope he's going to be ok, it's been the same now for 4 days in a row and while he says he's taking his medication he probably needs something a little stronger and is worried about going to the doctor about it. There's nothing much I can really do other than just be there when he needs me, but given I'm on the other side of the world it sucks I can't do anything more for him. I feel bad as it is, I can't imagine how awful it must be for him suffering through it. I've known people with depression before, but never been this close to someone with it so I've never had any first/second hand experience helping someone through the bad times.

You're being a great friend. You're doing more than most would. Thank-you

so I'm single, I did gooseberry fool things and am seeking help to make sure I don't do it again. There was too many problems outside of that too, and I wasn't taking care of myself as much as I should've.

I think it's for better but yeah, going through stuff at the moment. Still not got job after having to be let go from my last job in 2019, thanks to my anxiety I usually go "I can't do this" nonesense but I'm also going to overcome it. Will start sending more applications soon.

Last edited by Curls on Mon Jun 20, 2022 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi Seven,

I may be making assumptions here so forgive me if I've gotten the wrong end of the stick.

A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend because she cheated on him.

I am very much against this sort of thing, as it's against one of my core values.

However, when this happened to her, I could see she was so regretful and wanted to change.

She started talking to a therapist and looking into her life to figure out why she had done this ect.

After speaking to her about it ( I didn't start finger pointing or being horrible) I realised that by taking these actions I could see that she was still a good person and I didn't want to distance myself as a friend because of it (anyway she didn't cheat on ME so why should I. However I can be morally black and white at times.)

Her ex-boyfriend on the other hand made no signs of any change and continues to just blame her for everything and for the relationship falling apart. Sure, it was her who cheated, and probably most of the liability lies on her....however, I personally always felt he was mean to her, and others and wasn't a nice person, and she is better off without him anyway.

So whatever you did to your partner, although it may be tough, it's all about your actions from now on that will show you for the real you. Choose to look into your life and change it for the happier, choose yourself and to look after yourself and try not to blame yourself too much.

Unless of course you're a dickhead with no remorse, in that case jog on ;-)

But from seeing you post here, I know you're not.

I wasn't sure whether to post this in here or the work thread. Considering how badly work has affected my mental health here seemed more appropriate. I finally handed in my notice at work. I was expecting to feel good about it but honestly, 'good' doesn't even begin to describe it. I genuinely feel as if a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders. I'm a little nervous for the future (I guess working for 22 years in the same organisation will give you a sense of security even if you hated the job) but feel more postive than ever about the possibilities in front of me.

Outrunner wrote:I wasn't sure whether to post this in here or the work thread. Considering how badly work has affected my mental health here seemed more appropriate. I finally handed in my notice at work. I was expecting to feel good about it but honestly, 'good' doesn't even begin to describe it. I genuinely feel as if a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders. I'm a little nervous for the future (I guess working for 22 years in the same organisation will give you a sense of security even if you hated the job) but feel more postive than ever about the possibilities in front of me.

I think you are very loyal and there is naturally a debt of gratitude for that, so when you resign from a job that wasn't good to you or a scenario in which you struggled with various anxieties, that is how I have felt in the past also. Wishing you all the best for what you do next.

That's great to hear, Outrunner. I can't stand my job, and I know it affects my sleep, my evenings and weekends, and my general outlook on a lot of different things. Having a constant source of stress and pressure removed - like work - would do wonders for one's mental health, so it's good that you're feeling that now. It's normal to feel a bit nervous, especially if a constant like one job is going to be removed, but it's good that you feel (rightly) excited about what it could mean for your future. Hope your future plans work out.

Curls wrote:Hi Seven,

I may be making assumptions here so forgive me if I've gotten the wrong end of the stick.

...

So whatever you did to your partner, although it may be tough, it's all about your actions from now on that will show you for the real you. Choose to look into your life and change it for the happier, choose yourself and to look after yourself and try not to blame yourself too much.

Unless of course you're a dickhead with no remorse, in that case jog on But from seeing you post here, I know you're not.

I've been physically violent with him when we had the arguments because I wasn't be able to cool down - he'd not let me take time out and it was getting too much. But I still did it more than few times, and last one was really bad that I genuinely felt awful about it. There was lot of other things I wasn't happy about the relationship, sure, but I still loved him and I still shouldn't of have done what I did. I felt the break up was better for both of us, he wanted break but I honestly think its better because I wasn't taking care of myself at all.

So I moved back to my mum's place, we're still friends but yeah.

Thanks for these words though, I really appreciate it.

Thanks guys. There's a few things I'll miss like my friends and...errr...I guess some of the regular customers. The bullying, zero chance of progression, the job itself which has become unbearably tedious over the years, all that is going to be finally behind me. All it took was going back to university and having people (staff at university and friends) believe in me and point out all the potential options for me in the future. Not to say my friends at work or family haven't been supportive, they absolutely have. But after years of upper management chipping away at my confidence it's nice to hear my tutors point out all the things I could do in the future instead of running me into the ground.

I have often talked about having PTSD and how I got it, but last night I sat down and wrote a 2000 word blog post about how I started handling my PTSD including how I got into therapy and everything and I thought this might be of help to others who feel like things suck and wonder how others manage to get out of a dark place... No mater how bad things seem they can get better.

http://kerr9000.blogspot.com/2022/07/th ... -with.html

I feel super stupid about this, but given I've been really close to that guy we basically hang out every day and I've gotten so used to it on the few occasions he wants to go do his own thing I just immediately get super lonely and lose the ability to do anything fun. I hate it, I hate feeling like this because I know he can't be there with me all the time. I just don't know what the hell to do. I've become so unbelievably dependent on him being around that I can't deal with being on my own anymore. I'm on my lunchbreak and I can't bring myself to do anything. I hate this so much.

I don't know if it's jealousy of the fact that he's going to go into VR and do stuff with other people or it is just it makes me realise just how lonely I really am when he's not around, but I feel like complete gooseberry fool.

It's hard advice to take, and I know because I've been there, but it's best if you learn to be content with your own company. Turn loneliness into a sanctuary of solitude. Which is hard to do at work when there is down time I get it, you can't exactly whip out that novel you were working through if you are at the office. But I've been in that exact position at work before with work BFFs and it ruining your day if they are off on annual leave or whatever (funnily enough those same people I barely speak to now, like in over a year). But it means you can appreciate those friends while they are there but not have it ruin your day if they aren't.

It's hard but it's just not healthy to let other people upset you like this on purpose or inadvertently. It tends to be as well if you are more invested in the friendship than they are you are just setting yourself up for more moments like this.

You got anything else you can do to kill time at work? Eh I assume it's a work colleague you are talking about like, I'm sure I read you mention that before.

Johnny Ryall wrote:It's hard advice to take, and I know because I've been there, but it's best if you learn to be content with your own company. Turn loneliness into a sanctuary of solitude. Which is hard to do at work when there is down time I get it, you can't exactly whip out that novel you were working through if you are at the office. But I've been in that exact position at work before with work BFFs and it ruining your day if they are off on annual leave or whatever (funnily enough those same people I barely speak to now, like in over a year). But it means you can appreciate those friends while they are there but not have it ruin your day if they aren't.

It's hard but it's just not healthy to let other people upset you like this on purpose or inadvertently. It tends to be as well if you are more invested in the friendship than they are you are just setting yourself up for more moments like this.

You got anything else you can do to kill time at work? Eh I assume it's a work colleague you are talking about like, I'm sure I read you mention that before.

It's not a work colleague, I'm in a kinda LDR with someone and it's that guy. He needs time to himself I realise that and I need to learn to deal with that but like I dunno what happened to me. Maybe it was when I still had my cat, but being alone never bothered me at all. Then I just ended up with the situation I'm in now where I suddenly need people around or I just feel like absolute and utter gooseberry fool. I don't blame him, the fact he's been around has really helped me with how I was feeling and for the most part I feel really happy again. It's just when he suddenly goes off to do other stuff which rarely happens I just suddenly start feeling bad. It's not healthy to feel like this and I think the fact I know that makes it even worse since that sets of feelings in my head of 'why are you feeling bad about this, this is nothing you stupid strawberry floating idiot, look no wonder you feel sad you're getting upset about this stupid thing how useless' and even though it's a super rare occurance my brain immediately goes into the 'see, nobody really wants to spend any time with you anyway this is why you're alone, you're boring and people would rather do other stuff'. It just sucks because I feel totally helpless. I want to do fun stuff to pass the time, but all I can think about is the fact they're not around and then my brain starts basically attacking me which sends my thoughts into the gutter and makes me feel even worse.

It's really strawberry floating dumb, I'm basically with him all day every day so the fact he's gone for a few hours shouldn't even be an issue. I was literally just talking to him a few hours ago, but then he went off to do his own thing and then I started feeling bad.

Ah right, I've done long distance and it's hard, you barely see each other so you cling on to whatever contact you do get. Would spend hours on video calls every night. Luckily we've been living together for 2 years now, but anyway I digress...

I'd say most of my advice to you still stands - don't take it as a personal sleight. And still take it as You time to do your own self care stuff that maybe they don't like doing but you do?

Just make sure you are both happy with the amount of time going into the relationship I'd say as if they see it as something casual and you don't, you'll get yourself upset even further.

There is nothing wrong with being alone though mate, definitely think using that time to do that thing your partner can't stand is the best idea. Likewise though if you want to feel lonely and sad that's perfectly valid, just seen you've added some to your post beating yourself up. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad and lonely, it happens to everyone.

Hell I am not rating the WFH mandate at my job being reversed and having to come into the office 50% of the time. Was so used to getting the crack with my partner while I work for the past couple of years so it's a bit of an adjustment, it's a normal feeling that happens to everyone. So don't beat yourself up alright?

Qikz wrote:even though it's a super rare occurance my brain immediately goes into the 'see, nobody really wants to spend any time with you anyway this is why you're alone, you're boring and people would rather do other stuff'.

This may sound silly but maybe you could practice taking alone time on your own terms - log out of chat or silence your phone for half an hour while you watch an episode of a show or read a chapter of a book, or even just go and do some house chores. That way as you're the one choosing the downtime you avoid the anxiety over thinking the other person is avoiding spending time with you, and that will be an easier environment to relax with your own company.

When you live with a partner you're not always doing the same thing, or in the same room together even when both at home, because that's simply impractical. Online though the practicality is different, you can mostly be always available in chat no matter what you are doing, and perhaps getting overly used to that makes the times you can't more difficult, especially if it's never on your own terms.

Orange has hit the nail on the head there mate. After my partner moved in and the dust fully settled we can spend an hour in silence watching stuff on our own devices, and we both love that we can do that and not be annoyed at each other for ignoring. You can't always be "on" and available 247, you'll break down.

I've just posted all of this and I feel really dumb writing it down, but I want to vent somewhere and you guys are all I have these days.

I think my issue is before I met him I was feeling the worst I've ever felt. I felt worse than I do now. I just didn't want to do anything. I became heavily addicted to VRChat and honestly heavily addicted to the dopamine I got from doing 'sexual' stuff with other people. It basically ate into my entire life. I couldn't do anything else but that as anything else I did just made me feel bored and lonely; it got to the point though where even that started becoming extremely dangerous, because when I couldn't find anyone to do that kinda stuff with which became more and more common that made me feel hurt even more. When I met him he kinda reignited my love of my other hobbies since we both have really similar interests and I managed to kinda get out of the loop I was stuck in and while I still do that kinda stuff with him I don't do it as often and I don't even really play vrchat much anymore.

I think I basically got dangerously addicted to something and this is the outcome of that. He was also addicted in the same way I was and while he doesn't do that stuff anymore for kinda the same reasons I don't I know all the people that he hangs around with are mostly cut from the same cloth. One of VRChat's biggest problems is if you fall into that kinda scene/world all the people you surround yourself with end up being into that stuff as well and for a lot of those people that's all they're interested in doing. I guess part of my jealousy and why I feel so bad when he goes into vrchat without me is I just get the horrible feeling he's going to go do that stuff with other people and we're not in a proper relationship or anything (long story, can't really explain easily but it's to do with the fact he doesn't really want to admit he's bi or anything).

Essentially I think when I get lonely and anxious it reminds me about that time I was in a bad place, that makes any feelings of jealousy I may have had 100 times worse and that makes my anxiety much worse and I just end up somehow turning those emotions into ways of beating myself up. I've just basically not fixed any of my underlying issues and I'm just using the happiness I get from being with him to just try and cover up my major problems. There's absolutely no basis for feeling jealous, it's just I know all the people he ended up surrounding himself with because of the same addiction I had and I don't trust any of them. I trust him, but because I know him well enough to know he's also struggling in the same way if anyone gives him that kind of attention I know full well that he's probably not going to be able to say no, because I probably wouldn't be able to either. It's probably nothing, but even so everything mixing together means I end up using that as ammunition to hurt myself in the end.

I'm just in a really bad place right now and I'm not actually solving any issues. I'm relying on him to make me feel better and knowing he's there gives me some form of protection from myself. I think I probably need councilling of some kind, because I'm really not helping myself at all at any step here. I'm just doing everything I can to gain happiness and validation from other people as I can't find it myself. I genuinely do care about him though and I know he cares about me from what he's told me. I just wish my anxiety didn't drive me into extreme jealousy that just makes me feel worse and worse every time he's not around. It's not healthy and I know if we ever were in a proper relationship I'd end up destroying whatever relationship I got into because of it.

Nothing wrong with getting counseling mate, nothing to be ashamed of. Verging on relationship advice thread here but you might want to have "that chat" with him and define what your relationship is and if you are exclusive or not (and if as you say he is in or out of the closet). It sounds like you might be getting mixed messages, especially if you are saying he is in the closet.

Do you think you will ever meet up IRL? Would you be willing to move, or would he?

It's up to you mate, you might get an answer you don't like, but at least you'll know and won't have to catastrophise and worry about "what if"s.

Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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