Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Green Gecko wrote:I'm the same Outrunner and there are a lot of people out there like you. You're naturally introverted and that's fine. Sometimes you can play the extrovert to try and fit in or feel like you're contributing but there's no requirement to do so.

Thanks GG (Gecko? Green?) It's reassuring to know other people go through similar things. The small core of close friends I have are all generally understanding and make allowances without ever making it an issue or make me feel like I'm a burden. At uni I started to make friends before lockdown and it was nice to expand my friendship group a bit. I'm hoping things fall in to place in September when I move from the foundation year group on to my actual degree path. I'm a bit more nervous about it because I'm the only person from the foundation year moving on to this degree and I've a feeling I'll be the only mature student amongst all the 18 year olds.

my paperwork is finally all acknowledged and received and processing with the car

Im not liable for payments anymore - Ill still pay insurance and tax until it goes to be safe

this is such a collossal weight off my chest I feel freed from one of the only remnants of my past life, feel physically better

Whenever people have talked about anxiety and depression, I've had no real idea about the physical, mental and emotional symptoms. What does it MEAN in your head to be anxious or depressed? How can I say what something is without knowing this? Without this knowledge, I don't know what I'm currently experiencing (I wrote 'currently going through' first, but that seems a little self-important). I've never really had any mental health issues that I've been aware of (although there is other stuff due to my stammer in terms of embarrassment and sometimes shutting myself off when I'm having a bad day with it, also avoidance of certain situations), but during lockdown I've begun to feel very overwhelmed by work, and I'm also in a situation in my personal life that I know isn't working but I don't feel like I currently have the strength to confront. So while previously a dodgy situation in one side of life might be offset by the other being decent, now I feel like I have no respite.

I've experienced fear of failure for pretty much my entire adult life to varying degrees, but it's now gone from being an undercurrent to overtaking me a bit and it's messing with my head. For the past month and a half I've been sitting down at my laptop at home (I'm WFH during lockdown) and am so overwhelmed that I feel like I can't do anything and just sit there browsing the internet, making cups of tea and then jumping on my Oculus Quest for a while, rather than confronting what I have to do. It seems like this fear of failure is swarming over all aspects of my life, and I think that it's giving me anxiety. After talking to a couple of my family about this, I've started some hypnotherapy over Zoom with a therapist my brother knows in an attempt to get back on a more even keel, but I'm far from sure this is working and this week I'm on session 4 of 6. I'm already getting worried about the conversation after the 6th session in terms of whether to carry on or not... worried about letting someone down who I didn't know from Adam only a few weeks ago, and also I don't want to let my brother down! I recognise the signs in myself and have realised that I'm massively worried about giving offence to anyone, or doing something that I feel will make them not like me. I'm sure this all goes back to childhood stuff that has never gone away, but now it feels like it's paralysing me.

My Mum has suggested that I talk to my GP about things, but the idea of verbalising something so difficult when my stammer is acting up just fills me with blind fear, to be honest. To me, what would be the usual avenues of support would stress me out to the point where they would do more harm than good. I'm 42 years old... it feels like I should be able to deal with this better. I'm a logical person but my brain is just being a total dick. I want sympathy but I don't want to be treated like a special case. I want help with work but don't want to feel like a burden or have others think less of me. Aaaargh x 1,000,000.

my stutter gets worse when Im stressed but tbh most people you encounter dont care

the worst is when people try to finish words for you - its a strange sensation but its like your brain pauses on the word and you cant unpause your brain until you say it, people mean well and try to help but you cant get by without saying it

also drop the burden gooseberry fool and talk to someone, gotta be done

Eighthours wrote:Whenever people have talked about anxiety and depression, I've had no real idea about the physical, mental and emotional symptoms. What does it MEAN in your head to be anxious or depressed? How can I say what something is without knowing this?

Hope you're okay, mate. To answer this first bit, my red flags were from working in mental health myself with clients using academic tools, and realising how highly I scored on them. Have a look at the Beck Depression Inventory and PHQ-9 for depression, and the GAD-7 and DASS-9 scales for anxiety, and potentially the WHO-5 well-being index.

While I was giving these to clients and sometimes reading them aloud for clients, I realised that I was ticking every. Single. Box. I then scored higher than a number of my clients who were diagnosed as depressed/anxious.

Worth looking at, anyway, but would err away from self-diagnosing for obvious reasons. I think if you look through these and feel like they're ticking a lot of boxes, get in touch with the NHS self-referral scheme, which is what I've finally got round to doing after procrastinating for four and a half years... which cost me most of the good things in my life, so don't wait that long.

The grammar in this post is terrible, but you get the point .

I think anxiety affects people differently. For me when im anxious my brain is telling me over and over again that im going to somehow strawberry float up whatever im doing and it affects physically my stomach since it makes my IBS worse and I also find myself going to the toilet a lot. There's also other things caused by it where it's made me very shy and in many cases unable to talk in large groups of people or really put myself in front of others without being anxious, but I think that's a side effect of it rather than anything else.

The main thing mentally for me is having 0 self confidence, because in my head im always anxious that im going to strawberry float it all up or people are going to laugh at me. I find it very hard to take pride in anything I've achieved because it always feels that even if I do something right something will immediately go wrong afterwards.

Eighthours wrote:worried about letting someone down who I didn't know from Adam only a few weeks ago, and also I don't want to let my brother down!

First of all, cut that out. You aren't letting anybody down, not even yourself. There is nobody in this world that is not susceptible in some way to mental health problems. The mental and emotional affects of lockdown are well documented, even in this thread, on a tiny microcosm of the internet, there are people that have posted in here to gain some sense of clarity or relief that what they have experienced in these uncertain times isn't limited to themselves.

Eighthours wrote:Whenever people have talked about anxiety and depression, I've had no real idea about the physical, mental and emotional symptoms. What does it MEAN in your head to be anxious or depressed? How can I say what something is without knowing this? Without this knowledge, I don't know what I'm currently experiencing (I wrote 'currently going through' first, but that seems a little self-important).

It's cliche but it's different for each person. Some simply feel unable to interact with the world around them and it's all they can do to hold their head up. I would strongly advise visiting your GP and be very clear about what you are going to tell him/her.

Eighthours wrote:I'm also in a situation in my personal life that I know isn't working but I don't feel like I currently have the strength to confront. So while previously a dodgy situation in one side of life might be offset by the other being decent, now I feel like I have no respite.

My advice from experience would be:

• Go for a walk each day, twice if you are able to. Yes, really, it will help, although you may not initially notice it. Force yourself out of the door.
• Write down what your problems are. Then, whilst focusing on one problem at a time(!), write small, little steps, to be taken one at a time, that can help to resolve each issue. Important to stress that each step may not work, but that doesn't matter because the goal is simply to get you to interact with the problem.
• Be honest with people. People that know you, care about you, will on the whole actually be very supportive and do what they can within reason to help you.
• If the hypnotherapy isn't working then again, be honest. Otherwise it's just time (and money?) wasted. See what the NHS can do for you. Chances are they will prescribe medication but you will be waiting an eternity for counselling unless you are a very severe case in their eyes. So you should seek out a local specialist in your area. Be clear with them what sort of approach you think will work for you. https://www.findatherapist.co.uk/

Eighthours wrote:I'm 42 years old... it feels like I should be able to deal with this better.

Entirely untrue. Consider that trained therapists, experts in their field, older than you struggle with mental health. Wouldn't you agree that they are better situated than you to understand and deal with it? Yet, they also seek independent advice from other therapists.

Eighthours wrote:I'm a logical person but my brain is just being a total dick.

There is no logic to depression or other mental health issues, so do not try and approach it from this angle, otherwise you may feel worse.

Thanks for the support and advice, folks.

My RBL-funded guitar amp arrived yesterday. That was a nice little dopamine boost.

Qikz wrote:I think anxiety affects people differently. For me when im anxious my brain is telling me over and over again that im going to somehow strawberry float up whatever im doing and it affects physically my stomach since it makes my IBS worse and I also find myself going to the toilet a lot. There's also other things caused by it where it's made me very shy and in many cases unable to talk in large groups of people or really put myself in front of others without being anxious, but I think that's a side effect of it rather than anything else.

To support Qikz's point here about anxiety affecting people differently, I apparently have moderate anxiety, but have no problem at all lecturing in front of ~100 people at work because I can just put my game face on for this.

Somebody Else's Problem wrote:My RBL-funded guitar amp arrived yesterday. That was a nice little dopamine boost.

Come on over to the making music thread

Victor Mildew wrote:

Somebody Else's Problem wrote:My RBL-funded guitar amp arrived yesterday. That was a nice little dopamine boost.

Come on over to the making music thread

yeah! what amp is it?

Kezzer wrote:

Victor Mildew wrote:

Somebody Else's Problem wrote:My RBL-funded guitar amp arrived yesterday. That was a nice little dopamine boost.

Come on over to the making music thread

yeah! what amp is it?

https://www.andertons.co.uk/guitar-dept ... guitar-amp

Somebody Else's Problem wrote:I've started getting help from the Royal British Legion with my debt problems, which have exacerbated my depression and anxiety over the past few years. They are now acting on my behalf when speaking to creditors, and I am now starting to see light at the end of the tunnel with regards to my debt.

They're also providing me with a new guitar amp, as they believe that being able to get back into playing properly again will help with my mental health, and also give me an avenue to socialise more with like-minded people.

The Royal British Legion are far better and far more effective than I ever gave them credit for, and I only wish I'd approached them years ago.

Good to hear that you’re on the up and up MCN. Keep us in the loop.

You’re going to regret that - I can hear him wailing on his guitar from the next village over here and he ain’t exactly Hendrix.

Buffalo wrote:You’re going to regret that - I can hear him wailing on his guitar from the next village over here and he ain’t exactly Hendrix.

You must have incredible hearing, because it's only a 30 watt amp!

Oh a joke landed in a serious thread, OK moving on.

Eighthours wrote:Whenever people have talked about anxiety and depression, I've had no real idea about the physical, mental and emotional symptoms. What does it MEAN in your head to be anxious or depressed?
My Mum has suggested that I talk to my GP about things, but the idea of verbalising something so difficult when my stammer is acting up just fills me with blind fear, to be honest. I'm 42 years old... it feels like I should be able to deal with this better. I'm a logical person but my brain is just being a total dick. I want sympathy but I don't want to be treated like a special case. I want help with work but don't want to feel like a burden or have others think less of me. Aaaargh x 1,000,000.

You've had a lot of answers, just to throw mine in the ring.

My anxiety is usually low key, but constant. I worry. About pretty much anything. Writing an assignment? Worry. Dealing with members of the public? Worry. Going shopping? Worry. I've gone in to detail a few posts back how I worry about social situations. And I've learned to live with it. But it does sometimes cause issues. I love my holidays but sometimes, just leaving the hotel is a chore. I have to get everything ready for the day. Then check it. Then check it again. And sometimes I overreact. Badly. I've self harmed before when things have got too much and my low self-esteem has told me how stupid I am. I almost quit university last autumn before I'd even written an essay. Even when things are going well I can talk myself into thinking they aren't.

For what its worth, I'm 43. I've had the whole "I should be dealing with this better". The best advice I can give is ask for help. I get that it's hard, I found it extremely difficult, meeting new people, talking and hoping my verbal tick doesn't appear. But there is help out there and, one specific work manager aside, I've found having a support network is the best thing. MY GP has, on the whole been good, both the crisis team and my mental health nurse have been literal lifesavers. My mental health nurse in particular was the best and its a shame I don't still see her. And university have been great, between regular contact with my personal tutor, the departments welfare officer and a mentor who helps plan my week. All of these things help me and while its difficult to make that first step it's one worth making. You aren't a burden, you're someone going through a rough time right now and 100% deserve all the support that's out there.

First episode in a new series by Will Schoder. Very high production values and well researched.