Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Fed up talking videogames? Why?
User avatar
aayl1
Member
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by aayl1 » Wed Jan 13, 2021 6:25 pm

Poser wrote:Is there a drug that helps you to concentrate a bit?

I've developed a massive inability to concentrate on stuff. It's almost certainly linked to (diagnosed) anxiety, but I will literally, uncontrollably and repeatedly, open web browsers instead of doing work that I'm supposed to be doing. I even find I get stuck in a loop of opening the thing, 'having a word with myself' closing it, waiting a second, then doing it again. Earlier today I navigated to outlook.com to look at my private email several times in a row, despite it being entirely junk mail.

I lost my job last year and was very lucky to get something lined up just before the pandemic started.

I've got a large proposal that needs finishing by tomorrow at 2pm and I've spent more time on Twitter today than I have working on it.

I really need to strawberry floating focus. Anybody got any tips/advice?


Adderal is prescribed for ADHD and aids concentration.

I have found meditation to be particularly helpful for training your concentration muscles and increasing focus naturally. If you're interested I'd be happy to PM you some meditation materials.

Edit: is this the slowest double post ever? I opened my phone and the submission form was open so I figured I didn't post, then added the PM offer so I won't delete this.

Switch Code - 2446-6608-4888
User avatar
Green Gecko
Treasurer
Joined in 2008
Location: Sussex
Contact:

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Jan 13, 2021 7:43 pm

I've definitely done the "spontaneously open tab with Ctrl+T and start typing random website when I should be doing work, repeatedly, watching my life unfold in front of me as I totally lose control of my impulses" many, many times. I use SelfControl for OSX to block basically every website that isn't work related. Including GRcade! I think there's a windows port but I'm not sure its any good. I used all kinds of website blockers including on routers or parental control software etc, I would just override them. This is the only one that works for me because I've successful managed NOT to find out how it works and allow the tool to work for me.

I also impulsively check my spam folder when I have no new email, for no reason whatsoever. Unfortunately our brains develop these reflexes which are usually triggered by too much notifications (resulting in ghost notification effect even when there aren't any notifications) and also FOMO (fear of missing out). I find it's particularly bad when I'm isolated and can't get help with something in particular because really I'm the only person who can do it, or fathom what needs doing, nevermind doing it!

I'd probably try some ADHD medication if it's available before performance enhancing (legal) drugs out there. Meditation should probably help.

Sometimes its important just to turn strawberry floating everything off and work on paper sometimes. It's not that hard to get it on computer again... especially if you consider how much time you might save not browsing distracting websites which can add up to hours!!

I also reward myself with beer and few squares of chocolate or things like that, if I manage to get into a flow for at least 1-2hrs of focused work. Might be less than that, it's still an achievement on those days where my mind is jumping all over the strawberry floating place.

♥ gaems | t: @GRcade | YT: GRcadeVideo | Twitch: GRcadeUK
Image
User avatar
kerr9000
Member
Joined in 2013
Contact:

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by kerr9000 » Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:41 pm

I had my Autism appointment today, I have been told yep your autistic you'll get a letter in the post giving a breakdown of our findings and you GP will get a copy as well.

I'm feeling a bit relieved but a bit I guess overwhelmed as well.

https://www.youtube.com/user/kerr9000 for my YouTube channel. where you can find my Horror House and GamesRoom Reviews[b]I can also be found as kerr9000 on the Xbox, and My Instagram is kerr9000gamesroom and its mostly photos of old games and horror movies.
User avatar
OrangeRKN
SONM & Cake Sec.
SONM & Cake Sec.
Joined in 2015
Location: Reading, UK
Contact:

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by OrangeRKN » Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:49 pm

If it helps you contextualise situations better and understand why you feel or act certain ways that's great kerr! Same for if it opens up any avenues of support. Just remember a diagnosis is only that, you're no different now then you were beforehand, so no reason to be overwhelmed or to feel a pressing need to read through what might be an overwhelming amount of information.

Image
Image
orkn.uk - @OrangeRakoon - Top 5 Games of 2020 - SW-6533-2461-3235
User avatar
Green Gecko
Treasurer
Joined in 2008
Location: Sussex
Contact:

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:56 pm

Just out of interest what kind of detail did your diagnosis go into in terms of your traits?

Mine is literally "Diagnosis: Aspergers Disorder", I've never been to the neurobehavioural clinic to have more detailed tests done because they offered me one test while I was out of the country and never followed up on it like 10 years later now, but it's allowed me to access a pretty wide range of support at least some of the time, but by no means all of the time (even when its a legal requirement to do so). The most support I received was at university and I've only sorted out Adult Social Care since about a month and a half ago, that's 9 years without... I pay for private counselling.

Oftentimes the fact alone can be helpful. For example I applied for a £10,000 arts grant that calls for neurodivergent people to get more involved in the theatre space, no idea if that will mean gooseberry fool to be honest, the last interview I failed, however objectively, specifically complained about autistic traits in 2015 or so.

♥ gaems | t: @GRcade | YT: GRcadeVideo | Twitch: GRcadeUK
Image
User avatar
kerr9000
Member
Joined in 2013
Contact:

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by kerr9000 » Tue Jan 19, 2021 5:17 pm

Green Gecko wrote:Just out of interest what kind of detail did your diagnosis go into in terms of your traits?

Mine is literally "Diagnosis: Aspergers Disorder", I've never been to the neurobehavioural clinic to have more detailed tests done because they offered me one test while I was out of the country and never followed up on it like 10 years later now, but it's allowed me to access a pretty wide range of support at least some of the time, but by no means all of the time (even when its a legal requirement to do so). The most support I received was at university and I've only sorted out Adult Social Care since about a month and a half ago, that's 9 years without... I pay for private counselling.

Oftentimes the fact alone can be helpful. For example I applied for a £10,000 arts grant that calls for neurodivergent people to get more involved in the theatre space, no idea if that will mean gooseberry fool to be honest, the last interview I failed, however objectively, specifically complained about autistic traits in 2015 or so.


my feedback was that apparently they split autism into 4 areas and I score quiet a bit in 3 areas, I am deffiinetly autistic but if I go home and wait I'll get the letter in the post and that will tell me more, I'll let you know when that arrives. I can't wait to read it myself.

Your also right OR it doesn't change who I am, it does just answer a few questions.

https://www.youtube.com/user/kerr9000 for my YouTube channel. where you can find my Horror House and GamesRoom Reviews[b]I can also be found as kerr9000 on the Xbox, and My Instagram is kerr9000gamesroom and its mostly photos of old games and horror movies.
User avatar
Green Gecko
Treasurer
Joined in 2008
Location: Sussex
Contact:

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue Jan 19, 2021 7:05 pm

Mine was based on background testimony and I also scored really highly in the Gilliam Asperger's Disorder Scale before that, the former was done by an NHS lead practitioner / clinical psychiatrist which is good as basically no-one would reasonably argue with it, the latter a chartered MA Ed Psych which focused more on my learning difficulties.

I had loads of issues at school that nobody cared about because I still got good SAT levels, ridiculous I had to "wait" until I was 20 to figure gooseberry fool out on my own but I'm glad I did it as I can blame myself less for all kinds of difficulties, even today I've been way overwhelmed with the amount of emails and stuff I've had to deal with and it can be very debilitating constantly double guessing what people mean etc. Not much in person interaction at the moment but in terms of consistent and reliable communication in person, understanding as well as more generally being understood (I have a very good logical understanding of things and excellent memory for things like metaphors, similes, catchphrases and sayings etc), pretty much forget about it :lol:

That test if it's what they conducted has four areas "The four sub-scales are Social Interaction, Restricted Patterns of Behaviour, Cognitive Patterns, and Pragmatic Skills. An optional additional sub-scale of eight items, Early Development, can also be included."

Noting the four sub-scales that might have been your four areas?

I don't have especially restricted patterns of behaviour but I do have a tendency to form "negative routines" (my own term) and I probably was more like that when I was a kid for example I would watch Disney's Fantasia on loop all day or spin around in circles for 20 minutes.

♥ gaems | t: @GRcade | YT: GRcadeVideo | Twitch: GRcadeUK
Image
User avatar
Qikz
#420BlazeIt ♥
Joined in 2011

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Tue Jan 19, 2021 10:05 pm

I felt a lot better recently and then today a lot of people were not really around that I normally talk to and now I feel shitty again - it doesn't really make any sense. Work has been the least stressful it's been in forever, but I'm just finding it really hard to feel happy. I had a really emotional evening with this guy I met through vrchat I've known for about 6 months - one of the few people I speak English to on there. He's been going through some gooseberry fool and I've been kinda helping him and he went through a really shitty day and he kinda shared everything that's happened to him with me and I kinda shared everything that happened with me to him as well and we became closer friends because of it. That was a really shitty day but I felt so much better after it as I felt like a month or so worth of emotional pressure kinda just drained out of my body from all the crying I did, but since then I've just been getting worse again.

Image
The Watching Artist wrote:I feel so inept next to Qikz...
User avatar
Fade
Member
Joined in 2011
Location: San Junipero

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Fade » Wed Jan 20, 2021 2:45 pm

Must be nice having friends like that to help you through things.

I was off work for a month, nobody from work messaged me to see how I was apart from my manager (to see when I was in)

Then I got a bit shitty on the forum and admitted it was because I was unhappy and was basically told to strawberry float off because i wasn't being nice.

That kind of treatment has basically turned me into a robot because it's the only way I can cope. Every so often so rage will bubble to the surface but I haven't be able to feel really happy or even sad for a while now.

It's frustrating because sometimes you wish you could feel more joyus or wish you could cry but you can't. It's like having those dreams where you can't move, but with your emotions.

If I didn't bottle things up I'd probably just be screaming until my throat hurt.

It's like the women I work with don't see me as one of them so I get left out and stereotyped a lot, and I guess I've just been unlucky but almost every single male friendship I've had has been very transactional. For example they would only ever see me if it benefitted them in some way, they didn't actually care about me as a person.

Last edited by Fade on Wed Jan 20, 2021 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image

SW-0093-4365-9039
User avatar
Rocsteady
Member
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rocsteady » Wed Jan 20, 2021 2:47 pm

Are you able to see a therapist to help?

Image
User avatar
Fade
Member
Joined in 2011
Location: San Junipero

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Fade » Wed Jan 20, 2021 2:56 pm

Rocsteady wrote:Are you able to see a therapist to help?

I saw a therapist for like 4 weeks, then one week she forgot to call me, I messaged her and said I'd forgot we had an appointment and she must have as well and then she lied by saying she was waiting for me to call her.

This is despite every other week her calling me and the one time we had a zoom call she messaged me to ask where I was when I couldn't join the room.

So, I didn't really feel comfortable talking to her after that since she not only forgot my appointment but doubled down and lies about it.

She didn't really offer much input, just asked a lot of questions. Felt.like a bit of a scam honestly. Although being able to talk to someone without judgement did help me feel validated about gender related stuff as she seemed to understand why I felt the way I did.

Also can I just say, when I looked there was a STAGGERING lack of male therapists. I saw two and they were both fully booked.

Image

SW-0093-4365-9039
User avatar
Green Gecko
Treasurer
Joined in 2008
Location: Sussex
Contact:

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Jan 20, 2021 3:03 pm

Therapists are mostly there to ask questions and listen to you, it does quite a long time for them to get to know you before they can really provide constructive input. For example after a couple of months my counsellor would say things like, pointing out I can't control another's behaviour, or that I've just judged myself by speaking negatively of my inability to behave "normally" or "what I expect would be normal" (although I don't know what that is or there is no such normal). I've seen some disclaimers like that for example my first course of counselling at university literally said "counselling isn't about telling you what to do or solving your problems for you". They're there to guide you on your own path to better understanding your mind by basically talking about it which is, by definition, unique.

About the transactional relationships with men, a lot of men I feel behave this way and that isn't in any way unusual. More generally speaking, the majority of people behave this way because leaning to be selfless and compassionate is pretty hard and doesn't come especially naturally to individauls raised in our society where it is all about self-betterment and winning one over on other people and being "better"/"the best" compared to them, using a variety of objective tests and metrics to do so that in reality hold a lot less meaning than they claim to do. But still, it's a pretty lame kind of relationship that's generally uncompassionate and can easily become manipulative or bullying so I try to check out of them pretty quickly and not put too much effort in. Ironically the most effective way to change a relationship like that is listening to the other person and trying to understand them on a deeper level, which is very hard and often more dependent on them than you.

The thing about women not paying attention to you at work, it's a repeating theme so I'm unsure if at that point I would force myself into a situation I would be uncomfortable about or just expand my circle to make friends in other ways. Definitely said it before but I've never, ever been "friends" like that I would go out with and meet up with regularly or call with someone at work and I'm seldom friends with my clients either.

♥ gaems | t: @GRcade | YT: GRcadeVideo | Twitch: GRcadeUK
Image
User avatar
Fade
Member
Joined in 2011
Location: San Junipero

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Fade » Wed Jan 20, 2021 4:36 pm

I get that, but there were lots of occasions where I would stop talking and she would just stare at me awkwardly for like 20 seconds, like she didn't know what to say. I should mention she wasn't a full time therapist either, she worked in a college most of the time.

I mean the thing is though everyone at my work has at least one other person they are friends with and see outside of work. Most of them multiple. So it kind of makes the different treatment pretty obvious. Not to mention a few of the staff keep accidentally calling me another man's name even though so look nothing like him. Kinda hammers home how much of my identity they see as 'MAN'.

And it's really not easy to socialise outside of work at the moment, in fact it's basically impossible.

Image

SW-0093-4365-9039
User avatar
Rocsteady
Member
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rocsteady » Wed Jan 20, 2021 4:38 pm

I had to try a few therapists before I got one that really clicked (2 were male, 1 female) so might be worth pursuing again. But it will generally take a couple of sessions to see if you really click.

Image
User avatar
Green Gecko
Treasurer
Joined in 2008
Location: Sussex
Contact:

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Jan 20, 2021 5:19 pm

My first counsellor woman ultimately helped me by writing a letter that said I had brain problems and bought me some time to submit my assignments. I was so ill I started missing even those sessions and then they wrote to me and it ended like that. At least they tried to get through to me but that's about as isolated as I've ever been.

Second guy / actual psychologist basically decided I had to quit my job and play guitar more, which I did, then I was suddenly "non-depressed" so that was "bye bye" (translation: NHS money ran out time to move onto next guy).

Current guy is really great but really expensive and does have things to say if I stop talking, but I talk so strawberry floating much so I rarely have that problem.

I think prompting is pretty important if you're not already an expert at talking about yourself all the damn time or have some kind of communication block. You can usually figure that out after a couple of sessions. The trouble is it's a relationship like any other and one has to decide whether it's working or not, unfortunately not every therapist can work with every client, and yeah, that sucks.

♥ gaems | t: @GRcade | YT: GRcadeVideo | Twitch: GRcadeUK
Image
User avatar
aayl1
Member
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by aayl1 » Wed Jan 20, 2021 5:23 pm

Fade wrote:That kind of treatment has basically turned me into a robot because it's the only way I can cope. Every so often so rage will bubble to the surface but I haven't be able to feel really happy or even sad for a while now.

It's frustrating because sometimes you wish you could feel more joyus or wish you could cry but you can't. It's like having those dreams where you can't move, but with your emotions.


Were you listening in on the therapy session I just finished 10 minutes ago?!

We were digging into why I am emotionless and the role my father has played in making me scared of being happy and conditioning me into living in "grey".

Anywho, like others have mentioned it took me a while to find a therapist I clicked with. I have been seeing mine for two years now and she knows me well enough to link up events from my past and really help me generate those insights. Initially I started seeing her to help me regain confidence after having panic attacks at work and not being able to bring myself to face any kind of job for 6 months. I kept seeing her as I realised I have a lot more work that needs to be done emotionally.

I am lucky - I have a good bunch of friends, but I don't really lean on them for emotional support. In fact doing that in the past has made me feel frustrated as I felt they didn't really get it and it made me feel somewhat lonely. I'm glad I have a therapist I click with (and a supportive partner) for that. I'm a fairly sociable person and I would find it very hard to cope in your situation - my panic attacks at work were partially due to feeling quite ostracised. I'm sorry you currently have to deal with that.

I realise you are probably just looking to be heard right now and being given advice is frustrating because no one actually intimately understands your situation well enough to know what could be helpful for you but (broken record alert!) I have found meditation very helpful after practising constantly for 2 years. This week I had a bit of a breakthrough with it (alongside a therapy session I had two weeks that left me sobbing for like 30 minutes) and I have felt genuinely at peace for the first time in a very long time.

If you're interested hit me up and I can give you some good beginner resources. Or just hit me up whenever you feel like some Apex to help distract from the relentless onslaught of apathy for an hour or two!

Switch Code - 2446-6608-4888
User avatar
Green Gecko
Treasurer
Joined in 2008
Location: Sussex
Contact:

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Jan 20, 2021 5:25 pm

My father conditioned me into pretending nothing sad ever happened and you could "just move on" and "change your mind" and other fake Buddhist shite that just meant he could get away with being a gooseberry fool dad. My mum used to also yell at me if I cried. I was also really well behaved at school so if I acted out even the tiniest bit my teachers would notice and scold me for it.

Which is probably why I feel massive guilt every time I feel sad, or ask for help from anyone, ever. It's gooseberry fool.

♥ gaems | t: @GRcade | YT: GRcadeVideo | Twitch: GRcadeUK
Image
User avatar
Karl_
Dr. Nyaaa~!
Dr. Nyaaa~!
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Karl_ » Wed Jan 20, 2021 5:47 pm

aayl1 wrote:.

I forgot to reply the other day but I appreciated your advice in one of the politics threads. I think to be honest I probably need to take the big step of getting on antidepressants again before things like meditation or talking therapy will help much - that was the pattern last time I was feeling this low at least. But it's genuinely good to know that you're around and willing to chat about it if I try it out one day!

User avatar
kerr9000
Member
Joined in 2013
Contact:

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by kerr9000 » Wed Jan 20, 2021 6:02 pm

Feeling good today, any feelings of feeling overwhelmed from my Autism appointment are long gone I think it was just stuff from dragging up my past and talking about rough bits and bobs. Not the head boss but my main boss was on today and she asked me how it had gone and she was very supportive. I work with mostly women there's me and one other guy but ive been pretty open about potentially being autistic and about having an upcoming appointment and they've all been very very supportive. One of the issues I have is with knowing if people like me or not I never feel like I have a good sense of this but I have to admit that I think ive been pretty lucky with where I work now.

https://www.youtube.com/user/kerr9000 for my YouTube channel. where you can find my Horror House and GamesRoom Reviews[b]I can also be found as kerr9000 on the Xbox, and My Instagram is kerr9000gamesroom and its mostly photos of old games and horror movies.
User avatar
aayl1
Member
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by aayl1 » Wed Jan 20, 2021 6:16 pm

Karl_ wrote:
aayl1 wrote:.

I forgot to reply the other day but I appreciated your advice in one of the politics threads. I think to be honest I probably need to take the big step of getting on antidepressants again before things like meditation or talking therapy will help much - that was the pattern last time I was feeling this low at least. But it's genuinely good to know that you're around and willing to chat about it if I try it out one day!


You are more than welcome and it's good to know that you have an understanding around what will help you going forwards. As you said I am always about (for anyone) if they fancy dabbling in meditating!

Switch Code - 2446-6608-4888

Return to “Stuff”