Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Corazon de Leon
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Corazon de Leon » Sun Jan 24, 2021 2:28 am

[quote=“aayl1”]This week I had a bit of a breakthrough with it (alongside a therapy session I had two weeks that left me sobbing for like 30 minutes)[/quote]

Hope you’re coping OK after this Aaron, therapy sessions can unlock some weird strawberry floating gooseberry fool.

This gave me a ‘Nam style flashback to a really intense ninety minute long “interview” I had in 2017 when they were looking at whether or not I had some form of ADD(spoiler alert - I do) that left me sitting in my car in floods of tears for a good ten or fifteen minutes afterwards just because it dredged up some awful memories. It’s tough man!

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aayl1
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by aayl1 » Sun Jan 24, 2021 9:36 am

Corazon de Leon wrote:
Hope you’re coping OK after this Aaron, therapy sessions can unlock some weird strawberry floating gooseberry fool.

This gave me a ‘Nam style flashback to a really intense ninety minute long “interview” I had in 2017 when they were looking at whether or not I had some form of ADD(spoiler alert - I do) that left me sitting in my car in floods of tears for a good ten or fifteen minutes afterwards just because it dredged up some awful memories. It’s tough man!


I'm doing okay thanks! I think since that session (and the previous one I had) I've managed to build on some of the stuff it's unlocking via meditation (and specifically metta/loving-kindness meditation which I am amazed at how well this works and wonder why I didn't start this sooner*) and generally feel a bit calmer.

It's weird - I've thought of myself as a bit of an emotionless robot - with the exception of anger which I feel very acutely - over the years not realising that that's a coping mechanism for trauma from my youth. I would very much like to break this cycle before I have kids!

So yeah the past couple of weeks I've been actively trying to be kinder to myself and start actively doing things I've wanted to try for a while (like streaming!) rather than tell myself it'll be gooseberry fool or not good enough. "Perfect is the enemy of good" is a mantra I am trying to internalise as I definitely get anxiety about everything I do having to be perfect.

And yeah totally empathise at how traumatising that ADD interview must have been - the constant questions about my parents combined with some genuine empathy from my therapist is what got me going.



*I know you've mentioned that you don't have the attention span for meditation (which even with the traditional "focus on your breath" meditation is a fallacy because the point of meditation is to notice that you've lost focus and bring the focus back, however long that takes - that's like a "rep" at the gym but for your focus muscles) but this style gets you good results quickly and is easy to do. Again no worries if you're not interested or genuinely believe it's not for you and apologies for constantly banging on about this - I've just seen great results and want everyone else to feel peace too!

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Zilnad
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Zilnad » Wed Jan 27, 2021 11:15 am

Please don't think ill of me for saying this but the brighter that proverbial light at the end of the Covid-19 tunnel gets, the shittier I feel. Obviously I don't want people to keep falling sick and dying but I just don't want to return to "normal". Maybe I'm just having a rough few days. Not to sound like a sociopath but it almost feels like I'm disappointed that we narrowly avoided annihilation.

I think the crux of this problem is my workplace. I just really don't want to go back there.

And I think isolation has made me realise that I've never really enjoyed the company of people (except for very close friends), not even my own family. I just want to WFH and not interact with humans forever.

Am I broken? :|

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Qikz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Wed Jan 27, 2021 11:30 am

Zilnad wrote:Please don't think ill of me for saying this but the brighter that proverbial light at the end of the Covid-19 tunnel gets, the shittier I feel. Obviously I don't want people to keep falling sick and dying but I just don't want to return to "normal". Maybe I'm just having a rough few days. Not to sound like a sociopath but it almost feels like I'm disappointed that we narrowly avoided annihilation.

I think the crux of this problem is my workplace. I just really don't want to go back there.

And I think isolation has made me realise that I've never really enjoyed the company of people (except for very close friends), not even my own family. I just want to WFH and not interact with humans forever.

Am I broken? :|


You're not broken, you just prefer being away from people rather than forced into situations you don't like very often. I have social anxiety and I'd rather sit alone than have to deal with other people, especially working as it's so draining on my brain - it's like I have an engine inside of me that takes forever to build up to allow me to be social and then by the time I've finished I feel half dead from almost forcing myself for hours to try and be social. I think it's normal, dealing with other people can be draining and especially work is awful for it.

WFH for me has been heaven and I really don't want to go back to my office either. The idea of everything going back to normal sounds good to me though, but I want a new normal where I can be happier with it. I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to go back exactly how things were before.

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Zilnad
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Zilnad » Wed Jan 27, 2021 11:59 am

Thanks Qikz. Makes me feel a little better knowing it's okay to prefer my own company.

Honestly, if I won the lottery, I'd never leave my house and just become an Otaku.

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Vermilion
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Vermilion » Tue Feb 23, 2021 8:09 pm

Been feeling pretty crappy these last few days, it's not the complete mental health collapse i had in November, more just a feeling of despair (which wasn't helped by being faced with the sight of sofa bloke yet again watching me from his throne as i came home from town).

Up until recently, i'd been coping with this latest shutdown pretty well, but the longer it goes on, the more it's beginning to get to me. I'm also getting fed up with all the accompanying bs there seems to be in the media, the doom and gloom is endless and there always seems to be something stupid that people are getting their knickers in a twist about.

We live in such a grey, miserable, and po-faced society these days, all i want is a bit of freedom and (god forbid) fun.

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Zilnad
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Zilnad » Thu Feb 25, 2021 5:18 pm

Does anyone else run imaginary conversations through their head when they're worrying about stuff? I've been unable to escape my brain today and have been having imaginary arguments with my boss all day and now I'm bloody exhausted.

But now work is done I can finally shut it out.

I'm not actually hearing things though, in case that's what it sounds like! I just imagine what they would say and how I would respond back and forth.

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Qikz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Thu Feb 25, 2021 5:19 pm

Zilnad wrote:Does anyone else run imaginary conversations through their head when they're worrying about stuff? I've been unable to escape my brain today and have been having imaginary arguments with my boss all day and now I'm bloody exhausted.

But now work is done I can finally shut it out.

I'm not actually hearing things though, in case that's what it sounds like! I just imagine what they would say and how I would respond back and forth.


Yeah I run through a lot in my head and often find situations that would make me anxious playing over and over in my head - it especially happens if I'm worried about something, all of the worst possible situations will play in my head which makes me even more worried.

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Zilnad
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Zilnad » Thu Feb 25, 2021 5:21 pm

That's the effect it's had on me today. At first it was making me feel better but after a day of it, I just feel drained and much more worried about things than I otherwise would have been. Going to stick a game on now and reset myself.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Fri Feb 26, 2021 12:53 pm

Yes, I do that all the time, in the past, present and future. I'm unsure if it's a useful skill or not...

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Zilnad
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Zilnad » Fri Feb 26, 2021 1:16 pm

I think it's a really sharp, double edged sword. The rewards can be great when used correctly but the damage can be devastating.

Amazing what a difference a bit of sun can do for the mind. Spent my lunch break mowing the lawn and that hour in the sun was so uplifting.

Gotta watch out for skin cancer though.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Fri Feb 26, 2021 2:56 pm

I burnt 37 calories today on Wii Fit.

Tbh 12 minutes of light exercise felt pretty good.

I'm also happy the sun is out and it's my birthday soon which tends to mark the turn of spring. The world is still fairly miserable but at least there's that.

I realise how British this is.

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McCoughlan
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by McCoughlan » Sat Mar 06, 2021 2:02 pm

Started 10mg escitalpro this week (had Lexapro a long time ago but was such a nomad it was impossible to keep up with prescription). Damnnn it's making me tired

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Qikz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Thu Mar 11, 2021 11:15 am

So I don't know if this is the right place for this but it's sending my anxiety through the roof - recently I caught feelings for a Japanese guy I met online about 3 weeks ago and things were going pretty well, it looked like we were going to be in an online relationship and the time I was spending with them made me really happy - but where I had 0 experience in any kind of relationship I was hanging about with them far too much and I guess I was smothering them. We had a semi argument on Monday with them saying that something needed to change because they were starting to hate me and they needed some space.

I've not heard anything back from them since then and the way it ended they left me with a message that could be taken 1 of 5 different ways and it's not even a language barrier thing because I asked one of my Japanese friends about it and they said they had no idea either. It's making me anxious because I genuinely felt happy with them and I don't want it to end, but it never really made it to the official relationship status thing, but it was kinda unofficial so it was kinda a thing. I openly told them about how I felt about them on Saturday and they said they felt similarly but they were not quite on the same level yet so couldn't answer my feelings and I'm worried I've completely strawberry floated it up.

I've stopped talking to them because I know they want space and I want to wait until they talk to me, but what if they never talk to me again? I've asked so many different people for advice and nobody seems to know how to deal with this situation. Some people are saying I should just ask about what my position is because no good comes from waiting, but what if I ask and that annoys them even more as they wanted space. strawberry float, why the hell did I catch feelings for someone online. It hurts so much right now and it's sent my IBS into overdrive as well with the anxiety. I feel like I've been repeatedly gutpunched.

The other thing I don't quite understand is I've never felt like this with anyone before IRL or Online and to make it even harder for me to understand the way I feel right now might mean I'm bi and I never knew which makes this whole experience even harder on my brain. I don't necessarily care if I'm bi, but I've never felt this way about a guy in real life or anyone so I don't really know how to process everything and I'm struggling.

Last edited by Qikz on Thu Mar 11, 2021 11:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Skarjo
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Skarjo » Thu Mar 11, 2021 11:21 am

Dude, I know you said 'person' at the start but you really should have lead with 'so I think I might be Bi'.

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Qikz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Thu Mar 11, 2021 11:27 am

Skarjo wrote:Dude, I know you said 'person' at the start but you really should have lead with 'so I think I might be Bi'.


I changed my mind whether I should say it or not half way through and I didn't go back and fix it. :fp:

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Corazon de Leon
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Corazon de Leon » Thu Mar 11, 2021 11:38 am

All you can do is give the guy the space he's asked for and hope that he comes back and realises he feels the same way. Sending more messages or openly obsessing over him isn't going to force the connection to go both ways. It's a horrible, sticky wicket that you're in and I'm sorry about that - all the best mate.

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Oblomov Boblomov
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Oblomov Boblomov » Thu Mar 11, 2021 11:40 am

If it were me, for now I would leave it until he got back in touch.

If it drags on for another two weeks or so without hearing anything you might then want to think about contacting him again with the intention to firstly check that he's okay, then explain that you need to have a conversation about your relationship so that you can come out with a clear understanding of what's going on. That might not be possible depending on his state of mind, uncertainty around sexuality, other circumstances etc but I think it would help to aim for that (if it gets to that point).

There could be cultural considerations I don't understand sufficiently to take into account that make this poor advice, but that's my take based on what you've written so far.

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Qikz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Thu Mar 11, 2021 11:59 am

I think I'm going to leave it for a while, stop obsessing over something coming back. My step brother just gave me some advice of for now I should just act as if it's over and then if he does contact me back then I can be happy again, but if I cling to the hope I've got all that's going to happen is when I eventually give up the pain is going to hurt all over again. God this sucks, I went this long without ever feeling anything like that with anyone and then all of a sudden caught feelings for a guy when I thought I was straight (although given it was just an online thing and based entirely on discord/in vr I guess I can't even be sure if I am bi or not!). Life really throws curveballs at you.

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Karl_
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Karl_ » Thu Mar 11, 2021 12:14 pm

I think the advice above on space is good, Qikz, and that you're doing the right thing now. It sounds to me like you didn't do anything wrong, but your feelings are stronger than his are. The risk is that by being very enthusiastic about him you've inadvertently come across as "needy" or "controlling", so you need to demonstrate you're not those things. Hopefully he'll miss you and let you know soon - if you don't hear anything then it's probably not going to happen, though you could follow up in a couple weeks to get a final answer if you wanted to.

When it comes to the question of if you're bi - well, a guy falling in love with a guy is pretty bi. But labels are for you, not for anyone else. It's something you might be discovering about yourself - you don't have to officially decide it and declare it, there's no deadline, you can just keep an open mind and go with the flow. For what it's worth, a lot of bi people find that once it "clicks" that they're able to see the same gender in a sexual / romantic way, they suddenly notice a lot of attractive people they had been kind of filtering out before. So maybe be open to having that experience, but equally, don't pressure yourself or worry about it.


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