Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Feeling disappointed now.

Had a triage assessment with the NHS this afternoon and they've just told me to self-refer to a company called VitaMinds to discuss CBT.

Googled them and they have 1.7/5 stars with some truly depressing reviews describing year long wait times, uninterested staff, early discharges, etc.

Tried Bupa to see if my work policy would cover it but that looks like a no go as my conditions will certainly be classed as pre-existing and dating before the policy was opened.

So I suppose my only option now is to contact this VitaMinds tomorrow but I really have been put off by what I've seen about them online.

Might be harder to get help than I first thought. Difficult because you finally feel strong enough to accept you need help and then the hurdles start coming.

I know a lot if people don't but is there any chance you have the money to see some privately?

I'm sorry man. That's strawberry floating gooseberry fool. The wait times are insane but you should be seen eventually.

I went through the NHS three times, 1. TalkPlus psyhotherapy but didn't even know what it was, ending up resigning from one of my jobs and they were like, yup, non-depressed (but still on SSRIs lol - it's partly genetic).
2. never got past triage and was told I can't have PTSD because there's "no trauma" (what ) and signposted to voluntary stuff that helped me with 1 or 2 practical tasks (applying for funding) then ran out of resources, also around the same time I sat in front of an NHS psychologist and was told there's basically no money when I was supposed to start.
3. online CBT during Covid which helped somewhat with principles but monthly phone call with a psychiatric nurse to check in.

I also learnt to meditate somewhere between 1 and 3. With Headspace. Actually changing your brain chemistry/neurobehavioural make-up is the only reliable and consistent change you can get. This takes work. It's impossible overnight. Not giving up is - eventually, somehow or another, a *requirement*. You can stumble along the way but you must eventually succeed - in the UK I've had to accept this involves fighting for your wellbeing.

From time to time I would see NHS lead practitioner / senior consultant psychiatrist assigned to me that's more senior, and he would say if gooseberry fool like this happens write directly to me and they'll make it a priority. I'm discharged from him at the moment and in the ASC system and have to find my own support for autism etc. It's all self-led now and in some cases paid myself (but I do get some government help - PIP).

Absolutely nothing is joined up.

What's important is getting on the system, you can go back to your GP but DO self-refer and DO get on that waiting list.

Whether it's time or money it's important to see it as an investment in the self, I feel. Like actually dedicate time to it. Time or money, energy expended, kind of the same.

Rest is meds/self work and eventually private person centred counselling specially aware to autism etc. Which I ended up getting some small financial help from family for (that was then cut off because my dad basically wanted results presumably to "fix" me and didn't care about the process). And believe me that was the HARDEST thing. Our relationship is AWFUL and he did most of the damage in the first place. I was pushing that massive rock up a hill the hole time and then when it came tumbling down (I knew it would happen) I had to change direction.

And a bit of counselling at uni in the student services, that was my first experience after declining meds the first time as a teenager.

Part of the thing with MH issues is that they are the long term consequence of short term fixes, whatever the trauma is, however horrible that is. Addressing them requires persistence. It's gooseberry fool but I can't lie that isn't the case.

You could also try BetterHelp online, it does cost something but it's flexible and when my partner did it I don't think it was a lot. She ended up realising she wanted to leave so, er, well that was something and developing a private relationship with my counsellor meant we could switch to couples counselling to help with that.

The NHS referrals should generally be free but the wait time is 1-2 years. Maybe 6 months is a "good" wait time.

My longest wait list is 14 years due to various fuck-ups and that's for my neurology (ADHD and autism) not my mental health. Again, long term consequences to short term fixes/neglect/lack of awareness. However you CAN be empowered to do some of the work, even on your own - self help is available.

Part of it is building relationships and navigating a hugely complicated and pretty awful system and pushing back, self-referring. I had to see counselling as an investment in myself and honestly I've since spent thousands on various resources, however that will feed back into my quality of life where I should be earning 10x or more that per year at a bare minimum. My family GP (last time I saw him before he retired) said the same thing, "consider it an investment". He's right. That's the NHS sat right there saying, "Our system is gooseberry fool, you need to invest in this to get better". He was right. And I have. Yes it took years but I am better than I was in a broad range of situations going back basically my whole life and I still have work to do.

Also, remember for online reviews people are often only there to complain and vent about their problems, nobody posting reviews for a clinic is going to have much positive to say about their experience with their condition either, and it can only be a very small % of people who go to google with that rather than the clinic or the therapist, which achieves exactly nothing constructive other than to vent. Please think about that.

My local pharmacist for example has 2.5 stars or something but look at pharmacists and they're all the same. They're complaining about the system, the NHS, not necessarily any kind of therapy. And they're probably doing that to make themselves feel better for about 5 minutes while actually harming anyone else's chances by putting them off therapy.

Nobody thinks the NHS is perfect, because it isn't. So that's True But Useless information. What can you do with that? It's a cognitive bias. Even if it's true it doesn't help anything but yeah you may have better luck with private options, it's hard to say (I guess I did).

strawberry float this gooseberry fool, just strawberry float it.

Referring myself via the VitaMinds chat bot:

*After going into detail of my symptoms, to then be informed of a 100 character limit*
"I think I have C-PTSD"
"Awesome!"

When asked to describe my relationship issues, I tried "Abusive Father", "Past Trauma", "Alcoholic Father" and got stuck in an endless loop of it thinking I was in immediate danger.

Then it asked about whether I'd been prescribed past medication and it hasn't loaded a text box for me to provide a response.

So I've wasted half an hour for it to just die completely.

It also came out with absolute gooseberry fool like "Don't give up! We're almost there, you can do this!"

Complete over-abundance of emojis as well.

If this is what they think it's an acceptable referral I don't even want to consider what their actual treatments are like.

Putting the whole thing to bed for now as I'm drained. Will reconvene at a later date.

Best scenario would be for my father to commit a murder/suicide with my mum and then I can use the inheritance to get private therapy.

GG will read your post later when I'm feeling better. I'm not ignoring you dude

I'm really sorry to hear that Zilnad, that stuff strawberry floats me up so much. I'm very lucky that my partner will do a lot of that stuff for me when I feel like I can't as it is so draining.

I'm sorry man. Putting a chat bot in front of something like this is an embarrassment. I'm no sure what to say right now.

Are there any other emails, numbers, contact forms? If you go back to the GP are there any other organisations they can signpost to that will take referrals (self-referred or directly from the GP). Also you can ask your GP to write a letter of referral for you, as they can essentially be an advocate. They'll always say self refer because they think it's quicker and it saves time but it can lead to holes like this.

Also, often if you self-refer the doctor will release info on whatever you have discussed with your permission via opt-in forms, medical history etc and they can also refer at the same time as you do as a 1-2 sort of two hit strategy.

Zilent Night wrote:GG will read your post later when I'm feeling better. I'm not ignoring you dude

No worries, some of what I say is a little frank these days because I've been there but the nexus of what I'm saying is don't give up, I hate to say it, but that's what they want. Not the therapists, but the system. It's vetting out and there's a collateral damage for that.

They know they're underfunded and waiting to see thousands of people so hey, we've got this great chatbot that will improve your operational efficiency by 1000%! They think that helps people get seen who need to get seen but well... Do they even try using it themselves. Haha no.

Zilent Night wrote:strawberry float this gooseberry fool, just strawberry float it.

Referring myself via the VitaMinds chat bot:

*After going into detail of my symptoms, to then be informed of a 100 character limit*
"I think I have C-PTSD"
"Awesome!"

When asked to describe my relationship issues, I tried "Abusive Father", "Past Trauma", "Alcoholic Father" and got stuck in an endless loop of it thinking I was in immediate danger.

Then it asked about whether I'd been prescribed past medication and it hasn't loaded a text box for me to provide a response.

So I've wasted half an hour for it to just die completely.

It also came out with absolute gooseberry fool like "Don't give up! We're almost there, you can do this!"

Complete over-abundance of emojis as well.

If this is what they think it's an acceptable referral I don't even want to consider what their actual treatments are like.

Putting the whole thing to bed for now as I'm drained. Will reconvene at a later date.

Best scenario would be for my father to commit a murder/suicide with my mum and then I can use the inheritance to get private therapy.

I know about feeling drained,, I can very much only take so much in a day myself. Keep up with it though, I kept getting sent to normal therapists Who said they couldn't help me before eventually getting put in contact with a trauma therapist, it was a massive run around that added to my stress but it was worth it in the long run.

I kind of wish I'd trained to be a therapist myself, I did training to be a mentor for mentally ill kids but never got the training to go from mentor to therapist. My older brother was a mental health nurse for years then a therapist, then had his own private CBT business. I always had issues with going full in doing anything my brother's had done though. One thing I do know though is getting access to mental healthcare is far harder than it should be.

Thanks guys, I will read all of your messages thoroughly over the next few days. I just need to recharge my batteries, so to speak.

Can very much feel the oncoming spiral after recent events. Genuinely think I might be at a point in my life where I have to tell my parents they are no longer going to be a part of it and that they are cut off.

But I certainly won't be doing anything drastic and certainly not while I feel ill.

There's also the very real fear that my father will come round in the night and shoot me and my family dead. It's turning my stomach.

I have contacted the firearm licensing team with the local police but I really doubt I have enough information or evidence to get them to carry out a reassessment on him.

Despite the referral bot crashing, I've just had a telephone appointment come through for Monday morning with the Vita people so at least I can see how that goes.

I know I don't have to but I feel compelled to apologise for my little meltdown earlier.

Not at all mate. These systems are crap.

Really crap. What's key is you reset course, didn't waste the pain, and tried an alternative rather than justifying it just being crap as "it's crap so gooseberry fool oh well just gonna stay crap". BIG difference and of the biggest mindset shifts you can make.

You've got this. Really sorry to hear about the armed dad stuff. Never had to deal with weapons in my life, bloody hell.

Zilent Night wrote:Despite the referral bot crashing, I've just had a telephone appointment come through for Monday morning with the Vita people so at least I can see how that goes.

I know I don't have to but I feel compelled to apologise for my little meltdown earlier.

We all have meltdowns from time to time don't worry about it.

I am really glad you have an appointment.

If you ever need to chat my inbox is always open

I can recommend CBT, also I was referred to an mental health service that has had terrible reviews, but I met a great therapist and it really helped me.

Asking for help and being proactive is the best thing you can do, you're taking back control and it will lead to getting the right support.

Rocsteady wrote:I know a lot if people don't but is there any chance you have the money to see some privately?

I've actually contacted a private therapist today so hoping to arrange a free consultation call to see what they can offer. Based on their website, it looks like it could range between £160-£240 a month dependent on individuals needs.

Had a call with the VitaMinds Talking Therapy team today and they can't do anything for me. Recommended I try another counselling service that they'd email me the contact details for but I'm still awaiting that email.

Zilnad wrote:

Rocsteady wrote:I know a lot if people don't but is there any chance you have the money to see some privately?

I've actually contacted a private therapist today so hoping to arrange a free consultation call to see what they can offer. Based on their website, it looks like it could range between £160-£240 a month dependent on individuals needs.

Had a call with the VitaMinds Talking Therapy team today and they can't do anything for me. Recommended I try another counselling service that they'd email me the contact details for but I'm still awaiting that email.

Keep pushing and fighting for all the help you can get be it free or paid. I am sure your hard work will pay off in the long run.

If CBT doesn't work for you, remember you can always ask for a different type of therapy. I'm currently in talking therapy myself and it has done so much for me. CBT seems to be the first port of call for therapy services (and didn't work for me personally) but there are always different types of therapy you can try. I hope you can find somewhere that'll help you soon.

Dya know what? I’m feeling the lowest I’ve felt for years.

Works hard.
Life’s hard.
I’m all out hobbies.
Friends have disappeared.
I’m tired.
Sad.
Quietly done for now.

It’s most probably down to the weather and month, but it’s annoying it’s come for me again.

It’ll go.

Songwriter wrote:Dya know what? I’m feeling the lowest I’ve felt for years.

Works hard.
Life’s hard.
I’m all out hobbies.
Friends have disappeared.
I’m tired.
Sad.
Quietly done for now.

It’s most probably down to the weather and month, but it’s annoying it’s come for me again.

It’ll go.

Aye mate. Just hang on in there. February is always tough for me and then things should start looking up. A bit.

Got a free introductory call with a private therapist on Friday. She then charges £50 a session which I'm assuming is fairly standard. Sounds right in my head anyway.

Don't really want to spend the cash but I'm lucky enough to be able to afford it and some things are more important than money I guess. Just hope she's good.