Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

If someone feels guilty it's most often nobody else's fault, they may just not want to accept their own feelings. I would try not to not get hung up wth it. Generally if you allow people to constantly get away with a generally lack of cordiality and friendly behaviour then they will lay into you when they perhaps realise all those time they have been crap. I've met many people who should sooner blame EVERYONE for their own behaviour than simply accept even once instance of bad manners and they tend to be people who constantly get away with similar things or hate anything not going their own way with zero repercussions. I would assume it is likely the opposite and it's her that wants a one-way friendship. What she is lookin for is "no rules" and "nobody hurt" type freindship where she doens't have to put in the effort, and that is not fair. Some people seem like friends they are getting what they want, including warm fuzzies for listening to you etc and then flip completely when they fail to actually do the practical things like show up to commitments and apologise when they bail on them I.e. Basic manners. Someone can be friendly while still having terrible manners and a victim complex when they break those simple courtesies. They also tend not to speak the truth of how they feel because they worry about the consequences of expressing it.

I try to stay away from "no it's your fault for feeling hurt" type relationships and I recommend doing the same.

Thanks for your responses.

I’m not sure what to do, I think I’m going to sit on this for a few days and see. I messaged another friend who I’ve been messaging a lot and asked him if he’d felt burdened by my constant venting.

You know what he said, ‘no he is just sad when I am sad’ pathetic as it sounds it almost had me out in tears.

My friend here is a part of my life whether I like it or not, and I can’t be horrible to her or cut it out because it’s shooting my self in my foot to spite my face or whatever the hell the phrase is.

I’ll give it a few days, and if I still feel gooseberry fool I will talk to her in person and not via text message about how it made me feel and how her flaking on people is unreasonable and the reason she feels guilty is because it’s a selfish thing to do.

OK. Just be prepared for her to not take any responsibility and blame you for everything.

Friends don't do what you posted about.

That was gooseberry fool of her, you deserve better. I wouldn't take that tbh

I’ve written out an empty email. I won’t send it but I think it some up my thoughts and feelings. I’ll spoiler it, sorry I just need somewhere to post it.

Curls wrote:I’ve written out an empty email. I won’t send it but I think it some up my thoughts and feelings. I’ll spoiler it, sorry I just need somewhere to post it.

A,

I think there is more to be said about this situation.

Firstly though, I'd like to thank you for being a good friend, you have helped me talk over my issues a lot and I'd have been lost at times without you.

However, the more I think about what you said. The more I don't actually feel I've been out of order.

If you've felt guilty about not spending time with me, there is a reason for that. It's because you have cancelled on me on multiple occasions in the past, normally for the simplest of excuses like a knap. With my confidence already in tatters from others, this lowers it even more, 'how is a knap more important than meeting up for lunch,' my mind screams at me.

Can you blame me for not checking in a few times and making sure you were still committed to doing something after being let down in the past?

Other than work commitments, can you think of an occasion where I've said to you I'd do something and then bailed on you?

I actually feel like I have had huge amounts of patience and never kicked off about it. Sure I've made the odd backhanded joke or comment, or checked a few times to see if you were commited on other occasions, but can you blame me, I just never know if you'll actually turn up for something.

Making plans with people and cancelling on them is not really acceptable behaviour and only something that's become the norm in the modern age, if this was twenty years ago, the second you don't show up or bail on people, they wouldn't have time for that and you wouldn't have so many second chances.

I understand you're a free spirit and have a lot on and want to live your life to the fullest. I understand schedules change and life gets in the way, but I don't understand why you've felt i am to blame for your feeling guilty. I especially don't understand why you didn't say these feelings to me rather than just ignoring the issue until you cancel last minute.

I also know you don't like talking to people about their issues, as you've expressed that to me before. However you also expressed that we were friends and friends can talk to one another. I have been unwell and I have obsessed over silly things, I'm working on that and I will try to be better and more understanding. I do feel like I still have time to talk to you as well about your things, your family, your boyfriend, your anxietys etc, it pains me to think you can't talk to me about these things.

Look I have come to realise a lot about myself and other people in this past year. I realise I am flawed in many ways, but I have also realised I am the sort of person who accepts my flaws and will either try to work on them, or at least understand them.

If you want to avoid someone because they make you feel guilty, I can guarantee you you will have this issue again in the future, someone who feels guilty usually feels guilty for something they have done, not what someone else has done.

However ,a friend takes on board what other friends say. I have recently learnt the term 'gaslighter' and it perfectly describes what *insert evil other friend here* was doing to me.

If I for one second am doing the same thing to you, I don't deserve your friendship, however, I don't believe I am, if you believe that I am doing this, and you genuinely believe this, then I'd ask of you that you give me the hard facts of the times I've been manipulative and I will work on it.

So here's the deal, I will work on a few things. I will cut down on complaining about the same issues we've spoke over many times. I will try not to use you to lean on when I'm down. I will continue to do my CBT and see about getting more help if I feel I need it once I've finished the course.

Things you should consider,

Friendship isn't something you can dip in and out of. You have to commit time and energy to friends, otherwise they become distant or you lose them.

Don't let something build up in your head if it's bothering you, especially if it's a textmessage. I still have absolutely no clue of when or how I made you feel guilty, if you'd flagged something at the time, we could have spoke about it there and then.
A friendship shouldn't be a chore, and if it's a chore to you, then it's pointless.

When you had concussion although you were stuck in your room I was always happy to come and see you. if you are not happy to spend time with me and I make you feel miserable, then I guess it's your perogative to just do your own thing because friends shouldn’t make one another miserable.

Finally, please remember you do have a friend here if you're feeling low and down. I understand you have a stressful job and your own concerns and feelings too. I vent too much to you, you don't vent enough to me, maybe we can make our chats less one sided?

Send that and see what happens, but cut out the stuff about not "using" them when you're down. That's what friends do for each other. If she's complaining about having to put in the effort of being supportive then this is a one way and dare I say abusive friendship. It seems like you are her bottom of the barrel friend who can be dumped for any better opportunity and/or that she doesn't want to put any effort into at all to maintain knowing you'll stick around no matter what for when it suits her.

I am getting the mega suicide feels atm

usually I can abate it by distracting myself by going out or talking to people or something but for the first time Im getting the vibes now constantly, even when around people

if I was in america I would have done the gun in mouth dance already, its literally only because I dont have a reliable and convenient method now without causing problems for other people that I havent done anything

bit of a hassle tbh

False wrote:I am getting the mega suicide feels atm

usually I can abate it by distracting myself by going out or talking to people or something but for the first time Im getting the vibes now constantly, even when around people

if I was in america I would have done the gun in mouth dance already, its literally only because I dont have a reliable and convenient method now without causing problems for other people that I havent done anything

bit of a hassle tbh

Hang in there mate, anything at all we can do to help, then let us know? Use us! Where do you live, are there any members near by who can pop round for a cuppa or something?

strawberry floating crippling anxiety dealing with new FCA regs being used by the banks to grind money back out of the poorest people in society, I was rocking and facepalming on the phone as it's the only way to contact them (which is illegal if you are communication disabled btw) and now I stink as well, brill

strawberry floating crippling anxiety dealing with new FCA regs being used by the banks to grind money back out of the poorest people in society, I was rocking and facepalming on the phone as it's the only way to contact them (which is illegal if you are communication disabled btw) and now I stink as well, brill

Curls wrote:Hang in there mate, anything at all we can do to help, then let us know? Use us! Where do you live, are there any members near by who can pop round for a cuppa or something?

ty honestly dont really know

I had to speak to my brain nurse yesterday and she said she wants me to go to hospital but will let me stay out subject to review but I have to do daily welfare checks

Just remembered waking up after I was banging my head against the wall as well. It took me all evening to feel better and went to bed early for me (by which I mean 12am as I had to stay up a bit researching my gecko having mites).

I sometimes wish I could video conference with before and after videos for these things so they can see how distressing it actually is for a not perfectly healthy normal person to have these conversations but obviously it doesn't matter.

I've asked repeatedly for these things to be done over writing or email, which of course is possible, no written letters and phone conversations are NOT secure means of communication, the technology is there to have a secure online chat session, and as I am effectively deaf not hearing half the things or remembering anything they should facilitate that. I'm meant to be handled by a special team for disabilities but this never happens, the supposedly get in touch and they never do. I've been with this bank for 20 strawberry floating years with no other accounts ever which is like mega extreme loyalty and they say they will have to close the account if I don't up payments by 300%, and I've explained I can't pay my basic costs of living. I have an almost perfect credit history and a very good credit score.

An extra £360 a year to find now, doesn't sound like much but it makes massive difference actually. Up from £10 to £40 per month because FCA regs designed to help people, yeah thanks for that. How about just freeze or zero the interest for poor people AND allow a reasonable monthly recovery amount per month when they can't even pay their rent for strawberry float's sake.

I’ve been detained for a mental health assessment and maybe taken to hospital gotta wait and see

Feels bad man

Sorry to hear that man, anything triggered it? Who dobbed you in to the men in white jackets?

They probably were concerned for your wellbeing. I hope they find out what they need and you get the right treatment, at least it's not the 50s anymore.

I have a friend who went to hospital, they are bipolar but they were out after a few months and sorted out with a flat.

I had a choice, never been banged to rights before so to speak, and turned out OK. My mum was bloody useless to be honest, it was my aunt that stopped me repeating mantras because I was terrified.

Just been whining about money and now I'm looking for an office space one day a week, as I have left the house like twice a month recently, I am turning into a caveman with a beard and losing all social skills, managed to find an excellent deal though, it will be paid by my birthday gift money... Yay.

Corazon de Leon

False wrote:I’ve been detained for a mental health assessment and maybe taken to hospital gotta wait and see

Feels bad man

Jesus False, let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. I’m gutted to see this happening to you.

My first thought is will you get Internet? What if you can't GRcade, that would be awful.

(I'm kind of serious.)

Falsey - If you get a chance PM me your number and I'll give you a bell if you need it - Just in case you don't get internet in there or whatever.

They are taking me to supported accommodation for a few days

So what has happened then, did someone report you in some way that triggered this?

Hope everything works out okay.

We're all here if you need us false. I hope you'll be okay.

Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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