GRcade

So can I.

It's upsetting that during break ups the man is often seen as the one at fault. As a result people don't usually reach out to you or consider your side of things so you're just left with your thoughts.

I've been incredibly civil to my ex, let her keep the cat I paid £800 for, transferred her half of the deposit as soon as I got it, did things daily for her after we had agreed to break up.

And now she ignores me. It's quite funny really, she said if I kept the cat she'd never talk to me again, and yet here I am, having done what she wanted (give her the cat) and her still not talking to me.

And for the record the only thing I messaged her about other than the flat was asking if she could send me a picture of the cat because I miss him, and she wouldn't even do that tiny thing for me. It sucks.

Hope you're doing okay False, your room actually sounds amazing though.

thanks dudes

I spoke to my work mental health services that are supported by my bupa insurance and they instantly gave me a referral for psychiatry

also just now i got a call from my gp because the woman I spoke to for the assessment on the phone was so concerned she called up to get me in because I havent been able to get an appointment

little gooseberry fool like that really makes a strawberry floating difference

Good that you're talking to someone rather than attempting to tackle things on your own, Falsey. Keep moving forward buddy.

In a bad headspace currently, mostly because of the weight of expectation I've created for myself around the book.

Nearly everyone tells me 'you must be so excited!', which doesn't help. We've probably sold under 200 copies and the media cycle around it is already over. Launching in the same month as Atwood hasn't helped, but it feels like a real disappointment to have received basically no buzz or PR.

I worked for years on the project, and your future opportunities as an author depend a lot on debut performance. Very cutthroat world.

Very low and self-indulgently sad.

Not to undermine anyone else's current state of mind, but for the first time in ages I'm truly happy with most aspects of my life.

Other than a health scare the other day my anxiety is in check and I'm finding it easier to brush aside the dark thoughts. I mean, they're always there, lingering in the background, but I know that's all they are. Finishing my art studio, picking up my guitar again, getting back into listening to my music regularly, changing my shift pattern at work, even doing the decorating has all helped me to get back on track.

Yep, all in all feeling pretty good.

Gemini73 wrote:Not to undermine anyone else's current state of mind, but for the first time in ages I'm truly happy with most aspects of my life.

Really glad to hear this mate!

Clarkman wrote:In a bad headspace currently, mostly because of the weight of expectation I've created for myself around the book.
Nearly everyone tells me 'you must be so excited!', which doesn't help. We've probably sold under 200 copies and the media cycle around it is already over. Launching in the same month as Atwood hasn't helped, but it feels like a real disappointment to have received basically no buzz or PR.
I worked for years on the project, and your future opportunities as an author depend a lot on debut performance. Very cutthroat world.
Very low and self-indulgently sad.

Really not glad to hear this. I can get on board to this to an extent (through journal article publication and book chapter publication, although the latter isn't officially published yet), but to even get to the stage you have reached is so much further than the vast majority of aspiring authors get to. Re: PR, are you using all your social media outlets to the max?

Re: the "you must be so excited!" thing - that's usually what people just feel the "correct" response is to something like a book publication, because they don't have the experiences to make further comment or to empathise with your true likely emotions on the subject. Don't let this get to you - it's purely the standard, inexperienced reply.

You've done fantastically well to get to this stage, and I have no doubt the sales will continue and that number will rise. Snowball effect etc. The more people who read it, the more people hear about it etc.

Mini E wrote:

Gemini73 wrote:Not to undermine anyone else's current state of mind, but for the first time in ages I'm truly happy with most aspects of my life.

Really glad to hear this mate!

Cheers!

It's like I've thrown off this dark cloud and begun engaging life again, albeit with brighter outlook. It's not perfect by any means and the struggle remains, but the changes I've made on a personal level have certainly helped. If I feel the dark thoughts rear their ugly head doing something as simple as picking up my guitar and thrashing out keeps said thoughts at bay. I've written a lot of doom metal riffs of recent! But I always end up feeling good, like "yeah man, that's a cool riff!".

Sleeping better too.

Life's a strawberry floatin joke man kek

A friend of mine is suffering from depression after his parents' annulment. Lately, he is posting some cryptic messages on social media talking about how he wants everything to end. He used to be a happy go lucky person but now it's different.

This thread is pretty cool (alright there is some friction but on the whole its helping people get things out.
I have never been able to express my feelings, to anyone. It is easier for me to suppress my demons and not show weakness than talk problems through.
My dad died 2 months ago and Ive just supported all my family, especially my mum, since then.
Im not sure Ive had a chance to grieve properly but I wont know until it hits me.
Ive just highlighted this message with the intention of deleting it and not posting, but Ive got to post something.

That sounds tough as strawberry float man, thankfully not had to go through anything similar yet.

Mommy wrote:This thread is pretty cool (alright there is some friction but on the whole its helping people get things out.
I have never been able to express my feelings, to anyone. It is easier for me to suppress my demons and not show weakness than talk problems through.
My dad died 2 months ago and Ive just supported all my family, especially my mum, since then.
Im not sure Ive had a chance to grieve properly but I wont know until it hits me.
Ive just highlighted this message with the intention of deleting it and not posting, but Ive got to post something.

On here you can always post. Always remember that. It’s sometimes the hardest part to type this stuff out and hit send, but it genuinely helps and people here are not looking to judge you but only lend an ear , a message or a thought.

Mommy wrote:...My dad died 2 months ago and Ive just supported all my family, especially my mum, since then... Ive just highlighted this message with the intention of deleting it and not posting, but Ive got to post something.

Hey, I'm sorry to hear that, man. I can only imagine how tough things must be at the moment and I absolutely understand the need to post as a means of letting the pain out. Hope that you can get through it.

Thanks guys. Im finding it confusing. I havent really thought that much about dad, im more focused on mum, but before that I did most of the funeral arrangements, a nice distraction.
My wife is on the verge of kicking me out - what appears to me as focus on my mum, is appearing as rejection to her. Its having a big strain on our relationship but im a bit non-plussed by it all.
My kids havent once mentioned my dad dying to me. It all feels a bit weird.

Mommy wrote:Thanks guys. Im finding it confusing. I havent really thought that much about dad, im more focused on mum, but before that I did most of the funeral arrangements, a nice distraction.
My wife is on the verge of kicking me out - what appears to me as focus on my mum, is appearing as rejection to her. Its having a big strain on our relationship but im a bit non-plussed by it all.
My kids havent once mentioned my dad dying to me. It all feels a bit weird.

Has she actually said she's on the verge of kicking you out? That seems very discommpasionate, surely it's understandable that your focus is elsewhere at this point.

Rocsteady wrote:

Mommy wrote:Thanks guys. Im finding it confusing. I havent really thought that much about dad, im more focused on mum, but before that I did most of the funeral arrangements, a nice distraction.
My wife is on the verge of kicking me out - what appears to me as focus on my mum, is appearing as rejection to her. Its having a big strain on our relationship but im a bit non-plussed by it all.
My kids havent once mentioned my dad dying to me. It all feels a bit weird.

Has she actually said she's on the verge of kicking you out? That seems very discommpasionate, surely it's understandable that your focus is elsewhere at this point.

Yeah, youd have thought so but she is very much like that. She is a pretty needy one

Your wife - Maybe you need to sit down and have a chat with her? if not does she have a sister/brother or friend you can talk to and who can reach out to her a little.

I remember when my grandparents died as a teenager. It was odd, I remember being sad because they had died, but I didn't make the link that they were also my mum/dad's parent's, so I don't know myself if I made that link and asked if they were OK.

Kids are weird, they view parents differently to other human beings, and sometimes compassion can be lost.

I know my mum to this day still misses her mother madly, although I was 23 when she died, and was far more understanding. I helped do quite a few of the 'daily' routine visits when the grandmother was hospital-bound after her stroke to ease the pressure on my mum and her siblings.

I dont think its all her. A lot of it is me. I just want to walk away from the whole thing and start again.
Not easy with kids involved.

My advice? and it can be ignored.

Keep it amicable, try to look after yourself and your family and try to remember that pain is only a temporary thing. It will get better, maybe not for a while yet but your feelings change. It can often feel like you're trapped in a situation, and then one day you wake up with a different mindset and you suddenly feel like things are a bit better.

Give it time, wait for your feelings for your loss are eased and the grief to become a little less raw, wait until you have the patience again for your wife, and then when you start to feel a bit better in yourself have a good think about what you really want with your marriage and talk to her about it.

Thank you Curls.
Wise words, and much appreciated.