Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Gemini73
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Gemini73 » Mon Oct 14, 2019 5:42 pm

Sorry to read of your loss, Mommy. Such a shame your wife isn't supportive at what is clearly a very difficult time. People can be quite selfish, particularly at the most inappropriate of times. As others have said, reach out to someone who might talk to her if she's unwilling to listen to you herself.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by False » Fri Nov 01, 2019 12:52 pm

hello,

I have been diagnosed as bipolar and the nhs have been pretty good

I have to take an antipsychotic with my antidepressant to level me out which is a shame as I was getting pretty high but I am informed this is a bad thing so now Im just levelled out

explains a lot of my past thrillseeking behaviour

my ex has been fine and then psycho and then fine and then psycho so Im just dealing with that as best I can

I have to see a nurse once a week to make sure I dont kill or hurt myself and she seems nice, shes referring me on for a load of other life aid services too

Im doing all my old sexually perverted stuff again but this time much more interestingly with the new social net I have, lots of wild strawberry floated gooseberry fool going down which really helps to pass the time

still here, still bubbling along, still looking for something but I dont really know what

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Fri Nov 01, 2019 6:35 pm

Sorry if it's nosy but you have arrangements with the wife about sexual stuff yeah? Cos for me a relationship brought me a huge amount of stability I desperately needed.

Is the anti psychotic quetiapine? In low doses it helps "ensure" I actually sleep and don't go slowly mad without it but damn does if lock you down for a good 10 hours in my experience. I can't normally take it during the day or I'll just pass out at some point which is counterproductive. On the plus side I have only really had perhaps two anxiety attacks since taking it when I wasn't taking it as prescribed, one was really silly and I can't actually remember the other one. All in all over within 30 minutes or so which is good. I usually keep two in my wallet in case I feel something really bad coming on and I'm not coping in some some social situations or overloading environments. Honestly if I was working in an office I think I'd have to take twice as much. Actually, I did take it when I was doing some contract work but I got let go after 2 weeks for the usual bullshit reasons even though they knew my work was good. I can't focus in those environments no matter how hard I try.

I don't really get euphoric about much after long periods of depression either, as you say it can be as bad as a low because it can set you off on wild tangents and forget your basic needs like regular sleep, in my experience.

Oh I just remembered, it was when some goon at home base threatened to call the police and banned me because I asked for a return and refund on 3 small items under a tenner.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by False » Fri Nov 01, 2019 11:35 pm

what do you mean about arrangements with the wife? Im strawberry floating strangers again, sorry if that wasnt clear

I was taking something else but it was making me insanely shaky, I have restless legs anyway and it had me pacing and constantly tremoring so Im on quetiapine now instead, its back to the old zombie for the first 5 hours of the day thing that mirtazapines used to give me

I miss the euphoria tbh, at least that felt fun even if it wasnt useful

I was on a date tonight in the cinema and just spent the whole time thinking about my own mortality and then when I was driving home I nearly cried for no reason and then I dissociated, so Im not sure its working as intended just yet lol

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sat Nov 02, 2019 2:39 am

Oh, I missed the ex part. So I thought you were still together.

If quetiapine makes you feel drowsy during the day and its difficult to fight through it, try taking it all at night. It just pretty much guarantees I'll get 8-10 hours sleep. I stopped taking it during the day because it was just impossible to think properly and get anything done. Also by taking it consistently I built up my tolerance for it. Now it's possible for me to fight through it (which is bad as I take advantage of the side effect to go to sleep, I should be in bed now) in the evenings if I absolutely must because of some stupid crazy last minute job or my own procrastination or just because I want to keep playing a game or whatever.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by False » Sat Nov 02, 2019 11:10 am

yeah Im taking it at night but you get that proper sleep hangover, the one where you wake up and do something and then immediately fall asleep and forget you were ever up

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sat Nov 02, 2019 8:28 pm

Yeah it makes it way harder than it should be to get up and stay alert. But I'm OK with that as I can work midday into evening. I'd rather get the sleep I need than feel on edge and running on adrenaline randomly throughout the day. Over time that way I star to eventually feel like I haven't slept at all and my entire body starts to ache. Unfortunately like most pharmacology it's a balance of the good and bad. I've never tried propranolol or other beta blocker etc. but disassociation and general wandering off in my brain is not something I want to experience too often so I put up with it. That feeling that you're not connected to your hands or could just piss off anywhere mentally any minute and lose it is the strawberry floating worst. And with sleep deprivation, just stopping caring when days begin and end because you don't feel like you have any control over the energy available to you or how long you spend dwelling on this or that or daydreaming about weird gooseberry fool.

Mindfulness also helps, I think my brain has improved a bit for the better so maybe one day I won't depend on the meds to stay stable. But I don't exactly have the best faith in the world as my sensorium experiences it to keep me feeling safe and ready to take on whatever comes at me. And without so many highs from the peaks and troughs of depression I don't get inspired all that much to spontaneously pursue new ideas and make things. But when I am like that, generally if I'm low on the medicine, I'm not sleeping or there's been some big problem tipping me over I'll try doing lots of different things and finish none of them meaning that, I wasn't all that productive as a result.

I tend to slowly chip away at not crazy amount of goals these days which means that overall I'm more likely to achieve some of them.

I had a bad habit in the past of going a bit loco and furiously applying for things like jobs or tendering art projects and then backing out at the last minute, sometimes after I'd really gotten their interest because I suddenly realised how afraid I actually was of the risks and realities of going through with it, like having to travel 150 miles everyday or put this other thing on the backburner for some unknown amount of time. For example once I applied to a prestigious art school in Germany, got my references lined up and was all ready to ship my gooseberry fool over there in a crate and live and work in a combined studio/flat and my girlfriend just cried, I had completely forgotten what it actually meant upping sticks and going to some other world like that, what I would be leaving behind.

People who experience mania like that tend to have very similar experiences of getting super excited all of a sudden, like driving off into the sunset and ignoring/forgetting all the practicalities and logistics of life, which can obviously be a bit dangerous in the long term. It's hard to know when it's OK to go down the route and when it's time to sit down, eat lunch and watch TV and calm the strawberry float down. Been there so many times.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by False » Sat Nov 02, 2019 8:56 pm

Ive managed to bring myself off and live med free a few times these past couple of years but every incidence ends in my life falling apart, so I guess that means I need them

the dissociation feels like I just float up and out of my head, I obviously cant see myself from above but I definitely exist outside of my body but at the same time become more aware of what my senses are feeling? It sounds like it should be the opposite but it isnt, its an odd experience and I dont entirely hate it but it can be scary

the mania I agree on, you make all these mad plans or just go out and do mad gooseberry fool before you crash, or put yourself in positions where you then have to contact people and cancel once you realise you have to actually follow up. Most of my acting out is sexual for reasons I dont really know, so I can find myself in a lot of risky situations which can lead to a huge mood drop or increased mania

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Thu Nov 14, 2019 4:24 am

I have the dreaded all body aches and "nerves on fire" which has hit me hard and fast after a relatively successful period pushing myself out there on the London art scene after getting accepted by a large artist group with a lot of history, even getting shortlisted for an award. And it strawberry floating sucks. Barely fighting through the pain and the grim just to turn off the lights and gooseberry fool before fumbling off to bed at 3am.

If anyone tells you depression is all in your head, find the nearest brick and throw it at their cock or vagina or some other richly populated part of their nervous system that isn't emotionally brain dead, if they even have one. After all, there's plenty of evidence to suggest that the most intelligent people have some of the worst mental health problems, so they're probably retarded.

The brain, nervous system and even the gut are all connected. The struggle is real.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Fade » Fri Nov 15, 2019 6:33 pm

False wrote:Ive managed to bring myself off and live med free a few times these past couple of years but every incidence ends in my life falling apart, so I guess that means I need them

the dissociation feels like I just float up and out of my head, I obviously cant see myself from above but I definitely exist outside of my body but at the same time become more aware of what my senses are feeling? It sounds like it should be the opposite but it isnt, its an odd experience and I dont entirely hate it but it can be scary

the mania I agree on, you make all these mad plans or just go out and do mad gooseberry fool before you crash, or put yourself in positions where you then have to contact people and cancel once you realise you have to actually follow up. Most of my acting out is sexual for reasons I dont really know, so I can find myself in a lot of risky situations which can lead to a huge mood drop or increased mania

My ex used to dissociate a lot, it's quite scary and upsetting from an outsider's point of view. She just used to sit there and not listen or react to anything I said or did, just had to wait it out.

Is it like that for you as well? Wasn't sure if different people act differently when dissociating.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Mon Nov 18, 2019 4:38 pm

I'm still perfectly lucid, I just feel estranged from my body like, what the strawberry float are hands man, in this me, who am I really etc.

With depression you can also shut down to the extent of barely moving or speaking, so there's that too.

I had weird dreams today where I had to explain psychosis to members of my step family and dad, while in the midst of some kind of dystopian run down city party in a neo Amsterdam or something. These seem to happen a few times a year, where I get anxiety about going psychotic. It hasn't actually happened in about 8 years now, but that is such a mind strawberry float and my dreams are very lucid so it feels real. I mean, dreams are essentially natural psychosis, so psychosis inside psychosis, what the hell brain just stop.

Been pushing through meds just a little bit recently, playing games in the evening (which is good because it keeps my mind off things for a while) while having had a solid wall of depression for a week. After about 1am and half asleep I was convinced the frame rate had doubled in monster hunter and I had mind melded with the game. Similar thing with wind waker. Proper weird hypereal gooseberry fool.

This is why people ask if I do drugs. Find that pretty annoying tbh because it suggests to experience anything but 'normal' you must be a stoner.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by False » Mon Nov 18, 2019 6:54 pm

Green Gecko wrote:I'm still perfectly lucid, I just feel estranged from my body like, what the strawberry float are hands man, in this me, who am I really etc.


this, I feel like I float outside and above my body - its a physical sensation and I can feel myself exit through the top of my head

also I had a full on mental breakdown this weekend

found out my ex has been finding out who Ive been seeing, god knows how, and telling them Im all diseased and gooseberry fool

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Karl_ » Mon Nov 18, 2019 6:59 pm

False wrote:found out my ex has been finding out who Ive been seeing, god knows how, and telling them Im all diseased and gooseberry fool

This is awful mate, absolutely disgraceful behaviour on her part. I'm so sorry.

IMO you need to change your social media passwords [EDIT: and "track my phone" password if you have one?] in case she's spying that way, and cut out any mutual friends you don't 100% trust.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by christmasforever » Mon Nov 18, 2019 7:04 pm

One thing i’ve learnt as i’ve got older is that you really cannot trust anyone. People out there will try to use someone’s mental illness against them and it is why it is so difficult to talk to people about it.

I do feel that cutting people out of your life is the best way to move forward and focus on your goals.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by I Shot A Kid » Mon Nov 18, 2019 7:11 pm

gamerforever wrote:One thing i’ve learnt as i’ve got older is that you really cannot trust anyone.

That is a desperately cynical view to have and one you should strive to reconsider however possible, otherwise it will drive you down in future.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by christmasforever » Mon Nov 18, 2019 7:15 pm

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:
gamerforever wrote:One thing i’ve learnt as i’ve got older is that you really cannot trust anyone.

That is a desperately cynical view to have and one you should strive to reconsider however possible, otherwise it will drive you down in future.


I’ve always been taught it not to be true, but unfortunately it is pretty true. Yes, it may drive me down and i just hope i have the right people around me. I do believe that we attract the types of people into our life that mirror ourselves. Sometimes when you’re not in a good place, you make the wrong decisions and attract the wrong people. People are generally always going to look after them selves first and if they say they care, they generally don’t unless it’s your immediate family, wife etc.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Mon Nov 18, 2019 8:07 pm

I find more that I can trust people easily, but I care less if they turn against me. Turns out I was just wrong about them, and that's OK and pretty easy thing to do. I can focus my efforts on meeting better people, rather than worrying some person turned out to be a bit of a banana split later down the line.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rudolphin » Mon Nov 18, 2019 8:40 pm

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:
gamerforever wrote:One thing i’ve learnt as i’ve got older is that you really cannot trust anyone.

That is a desperately cynical view to have and one you should strive to reconsider however possible, otherwise it will drive you down in future.


Yeah, I feel this (gamerforever's comment) is an incredibly unhelpful thing to add to the thread.

And false, strawberry float me man that's terrible. I hope you've done as Karl suggested and got all your passwords changed pronto.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Mon Nov 18, 2019 10:18 pm

I suppose if you literally feel you can't trust anyone, even with a healthy dose of scepticism, it's almost impossible to get the help you need, and I can't see myself surviving this condition in that situation. Fortunately I've never so much had that problem as the opposite; I'm pretty vocal about my issues in the right circumstances and that can lead it to being a humdrum thing that is just normal all the time, meaning even people close to me don't take it particularly seriously. It is weird saying that though, as for years I got told to "cheer up" and stop complaining etc., mostly in my tweens and teenage years I didn't recognise or have any skills to manage depression and anxiety is something I've always just tried to deal with. If I didn't get out of bed I was just lazy or had problems with my attendance etc (nobody was actually reading my college reports, so it was all on me anyway to just get by with the sickness as best I could, which I did); there's no understanding it's physically debilitating doing even the most basic things around then. The best I could hope for is just my mother to yell at me; at least then I felt like I existed. At times, I actually wished that she would just to entertain the idea that she could help somehow. I didn't realise how much these things were holding me back until I hit rock bottom a few times, and I stopped making "effort" to simply tip-ex over the problems after failing over and over again and now try to meld life around whatever my needs are instead of what's normal. And yet I still feel selfish just typing that onto an internet forum nobody in a position to judge me reads.

In other news, arriving 10 days after the letter is dated via 2nd class UK Mail, yet requiring a response in just over a week, the department for work and pensions need to review my personal independence entitlement.. 6 months before it was already awarded until, or it "might be cancelled". To put it in perspective, that's £1,320 being reneged on. How is that anything other than prejudiced? I haven't been able to get even one reply from three different voluntary benefits advice organisations in a week, never mind filling it out without strawberry floating myself over by essentially writing "I'm OK sometimes" - and believe me that is how DWP will interpret even the most damning self-assessment (things like, "you have a girlfriend" and "you are educated to degree level, therefore there is no evidence you have difficulty with complex information" come to mind - and yeah, only it took me a year and a half longer than everyone else, which is 50% longer).

That isn't even mentioning that I claim PIP for a permanent brain developmental disorder, not depression or anxiety which are simply consequences of living with that anyway. I'll stop claiming it when it isn't 10X more difficult for me to do basic things like buy bread or use public transport, which it will be, forever.

The letter actually states not to provide any information that I have provided before, so filling it out along the lines of "Nothing has changed" is not exactly a great look. Hell, even I would try to get that rejected.

Of course, the benefits advisor I used originally doesn't exist anymore, as for some mysterious reason there are less and less people available to do this for free, and no money to pay them if they could be paid. Leaving me basically on my own. What a big strawberry floating surprise.

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Suicide And Extraordinary Mistakes
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Suicide And Extraordinary Mistakes » Mon Nov 18, 2019 11:25 pm

Green Gecko wrote:The letter actually states not to provide any information that I have provided before, so filling it out along the lines of "Nothing has changed" is not exactly a great look. Hell, even I would try to get that rejected.


thats part of the con. they just want to discourage you from describing your worst case scenarios so that you're nervous and equivocate about your lived experience, because that gives them the opportunity to pick holes in your story that you would otherwise deny them with the simple truth.

just repeat yourself in all the necessary detail each & every time, and if they find that "inconvenient", you've got the start of your case to appeal a decision against you, based on the inconvenience they're causing you on the strength of precisely what you told them and no more or less. scan or photograph your application before it disappears into the ether so you can perfectly recall & retell exactly what you wrote if it ever comes into dispute.

source: recently reapplied for PIP


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