GRcade

just play with it dude, make your space

these mummy strawberry floaters still might not invite you out to wine night or whatever but that’s no reason for you to not put some flowers on your desk or talk about your lush haul or wear a strawberry floating dress at the weekend if you want to

life is short, it’s a gooseberry fool a lot of the time, but don’t deny yourself to yourself man

here I am, blind leading blind, but mate if I have one piece of actual sage wisdom in my shot for brains head, it’s be your authentic self

and strawberry float those mummy strawberry floaters if they don’t wanna hang with you, I’ll hang with your lame ass and you can hand with mine

peace

also women get judged for what they wear

see: prudes, sluts, power dressers, povvos etc etc

don’t go too far down that red pill rabbit hole, societal norms suck ass for all of us in different flavours

Right but I mean stuff like wearing male style clothing is not going to turn heads as a woman.

And if a man does a "woman's" job it's seen as weak and 'beta' where as if a woman does a man's job it's empowering.

Not to mention the whole body positivity thing, women increasingly get told they're beautiful no matter what and if anyone says anything negative it's 'body shaming'. Where as if you haven't got a 'manly' body you may as well go hang yourself the amount of women I've seen say they like dad bods is insane, I've even seen a couple saying they don't like skinny guys. It's really great as a skinny guy who can't put on weight.

Being a man just feels like "act this way, wear this or you're a strawberry floating weirdo" and I'm really reaching the end of my tether.

Isn't a dad bod just a thin person with a beer gut?

It's a slightly overweight but not obese person, a bit of boob a bit of belly.

Fade wrote:Right but I mean stuff like wearing male style clothing is not going to turn heads as a woman.

And if a man does a "woman's" job it's seen as weak and 'beta' where as if a woman does a man's job it's empowering.

Not to mention the whole body positivity thing, women increasingly get told they're beautiful no matter what and if anyone says anything negative it's 'body shaming'. Where as if you haven't got a 'manly' body you may as well go hang yourself the amount of women I've seen say they like dad bods is insane, I've even seen a couple saying they don't like skinny guys. It's really great as a skinny guy who can't put on weight.

Being a man just feels like "act this way, wear this or you're a strawberry floating weirdo" and I'm really reaching the end of my tether.

I think you're living in a bubble of negativity.

So what if a couple of women don't like skinny men, plenty women don't like over-muscled men. Many male models are extremely slim. I know some beautiful female models whose boyfriends are skinny.

You can either try to accept your place in the world and get more comfortable with where you fit. Or change, bulk up, become more outwardly feminine, or masculine, it's up to you. But you're wasting your life bemoaning the world as it is. There's nothing worse in a personality trait than complaining about a situation without adapting. The world's not going to change for you.

Dude literally one of my greatest dating weapons has been my slim, built-like-a-rake physique

It doesn’t work for everyone but then again, neither are women’s bodies universal - I don’t wanna date a pro-ana or ssbbw after all

I think what you are doing is negative reinforcement, and I know this is rich coming from me, or perhaps it isn’t being as I am having some very visible issues with it right now, but if you only look for the negatives you get the negatives and they breed more... negatives

Now this about to be some lame gooseberry fool to hear, but none of your work colleagues are obliged to hang around or be friends with you. It sucks that they won’t give you the opening to prove you could be a good friend but that’s just the meat of it - and I have to say, if this is how it’s been for years, it ain’t gonna change. That’s fine, that’s not where you gotta find your value my dude

I looked on the internet and found a small indie gaming cafe near me, I went a few times and bought a painting kit and asked a few people for input, then I learned to play with a few people, blah blah, now I attend a regular dungeons and dragons game and we have a beer and some scran and a laugh - I know what I went for in my social targets is pretty lame, but the point remains, put yourself out there, put the ego at a bit of personal risk and chase that social life, but remember, no other person owes you anything just because you are there




and this isn’t me being mean but you really gotta change your viewpoint on the matriarchy vs patriarchy issues bro or you are gonna end up redpill and that’s a real bad look and you don’t want those friends my man

Thanks for the responses.

Just to be clear I am trying to be proactive but I'm also very pissed off about how people at work make me feel because of my gender.

Also I live in a town filled with old people and chavs it doesn't really have any proper hobby groups.

I've been looking at going to Yoga classes but I can see that being the same problem as work.

it’s as much a problem as you make it

I hang out with people 20-30 years older than me on occasion, all genders, all social classes

the secret is, is that there are actual human beings inside those shells, and a lot of them are worth giving a chance

I agree. I give everyone a chance, I'm the one not being given a chance

I am very bad for this myself, but making yourself feel the victim won't get you anywhere. I'm not saying 'do something about it and change everything about yourself.'

But what I am saying is ' Accept that life isn't always fair and don't let the things that are unfair destroy you.'

If people don't give you a chance, strawberry float them people. If you want them to like you, try again, and if they still don't. Let it go!

Try some other people, and if them other people don't give you a chance, move on again. Focus on yourself, do what you want to do, but be kind and try to look after others as you go along that path.

Easier said than done definitely, but I'm trying hard myself to not feel victimised when I haven't exactly had it easy from my friendships of late.

But if I told some people about these issues they'd laugh at how insignificant they are, or how silly it is to them. I'm not saying that my issues are small, they've been huge to me, but from a different angle, a different mindset they're nothing much.

Be kinder to yourself, appreciate who you are. If you're a skinny guy who likes flowers and cucumbers eyed spa-sessions. Embrace it and enjoy it. don't question why other people don't understand that? You know you like that, you enjoy that if you can. Appreciate yourself and buy yourself some flowers, and put them on your desk, go to the spa, wear a skirt, do something nimble that only a skinny guy could do.

Falsey and curls speak the truth.

There is only one person responsible for your own happiness and that is you.

Go out and do what you want to do.

Fade wrote:Right but I mean stuff like wearing male style clothing is not going to turn heads as a woman.

And if a man does a "woman's" job it's seen as weak and 'beta' where as if a woman does a man's job it's empowering.

Not to mention the whole body positivity thing, women increasingly get told they're beautiful no matter what and if anyone says anything negative it's 'body shaming'. Where as if you haven't got a 'manly' body you may as well go hang yourself the amount of women I've seen say they like dad bods is insane, I've even seen a couple saying they don't like skinny guys. It's really great as a skinny guy who can't put on weight.

Being a man just feels like "act this way, wear this or you're a strawberry floating weirdo" and I'm really reaching the end of my tether.

Oh believe me, eventually, you will

just been discharged!

they still gotta come see me every day at home but things are looking up my dudes

False wrote:just been discharged!

they still gotta come see me every day at home but things are looking up my dudes

Excellent! Now get that RuPaul S11E1 watched. It's an amazing start, gonna be a good season

aww strawberry float I totally forgot

Im on it

Zilnad wrote:

False wrote:just been discharged!

they still gotta come see me every day at home but things are looking up my dudes

Excellent! Now get that RuPaul S11E1 watched. It's an amazing start, gonna be a good season

It was one hell of a good start to the season, so many twists!

False wrote:aww strawberry float I totally forgot

Im on it

I thought you were saying you were on the show

I wish

literally devoid of any sort of talent

I suppose I could be the sexy bitchy one

The best thing I've probably ever done for my wellbeing is to give up trying to be "normal" or appealing to anyone in particular, Fade. You may not be responsible for certain situations in which you may be perceived in a certain way, but you can adapt to that situation and fight back by allowing yourself to be who you want to be rather than worrying about how you are judged constantly.

You have said quite a lot of things that someone else on the opposite side of what you are saying are societal norms etc would feel really bad about, so the key issue seems to be ruminating about how you are being judged and whether or not that is right. The plain truth I feel in these situations is that being judged by another simply doesn't matter the vast majority of the time, whether or not you simply feel that way or it is actually happening, all you can do is respond to that and that response can include dismissing it, something I must do a lot of the time (and in fact probably most people do this). You can consciously dismiss things without deducing a logical explanation for that particular interactions, or you can do that, write or down or something and tackle another situation that you are able to do something about. I for example can't even get a job most of the time, I don't suffer (mostly) or benefit (slightly, by having a salary) from being in an office environment, because I cannot negotiate an interview situation. Yet you have got there and you find yourself in this situation where others judged differently for their actions have totally failed to get there. You'll always find yourself in situations where you want this or that to improve, no matter where you wind up in life. These situations may last years or may last a matter of seconds. But I think the first thing you can do to improve this situation is try to avoid rationalising why things are wrong and how that thing is wrong with the world as only you can change you, which starts with addressing these thought patterns one small step at a time.

It won't necessarily help with your sense of isolation and loneliness which we probably all suffer from regularly but when you have these thoughts try to remember that these are thoughts and you are the author of those thoughts. They are ultimately just thoughts, don't try to stop them happening, but acknowledge they happen and if they keep happening maybe you can do things to address them. But first and foremost try not to worry about the thoughts happening to begin with. Allow your brain to have thoughts but think, "oh, there's another thought, cool" while practising breathing excercises, a slow inhale through the nose and slow exhale through the mouth for a couple of seconds.