Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Green Gecko wrote:...when you have these thoughts try to remember that these are thoughts and you are the author of those thoughts. They are ultimately just thoughts, don't try to stop them happening, but acknowledge they happen and if they keep happening maybe you can do things to address them. But first and foremost try not to worry about the thoughts happening to begin with. Allow your brain to have thoughts but think, "oh, there's another thought, cool" while practising breathing excercises, a slow inhale through the nose and slow exhale through the mouth for a couple of seconds.

I like the sound of that approach, Gecko - I am gonna try it out myself :-) .

I've been going to a therapist the last couple of months and it's probably the best thing I've ever done. Literally life changing so far.

Rocsteady wrote:I've been going to a therapist the last couple of months and it's probably the best thing I've ever done. Literally life changing so far.

Great news bro. What type of therapy? Did you get it as a result of a referral or your own research?

thats good dude

mine was helpful and one of the things I asked for after my madhouse trip was access to a more general therapist instead of just the sexual one I have now

Clarkman wrote:

Rocsteady wrote:I've been going to a therapist the last couple of months and it's probably the best thing I've ever done. Literally life changing so far.

Great news bro. What type of therapy? Did you get it as a result of a referral or your own research?

I don't even know what type of therapy tbh, probably CBT or closely aligned. I decided to go to one with my partner's help; she sent me a bunch of different links to therapist's websites and I chose the one with a bio that sounded most appealing to me. I'm lucky enough to be able to afford to go weekly so didn't have to wait for months for a referral thankfully.

I started adult social care assessment because that got triggered by incident report with me going off on one at Xmas but this time I have an advocate I am legally entitled to under the care act because of my disability, this part was totally ignored in 2015 where I was told I wasn't elgiible at all. The assessment is being done over a number of days with one hour plus advocacy meeting in between each day so I can get my words together from 10,000 words to 10 words to answer the question properly. I broken down into tears thinking about the millions things my partner has done for almost a decade to take care of me as an adult coping on my own without formal support or care plans in place for me and now we have to comprehend the difference between being willing to do something and being able to do it with regards to my partner providing care for me. It's not right she has two jobs one is her actual job and the other is unpaid care, if I actually get the care I'm entitled to under the care act my life might look very different and less of a shambles doing basic communication and organisation things others don't struggle with enough to basically piss their armpits with sweat and having fleeting mini heart attacks for no reason just thinking about gooseberry fool which also happened today, didn't realise until they'd left as it's really uncomfortable talking about things I struggle with whereas I am used to acting all professional and acting like everything is 100% fine because if I didn't do that people would think I'm an incompetent wreck and I'd never get paid for gooseberry fool. It's like having 2 or 3 different personalities at times and really hard to cope with, this is probably why in the past I went almost psychotic just being forced to communicate in ways that aren't natural for me and force myself to do gooseberry fool that caused me physical pain and psychological trauma so I could get a degree or get a job etc etc. I don't think most people realise how much disabled people actually try to do this stuff, yes there are gooseberry fools who don't want to work but it's really sucky feeling like you are probably labelled that way when these assessments are carried out against your favour and ignore the evidence essentially implying you are lying.

Say for example my original PIP review a few years ago although I got the bare minimum was total shite, they said I have no cognitive impairments when this is in a chartered ed psych's report, it's in the diagnostic criteria for my condition, apparently this isn't true because I "went to school". I mean strawberry float off, everyone has to go to school, they're legally required to attend school, that doesn't mean they're not disabled Jesus strawberry float. Whoever did that shouldn't sleep at night, it's wilfully ignoring the evidence and using my hard won accomplishments against me. Really hope that doesn't happen with this assessment for council provided care and having an advocate I think is going to make a big difference as they can't just screw me and say hey you aren't eligible, goodbye, when anyone else knowing me and looking at the evidence can plainly see 90% off the box checking is bullshit.

I've already had loads of leading questions like, rather than, "Ben are you able to tidy up the house every day or some of the days" it's, "Ben you can tidy the house can't you it says this in your partner's statement" (NO IT DOESN'T!!), you can't ask a question framing it as "yes" being the affirmative answer. And again, "Ben you do interact with the community don't you?" When I say I've installed three shop signs in FIVE BLOODY YEARS, does that count as regular and normal amount of engaging with local community, no it obviously doesn't, so ask the question without telling me the answer. Definitely going to mention that next week when I meet with the advocate, I can't believe how subtly these things are weighed against you unless you are really alert and some people including me don't always have the mental capacity to be aware of these things because they have a neuro developmental brain disorder that makes it literally impossible to understand subtle social cues and makes them extremely gullible and subject to being manipulated like this.

jawa4 wrote:

Green Gecko wrote:...when you have these thoughts try to remember that these are thoughts and you are the author of those thoughts. They are ultimately just thoughts, don't try to stop them happening, but acknowledge they happen and if they keep happening maybe you can do things to address them. But first and foremost try not to worry about the thoughts happening to begin with. Allow your brain to have thoughts but think, "oh, there's another thought, cool" while practising breathing excercises, a slow inhale through the nose and slow exhale through the mouth for a couple of seconds.

I like the sound of that approach, Gecko - I am gonna try it out myself .

I really *did* like the sound of that idea Gecko. I should have done it today; I know by now when I'm gonna get involved in BS wastes of time and energy. I had the chance to turn away from it... but I didn't do the breathing and just crashed onwards.

Ah, well. I hope that you get the support that you need, dude. You're fortunate to have such a partner.

I am very fortunate indeed, the trouble comes when it messes up your relationship because your partner is a nurse, so it impacts on their wellbeing and all it snowballs like that, and that impacts her ability to function at work as she is always exhausted from the previous day helping me do basic stuff. I did make a point of that, for care assessments it's not just about the person getting the help they need but also who else is going to have a better quality of life because they don't constantly have to do unpaid care, I think the figure was several million pounds per year people in the UK do in unpaid care or equivalent.

THat mindfulness technique is very powerful, it works when I am mildly anxious but if I am full on freaking about things I need to pace around and do ritualistic movements and make noises and things (self-stimulation) to calm down which makes me look proper mental in public, if I feel I can get away with doing that without someone telling me to strawberry float off or verbally abusing me for it.

jawa4 wrote:

Green Gecko wrote:...when you have these thoughts try to remember that these are thoughts and you are the author of those thoughts. They are ultimately just thoughts, don't try to stop them happening, but acknowledge they happen and if they keep happening maybe you can do things to address them. But first and foremost try not to worry about the thoughts happening to begin with. Allow your brain to have thoughts but think, "oh, there's another thought, cool" while practising breathing excercises, a slow inhale through the nose and slow exhale through the mouth for a couple of seconds.

I like the sound of that approach, Gecko - I am gonna try it out myself .

To add to what Gecko said I find it helpful to think of your mind as two separate parts

The emotional/monkey braim part which is responsible for impulsive thoughts based on your wants and needs.

And the logical part which does all the decision making.

Your monkey brain might have dumb thoughts but that's okay, your logical part is there to help the monkey brain do what's best for it.

It's a bit like being sober and looking after a really drunk friend haha.

Fade wrote:To add to what Gecko said I find it helpful to think of your mind as two separate parts...

Yeah, I think it's good too take time to manage your own responses; think rather than react. Not always easy to do so, but often better when you do :-) .

dunno what thread to post this in but there we go

been seeing this new girl recently and we seem to be getting on really well, lots of laughs, chilled times, good vibes

I have been having this issue with just resentful thoughts popping up for no reason, just sprouting from nothing and filling my head - we can have a really nice day/night together and Ill just be sat there thinking like get out I hate you, even though Im pretty sure I dont

last night we had a really nice chill evening but I think I may have pissed her off a little bit by leaving and going home rather than staying over, I have a doctors appointment this morning and its a long drive and gooseberry fool, well shes not very talkative at the moment

had a 'challenging mental health' day yesterday so a nice chill time was just what I needed

had an early night at home and then dreamt about topping myself

mixed messages lol

If it helps I have had this experience before, I want and need emotional connection yet my brain is kind of rejecting it at the same time, like I deserve to be alone, or I want to be alone, but I know that REALLY what I need is that emotional connection with another person and I have to try really hard to keep focusing on that. So I would put that down as intrusive thoughts and self doubt and something absolutely natural for you to experience after going through a hellishly rough period, as you are still recovering from that and that is going to take at least some if not quite a long time. That said, it's important to set boundaries, I think it would be best to be super honest about your needs, and try not to shirk it off with "normal" reasons that can be seen as excuses so say, I am having a though time of things lately me and as much as I would love to spend more time of you, I think I need some rest, let's meet up tomorrow, maybe stay a bit longer, but eventually leave, that sort of thing? I really think communication can be surprisingly effective, people are much more understanding than our brains lead us to believe when we have self doubt and so I try to remember this based on past experiences. Obviously this doesn't work if everyone in your life has been a total banana split or your grew up or had lots of abuse in the past or recently, but try to remember the good ones. Worst case scenario, it turns out that person isn't so understanding and empathetic and really quite selfish, sadly most people are, in which case it's probably for the best to know that, and have that person an opportunity to reflect on that then to find out later that they don't care about feelings and stuff.

communication is something I have found to be really important and a something really difficult for me in relationships as I am too used to being selfish and doing whatever the strawberry float I want.

There were / are days where I just need to be by myself so I'd just strawberry float off. It was only after my gf being repeatedly pissed off or upset with me that we actually talked about it.

It wasn't so much that I was leaving that was the issue, but that she had no idea why and that I made her feel as if it was something she had done.

Yeah, I have had similar experiences. Unfortunately it's our thing in our society to not talk about personal needs and feelings whether they are rational or rationalised or not, everyone's "OK" or "fine", there's so much that goes unsaid that assumptions are made, and that creates problems. I've made a commitment to being open and honest in pretty much all cases, this screws me over big time, some of the time, but overall makes my life better. Some days I'm just like, OK I'm going to tell everyone the truth and if they don't like it then hell, what you gonna do. I find I make surprising connections with people, I feel less anxious, and I find myself around the right people who do give a gooseberry fool and aren't all weird or mad and gooseberry fool when you speak the truth. I don't mean just insulting everyone and making hot takes all the time, I mean being honest about oneself and what is going on. You can seem kinda egotistical because you keep talking about your life more than other people but, strawberry float them, they should do it, everyone should do it. Everyone should talk more and be more open and honest. If someone doesn't like that, go home and watch TV, I don't give a gooseberry fool. Even if you don't want to talk about stuff, just say that. My gf does this and I'm fine with it, unless she's like literally crying and crawling in her skin and obviously does need to talk about stuff, then I intervene, but otherwise that's cool. What I get tired of is this "I'm fine" gooseberry fool, every goddamn day. It makes those of us who aren't fine all the time feel weird and broken like, why do I have feelings. Whereas that's not the truth, everyone has gooseberry fool to deal with they just don't talk about it (but then there are those who's gooseberry fool is bullshit and they don't take proper brain problems seriously compared to like, what to watch on TV tonight, oh that person said a mean thing about that person who is friends with my daughter's friend and they are getting married soon, etc etc followed by, "I hate myself and want to die", "oh cheer up dear". You know what I mean).

If anyone here is finding the constant stream of "bad" news to be a bit of a strain on your mental health, you may want to consider also looking at channels that focus more on "good" news. I stumbled across a site called Positive News and - surprisingly enough! - it does indeed concentrate on the better things that are taking place.

There may well be other news channels of a similar type - I'm not linked to the above site in any form - so please feel free to share details of other places that concentrate on the good things that are taking place.

In the current environment where, quite understandably, attention is generally on very tough issues, it's good to seek a balance and remind oneself that there are also positive things happening in the world.

big life hack for those with brain problems, especially if they have an anxious flavour

disable read receipts on any messaging apps

that way you never know if they've seen your message and dont know if you've read theirs

freeing

These are useful additional tips for folk who may be feeling stressed by the situation around the coronavirus, and/or find themselves constantly checking for news about it.

twitter.com/scottygb/status/1237436877508161537

Limit the amount of time you spend reading or watching things which aren't making you feel better. Perhaps decide on a specific time to check in with the news

False wrote:big life hack for those with brain problems, especially if they have an anxious flavour

disable read receipts on any messaging apps

that way you never know if they've seen your message and dont know if you've read theirs

freeing

I do this, but enable them in the other direction for emails

Honestly though I do that for business, so I don't have to ask pointless "did you get my email" messages which are really just a version of a follow-up but nobody admits it.

As for "the virus", yeah, I've been checking BBC news bulletins on radio and smart speaker, and as those are only done every couple of hours, I'm not constantly worrying about it.

Actually I'm quite happy because I made a decision quite a long time ago to self employ (as everyone probably knows already) meaning I can do whatever the strawberry float I like to avoid getting ill or getting someone else ill, and I don't have to suffer everyone talking and questioning about it constantly.

My office building is open, and it's a private office, they are wiping things down with disinfectant a bit but again I can carry on as normal should I wish and risks is pretty near minimal.

My gf kind of got hit by anxiety for weird reasons, she saw some guy buying loads of custard and couldn't understand this, so she got upset coming back from the supermarket and was a bit strung out for a few days.

I must admit, in light of all the doom and gloom, i'm making an effort to actively reduce the amount of time i spend on news websites/watching bulletins on TV/reading the papers.

Yesterday mum completely lost it over her back door which sticks sometimes, but it was clear that said door was not the issue, and i'm now advising her to do the same.

Vermilion wrote:...Yesterday mum completely lost it over her back door which sticks sometimes, but it was clear that said door was not the issue, and i'm now advising her to do the same.

Yeah, many people (myself included) tend to not realise how their frustrations and concerns are building up... and then unleash their anger at something fairly innocuous.

I agree that managing the frequency and time you spend looking at "bad news" could be a healthy approach to take.