Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Your brother sounds like a complete asshat. I would try not to let anything he says get to you. That's not on, using your mum to strengthen his view.

Gemini73

kerr9000 wrote:I think this is probably my first time posting in here to say I feel like crap.... I have PTSD and at times life is kind of more about holding that down to try and function as much as possible, last night I had a raging argument with my older brother it really wasn't good it was him that started it and he said some really bad things which really upset me, basically went on about if our mother was still alive she would disown me and hate me etc there's nothing I can think of worse than him saying all this crap because all it makes me want to do is see my mum and hug my mum and ask her what she thinks of me and obviously I cant. Add on to this my fiancee heard some of it and some of what he went on to say upset her so much shes basically said she makes my life worse and wants to pull herself out of the picture for awhile. I am hoping with all of my heart that give it a few weeks and she doesn't feel hurt and realizes that he is just a prick.

All of my life my brother has had pops at me and made out that he is better than me and I haven't achieved enough, he always makes out he knows better and he does better , even to the degree that in spite him never having had a child he tries to tell me parenting decisions of mine are wrong... I just need to shut him out of my life because I firmly believe if someone makes your life worse you have to get them out of your life

That's a horrible situation to be in, but your closing remark is clearly the best solution for all concerned - eject him from your life. It won't be easy, but you'll have to tell him straight, face to face, that you no longer want him involved in any way with you and your family.

As for him harassing your daughter? That's crossing the line and reason enough alone to cut him out altogether.

It does sound an awful lot like someone gets off on preying on what they perceive to be a weaker version of themselves. Sometimes you have brothers you want to love you but at the end of the day they are just bullies.

Thanks for your support guys

I went to see the doctor about an ear infection the other day and she seemed nice so I made an appointment to go speak to her about my anxiety on Thursday. I'm panicking. I don't know if I'll be able to talk about this and I don't know what I'll say, it all seems so ridiculous. I don't know if I'll be able to be honest and get across how much this effects me and if I do I'll sound utterly pathetic. I don't know if anything she could offer would actually help or what I want from this. I really don't want to do this and I don't want it on my record but I don't know what else to do anymore.

Minoru wrote:I went to see the doctor about an ear infection the other day and she seemed nice so I made an appointment to go speak to her about my anxiety on Thursday. I'm panicking.

That is a completely natural reaction. It would actually be abnormal if you weren't panicking.

Minoru wrote:I don't know if I'll be able to talk about this and I don't know what I'll say, it all seems so ridiculous. I don't know if I'll be able to be honest and get across how much this effects me and if I do I'll sound utterly pathetic.

Minoru, they want to help people and given that the number of mental health patients is increasing on a colossal scale, they will take what you say very seriously but you must be completely honest about what affects you, how and why.

Minoru wrote:I don't know if anything she could offer would actually help or what I want from this. I really don't want to do this and I don't want it on my record but I don't know what else to do anymore.

There are plenty of routes for you to go down, it will be your choice which if any you choose to follow and you won't be forced into anything.

You'll never know how it will go until you do it, but from anyone I've known talking to a GP has always been a positive step. It's normal to have reservations about it and your concerns are not stupid, but they are probably being greatly exacerbated by the anxiety, which is what you should remember. Just talk honestly and don't worry about being judged - that's not what the GP is there to do. They are there to help you, and you've almost done what can be the most difficult part - reaching out for that help. Try not to think too much about it until Thursday and I'm sure it'll go well!

Thank you both for the encouragement.

I'm trying not to worry about it and I guess logically I know it's the best thing to do right now, I just feel a bit like it's all making excuses for being lazy and incompetent and if I could just get my life together...etc, etc.

I'm also worried what to say if she asks if something has made things worse recently, because I really don't want to talk about that and the anxiety has been a problem I've been ignoring long before all this, it's just made the immediate situation more difficult.

I also don't know how my family will react if she suggests medication. I know it shouldn't matter but arguing about it would not be what I need and I'd be very surprised if mum just accepted it.

Last edited by Drumstick on Mon Nov 12, 2018 3:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Your folks sound like they're part of the problem so I wouldn't worry about what they think and in fact I would not inform them.

But do go to the appointment and be completely transparent otherwise they (Docs) will only be getting half the story and might misdiagnose you.

Re: lazy and incompetent... the way the brain works is that if something is particularly troubling or causing you great stress or difficulty or unhappiness, sometimes other parts of the brain can shut down rendering a person incapable of advancing other areas of their life until the root problem begins to become manageable. So it isn't an excuse at all, it's a legitimate thing.

If you don't want to broach certain subjects that's perfectly understandable, my only advice is to not downplay how you are feeling and how it is affecting you. If you really don't want to talk about something but know it is relevant, you can say so. Something along the lines of "actually this is also going on, but I don't feel comfortable/ready to talk about it" is better than saying everything is fine. In fact you can phrase it just like you have here if you like.

I wouldn't worry about medication at the moment, you can deal with that if it comes to it.

Drumstick, my parents know I'm going and I live with them, so they will definitely ask about how it went and what she suggests. I don't want to blame them because I knew they want what they think is best for me, but things have been difficult lately. And thanks, I know you're probably right about the brain stuff, but it's very difficult to not just blame myself all the time.

OR, I think that's probably the best idea, thank you. I don't want to discuss it or give the impression that it's only this immediate stuff that's caused issues, but I don't want to give the impression that everything has been fine and normal either. I panic a lot and then don't know what to say, so it's helpful to think of that in advance.

And you're probably right I should try not to worry about medication yet.

Id also say remember your under no obligation to tell your parents what a Doctor has said , tell them whatever you want them to hear that enables you to best deal with things.

kerr9000 wrote:Id also say remember your under no obligation to tell your parents what a Doctor has said , tell them whatever you want them to hear that enables you to best deal with things.

My thoughts exactly.

Why are you worried about stuff being on your private medical record? Assuming you're over 16 your parents have no right to know. Anxiety isn't total insanity that needs to be beaten out of you, it's a very common and normal illness for people who are not coping. If you need to take medicine just say you were offered medicine because it will help... Put the pills in boxes and ask for 2 months on repeat so you only have to go to the pharmacy sometimes. You probably need therapy. Just say it's a medical appointment because it is!

Green Gecko wrote:Why are you worried about stuff being on your private medical record? Assuming you're over 16 your parents have no right to know. Anxiety isn't total insanity that needs to be beaten out of you, it's a very common and normal illness for people who are not coping. If you need to take medicine just say you were offered medicine because it will help... Put the pills in boxes and ask for 2 months on repeat so you only have to go to the pharmacy sometimes. You probably need therapy. Just say it's a medical appointment because it is!

That's not about my parents. They know my anxiety is very bad and I need some sort of help, my mum helped me make the appointment to speak to the doctor. I suppose I'm concerned that once it's diagnosed it's there, even if people don't technically have the right to make you disclose things. I think I mentioned this here before but I'm concerned about potentially affecting future chances of adoption too. I know I'm in no state to be a parent any time soon and it should be the least of my concerns but whatever, that's why I said that. Dumb panic so forget about it.

My family do want me to get better, they just really do not understand mental health. I do not want anyone here judging them and I shouldn't have brought it up.

I do agree I probably need therapy, but asking for help is still shitty and scary.

I know it is. But what you need to understand from others here is that it's not abnormal and it's nothing to be ashamed of. If you you are able to manage an illness whether it is temporary or something that recurs for you then there is no reason legally why you should be prevented from adopting a child. You have similar rights in all sorts of areas. Being ill sometimes does not prevent you from being an able parent or anything else, you just have to manage. Especially if you were in a couple.

I do understand that. I have a lot of difficulty rationalising the worry and what ifs away. I've lived a long time not talking about any of this to anyone, ever and internalising a lot of things I would never say or think about other people.

I do not know why it worries me, because I can't really image a future where I would be in a position for that to happen, without major changes anyway. My brain worries about a lot of things it's not worth worrying about.

It sounds like the kind of worry you experience should be helped with some medicine but I'd also try mindfulness. Because you're aware it's not rational, but maybe therapy could help you figure out why anyway, you might be able to slowly train your brain to worry about the worry less and understand it is just thoughts. What happened to the sexuality stuff isn't that a big worry about not feeling comfortable in yourself?

I worry all the time to the extent I barely function, so I do understand the feelings just not really possible to know why, sometimes there isn't a why it's just part of your biochemistry.

Gemini73

I've an over the phone assessment next Thursday morning with a therapist. Had to change from this week due to work pattern.

Been in a pretty dark place these last few days. Earlier this moring was particularly bad.

Gemini73 wrote:I've an over the phone assessment next Thursday morning with a therapist. Had to change from this week due to work pattern.

Been in a pretty dark place these last few days. Earlier this moring was particularly bad.

Hope it goes well for you. I will be wishing you the best for it chap.

Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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