I live and work and live overseas in a British community. My colleagues become my close friends etc it becomes your whole life and overwhelms you. Anyway, one of my close friends (lets call her friend A) has recently become extremely distant with me, a mutual friend of ours came out to work here (she's be friend B) and rather than us becoming a close knit group, them two (both girls) have paired up and basically rarely invited me to things. As I don't have much of a network here to fall back on, I confronted them on it and rather than things getting better they've gotten worse.
I have been very childish at times and felt isolated when I should have maybe just been doing my own thing, but it hurts to not be invited to something that you know two months ago you would have been and makes you doubt yourself, makes you question everything and makes you wonder if people even like you at all.
Here's the main catch, texting has become a major issue with this friend (A) now. I seem to be offering to do things for her, offering to meet up with her and always be the one nagging her to do things. She (A) often doesn't respond, her responses are short If she does respond, and she is distant, if I confront her on it she acts like nothing is wrong, when obviously there is. I am reaching breaking point now and I think I'm going to cut contact, stop texting and find reasonable, sensible people to spend time with.
Today's issue was simple. I had asked them both to do something today. It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm on night shifts for it, so today was the only day i was able to do something with them. I asked if they'd meet up for food this afternoon before my night shifts. The girl who's better (B) at texting always was a bit of a maybe which is fair (although i'd have made the effort for her), the other didn't bother replying and when I text last night with plans I still had no reply. I said I'd text at 13 or 14 today and low and behold,Neither want to come when I text.
I sent a message saying, 'I understand I'd caused a few issues in recent weeks, but a reply to my plans would be useful so then i could plan other things and wouldn't be waiting on you'. ( I actually could have done something else today).
She (A) replies (well done) 'If I don't respond or make plans with you when I text, please assume I'm not free so that I don't have to update you with my plans'
This to me is the final straw. Sure make your own plans, have your own life. But to not even want to text a once-close friend a courteous reply, or to update them on whats going on with your plans and life, that is not friendship is it. I have tried again and again to reach out to her, but she gives me nothing back. Why am I wasting my time?
The other friend is a little bit more down to earth and has more potential to win back, the issue is they are as thick as thieves, and when i started consoling in her last week with my issues with initial friend (A), she went and told her all about it because she felt bad for 'bitching behind her back.'
I was not bitching, I was trying to understand and get to know Friend A's problems, seeing if there was any issues of mine I could smooth out tofix things a bit, by chatting to Friend B as someone who knew the both of us. They really turned it on me and said I was trying to break them up and get between them. In no ways were my intentions malicious or trying to do that.
This is crazy as well, I feel like I am in a playground, I'm in my late 20's and my friendship network is all I have in the place where I am right now, so please understand this is why it's affecting me so much. Without these friends I am very limited in who I see and socialise with, I'm in a foreign country and end up eating alone and spending my days off alone. My life is horrifically lonely at the moment and two people who I should be able to talk to and help fix it actually make it worse.
Any opinions? My current thought is to be a bit selfish and give friend A her own medicine back, never text her, don't respond to her invites and say 'Assume I'm not coming if i don't respond' if she raises a fuss. Friend B, meh, we weren't as close to begin with but she's got more of a sensible head on her, she also doesn't hold grudges, but she is manipulated by A.We'll probably become more distant but may remain friends in the long run.