Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

WHen I felt really worthless after an unpaid internship that left me drained and exhausted, not only was it a hostile, compressed environment in the middle of soho in London which was way too overstimulating for me, but they were homophobic (they insisted my bag was a "women's bag" and I later found out they were calling me "bender" in emails to each other, these were the directors!), I was doing a long commute into London and treated like an inconvenience just asking for the the fare backs nevermind actually getting paid the minimum wage (no that was asking too much, I was lucky I was doing an unpaid job in TV and film visual effects, don't dare ask for basic pay!). The result of this after getting "fired" (how this is possible from an unpaid position I have no idea) for coughing and going in "Sick" (I was just exhausted), putting the whole company at risk (yeah, sure), my confidence was completely destroyed. I applied for a volunteer ship at a small gallery, this then led to me getting paid work at the arts university I studied at as a gallery technician. That had its own problems but it was paid. I actually found that job to be one of the most rewarding, just because the people were nice, and it felt like my the work I was doing was valued, whether that was wrapping up artwork or just hoovering around, bearing in mind I wasn't even paid previously. I mostly designed posters in Adobe. I think volunteering is a good idea if you feel directionless and lonely, it gives you something to do at least one day a week and somewhere to fit in and contribute, it can help you come out of a shell/cave/whatever metaphor and there is no obligation to continue for any length of time and looks good on your CV. At the very least a reason to get out of bed in the morning and feel party of the community, it's definitely better than work shadowing or internships or other dodgy stuff that can lead you to being very easily exploited or travelling long distances to your "ideal" work. THis was after I graduated by the way so my options weren't super great, I also did some temping which didn't work out so well as it was an open office environment with a really dystopic work process.

I have had mental health issues and other such issues for a long time. I was diagnosed with epilepsy very young and this made me feel different to everyone, a difference I was terrified would be found out and used to exclude me from groups, then I had my issues connected to PTSD and the discovery im autistic. I think you need to find your own coping mechanisms and ways of fighting back, its not a case of fighting and beating it either its something that you kind of need to fight back all the time. The way you fight it might be talking to a GP and getting in to therapy, something I have done, or it might be finding an outlet or just coming to terms with it and finding how to work around it.

I think this thread is great because we all share our issues and give each other strength and thats important. One of the ways I have always tried to fight it is by talking about it, I want to help other people I have worked for mental health charities I have made blogs and youtube videos talking about my PTSD in the hope if one other person with it finds these and gets some comfort then I have given something back, I have spent a few hours making a youtube video on the suicide forest in Japan and there recent mental health laws because well it just feels like your doing something about the problem.

I was really really stressed about returning to work to the point it made me have a full blown PTSD panic attack with audio flashbacks and the full works something I havent experienced so full on in years, but im back and I have done a week back so I feel its a minor hurdle I have gotten across, I do swear one day I will get sacked though as I get through it with a lot of dark humour usually by telling bad jokes usually about murdering Garry Barlow or other such things as well as very often proving my deputy manager wrong and making her look stupid because shes a terrible person and I feel this readresses some of the good/bad balance in the world and I guess its only a matter of time till someone takes major offence (I have been there 5 years though) but I just try to cope from day to day.

Meep wrote:My main issue atm is just crushing loneliness. I have made some enquiries today about volunteering at a local animal sanctuary so hopefully something comes of that.

I hope so too! Volunteering a couple of times a week at a charity shop and heritage railway years back really helped me get back on my feet. I got to talk to a lot of people (the general public ) and it kept me fairly active and feeling good about myself.

The rise in dog thefts in the area has really gotten under my skin. I joined a couple of Facebook groups and learned a lady was approached walking through the woods where I walk my dog and it's making me feel equal parts anxious and angry. Like I'm worried but I also want someone to come up to me so that I can make sure they can't hurt anyone else. This sort of stuff makes the insomnia so bad, I just wind myself up getting so angry.

How do you guys deal with suicidal thoughts? I've had one pop into my head today and I'm just a massive mess now. I'm in a very stressful situation at the moment and that's weighing a lot on my mind too, I know its contributing to my mood but today has been a massive low point.

Tsunade wrote:How do you guys deal with suicidal thoughts? I've had one pop into my head today and I'm just a massive mess now. I'm in a very stressful situation at the moment and that's weighing a lot on my mind too, I know its contributing to my mood but today has been a massive low point.

I think the issue is that different things work for different people.... some people will push it away and carry on and that works for them, others will talk about it a lot and reach out. I would say its important to realise that there is no wrong answer you just need to work out what works for you. Personally when I have felt like that I have formed a mental note of all the reasons not to, such as because my daughter depends on me, or that it will make the people who have hurt me win... I also like the idea of a happy box, basically get a box and fill it with things that make you happy, a CD with your favourite music on it, a teddy you like to cuddle , a bar of your favourite chocolates ecetera and when you get down go to the box.

On a side note if you ever need to talk my PM box is always open, same goes to anyone in here.

kerr9000 wrote:

Tsunade wrote:How do you guys deal with suicidal thoughts? I've had one pop into my head today and I'm just a massive mess now. I'm in a very stressful situation at the moment and that's weighing a lot on my mind too, I know its contributing to my mood but today has been a massive low point.

I think the issue is that different things work for different people.... some people will push it away and carry on and that works for them, others will talk about it a lot and reach out. I would say its important to realise that there is no wrong answer you just need to work out what works for you. Personally when I have felt like that I have formed a mental note of all the reasons not to, such as because my daughter depends on me, or that it will make the people who have hurt me win... I also like the idea of a happy box, basically get a box and fill it with things that make you happy, a CD with your favourite music on it, a teddy you like to cuddle , a bar of your favourite chocolates ecetera and when you get down go to the box.

On a side note if you ever need to talk my PM box is always open, same goes to anyone in here.

I might actually set one of those boxes up, thanks so much. And I'll keep that in mind if I need someone to talk to. Thanks Kerr, it really means a lot.

Tsunade wrote:

kerr9000 wrote:

Tsunade wrote:How do you guys deal with suicidal thoughts? I've had one pop into my head today and I'm just a massive mess now. I'm in a very stressful situation at the moment and that's weighing a lot on my mind too, I know its contributing to my mood but today has been a massive low point.

I think the issue is that different things work for different people.... some people will push it away and carry on and that works for them, others will talk about it a lot and reach out. I would say its important to realise that there is no wrong answer you just need to work out what works for you. Personally when I have felt like that I have formed a mental note of all the reasons not to, such as because my daughter depends on me, or that it will make the people who have hurt me win... I also like the idea of a happy box, basically get a box and fill it with things that make you happy, a CD with your favourite music on it, a teddy you like to cuddle , a bar of your favourite chocolates ecetera and when you get down go to the box.

On a side note if you ever need to talk my PM box is always open, same goes to anyone in here.

I might actually set one of those boxes up, thanks so much. And I'll keep that in mind if I need someone to talk to. Thanks Kerr, it really means a lot.

You are more than welcome, you have always come across as an absolutely fabulous person, keep your head up I know this place is much better for having you around.

Tsunade wrote:

kerr9000 wrote:

Tsunade wrote:How do you guys deal with suicidal thoughts? I've had one pop into my head today and I'm just a massive mess now. I'm in a very stressful situation at the moment and that's weighing a lot on my mind too, I know its contributing to my mood but today has been a massive low point.

I think the issue is that different things work for different people.... some people will push it away and carry on and that works for them, others will talk about it a lot and reach out. I would say its important to realise that there is no wrong answer you just need to work out what works for you. Personally when I have felt like that I have formed a mental note of all the reasons not to, such as because my daughter depends on me, or that it will make the people who have hurt me win... I also like the idea of a happy box, basically get a box and fill it with things that make you happy, a CD with your favourite music on it, a teddy you like to cuddle , a bar of your favourite chocolates ecetera and when you get down go to the box.

On a side note if you ever need to talk my PM box is always open, same goes to anyone in here.

I might actually set one of those boxes up, thanks so much. And I'll keep that in mind if I need someone to talk to. Thanks Kerr, it really means a lot.

Would fully support Kerr's idea here. I have a Spotify playlist of my favourite music from my favourite old films (mostly 40s, 50s and 60s) that I play on my walks. Combination of fresh air, physical activity, and happy music that I have no negative associations with is just the best tonic.

I'd also recommend the "Stay Alive" app. It's broken down into "Find Help Now", "Stay Alive", "Worried about Someone", "Myths about Suicide" and "About Stay Alive" sections.
The Find Help Now section is obviously useful for the really low moments, but the 'Stay Alive' section involves you ticking boxes that are your reasons to stay alive while you're having a good day, and then you refer back to them when feeling low and you remember it's your own objective handiwork.

Take care matey.

I've always felt better after a long walk with my headphones on and music turned up, trouble is having the motivation sometimes.

Does anybody else have trouble crying? I'd say I probably cry about once every 3 months, it really has to build up. For some reason this song just set me off https://open.spotify.com/track/3PqG25cn ... TFXXYV2mKg
(Though I was already in a absolutely massively low mood)

Hime wrote:The rise in dog thefts in the area has really gotten under my skin. I joined a couple of Facebook groups and learned a lady was approached walking through the woods where I walk my dog and it's making me feel equal parts anxious and angry. Like I'm worried but I also want someone to come up to me so that I can make sure they can't hurt anyone else. This sort of stuff makes the insomnia so bad, I just wind myself up getting so angry.

I presume you look fairly jacked mate so don't think you'd be a prime target!

It's tough though, I've taken back up boxing with the catalyst of struggling a little to get over the anger of someone stealing my stuff - and that was just inanimate objects, nevermind my dog. Maybe you could try a combat sport? They really help get anger out.

Otherwise tbh I'd probably leave those groups - there are terrible people out there but hearing about them doesn't do anything positive. Realistically you're aware of it and beyond that there's nothing you can do, reading about it frequently isn't going to change that.

Got some Citalopram in the medicine cupboard from a prescription a couple of years ago. It's about 5 week's worth and it's still in date so I think I'm going to start taking them again and see if they help at all. I'm just fed up of feeling sad and anxious the whole time and if I'm going to have to go back into an office, I need to try something to be prepared.

Zilnad wrote:Got some Citalopram in the medicine cupboard from a prescription a couple of years ago. It's about 5 week's worth and it's still in date so I think I'm going to start taking them again and see if they help at all. I'm just fed up of feeling sad and anxious the whole time and if I'm going to have to go back into an office, I need to try something to be prepared.

I really wouldn't take them without a doctor's advice. If you go onto them or come off of them too quickly you can get some pretty unpleasant side effects.

Especially since you're meant to take them for at least 6 months before coming off them.

Fade wrote:

Zilnad wrote:Got some Citalopram in the medicine cupboard from a prescription a couple of years ago. It's about 5 week's worth and it's still in date so I think I'm going to start taking them again and see if they help at all. I'm just fed up of feeling sad and anxious the whole time and if I'm going to have to go back into an office, I need to try something to be prepared.

I really wouldn't take them without a doctor's advice. If you go onto them or come off of them too quickly you can get some pretty unpleasant side effects.

Especially since you're meant to take them for at least 6 months before coming off them.

You're probably right. I feel like I'm drunk tonight. Very spacey and like I'm having to consciously act normal. Thanks for the advice, Fade.

What dose is it? 10mg or so isn't such a big deal, but it also depends what other medication you're on.

I take Citalopram 40mg for a couple of years now. Yes, the withdrawal side effects are strawberry floating horrendous and kick in after about 48hrs, this is because there is pretty much zero serotonin in your system, as an important neurotransmitter hormone this means your brain and nerves can't communicate optimally which strawberry floats all kinds of gooseberry fool up. That said, it would probably take about 4-6 weeks (I think 6 weeks is the minimum expected "coming on" period to observe any positive effects) for your body to depend on the drug to stabilise serotonin levels.

It's only 20mg but I'm probably better to see the doctor first.

Zilnad wrote:It's only 20mg but I'm probably better to see the doctor first.

I would recommend it, each medication seems to be preferred for a particular type of problem. I was started on ECitalopram (different from Citalopram), but it really didn’t Work for me. I am now on Sertraline and have been for about a year. Best decision I’ve made.

Rocsteady wrote:

Hime wrote:The rise in dog thefts in the area has really gotten under my skin. I joined a couple of Facebook groups and learned a lady was approached walking through the woods where I walk my dog and it's making me feel equal parts anxious and angry. Like I'm worried but I also want someone to come up to me so that I can make sure they can't hurt anyone else. This sort of stuff makes the insomnia so bad, I just wind myself up getting so angry.

I presume you look fairly jacked mate so don't think you'd be a prime target!

It's tough though, I've taken back up boxing with the catalyst of struggling a little to get over the anger of someone stealing my stuff - and that was just inanimate objects, nevermind my dog. Maybe you could try a combat sport? They really help get anger out.

Otherwise tbh I'd probably leave those groups - there are terrible people out there but hearing about them doesn't do anything positive. Realistically you're aware of it and beyond that there's nothing you can do, reading about it frequently isn't going to change that.

Thanks mate. Yeah it's not that I'm necessarily scared for myself, I'm terrible at playing thing's over in my head and having full blown arguments with people so if it wasn't this it would be something else. Ironically going out for a walk and listening to a podcast or music is one way I have to unwind. The thought of the situation just makes me sick, people are having to protect their pets because in the eyes of the law they're nothing more than another possession. The reason I'm writing in here is that if I'm honest if it wasn't this it would be something else, I struggle to cope with the anxiety and anger management.

Funnily enough that is something I have been thinking about, my teenage years were all about martial arts (Taekwondo & Must Thai). I struggle with doing a hobby causally but I might try and get a couple of 121 lessons a month. If I'm honest my intentions aren't entirely pure, I'd like to sure I'm comfortable looking after myself.

Return_of_the_STAR wrote:

Zilnad wrote:It's only 20mg but I'm probably better to see the doctor first.

I would recommend it, each medication seems to be preferred for a particular type of problem. I was started on ECitalopram (different from Citalopram), but it really didn’t Work for me. I am now on Sertraline and have been for about a year. Best decision I’ve made.

I started Sertaline about 3 months ago. How long did it take to kick in? Was it for Anxiety?

Was on Citalopram for about 10 years and then stopped cold turkey last year, which wasn't the wisest decision I've ever made.

Albear wrote:

Return_of_the_STAR wrote:

Zilnad wrote:It's only 20mg but I'm probably better to see the doctor first.

I would recommend it, each medication seems to be preferred for a particular type of problem. I was started on ECitalopram (different from Citalopram), but it really didn’t Work for me. I am now on Sertraline and have been for about a year. Best decision I’ve made.

I started Sertaline about 3 months ago. How long did it take to kick in? Was it for Anxiety?

Was on Citalopram for about 10 years and then stopped cold turkey last year, which wasn't the wisest decision I've ever made.

A bit of both really. I’ve had anxiety in certain situations for years, i think it all built up and became too much and led me down a path of depression. That was what I first sort help for. I started with ecitalopram but it didn’t seem to sit right with my body. I was getting a lot of side effects that just weren’t going away after several months of use. I then switched to sertraline and I don’t believe I have any side effects now. In terms of it kicking in. It’s hard to say as I was also seeing a counsellor so couldn’t tell what was helping at what stage. But I don’t often feel depressed anymore, certainly not on the level on was a year ago, not even close. My general anxiety is a lot better, oddly though in the last few weeks I’ve started to develop night time anxiety where I suddenly feel anxious when trying to sleep, often not triggered by anything in particular. I also feel that sertraline has made me more confident in certain situations and I feel I can be more outspoken.

I started on 50mg and then moved up to 100mg after about a month, I’ve been on that for nearly a year now. I didn’t feel like it was doing much until I went up to 100mg however it’s difficult as they aren’t drugs that have immediate effects. I do wonder sometimes about bringing it down to 50mg but it seems to work for me at this level.