Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Hime wrote:

Rocsteady wrote:

Hime wrote:The rise in dog thefts in the area has really gotten under my skin. I joined a couple of Facebook groups and learned a lady was approached walking through the woods where I walk my dog and it's making me feel equal parts anxious and angry. Like I'm worried but I also want someone to come up to me so that I can make sure they can't hurt anyone else. This sort of stuff makes the insomnia so bad, I just wind myself up getting so angry.

I presume you look fairly jacked mate so don't think you'd be a prime target!

It's tough though, I've taken back up boxing with the catalyst of struggling a little to get over the anger of someone stealing my stuff - and that was just inanimate objects, nevermind my dog. Maybe you could try a combat sport? They really help get anger out.

Otherwise tbh I'd probably leave those groups - there are terrible people out there but hearing about them doesn't do anything positive. Realistically you're aware of it and beyond that there's nothing you can do, reading about it frequently isn't going to change that.

Thanks mate. Yeah it's not that I'm necessarily scared for myself, I'm terrible at playing thing's over in my head and having full blown arguments with people so if it wasn't this it would be something else. Ironically going out for a walk and listening to a podcast or music is one way I have to unwind. The thought of the situation just makes me sick, people are having to protect their pets because in the eyes of the law they're nothing more than another possession. The reason I'm writing in here is that if I'm honest if it wasn't this it would be something else, I struggle to cope with the anxiety and anger management.

Funnily enough that is something I have been thinking about, my teenage years were all about martial arts (Taekwondo & Must Thai). I struggle with doing a hobby causally but I might try and get a couple of 121 lessons a month. If I'm honest my intentions aren't entirely pure, I'd like to sure I'm comfortable looking after myself.

I'd highly recommend 121 lessons. That's what I'm doing just now and not only do you learn much quicker but once you've got the basics down again you can ask for a session tailored to what you feel like on the day (e.g. more heavy bag work to let off frustrations, etc). Also you're more likely to go as you feel like a dick if you've made an appointment then cancelled it. Obviously more expensive but I've found it really worth it.

I'm getting concerned with my gf's new dr. She prescribes higher doses of pregabalin (anti anxiety med) very freely and to me it's reminiscent of doctors who give out opiates or benzos over the long term without thinking about the consequences.

It's difficult as obviously I'm not going to tell my partner not to take them and I have no authority with no medical background, but she was getting on quite well with the existing dose of SSRI's + pregabalin so for her new dr to double the dose of the preg really worries me. I used to abuse it years ago so know how difficult it can be to come off. The latest dr mentions keeping her on the higher dose for 12 months which I don't understand - how is that a long term plan? What will be different in 12 months time? It's massively frustrating to me but feel as though I have to keep it bottled up beyond raising my initial thoughts and concerns in a thoughtful manner.

The doctor should be reviewing personal circumstances as much as potentially increasing medication in line with struggling to cope with xyz and review this every 6 months I believe. 12 months is a very long time to suggest no medication review which would suggest to me that's not common practice.

Sometimes people's personal circumstances e.g. new job, loss of abusive relationship/boss/parent/bad friends etc transpires or therapy starts and ends so all of that has to be considered along with the medication. Say for example I want to stop my medication, it's not really a great idea until I have more stable revenue from my business and so unlikely to fall into financial black holes that obviously generates a lot of panic/anxiety at the end of every month.

I also had it where it felt like, "oh that's a low dose (10mg), let's increase that to 20mg and see what happens". Then it got doubled again to 40mg with the same kind of conversation although I was also prescribed anti-psychotic/mood stabiliser quetiapine to help sleep and together regulate the SSRI, these were all different doctors but only the last prescription was from a psychiatrist and that did get reviewed again after just 3 months I believe to see if it helped.

It's only a long time after that I found out 40mg is quite a high prescription and close to the max (if not the max), but then I have suffered with depression for a very long time, persistently and for different reasons on top of the core reasons (childhood trauma) which I currently work through with private counselling.

Just whacking up the drugs is very common but it has to be done with medication reviews or they'll literally stop dispensing it, at least my GP and my GP in another county would and I still have to put in repeat prescription requests every 2 months which is signed by a duty doctor so they know what I'm on. And if your partner isn't getting any form of talking therapy or CBT at all then she should self-refer to the relevant local service (they're all different, ask the GP, in Surrey it was TalkPlus and in Sussex it's Health In Mind) AS WELL AS getting her doctor to put forward a referal as this speeds it up. All forms of SSRIs are proven only to be most effective together with talking therapies but the NHS is under a lot of pressure not to give those out, so unfortunately you have to really keep asking again and again for them or the GP probably will just sit with the pharmaceuticals to take pressure off these services. Talking therapies are about as or more effective than anti-depressants and combined they effectively manage depressive symptoms, that's the medical consensus.

So I'd push both of these aspects, making sure there's a review in place at a scheduled time as well as pushing for talking therapy because it's probably better than managing side effects and long term withdrawal from the more powerful drugs.

My current plan is to slowly reduce my medications doing counselling indefinitely as I can pay for this now but I know that's not an option for everyone and not every talking therapy works for everyone. Might also try hypnotherapy for some of the PTSD traumas that just won't strawberry float off like thinking of a shitty first boss every time I strawberry floating eat lunch for the past 9 strawberry floating years.

To be honest we're lucky enough to be in a position where we could afford regular private therapy. My gf used to go to a therapist and does talk about going to one again but doesn't actually take the step to do so, I know she doesn't want to go back to her old one and is reluctant to have to start all over again, reliving past trauma etc. Which makes it difficult as then when the dose of the anti anxiety meds in particular finally starts to be reduced our circumstances are realistically just going to be the same as they are now.

Rocsteady wrote:To be honest we're lucky enough to be in a position where we could afford regular private therapy. My gf used to go to a therapist and does talk about going to one again but doesn't actually take the step to do so, I know she doesn't want to go back to her old one and is reluctant to have to start all over again, reliving past trauma etc. Which makes it difficult as then when the dose of the anti anxiety meds in particular finally starts to be reduced our circumstances are realistically just going to be the same as they are now.

When I was just starting out on my journey to combat my PTSD I had to explain my issues what seemed like a million times to a million different people and this played havoc on me, so I wrote it all out and started handing that people and saying read this when I was asked to go into it, figured maybe this idea could maybe help your gf with looking for new therapists or having to deal with different doctors etc.

To be honest if I had the money I'd go and train as some form of therapist or counselor as I've been a mental health mentor and have a social sciences degree and really like helping people, if I won the lottery I'd probably jack work in and be a volunteer mentor again

You'd make a very good therapist Kerr, you have the knowledge and the compassion a lot of therapists seem to lack from the stories I've seen online and a little of my own experience. I've done 2 rounds of therapy so far, I was told after my second round that I'd have support afterwards if I needed it but as soon as therapy was over I was told that I'd need to get referred yet again by my doctor to get any help at all!

Never ever do group CBT when you've got a lot of anxiety. The first time I had "therapy" I had to sit in a group of 14 people and just go workbooks. Your reasons for your anxiety and depression weren't addressed at all, it was more about getting yourself into a routine, do your workbooks and leave. One woman there had already gone through the group thing 4 times and was there yet again, I cant see how they didnt notice that this woman needed a lot more than that.

I ended up drinking half a bottle of rum and feeling like crap for the rest of the day 2 days ago. I'd never been drunk before. It's not something I want to experience again.

Yesterday was a bit better, I made my aunt 2 cushions out of waterproof material for her balcony yesterday morning (it was her birthday and I saw her later that day) and she loved them to bits, it really lifted me lot. Today seems to be a better day too. Hopefully I'm on the up of my depressive slide I've had recently.

I think group therapy would suck for me, I've done 6 out of 8 modules of online CBT at the moment (Silvercloud via NHS) and some of the "lessons" and structuring of thoughts/triggers (THoughts Feelings Behaviours cycles) has been helpful but I only had 2x 20 minute clinical reviews that basically asked how it was going. If I wasn't doing counselling weekly at the same time I doubt I would have stuck with it as I would have just been too low to will myself into exploring my emotions.

It's always 100% been the opinion of the lead practioner/psychiatrist I'm assigned too for a long time now just for high up referrals to for example neurobehavioural clinic (something I still haven't been to for over 10 years thanks to them sending me an appointment with a weeks notice while I was away in France, that took two strawberry floating years to get ), that if I actually get the practical help and support I need for my neurology in general I'll do really well. That was demonstrated at university where I basically had loads of help and I'm only trying to establish that again now through a mix of private therapies, getting the right disability benefits so I can actually pay for that and applying for adult social care which is taking months because of Covid and it taking me forever to answer the questions without winding up with a shitty version that barely covers the reality of things. I have a Care Act advocate who is amazing and I've spoken with for what must have been about 10 hours in total just trying to figure out the right answers to questions like, how much help do I need doing this, how much time off does my partner need taking care of me, questions which are really very difficult to answer when you've been trying (and often failing) to manage on your own for so long.

Just finished three two hour sessions of group CBT online and it was potentially the biggest waste of six hours since I binge-watched the Hobbit films. Absolute waste of life and made me quite angry

Mini E wrote:Just finished three two hour sessions of group CBT online and it was potentially the biggest waste of six hours since I binge-watched the Hobbit films. Absolute waste of life and made me quite angry

Why was it so bad out of curiosity?

Tomous wrote:

Mini E wrote:Just finished three two hour sessions of group CBT online and it was potentially the biggest waste of six hours since I binge-watched the Hobbit films. Absolute waste of life and made me quite angry

Why was it so bad out of curiosity?

Thirty people on the call, asked specifically not to say anything personal in the chat, mostly the same 20 mins of content repeated over and over again with a one-size-fits-all approach (obviously this isn't their fault because they have to try and adopt this in a group setting, but it just did not work). The people delivering it were monotonic, uninspiring, and couldn't work the technology (these are obviously reflections of them, rather than the CBT).

To be honest, I don't think I'm their target demographic for it. I work in science so already had/have more knowledge than most about CBT, but the way it was delivered (and the content itself) was just.. so poor.

Mini E wrote:

Tomous wrote:

Mini E wrote:Just finished three two hour sessions of group CBT online and it was potentially the biggest waste of six hours since I binge-watched the Hobbit films. Absolute waste of life and made me quite angry

Why was it so bad out of curiosity?

Thirty people on the call, asked specifically not to say anything personal in the chat, mostly the same 20 mins of content repeated over and over again with a one-size-fits-all approach (obviously this isn't their fault because they have to try and adopt this in a group setting, but it just did not work). The people delivering it were monotonic, uninspiring, and couldn't work the technology (these are obviously reflections of them, rather than the CBT).

To be honest, I don't think I'm their target demographic for it. I work in science so already had/have more knowledge than most about CBT, but the way it was delivered (and the content itself) was just.. so poor.

I'd try asking for access to Silvercloud through your GP, I mean, it's all the same principles but you can do it at your own pace. It is basically an online workbook but, it's no more or less than you need and don't need to worry about other people or "fitting" in.

I find it quite flexible.

Mini E wrote:

Tomous wrote:

Mini E wrote:Just finished three two hour sessions of group CBT online and it was potentially the biggest waste of six hours since I binge-watched the Hobbit films. Absolute waste of life and made me quite angry

Why was it so bad out of curiosity?

Thirty people on the call, asked specifically not to say anything personal in the chat, mostly the same 20 mins of content repeated over and over again with a one-size-fits-all approach (obviously this isn't their fault because they have to try and adopt this in a group setting, but it just did not work). The people delivering it were monotonic, uninspiring, and couldn't work the technology (these are obviously reflections of them, rather than the CBT).

To be honest, I don't think I'm their target demographic for it. I work in science so already had/have more knowledge than most about CBT, but the way it was delivered (and the content itself) was just.. so poor.

That sounds a nightmare. Not the same topic but I've been doing some online classes recently for addiction issues and the format really impressed me. They have 50-60 people on the calls at times and while they moderate the chat, they encourage people to use it to discuss their experiences, offer support while they themselves discuss the behaviour models and support systems they are recommending. They also have opportunities for people to share their thoughts-there is one "mic" in the class so only one person can share at a time. Works well.

Tsunade wrote:You'd make a very good therapist Kerr, you have the knowledge and the compassion a lot of therapists seem to lack from the stories I've seen online and a little of my own experience. I've done 2 rounds of therapy so far, I was told after my second round that I'd have support afterwards if I needed it but as soon as therapy was over I was told that I'd need to get referred yet again by my doctor to get any help at all!

Thank you very much

I have started on sertraline. It's supposed to help with serotonin levels. So far it's just making me feel like crap but apparently you need to persevering for a few weeks before you see any benefit.

Well that was quite possibly the worst weekend of my life.

I won't go into details but on Friday I'd ended up making what eventually resulted in being a minor mistake at work, but I basically spent the entire weekend panicking and suffering the worst anxiety I've ever felt in my life over it. I started to pick up a bit on Saturday, then Sunday just went downhill to a massive low point on Sunday evening, then Monday gradually got a bit better, but it's not until today and there was a meeting on the issue that I've started to actually relax. There's no blame being portioned out or anything like that, but I spent basically 5 days utterly terrified that I had screwed myself over, was going to lose my job of 6 years, I barely managed to eat at all for the duration and felt like being on the verge of an outright panic attack at times.

Thing is, normally I wouldn't react like that. I think this has really hammered home that I am not handling the current Coronavirus situation as well as I thought I was. I absolutely suffered some anxiety over it in the beginning but eventually seemed to move past that as I realised things weren't as bad as they had first seemed, but I think it's left me in a state where I'm more, I guess vulnerable is the right word, to suffering from these issues.

I think once things fully settle down at work I'm going to take a weeks leave, just get away from work. I'm beginning to realise that since the Coronavirus situation kicked off I've been using work as a focus tool/crutch and throwing myself into it and I just need to take some time to step back and completely disconnect myself from it.

Lagamorph wrote:Well that was quite possibly the worst weekend of my life.

I won't go into details but on Friday I'd ended up making what eventually resulted in being a minor mistake at work, but I basically spent the entire weekend panicking and suffering the worst anxiety I've ever felt in my life over it. I started to pick up a bit on Saturday, then Sunday just went downhill to a massive low point on Sunday evening, then Monday gradually got a bit better, but it's not until today and there was a meeting on the issue that I've started to actually relax. There's no blame being portioned out or anything like that, but I spent basically 5 days utterly terrified that I had screwed myself over, was going to lose my job of 6 years, I barely managed to eat at all for the duration and felt like being on the verge of an outright panic attack at times.

Thing is, normally I wouldn't react like that. I think this has really hammered home that I am not handling the current Coronavirus situation as well as I thought I was. I absolutely suffered some anxiety over it in the beginning but eventually seemed to move past that as I realised things weren't as bad as they had first seemed, but I think it's left me in a state where I'm more, I guess vulnerable is the right word, to suffering from these issues.

I think once things fully settle down at work I'm going to take a weeks leave, just get away from work. I'm beginning to realise that since the Coronavirus situation kicked off I've been using work as a focus tool/crutch and throwing myself into it and I just need to take some time to step back and completely disconnect myself from it.

It sounds like you desperately need some time off work to recharge. Have you spoken to your GP? If you tell them what you've posted here I'm positive they will recommend you take time off, and give you a doctor's note.

Been feeling pretty low and apathetic these past few days. Just feel so bitter at the world and society, and feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Just not really enjoying being alive right now. Also resent having to work throughout all this and have been doing the absolute bare minimum.

Tomous wrote:

Lagamorph wrote:Well that was quite possibly the worst weekend of my life.

I won't go into details but on Friday I'd ended up making what eventually resulted in being a minor mistake at work, but I basically spent the entire weekend panicking and suffering the worst anxiety I've ever felt in my life over it. I started to pick up a bit on Saturday, then Sunday just went downhill to a massive low point on Sunday evening, then Monday gradually got a bit better, but it's not until today and there was a meeting on the issue that I've started to actually relax. There's no blame being portioned out or anything like that, but I spent basically 5 days utterly terrified that I had screwed myself over, was going to lose my job of 6 years, I barely managed to eat at all for the duration and felt like being on the verge of an outright panic attack at times.

Thing is, normally I wouldn't react like that. I think this has really hammered home that I am not handling the current Coronavirus situation as well as I thought I was. I absolutely suffered some anxiety over it in the beginning but eventually seemed to move past that as I realised things weren't as bad as they had first seemed, but I think it's left me in a state where I'm more, I guess vulnerable is the right word, to suffering from these issues.

I think once things fully settle down at work I'm going to take a weeks leave, just get away from work. I'm beginning to realise that since the Coronavirus situation kicked off I've been using work as a focus tool/crutch and throwing myself into it and I just need to take some time to step back and completely disconnect myself from it.

It sounds like you desperately need some time off work to recharge. Have you spoken to your GP? If you tell them what you've posted here I'm positive they will recommend you take time off, and give you a doctor's note.

I absolutely agree I need some time off and fully intend to take a good week to completely and utterly disconnect from work.
I haven't spoken to my GP, though I'd prefer to take planned time off rather than sudden medical time off, that way I can do controlled handovers of ongoing work rather than worrying about what is/isn't getting done while I'm off.

I am considering making an appointment with my GP whilst I'm on leave though, if only to discuss how I'm not coping as well as I thought with the current situation.

Lagamorph wrote:

Tomous wrote:

Lagamorph wrote:Well that was quite possibly the worst weekend of my life.

I won't go into details but on Friday I'd ended up making what eventually resulted in being a minor mistake at work, but I basically spent the entire weekend panicking and suffering the worst anxiety I've ever felt in my life over it. I started to pick up a bit on Saturday, then Sunday just went downhill to a massive low point on Sunday evening, then Monday gradually got a bit better, but it's not until today and there was a meeting on the issue that I've started to actually relax. There's no blame being portioned out or anything like that, but I spent basically 5 days utterly terrified that I had screwed myself over, was going to lose my job of 6 years, I barely managed to eat at all for the duration and felt like being on the verge of an outright panic attack at times.

Thing is, normally I wouldn't react like that. I think this has really hammered home that I am not handling the current Coronavirus situation as well as I thought I was. I absolutely suffered some anxiety over it in the beginning but eventually seemed to move past that as I realised things weren't as bad as they had first seemed, but I think it's left me in a state where I'm more, I guess vulnerable is the right word, to suffering from these issues.

I think once things fully settle down at work I'm going to take a weeks leave, just get away from work. I'm beginning to realise that since the Coronavirus situation kicked off I've been using work as a focus tool/crutch and throwing myself into it and I just need to take some time to step back and completely disconnect myself from it.

It sounds like you desperately need some time off work to recharge. Have you spoken to your GP? If you tell them what you've posted here I'm positive they will recommend you take time off, and give you a doctor's note.

I absolutely agree I need some time off and fully intend to take a good week to completely and utterly disconnect from work.
I haven't spoken to my GP, though I'd prefer to take planned time off rather than sudden medical time off, that way I can do controlled handovers of ongoing work rather than worrying about what is/isn't getting done while I'm off.

I am considering making an appointment with my GP whilst I'm on leave though, if only to discuss how I'm not coping as well as I thought with the current situation.

I was a similar position to you and took 2 weeks off and it did me the world of good. I hated doing it at first, as I rarely take time off and was stressed about being off but it was much needed.

Definitely speak to your GP either way.

Tough day today. Had a pretty substantial bathroom leak over night which we'll hopefully get sorted through our home insurance. No idea how bad the damage is yet.

But my sister-in-law, having just moved into a house a couple of streets away, brought our nephew round to very briefly say hello. We all stayed more than 2m apart due to my wife's condition but it was so tough. He's 1 next week and we haven't seen him since February so it was really tough to be so close and unable to say hello properly or play with him. I've just taken it extra hard what with our IVF treatment on hold until we feel safe to continue. It just feels unfair.

Obviously life is neither fair or unfair but it is really tough!

I actually feel okay all things considered, I'm being careful not to dwell on today though as I could easily let it ruin me.

Taking a bit of pleasure in having had to move the sofa closer to the TV though. Feels like I'm in the cinema! The smell from the leak also helps with the authentic cinema experience.