Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Sorry if this is too personal, but are you able to pay for low cost counselling somewhere? It sounds like it would help you just to think through thoughts aloud and be guided by someone without judgement.

PRactioners certainly aren't always right about these things. For example, I had one NHS triage guy who while he did point me in the direction of appropriate services once said, "it can't be PTSD because there's no trauma". But how does one decide what is or isn't traumatic to a specific person? It's since become more evident in the field of neurodiversity that with autism you very much can be traumatised by seemingly small things, like a total overload of sensory information, mixed up with poor circumstances, bullying, trouble at work, bad family environment and things like that, and that can be comparable to something like a car accident or similar incident, for example. But that wasn't considered because that person isn't autistic and doesn't understand how those experiences can work on the spectrum.

The first time I ever went to the GP about mental health issues and was prescribed some zopiclone to help me sleep, I was offered SSRIs but I declined because my mum was always talking about getting on the drug train etc etc, which might be her belief but it was not helpful to me (it was just her opinion about dependency etc). Rather than even suggesting therapy (and at this point I wasn't seeking a diagnosis of any kind of neurodivergence or learning difficulties, which I eventually got) I was just told to exercise more. A depressed teenager with lots of "inactive" sort of hobbies that keep them occupied isn't really going to do that, so, it was a pretty crap suggestion.

I probably could yes. I guess I will use that phone one a few more times first if I need to. I have 6 free sessions through work with them, once I've been assessed. I am not sure though. Like I feel my life is progressing, I feel a melancholy sort of optimism. But I just can't stop looking back and regretting.

This close close friendship has been destroyed by me, and I'm trying so hard to be in the right mindset, to look forward, not back, to be glad it happened, not regret.
To wait for my heart to heal and mind to become clearer before I even consider contacting again.
But the way I am, the way I always do this, the way I overanalyse, overthink, am too self-critical and don't have enough courage to do whats good for me, that eats at my very core, and I often feel like I'll just be single forever. Then, when I take a step back, when I really look at me, my friends, my other relationships. I realise also that I'm going in the right direction. I feel like I'm on that crossroads right now, and I feel I'm trying my absolute hardest to make the right actions to self-progress, but I also feel like one slip and I'm tumbling back down.

I mean even the fact I've cut her out is progress in some kind of direction, I spent years in love with someone due to not cutting them out and trying to continue a friendship, and before I met my current friend I was in an abusive friendship situation(not romantic) with some really nasty girls. I guess I'm just venting a bit here. Apologies for those of you who really do have it bad. But I'm tired. I'm 29 and other than the odd fling or one night stand I've never had a proper relationship, and it really gets ya down if you let it.

Curls wrote: The other night I was just completely in tatters as I discovered girl who I had asked for space from has taken it to the next level and deleted me from every form of social media. I can't be bitter as then I'd be a hypocrit. But all I'd asked was to her not to text me for a few months, not to completely remove me from her life. I felt so overwhelmed and harshly done by, that I almost called her to talk/shout/whatever.

In the end I didn't, my brother convinced me not to. But it still hurts. I mean I'm the one who was hurting, and she's the one who's got the ex-boyfriend to spend time with and be consoled by, I don't have that. Of course, I know the last sentence is selfish and illogical, and she's just as likely to be hurt by me asking to stop contacting as I am by her getting back with her ex. But it's hard that she's dealt those blows when there was no need to. And it's hard that I cannot talk to her about it.

Zoning in on this one part of your post here, Curls, because it sounds to me like you're not very accepting of your feelings. You say you'd be a hypocrite if you felt bad about her blocking you on everything, because you initially asked for more space. But you go on to say yourself that this is an action she didn't need to take, and is clearly taking said action to try and hurt you.

Anyone doing anything for the sole purpose to try and hurt/spite you is always going to feel bad and it is completely normal to be in tatters over something like this. You did not ask for this, you asked for more space. Don't beat yourself up over feeling a certain way about something - "if I was "normal" I wouldn't feel like this" etc. etc., that sort of stuff.

Rather, recognise what you're feeling, accept that it's what you're feeling right now and there's no right or wrong way to be feeling right now, investgate internally what's causing that feeling, and what makes it worse, then let it go (non-identification - this is called the RAIN technique).

A lot of people wrongly think of themselves/humans as "thinking creatures who have feelings". I believe this to be the wrong way round - we are "feeling creatures who have thoughts". Invest in accepting and investigating these feelings - whether that's through CBT, meditation or private counselling.

I really hope it's just the common effect of the medication making me feel worse before it makes me feel better, because right now I feel utterly awful.
Since I started on the Sertraline I've gotten about 3-5 hours sleep per night and last night spent half the night just laying in bed terrified, before getting out of bed and immediately breaking down in tears.
Right now it just feels impossible to imagine ever being my old self again, or just being able to laugh and enjoy life rather than being perpetually terrified of it ending.

At least I should be hearing from a CBT therapist within 72 hours to begin setting up a treatment schedule.

Some of that RAIN stuff touches on the online CBT I was doing (I still need to finish 2 out of 10 modules ).

I once had a friend mention to me how once I was explaining away my feelings or explaining how they weren't justified or necessary or something. She pointed out that my over rationalising was denying myself having feelings.

Now sometimes when I feel cornered by my family for example I will simply say, "I'm having some feelings, and I'm allowed to have feelings" while they go and escalate this to whatever ridiculous extent they think they have to claiming I'm "out of control" or even violent, which is absurd. I'm literally just saying stuff in these situations that they don't to hear. I barely even raise my voice. Now that's crazy, but there you go. Part of mental wellbeing is recognising that feelings exist but allowing them to happen, to observe them, because it's a fundamental part of being human. A lot of energy can be expended explaining feelings and leaning too heavily on the rationalising side which can lead us to feeling worse about those feelings.

aayl1 wrote:

Curls wrote: The other night I was just completely in tatters as I discovered girl who I had asked for space from has taken it to the next level and deleted me from every form of social media. I can't be bitter as then I'd be a hypocrit. But all I'd asked was to her not to text me for a few months, not to completely remove me from her life. I felt so overwhelmed and harshly done by, that I almost called her to talk/shout/whatever.

In the end I didn't, my brother convinced me not to. But it still hurts. I mean I'm the one who was hurting, and she's the one who's got the ex-boyfriend to spend time with and be consoled by, I don't have that. Of course, I know the last sentence is selfish and illogical, and she's just as likely to be hurt by me asking to stop contacting as I am by her getting back with her ex. But it's hard that she's dealt those blows when there was no need to. And it's hard that I cannot talk to her about it.

Zoning in on this one part of your post here, Curls, because it sounds to me like you're not very accepting of your feelings. You say you'd be a hypocrite if you felt bad about her blocking you on everything, because you initially asked for more space. But you go on to say yourself that this is an action she didn't need to take, and is clearly taking said action to try and hurt you.

Anyone doing anything for the sole purpose to try and hurt/spite you is always going to feel bad and it is completely normal to be in tatters over something like this. You did not ask for this, you asked for more space. Don't beat yourself up over feeling a certain way about something - "if I was "normal" I wouldn't feel like this" etc. etc., that sort of stuff.

Rather, recognise what you're feeling, accept that it's what you're feeling right now and there's no right or wrong way to be feeling right now, investgate internally what's causing that feeling, and what makes it worse, then let it go (non-identification - this is called the RAIN technique).

A lot of people wrongly think of themselves/humans as "thinking creatures who have feelings". I believe this to be the wrong way round - we are "feeling creatures who have thoughts". Invest in accepting and investigating these feelings - whether that's through CBT, meditation or private counselling.

Thanks. I'll keep focusing on myself and trying to accept these things. It goes up and down on how hard i find a situation. I miss her a lot, but im bound to and im allowed to, I am not sat around moping at least.

Still seeing ups and downs on my own journey.

Wednesday was one of my worst days so far, crying on and off most of the day, but in the evening I started to perk up, was able to eat a decent meal and had my first good night's sleep in over a week. Yesterday I felt better than I had since this all started and was able to see a future where I got past this and back to normal.
Today though was right back and spent a chunk of the morning crying and scared again. Picked up a little this afternoon but certainly not back to yesterday's highs.

Still, it's only Day 8 of my medication. The good news is that I've been appointed a therapist and am just waiting for them to contact me and arrange appointments.

Sorry for just dumping out like this here, sometimes it just feels like it helps to be able to write things out this way.

Please don't apologise. I find i do it a lot; write down my thoughts and feeling. To real friends and on here. Typing it out helps. It helps a lot. And the responses here can be kind, or humbling, or make you realise you're being a little bitch (which you're not). There is no right or wrong way to attack what you're feeling, if writing it out on here helps you, keep doing it.

I actually came in here to post something similar (but not as serious) to what Laga posted on the previous page.

As most of you know, I have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and am now almost incapable of moving anything other than my right hand. I'm just about to turn 39 and keep getting the feeling that my life has no real meaning (single, unemployable and still living with parents) and that other than my siblings and parents, if I were to die tomorrow nobody would remember I ever lived.

I'm normally fairly accepting that this is my life but lately I keep having these thoughts about how my life would have panned out if I weren't disable and some nights while trying to sleep I feel an overwhelming sadness and hopelessness, usually I'm fine the following day and back to normal but the last couple of days its lasted most of the day and I just feel terrible.

I don't tend to share things like this but just felt I needed to vent somewhere.

Ironhide wrote:if I were to die tomorrow nobody would remember I ever lived.

I'd remember.

Sandy wrote:

Ironhide wrote:if I were to die tomorrow nobody would remember I ever lived.

I'd remember.

I think everyone on the forum would remember.

Got my first CBT session on Thursday. I'm both looking forward to it and quite nervous about it at the same time. I've been referred for 6 sessions altogether which seems short from what I've read.

For the last few days I've not actually been doing too bad, so can just keep going and see how it goes.

Ironhide wrote:I actually came in here to post something similar (but not as serious) to what Laga posted on the previous page.

As most of you know, I have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and am now almost incapable of moving anything other than my right hand. I'm just about to turn 39 and keep getting the feeling that my life has no real meaning (single, unemployable and still living with parents) and that other than my siblings and parents, if I were to die tomorrow nobody would remember I ever lived.

I'm normally fairly accepting that this is my life but lately I keep having these thoughts about how my life would have panned out if I weren't disable and some nights while trying to sleep I feel an overwhelming sadness and hopelessness, usually I'm fine the following day and back to normal but the last couple of days its lasted most of the day and I just feel terrible.

I don't tend to share things like this but just felt I needed to vent somewhere.

mate youre lovely and id be truly sad if you left us

although i cannot imagine your circumstances and what that does to your mental state.
forgive me if im assuming but you seem very intelligent? is there something you could get involved with that you can do from home but benefits people? like something charitable? that might give you a legacy and purpose beyond here and family

<]:^D wrote:

Ironhide wrote:I actually came in here to post something similar (but not as serious) to what Laga posted on the previous page.

As most of you know, I have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and am now almost incapable of moving anything other than my right hand. I'm just about to turn 39 and keep getting the feeling that my life has no real meaning (single, unemployable and still living with parents) and that other than my siblings and parents, if I were to die tomorrow nobody would remember I ever lived.

I'm normally fairly accepting that this is my life but lately I keep having these thoughts about how my life would have panned out if I weren't disable and some nights while trying to sleep I feel an overwhelming sadness and hopelessness, usually I'm fine the following day and back to normal but the last couple of days its lasted most of the day and I just feel terrible.

I don't tend to share things like this but just felt I needed to vent somewhere.

mate youre lovely and id be truly sad if you left us

although i cannot imagine your circumstances and what that does to your mental state.
forgive me if im assuming but you seem very intelligent? is there something you could get involved with that you can do from home but benefits people? like something charitable? that might give you a legacy and purpose beyond here and family

I've thought about doing something for charity but don't really know I can realistically do, my condition makes things difficult as sometimes I'm in no fit physical state to do much other than watch TV/listen to music.

I've considered doing a gaming marathon (SpecialEffect Gameblast or just streaming my own to raise money for them as they do some brilliant stuff to get people with disabilities back into gaming) but never actually got round to doing it.

streaming is a good idea! raising money in some way. dont feel like you have to do anything though
i didnt realise your physical condition can stop you from doing anything - sorry!

<]:^D wrote:i didnt realise your physical condition can stop you from doing anything - sorry!

No worries, I can still use a computer most days.

Streaming is a great idea IH - the guys on here have been super, super helpful in getting me set up etc. since I've started doing it over the last few weeks, and I'm sure they'd be more than happy to help you too. I'd love to see you gaming on Twitch mate, especially for a worthy cause.

And don't think that you wouldn't be remembered if you died, you're a very visible part of a few-hundred strong community here, and that's a great thing. If you disappeared, it would be taken note of pretty quickly. Same goes for everyone who posts in this thread.

Ironhide you're a legend mate easily one of the best posters on this forum. Top taste in music as well.

Ironhide wrote:

<]:^D wrote:

Ironhide wrote:I actually came in here to post something similar (but not as serious) to what Laga posted on the previous page.

As most of you know, I have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and am now almost incapable of moving anything other than my right hand. I'm just about to turn 39 and keep getting the feeling that my life has no real meaning (single, unemployable and still living with parents) and that other than my siblings and parents, if I were to die tomorrow nobody would remember I ever lived.

I'm normally fairly accepting that this is my life but lately I keep having these thoughts about how my life would have panned out if I weren't disable and some nights while trying to sleep I feel an overwhelming sadness and hopelessness, usually I'm fine the following day and back to normal but the last couple of days its lasted most of the day and I just feel terrible.

I don't tend to share things like this but just felt I needed to vent somewhere.

mate youre lovely and id be truly sad if you left us

although i cannot imagine your circumstances and what that does to your mental state.
forgive me if im assuming but you seem very intelligent? is there something you could get involved with that you can do from home but benefits people? like something charitable? that might give you a legacy and purpose beyond here and family

I've thought about doing something for charity but don't really know I can realistically do, my condition makes things difficult as sometimes I'm in no fit physical state to do much other than watch TV/listen to music.

I've considered doing a gaming marathon (SpecialEffect Gameblast or just streaming my own to raise money for them as they do some brilliant stuff to get people with disabilities back into gaming) but never actually got round to doing it.

I'm only over in Newark, you ever need any help with anything, give me a shout.

surviving