GRcade

I don't feel guilty about my main hobby - Dogging - but there is a large element of shame, or embarrassment about it.

I'm not really allowed to do much of it in my spare time at home (Fiddling with my bits, and gear) because the wife doesn't like the kids to see or know about it at all because she doesn't want them to "Get into filth".
And of course, talking about it outside of dogging circles can end up being quite embarrassing .

• "So you dress up like army men and play in the woods?"
• "Pretty much yeah, and in old buildings and that"
• "Why don't you just go to a club?"
• "Clubs aren't as cool, really, I suppose thats why"

But I've always loved it, and not going to stop loving it just because people think it's gay

GR is on point this afternoon

Moggy wrote:I don't feel guilty about my main hobby - Dogging - but there is a large element of shame, or embarrassment about it.

I'm not really allowed to do much of it in my spare time at home (Fiddling with my bits, and gear) because the wife doesn't like the kids to see or know about it at all because she doesn't want them to "Get into filth".
And of course, talking about it outside of dogging circles can end up being quite embarrassing .

• "So you dress up like army men and play in the woods?"
• "Pretty much yeah, and in old buildings and that"
• "Why don't you just go to a club?"
• "Clubs aren't as cool, really, I suppose thats why"

But I've always loved it, and not going to stop loving it just because people think it's gay

We do often make the joke that it's just cottaging with bb guns

LewisD wrote:I don't feel guilty about my main hobby - Airsofting - but there is a large element of shame, or embarrassment about it.

I'm not really allowed to do much of it in my spare time at home (Fiddling with my guns, and gear) because the wife doesn't like the kids to see or know about it at all because she doesn't want them to "Get into guns".
And of course, talking about it outside of airsoft circles can end up being quite embarrassing .

• "So you dress up like army men and play toy guns in the woods?"
• "Pretty much yeah, and in old buildings and that"
• "Why don't you just play paintball?"
• "Paintball guns aren't as cool, really, I suppose thats why"

But I've always loved it, and not going to stop loving it just because people think it's gay

I think a lot of teenage lads go through that phase where you see airsoft guns in the dodgy surplus shop and get a little bit obsessed with M16s vs AK47s vs MP5s etc. I know I did when I was a teenager, and I still profess to being a little bit geeky even if I am broadly a pacifist (this is partially because of games as well). But there's a difference between enjoying that and being the sort of person that you meet once and are certain they're on a Home Office watchlist. I do Ju-Jitsu and have done some stuff with Japanese weapons as part of that. Some people would see me waving a sword or pair of nunchaku about and think I'm a right sad act, but strawberry float em, it's great fun!

My wife and I have a nice equilibrium for spending time individually in the evening so I don't feel guilty for playing games, although I've felt that pressure in the past, and you have to read the situation and see what's appropriate. Certainly sitting and watching something only one person wants to watch is a recipe for resentment, and learning how to spend time apart whilst together is an oft-overlooked part of being in a long term relationship.

Coming up on Dr Phil...

Not really from a time perspective, I work shifts so I try to go to the gym or play games when I wouldn't be seeing my wife anyway. She understands that the gym really helps me mentally or at least transitioning from stress and anxiety to body dysmorphia.

I've decided to give up golf though as it's just getting too difficult to balance everything with doing shifts work.

Hime wrote:Not really from a time perspective, I work shifts so I try to go to the gym or play games when I wouldn't be seeing my wife anyway. She understands that the gym really helps me mentally or at least transitioning from stress and anxiety to body dysmorphia.

I've decided to give up golf though as it's just getting too difficult to balance everything with doing shifts work.

funny cos true.

I'm awful at just relaxing, always feel like I'm wasting time that could be better spent somehow.

It gets to a point, pretty quickly, where the understanding that there is certainly something else I should be doing becomes a significant distraction, but I'm pretty good at ignoring that mummy strawberry floater .

My TCG hobby costs about £300 or so a month all in (cards, tournament costs, travel fees etc), and is incredibly time consuming. If I was in a relationship or had any dependents I’d feel guilty about that but I’m not so I don’t.

Not guilty, a little embarrassed by my music recordings. I haven't shared them with my family or friends yet. Randomers online seem to like them.

I mix it up really.

I don’t game that much any more. I do feel a bit guilty when I game all day though, but that is so so so rare now. In fact I haven’t done it in about three years.

If I game it’s normally a couple of hours max.

I try to mix it up, I’ll do a jog and then I don’t feel bad about doing not a lot.
I’ve recently been doing a 1000 piece world map jigsaw and that’s consumed about 2 hours of my evening for about a week. I finished it about ten minutes ago.

Now what I do do a lot of, far far far too much, is sit there on my phone and waste time. I play a lot of online chess on it as well as hopelessly waste time.
I feel guilty about that, but yet, I still do it. Stupid phone,

I don't know about feeling guilt over enjoying a hobby, but I do experience a certain level of anxiety if I'm ever doing something that I can't identify a tangible benefit for other than "I want to do this because I enjoy it." It's like I feel as though my time could always be better spent by doing something that would provide some real self improvement, or benefit someone else. Ultimately, it often leads to me feeling dissatisfied with "selfish" hobbies when I take part in them, or putting pressure on myself to really enjoy them more than I should probably have any expectation to, in order to justify them, and ultimately end up resenting the time I spend on them.

I know full well this pressure to have hobbies that "add value" is socially ingrained, poisonous late capitalism, but it's a mindset I find nearly impossible to escape.

Squinty wrote:Not guilty, a little embarrassed by my music recordings. I haven't shared them with my family or friends yet. Randomers online seem to like them.

Unless you're recording stuff that's deliberately offensive to family members like dirty limericks about them or something I'm genuinely curious why you think your family or friends would have a problem with you trying music?
I highly doubt they expect you to be Mozart from the first attempt and surely most people would encourage you rather than be a dick and try and critique you.

Peter Crisp wrote:

Squinty wrote:Not guilty, a little embarrassed by my music recordings. I haven't shared them with my family or friends yet. Randomers online seem to like them.

Unless you're recording stuff that's deliberately offensive to family members like dirty limericks about them or something I'm genuinely curious why you think your family or friends would have a problem with you trying music?
I highly doubt they expect you to be Mozart from the first attempt and surely most people would encourage you rather than be a dick and try and critique you.

You are likely correct. Nothing offensive recorded, I guess it's more about the crap skill level than anything, but I am much better now than when I started a year and a half ago.

Some of my hobbies (none of which are really gaming these days although it was not always so) are more productive/creative than others and I definitely feel a nagging sense of guilt over the more mindless ones that don't result in anything tangible or provide an experience that's lasting and meaningful. I'm not sure if that's bad or good. I'm terrible at relaxing.

Knoyleo wrote:I don't know about feeling guilt over enjoying a hobby, but I do experience a certain level of anxiety if I'm ever doing something that I can't identify a tangible benefit for other than "I want to do this because I enjoy it." It's like I feel as though my time could always be better spent by doing something that would provide some real self improvement, or benefit someone else. Ultimately, it often leads to me feeling dissatisfied with "selfish" hobbies when I take part in them, or putting pressure on myself to really enjoy them more than I should probably have any expectation to, in order to justify them, and ultimately end up resenting the time I spend on them.

I know full well this pressure to have hobbies that "add value" is socially ingrained, poisonous late capitalism, but it's a mindset I find nearly impossible to escape.

I get this a bit, but part of it's down to the fact I really don't like my job so I feel I need to be 'doing' something to try and improve the situation. While applying to jobs is fine, it's very 'passive' in the fact I have to wait for a job to be posted, so there can be stretches where I can't find anything to apply for. To counter this, I've started to learn some coding. It's something I already have a little interest in, and I oversee a developer during some projects at work so it does really help for me to know more.

Connected to this, my main hobby is working out. It has the perfect balance of 'in the moment' and 'long term' benefits for me that it pretty much ticks all the boxes of what's important to me. I do weights as well as running, swimming and cycling, and do running events and have done a tri in the past and hoping to do more soon. It reminds me a lot of gaming, things like RPGs or Civ where you can have multiple short and long term goals on the go at once so you can always feel like you're achieving something if you're a bit overly methodical like I can be. The endorphins and the improved appearance are a massive plus too. It also helps shut up the part of my brain that wants me to 'be productive'. Since I've completely knackered myself out, and overcame a challenge I set myself, I find it much easier to shut off for the rest of that day and just do something lazy at home (such as gaming, watching a film or TV show, reading a book, or listening to music or a podcast).

The main thing I feel 'guilty' about is I don't really do as many hobbies as I want, but that mostly comes down to time, money and priorities. I'm saving for a house, and don't drive, so it limits where I can go and how much I'm willing to spend - something I'm hoping to change when I'm ready to get my own place.

Knoyleo wrote:I know full well this pressure to have hobbies that "add value" is socially ingrained, poisonous late capitalism, but it's a mindset I find nearly impossible to escape.

You might find this interesting, the author talks about this and the additional problem of the pressure to be amazing/productive at hobbies because of social media etc

I paint/play tabletop wargames now more than I have in years, mainly as a reaction to how awful the games industry has become and a desire to do something creative, and it has taken a long time to get over the mindset of not being good enough compared to others etc. I don't know if it was timing or what, but I think this video was one of the final steps to accepting that I'm doing it because I want to and not for anyone else:

That's not a growth wrote:I get this a bit, but part of it's down to the fact I really don't like my job so I feel I need to be 'doing' something to try and improve the situation.

I think mine is also partly this as well. I don't dislike my job, but it's hardly a compelling career. It's stable, I guess, and I'm grateful for that, but it's hardly inspiring, and I guess it's a big area of life to have that doesn't really provide that sense of fulfilment.

Trelliz wrote:

Knoyleo wrote:I know full well this pressure to have hobbies that "add value" is socially ingrained, poisonous late capitalism, but it's a mindset I find nearly impossible to escape.

You might find this interesting, the author talks about this and the additional problem of the pressure to be amazing/productive at hobbies because of social media etc

I paint/play tabletop wargames now more than I have in years, mainly as a reaction to how awful the games industry has become and a desire to do something creative, and it has taken a long time to get over the mindset of not being good enough compared to others etc. I don't know if it was timing or what, but I think this video was one of the final steps to accepting that I'm doing it because I want to and not for anyone else:

That's a really good article. I'm very guilty of looking at potential new hobbies and writing them off because I know I'll never excel at it. Part of the reason I've never really gotten into team sports is also because I don't want to burden others with me not being good enough at something, which feels similar.

I know it's daft, but whenever I'm looking at something new to do, there's always a part of my head that imagines this new thing becoming the dominant passion in my life, and making it a career, and becoming super successful at it, and then I tell myself not to be ridiculous, I'll never be that good at it, so why bother, and I don't even start it. It's like I'm looking for something to save me, and turn my life around, which is a ridiculous expectation to put on a pastime.

Moggy wrote:

Peter Crisp wrote:

Moggy wrote:If it is something you enjoy that doesn’t hurt anybody else, why would you feel guilty?

One of my wife’s workmates has said before that she wouldn’t stay with a partner who plays video games. She says things like “oh I don’t know how you put up with that!”, even though her husband plays golf all the time. And she is almost certainly banging her boss at the moment.

Does sex count as a hobby?

It's like stamp collecting but with more licking.

No guilt felt today. Had a great time
Tried Sniping for the first time today. Loads of fun!