Drunken Tales Thread

[Denster]

When i was at uni in the mid nineties we regularly went clubbing mid week.
I'd had about 5 or 6 pints and then about 7-8 bottles of blackcurrant hooch and was totally bollocksed.
Got back to the house and made a bacon and mushroom sandwich and a bowl of sugar puffs. Ate them and went to bed.

Woke up at 4am covered in purple vomit. It was over the bed, up the curtains, everywhere. Apparently id vomited copiously in my sleep. My housemate said id sounded like someone raping a wildebeest.

I just shoved everything at the bottom of my bed and went back to sleep still pissed.

Next morning the stench was incredible. Utterly mephitic.
I shoved all my bedclothes in the wash and then hung them out to dry. They were pristine and sweet smelling.

Unfortunately i hadnt rinsed them out first before putting them in the machine and my house mate put his stuff in after me and ended up with bits of bacon, mushroom and sugar puffs stuck to his clothes.

[Albert]

I think it's the fact that Katie was obviously having a nice night in (Candles, Wine)...the drunken Albear rocked up and passed out in the middle of it.

Pretty much. She had given up looking for me, so had gone home to have a glass of wine and watch some House.

Forgot to mention, the judge phoned me the following day (under orders of the mother, to apologise to me). He apparently had got back and passed out in the bathroom, as well as puking on their carpet.

I told him he had nothing to apologise for and it was a 'fun' day. He then asked me if I thought our drinks had been spiked, I asked him If he thought someone had spiked all 15+ of his pints...

You know when you wake up and promise to never drink that much again, the following morning I did, and haven't.

[SEP]

Pictures speak louder than words, this was last weekend.

You're wearing a box on your head. You really shouldn't look so smug about it.

[JV]

I once found myself at a mates in Bristol the morning after a very very heavy night once. I never really understood how I got there though, as the night out was in Cardiff. Apparently, I just..... arrived.

[Qikz]

Albear, that's immense.

[Madness]

I only have one, and only I'd find it amusing.

And by amusing, I mean cripplingly embarrasing.

[Red]

I had a drunken one-night stand, and left their house before they woke up the next morning, with no intention of getting back in touch. But, being a complete tard, I forgot my glasses, and had to slink back later to collect them ¬_¬. Smooooooth.

I've got the usual litany of "embarrassing drunken sexual relations" and "inappropriate places I have vomited" but they're not all that interesting really if you weren't there.

[JK]

On my 20th birthday celebrations, I was chucked out of Club Biscuit because I tripped over the stairs going to the toilet. Being the dutiful soul she is, my girlfriend left the club with me and accompanied home. To thank her for her generosity, I decided to throw up all over the bus we were on. So she pushes me off and we walk the rest of the way, and I'm vomiting like some horrible lawn sprinkler - all over the pavement, all over my trousers, I even manage to get some in her handbag. We finally get home, I had a shower to remove the vomit and then shouted at her as I believed I was perfectly capable of putting the toothpaste on the toothbrush, thank you very much. After twenty minutes of attempting to clean my teeth (and failing) I decide to go to bed. She then went to my housemate's room to have a little cry before joining me.

And I didn't remember any of this the next day.

[Turok]

I was chucked out of Club Biscuit because I tripped over the stairs going to the toilet.

lolwut

[JK]

I was chucked out of Club Biscuit because I tripped over the stairs going to the toilet.

lolwut

You had to climb some stairs to get to the bogs at this particular club (The Lateroom, for any aficianados of the Manchester club scene). I tripped on them and the bouncer thought I was had drunk too much so turfed me out.

[Turok]

That was harsh. Did you tell him it was your birthday at least?

[JK]

:? That was harsh. Did you tell him it was your birthday at least?

I was beyond coherent speech at this point.

[Dolph Wiggler]

On a night out in uni just before christmas last year i dropped my phone in the toilet. I fished it out (ugh) but it didn't work after. Anyway a girl i was after at the time was out so i built up the courage (read: was hammered enough) to chat her up. After around 5 mins i asked her for her number, pulled out my phone and went, "oh yeah gooseberry fool, i'm just after dropping it in the toilet". This was particularly disgusting cause it was the filthiest club in town and the toilets are always rank, so fishing a phone out isn't exactly the most attractive thing in the world. Suffice to say i left right away with a fairly scarlet face...

On the plus side she came up to me after christmas one night and we had a laugh about it, although then i found out she had a boyfriend.

[JV]

Club Biscuit?

[Doug Rocket]

The night of my 22nd birthday. I had been going out with my then girlfriend for less than a month, and this would be the first time she had properly seen me get shit-faced. I'll just cut to what I've been told because I don't remember any of this;

- spraying passers-by with a half bottle of "champagne" given to me by the nightclub we were in
- playing air guitar on my knees on an empty dancefloor
- had to be carried from the club and shoved in a taxi with my hugely embarrassed ex, then I started shouting at some lads from the cab window "You Russell Brand wannabes! Look at the state of you!" (oh the ironing).
- tried to make my way to my front door, but decided to slump over the garden wall instead. The ex opens the front door using my key, leading me to call her a "strawberry floating magic bitch".

There are plenty more stories, I'm just cringing a bit too much thinking about them to bother typing them out just yet.

[JK]

Club Biscuit?

Yes. I was so smashed I mistook a chocolate-covered crunchy comestible for an indie-alternative club night.

Happens to the best of us, I'm sure.

[SC]

Most recent drink-related idiocy was at my lady-cousins party where we were mucking around in the pool a fair few months ago. One of her best mates (fit though) was flirting and stuff so we had sex in the shower after about five minutes of first 'talking'; most of which was really just her biting me, mutually touching and throwing a ball in each others' faces.

Turns out later she's a slag (you don't care about these things at the time, at least I didn't) so had to do the whole STI thing. Thankfully clean, and now a little wiser.

[JV]

Club Biscuit?

Yes. I was so smashed I mistook a chocolate-covered crunchy comestible for an indie-alternative club night.

Happens to the best of us, I'm sure.

Never happened to me, but I must be some sort of higher class drunken waste of space.