Drunken Tales Thread

[Red Devil]

After reading this epic thread on F365, it's inspired me to do one on here. It's probably been done before but stuff it.

I'd been in my new school for about a few weeks or so when one of the people in in the year above invited me and my group of friends to a party at his. We'd just all been chilling having a few drinks and whatnot and you know when you're in a group of about 15-20 people everyone usually reaches the point where they're starting to get off with various flirts and what not? I thought I'd walk up behind these two girls and put my arms around them on the off chance I might get something yet according to my mates I was fondling their boobs for a good 5mins or so. Lucky they were drunk otherwise I would've been strawberry floated. One I ended up flirting around with for the following two years and the other developed a crush on me I didn't want to reciprocate because she was a bit of a minger.

There was also some shirt lifting by a large breasted Indian chick and one girl got a black eye from walking in to a door.

[Alkaline]

I went to London all the way from Manchester one night just to go and see Coheed & Cambria. We'd been drinking all day so by the time the concert finished I truly was a complete mess. Our coach back wasn't until 2.30am so we had some time to kill, we decided to wait round the back of the venue to see if the band would come out. After about an hour I got pretty bored so I climbed up onto the roof then towards a door on top which I thought might lead me backstage. I try the door and to my suprise it opens 'Yes! I'm backstage' I thought. I wasn't. I was in some tiny dark office with just a narrow set of stairs at the back leading down, I go down the stairs and I'm in a strawberry floating Starbucks. It's obviously closed and at that point I realise there's a deafening alarm going off. For some reason I stayed completely calm during the whole thing, I even went back outside and off the roof to tell my friends then back up and back into the Starbucks. I decided I should take some souvenirs so I took a Starbucks mug and a massive bag of coffee beans. I took a couple of pictures too, I'll post them if anyone's interested.

This stories probably written rather retardedly but I'm extremely tired so excuse me.

[Tragic Magic]

[Ecno]

I went to London all the way from Manchester one night just to go and see Coheed & Cambria. We'd been drinking all day so by the time the concert finished I truly was a complete mess. Our coach back wasn't until 2.30am so we had some time to kill, we decided to wait round the back of the venue to see if the band would come out. After about an hour I got pretty bored so I climbed up onto the roof then towards a door on top which I thought might lead me backstage. I try the door and to my suprise it opens 'Yes! I'm backstage' I thought. I wasn't. I was in some tiny dark office with just a narrow set of stairs at the back leading down, I go down the stairs and I'm in a ******* Starbucks. It's obviously closed and at that point I realise there's a deafening alarm going off. For some reason I stayed completely calm during the whole thing, I even went back outside and off the roof to tell my friends then back up and back into the Starbucks. I decided I should take some souvenirs so I took a Starbucks mug and a massive bag of coffee beans. I took a couple of pictures too, I'll post them if anyone's interested.

This stories probably written rather retardedly but I'm extremely tired so excuse me.

Pics please

[smurphy]

I'd been at a barbecue so was already a bit unstable, and me and a friend went to some girl's birthday party. Barely knew her and strongly disliked almost everyone who was there apart from a few other friends who had showed up, but she had a fridge completely packed with beer (I'm talking like 50+ bottles, and considering me and my mate were the only people drinking it - basically infinite), which was enough for me.

Anyway, after a while me and two other guys sat in front of the out door stove because it was freezing, this naturally let to burning things. I was the main arsonist, being the most drunk and most obsessed with fire, but it was fun. Pack of digestives, loads of left over sausages, bag of onion rings, 2L bottles of juice, marshmallows, rolls, wood, loads of plastic packaging things. No one seemed to mind until I threw in a full tub of coleslaw then me and my friend were removed from the party. They literally just threw us into the rain at midnight. It was great though, perhaps the most drunk I've ever been. Although there were some other times...

[Alkaline]

I went to London all the way from Manchester one night just to go and see Coheed & Cambria. We'd been drinking all day so by the time the concert finished I truly was a complete mess. Our coach back wasn't until 2.30am so we had some time to kill, we decided to wait round the back of the venue to see if the band would come out. After about an hour I got pretty bored so I climbed up onto the roof then towards a door on top which I thought might lead me backstage. I try the door and to my suprise it opens 'Yes! I'm backstage' I thought. I wasn't. I was in some tiny dark office with just a narrow set of stairs at the back leading down, I go down the stairs and I'm in a ******* Starbucks. It's obviously closed and at that point I realise there's a deafening alarm going off. For some reason I stayed completely calm during the whole thing, I even went back outside and off the roof to tell my friends then back up and back into the Starbucks. I decided I should take some souvenirs so I took a Starbucks mug and a massive bag of coffee beans. I took a couple of pictures too, I'll post them if anyone's interested.

This stories probably written rather retardedly but I'm extremely tired so excuse me.

Pics please

Okay, they're not very clear or even exciting but here they are...



This was taken from one roof looking down on to the lower roof where the door was. It was after I'd already been in once then been out to tell my friends, I left the door propped open with a bin.



The inside.

[Raedus]

Loads of stories, but the one that sticks out the most is as follow. Just got out the club after my 21st pished out my nut. Manage to wander to the local subway and order a sub with everything, in my drunken haze i notice a sign on the till that says "We don't accept £100 notes" but some smart ass has added another zero on the end of £100. The girl at the till who barely speaks english tells me how much my sub is and i ask her why she wont accept my £1000 note. She just stares at me blankly. Being a drunk dick i start shouting and ranting about how it was bullshit they wouldnt accept my £1000 note. The que of 20-30 people are getting pissed off and the bouncer starts moving towards me (is it only subways in Glasgow that have bouncers ?) so i shout "strawberry float YOU ALL" grab the sandwich, mush it into the bouncers face and sprint away. Ended up lost in the west end eventually found a black cab about 40 minutes later and made it to my flat. Woke up in the landing with keys in my hand and post on my lap.

[Jax]

Way too many "Had a dump/wazz in an inappropriate place" posts on the F365 one.

Still, some of them...

[Corazon de Leon]

Loads of stories, but the one that sticks out the most is as follow. Just got out the club after my 21st pished out my nut. Manage to wander to the local subway and order a sub with everything, in my drunken haze i notice a sign on the till that says "We don't accept £100 notes" but some smart ass has added another zero on the end of £100. The girl at the till who barely speaks english tells me how much my sub is and i ask her why she wont accept my £1000 note. She just stares at me blankly. Being a drunk dick i start shouting and ranting about how it was bullshit they wouldnt accept my £1000 note. The que of 20-30 people are getting pissed off and the bouncer starts moving towards me (is it only subways in Glasgow that have bouncers ?) so i shout "strawberry float YOU ALL" grab the sandwich, mush it into the bouncers face and sprint away. Ended up lost in the west end eventually found a black cab about 40 minutes later and made it to my flat. Woke up in the landing with keys in my hand and post on my lap.

It's actually only the Subway outside the garage that I've ever seen with a bouncer on it, usually on a Thursday night(The one outside of ABC might have one as well though I guess).

[OnlyShallow]

I'd been at a barbecue so was already a bit unstable, and me and a friend went to some girl's birthday party. Barely knew her and strongly disliked almost everyone who was there apart from a few other friends who had showed up, but she had a fridge completely packed with beer (I'm talking like 50+ bottles, and considering me and my mate were the only people drinking it - basically infinite), which was enough for me.

Anyway, after a while me and two other guys sat in front of the out door stove because it was freezing, this naturally let to burning things. I was the main arsonist, being the most drunk and most obsessed with fire, but it was fun. Pack of digestives, loads of left over sausages, bag of onion rings, 2L bottles of juice, marshmallows, rolls, wood, loads of plastic packaging things. No one seemed to mind until I threw in a full tub of coleslaw then me and my friend were removed from the party. They literally just threw us into the rain at midnight. It was great though, perhaps the most drunk I've ever been. Although there were some other times...

I've done the drunk arsonist thing too. Been out clubbing with a few mates and we ended back at one of their flats. It was freezing cold and they had no heating, only an old fireplace that was blocked off. After shivering our asses off for about half an hour me and my mate decided to use the fireplace for its intended purpose.

We now had to decide what to sacrifice to the god of fire, as there was obviously nothing like logs, coal etc. First thing in was a wooden chair, however there was nothing to get it started. That is where the flyers our host had had printed for his club came in to their own. Next thing into the pyre was a pair of big wooden speakers (minus magnets etc).

We were doing a really good job of keeping ourselves warm, what with the roaring fire, the exertion needed to smash up the kindling (ie furniture) and the hacking coughs we had developed from the smoke. At this point my mate whose flat it was, was woken up the smashing, hacking and general sound of two guys demolishing his flat and setting fire to it. He was not too pleased when he walked into the living room.

[Cropolite]

One night we were drunk, my friend is completely off his head and as we're walking by some random set of houses - he walks in the door of one and goes upstairs for a gooseberry fool. The door was open and the lights were on, but nobody's home. He somehow felt the urge to ask permission to use their toilet, so would only go for it if they were there to let him.

However, with them not being there, he felt it would be wrong to use their toilet, so came out into their front garden and laid one on the path instead.

[thousand yard stare]

On a night out on the booze, walking between pubs, I nipped up an alleyway to take a piss. While I was in full flow, my mobile went off - it was one of the lads I was with, asking where I was. I told him I'd be there in a minute, still urinating, and in my drunken haze I managed to drop my mobile by my feet. I finished my slash, too leathered to even contemplate moving the phone or my feet - and when I picked the phone up, I found that my mate had called me on videophone; since the phone had landed screen up, he'd had an unsettling view of my piss cascading down onto his 'head'. I imagine it was like some kind of virtual golden shower experience. The pair of us no longer speak.

[Albert]

About 3 years ago, after only going out with the GF for about 6 months, her dad (The 6foot 4, 20 stone, ex rugby player judge) invited me to a VP Rugby Dinner where he's Vice president at.

Apparently it's quite a big thing...only blokes, no girls, and it raises money for the club.

Anyway, I was told it was smart casual, and to be there for 1.

So I turned up about 30 mins late (bad traffic) in my smartest Jeans and Shirt combo, to be greeted by a room full of about 200 people all in Dinner Jackets and tie's (apparently smart casual to old people is what you would wear at a funeral)

I eventually find my way to my table where the Judge (Keith) is not looking happy, and he thanks me for making such an effort with my clothes and timing. To make matters worse, he's invited 4 friends with him (all judges)

As soon as I had sat down one of them turned to me and said "So you're the one strawberry floating Keiths daughter?"

At this point I decided alcohol was the only way to make it through the day, unfortunately they only sold Stella on Tap.

2 hours and 6 pints later and everything's fine again, were all pretty hammered and taking the piss out of each other and my relationship with my future Father in Law is blossoming.

4 hours and 3 pints later and my memory is a little sketchy..I think there was a rugby game, and I remember wrestling the Judge (I'm 5'10 12 Stone).

5 hours and unknown pints later I don't remember anything, but apparently what happened is as follows.

Katie and her mum arrive, after a lovely relaxing day at the health spa to be greeted by the sight of the judge Bear Hugging me (my feet were off the floor)

We all remained for another hour until the women decided to get their respective men home.

Upon leaving the club, I pissed against the club house, in front of the mum, and then on the way to the car I fell flat on my face breaking my nose (Mum not impressed, Judge thought it was hilarious)

When safely in the car, I demanded I be taken to Mc Donalds. Katie told me I was in no fit state but apparently I was having none of it. We eventually get to the Maccy D drive through, at which point I apologise to Katie, open her car door, puke and then just run off through the car park.

Katie spent 2 hours looking for me but eventually gave up and went home. I turned up 3 hours later, munching a kebab.

I then proceed to pass out with my head under the sofa and remain there for the next 12 hours asleep.



THE END.

[bigcheez2k3]

Albear wins.

[JV]

Good stories guys. I have many stories. Embarrassing ones. Rude ones. Too long to tell.

[Mockmaster]

Albear's tale was a bit tame to be honest, especially compared to my story.

To be revealed in my next post in this thread.

[Hexx]

Albears was funny.

Plus we can see his botty!

[Pancake]

Come on then 'Drunken_Master', tell us what you've got!

[Drumstick]

Albear that was strawberry floating immense.

[Hexx]

I think it's the fact that Katie was obviously having a nice night in (Candles, Wine)...the drunken Albear rocked up and passed out in the middle of it.