Kirk was, and remains, an unassuming man. Tall and slender for a man in his early 40s, Kirk has lived his entire life in rural Maine, USA. His slim and slightly muscular build isn't what you'd expect from the instigator of an "internet culture phenomenon" -- rather, with his simple hair and thick chestnut moustache, he fits in perfectly amongst his farming community contemporaries.
Kirk, though, had a passion which would likely see him ran out of his home ranch were it ever discovered; and it was for that passion that he now reclined naked on his back porch, brisk winter breeze keeping him alert and focused.
The camera was in place and linked to his computer (connected to Usenet via a state-of-the-art 56k modem). His chute had stopped hurting -- he removed the plug, 4 inches in diameter, and retreated back to his study.
Kirk Johnson did not know he was about to make history, but his next actions would shape the information revolution.
Bent down in front of his camera, Kirk took a deep breath. His feelings were not of achievement, nor of the disgust or self-loathing you might expect; he merely felt the satisfaction of indulging in a hobby. His fingers went in easily. Taking a final moment to steel himself, he stretched.
The camera flashed.
The modem screeched.
Kirk Johnson became a legend.
--
Kirk still follows his hobby, from his ranch in rural Maine. He still, to this day, posts videos to both Usenet and a reasonably popular US-based imageboard. But his magnum opus is done, and though he may be Kirk Johnson by birth, he is now known throughout the developed world by a different name, the name of his greatest achievement.
Image quality is a bit crap in this light but here's what I bought today, the jeans...(or the ring you can just see in the middle there) can be the challenger:
"Welcome to Finlaystone Country Estate, an established visitor attraction managed by the family of the Chief of the Clan MacMillan. The estate is located just ten minutes west of Glasgow Airport and is open all year round.
With its spectacular views across the Firth of Clyde, Finlaystone offers colourful gardens, imaginative woodland play areas and tumbling waterfalls. The estate combines history with adventure in a fun day out for the family, where your dog can run freely. Step back in time and uncover its secrets."
Basically took 7 photos of what I believe summarise these sins. And then put them all into one image:
Wrath: My wrecked REC DVD. My dogs chewed it. This pissed me off big time and I ended up punching a door. Just looking at it still fills me with wrath. Stupid strawberry floating dogs. Envy: My brother's miniatures collection (that he stole from work btw). I'm jealous that I do not have them. Pride: Bought for me by a friend years ago after I "survived Air". Proud because I overcame my fear to go on that ride. I was gooseberry fool scared of it at the time. Greed: 3 Guitar Hero guitars (one is still in the unopened package). Greed because I got them all for free through a scam and don't even really need them. I'm rubbish at Guitar Hero. Lust: Explaination not really needed.... *fap fap fap* Gluttony: The waste from my chinese I had last night. I ate far too much and felt a bit sick afterwards. Sloth: My bed. Where I spend far too much time sleeping.
Benjamin Justice, or Ben to his friend, was a normal guy. Until one Fêteful day. It was the summer of 2002 and Ben was enjoying an icecream at the local fair. All of a sudden a wizard approached him and offered to fullfill any fantasy.
"I'd like to strawberry float a lioness" chirped Ben.
And then Ben was the lions.
"From this day on I shall be known as DA MIGHTY LIZZIMBA and use my new found lion powers to protect this city, but first I'll need to find a sexy lioness"
He headed to the zoo and had his wicked way with one of the sleeping cats. In the morning a security guard found Ben.
"WTF MON... you can't be in here"
Ben looked up in silence.
"Hey, pervert are you listening to me? You can't be in there"
Ben walked up to the security guard and in a gruff voice said:
"I'm the goddamn Catman and can do what I want"
The security guard looked puzzled. Then phoned the police.
Kevin Bacon was in Hollow Man which also starred Josh Brolin, Josh Brolin was in No country for old men, which also starred Tommy Lee Jones Tommy Lee Jones was in US Marshalls which also stars Wesley Snipes
Creative Writing
Soul Calibur: Broken Destiny - Haiku review
Pocket fighting bliss now with added god of war no arcade mode though
The Guru I've started praying again, as discussed earlier.
New Look I purchased my awesome Arsenal socks, which will be my first choice football sock from here on out.
Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon Firstly, I watched Hollow Man, starring Kevin Bacon and Elisabeth Shue. This was alright. I'm not ususally a horror/thriller type of guy, but I enjoyed the film. 6.5/10 Secondly, I watched Back to the Future Part 3 with Elisabeth Shue and Mary Steenburgen. I'd only seen the first one, and after watching the second one just to catch up, I embarked on this (a good move, as it's a direct sequel). It was good. My friend had said two was better than three, but I actually preferred the conclusion. 7.5/10 Thirdly, I watched Philadelphia, starring Mary Steenburgen and Joey Perillo. This was a film I'd been meaning to watch for ages, and it was excellent, although I've realised I can't watch Tom Hanks films without immediately thinking of Woody from Toy Story. 8.5/10 Fourthly, I watched The Negotiator, starring Joey Perillo and Anthony Ruivivar. This was another top drawer film I'd had on my shelf for ages without watching (it was cheap in Cash Converters). Samuel L Jackson is great at playing people who don't suffer fools easily. 8/10 Fifthly, I watched Starship Troopers, starring Anthony Ruivivar and Michael Ironside. I'd watched this film before, and it's always awesome. Would you like to know more? 8/10 Finally, I watched Total Recall, starring Michael Ironside. This. Film. Is. strawberry floating. AMAZE! I thought it would be Commando good, like a decent 80s action flick, but it was actually Terminator good, in that it's outstanding. I really want to read the Phillip K Dick book now. 9/10
Creative Writing This Wasn't in the Manual
As soon as I could hold a pad I played computer games. It was my favourite pastime to my mother's eternal shame!
I remember when the mining stopped, the collieries awash with despair. I asked "What are you moaning about? You're free from Eugene's Lair!"
I spent hours playing Tetris thanks to Alexey Pajitnov, but when I knocked down my garden wall my rocket didn't blast off!
My hedgehog conservation scheme never got far off the ground. I made a shield of fairy liquid and my poor pet hedgehog drowned!
I hated it in school when quizzed upon the Greek Colossus "HOW LONG DID IT TAKE TO BUILD BOY?" "Dunno, about fifty turns miss?"
To fit in I joined the school cadets and all was hunky dory, until I was caught with ninteen guns held in my inventory!
I left school and entered work then went up for promotion, but their interviewing expertise countered my levelling potion!
I trained to be a plumber with a view to saving the princess, I stuck my head down a toilet pipe and got an infected abcess!
I met a young filly who loved me and eventually had her defrocked, but I ruined the mood when I shouted "BOINK! ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!"
When war broke out I was drafted, I bravely answered the call! BANG - I was shot, they cried "MEDIC!" S'okay, I'll recharge behind this wall!
A bogey jumped over to finish me, I unsheathed my GI combat knife. Did I thrust, parry, strike or slash? Nope, I just waggled for my life!
The waggle was not quite successful, and you'd expect me to adopt a frown, but I grinned as I was perforated, I had a Phoenix Down!
As the coldness of death embraced me I was in a familiar place. No quotes from Plato or Ghandi, just a stranger teabagging my face!
This poem may sound like a warning of the dangers escapism brings, but make room in your day for a virtual play, it's much safer than the real thing!
Fun Filled Outing For this I decided to visit the Metropolitan Cathedral of Christ the King in Liverpool. It's more commonly known simply as the Catholic Cathedral, as just down the road is another Cathedral, which is Anglican. It's also nicknamed the Paddy Wigwam by some due to its distinctive shape. I didn't take pictures of the inside as it's a place of worship first and a tourist attraction second, and it would be disrespectful/disruptive to people actually praying.
Seven Deadly Scenes Sloth: an unmade bed.
Gluttony: huge portions from our chippy, neither were finished.
Greed: my debit card, which I found out had its details stolen from Shopto this week. Not greed on my part, but on the part of the fraudsters.
Envy: I yearn for our name to be on more cups than this this season. I had an idea to take a picture of a ruler with a mans' average size and my own size marked on it. However, when I measured myself I found out that I'm actually above average. I'm glad I did this task
Lust: you can use statistics to prove anything that's even remotely true, fourfty percent of people know that!
Pride and Wrath: my swords symbolise wrath. My black belt and trophy symbolise pride. The nunchaku symbolise both, as I made them myself, and they are also quite capable of dealing out large amounts of wrath.
...Mind was clear and I felt relaxed. The constant stream of water from the shower only helped the relaxation.
Did this for 3 days in a row. And a couple of other times since.
New Look
For this task I took the cheap way out. My brother bought a pack of 10 pairs of socks. I purchased a pair of them from him (for £2). These ones:
Pirate socks yeah.
Medium
3 Degrees of Kevin Bacon (or another actor) Starting actor was Vince Vaughn. Watched Swingers which also starred Heather Graham Then watched Bowfinger with Heather Graham in. Also starred (albeit in a tiny role) John Cho Then I watched Nick and Norah's infinite Playlist (already seen this one before) which had John Cho and Kat Dennings in. Kat Dennings was in The House Bunny which I watched next. Also in this was Colin Hanks. Next up was Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny which starred Colin Hanks (cameo) and Jack Black Final film was the Jack Black movie Be Kind Rewind that also starred Mos Def who I end with.
Six films y'all.
Creative Writing
The curious case of Benjamin Justice
Benjamin Justice, or Ben to his friend, was a normal guy. Until one Fêteful day. It was the summer of 2002 and Ben was enjoying an icecream at the local fair. All of a sudden a wizard approached him and offered to fullfill any fantasy.
"I'd like to strawberry float a lioness" chirped Ben.
And then Ben was the lions.
"From this day on I shall be known as DA MIGHTY LIZZIMBA and use my new found lion powers to protect this city, but first I'll need to find a sexy lioness"
He headed to the zoo and had his wicked way with one of the sleeping cats. In the morning a security guard found Ben.
"WTF MON... you can't be in here"
Ben looked up in silence.
"Hey, pervert are you listening to me? You can't be in there"
Ben walked up to the security guard and in a gruff voice said:
"I'm the goddamn Catman and can do what I want"
The security guard looked puzzled. Then phoned the police.
Ben lived happily ever after...
... in the psychiatric ward.
The end.
Hard
Funfilled Outing
I give you Cineworld:
What? I hear you say. Well this is no ordinary cinema. Oh no. For you see this is (apparently) the tallest cinema in the world and the busiest, by customer base, in the UK. Impressive, right? That must count as a landmark or something. No? Sadly I had no monies to go and see anything.
As a bonus you can also have a Glasgow Royal Concert Hall.
Seven Deadly Scenes
Seven Deadly Scenes task:
Basically took 7 photos of what I believe summarise these sins. And then put them all into one image:
Wrath: My wrecked REC DVD. My dogs chewed it. This pissed me off big time and I ended up punching a door. Just looking at it still fills me with wrath. Stupid strawberry floating dogs. Envy: My brother's miniatures collection (that he stole from work btw). I'm jealous that I do not have them. Pride: Bought for me by a friend years ago after I "survived Air". Proud because I overcame my fear to go on that ride. I was gooseberry fool scared of it at the time. Greed: 3 Guitar Hero guitars (one is still in the unopened package). Greed because I got them all for free through a scam and don't even really need them. I'm rubbish at Guitar Hero. Lust: Explaination not really needed.... *fap fap fap* Gluttony: The waste from my chinese I had last night. I ate far too much and felt a bit sick afterwards. Sloth: My bed. Where I spend far too much time sleeping.