Yeah there have been some pretty scary tales in here and I'm glad you all got through your baby crises but amateur hour is over and it's time for some true nightmare fuel.
The other day there was an incident that closed part of the M4 in South Wales and so during my commute I had to go through...
Newport
Now I know what you might be thinking, "What, just driving through a city? Can't be that bad!" Well clearly if that is the case then you are not familiar with the city of Newport.
I too was once innocent like this, unaware of the horrors that lurked so treacherously on the Welsh south coast. On a clear day you can even spy this hell hole from the right vantage point in fair old Exeter. I'd heard mention of this place before, but only as a myth; a dark fable; a horror tale, told across the flickering embers of a midnight fire, wherever hardened space dogs gather to drink fermented vegetable products and compete in tales of blood-chilling terror.
They say that just travelling within the borders of the county is enough to turn a man infertile and that children run screaming at the sound of their official city anthem ("You're Mother's Got A Penis" by Goldie Lookin' Chain). Even driving through the town from the safety of a fast moving car is not enough to protect you from its demonic effects and you can feel all hope and joy being forcefully drained from inside your soul the longer you remain inside that forsaken place. The city acts almost as one giant Dementor from the Harry Potter franchise, absorbing all light from within until you too feel like the offspring of a truly foul creator.
Gather close and hearken my warning fellow forumites! Whatever fates may befall you, whatever dark powers might twist your will and circumstances to make you think that leaving the M4 between J24 and J28 is a fruitful cause, stay strong! Take whatever precautions you can to protect yourself from this curse, for if I can achieve but one thing with what little life remains to me then let it be that I ensured no one should ever suffer the horrors of a journey though Newport again!