HDYFRN How Do You Feel Right Now?

I’m not the most “woke” person but don’t feel guilty at all, abuse does not always mean violence and psychological abuse can be just as damaging and is no less serious, I have never experienced homophobia but I would find any negativity from family members very upsetting, like everyone else on here I am always free to chat on here or via messages if you ever need to talk,

Hope you have a good Christmas Minoru, and just because you might be okay visiting family that doesn't mean you should be okay to live in that environment, so don't feel bad about comparmentalising, they are very different situations! Don't worry about "taking away" a space from someone else either - if it's being offered to you it's because you qualify!

Also how's it going Richard? Haven't seen you post much in a while (which might just be me!), been playing any games recently?

My relationship with my mother has improved 1000x since I stopped living there but I still have pretty bad "relapses" to difficult circumstances as a family, so I totally get that... I'm only visiting for about 3 days this year. I tried about a week 2 years ago and it exploded after barely 2 days. I much better at empathising with and laughing off family eccentricities... doesn't mean it won't wear you down or get on your tits, because it does.

Honestly anxious about everything. I don't mind going to work or the supermarket but I'm genuinely worried about wanting to keep myself and my family safe from Covid but also not wanting to appear as a Grinch. I honestly wish it was the 4th of January tomorrow so I can get back to worrying about one thing.

I'm genuinely sick of people saying that if we get it we get it. I have asthma and even a supposedly mild case could floor me. I enjoy chrimbo but I'm not risking my life just to go to the bloody pub or a carol service.

I know others don't like the idea but honestly I'd be at peace if they put us in another lockdown.

Carlos wrote:I'd be at peace if they put us in another lockdown.

As nervous as i am about the current situation, i think that outcome would harm my mental health even more.

I know it's not easy, but i find it helps to try and avoid the news websites/bulletins to an extent for much of the day, maybe have a single catch up per day and leave it at that.

If they respect you as a person, they'll respect your decisions. If they don't, it shouldn't be of concern to you what they're thinking. I know it's hard with family and friends, and it seems harsh to say it, but you come first unless they need help or support.

And people who say if you get it you get it obviously are perfect little angels who will get no effects from it whatsoever with no concern that not everyone is as perfect as them. Those people should not be listened to at all, as it's obvious they want the easiest way out of this situation as possible and for everything to return to normal this instant.

Well, the absurd nightmare that is my life continues.

I came "home" for Christmas and it was a bit strange and uncomfortable for me, but I thought I'd manage it, then last night my brother and I had a disagreement about covid. It escalated and he flew into a violent rage, throwing things, screaming that he was going to kill me and trying to physically get to me. I've never been so scared in my life.

After it happened I walked out off the house and sat in the park and my dad followed me, trying to "both sides..." it and refusing to even acknowledge how terrifying it was. He kept telling me to go back to the house and how he could completely assure me that I would be safe going back. I had to go back because I didn't even have my purse, so I went back in to get it and my brother literally, physically chased me out. A neighbour saw me in the park and called the cops and they took me to a hotel room for the night.

I think the police getting involved forced everyone to see this wasn't just a little incident they could brush off because I I spoke to my parents about it this morning and they keep saying they understand it was serious and he needs anger management. But I don't think they really understand quite how bad it was - they absolutely refuse to admit he might have actually hurt me and keep acting like I'm being dramatic for not believing that and getting emotional and not wanting to go back in the house while he's there.

They're not going to make him leave the house and tried to talk me into coming back, telling me how much he regrets it, how upset he is and how he only got so out of control because he cares about me and felt hurt by our argument.

I've been forced to pay for a hotel room to stay in over Christmas and have no idea how to handle my family from here. I'm honestly shocked that they could have been there and seen how he acted and still say he'd never hurt me. I'm hurt that they keep "explaining" his behaviour like I should be sympathetic and I'm resentful that he's the one who got violent but I'm the one forced to pay for a hotel.

But they are my family and it's Christmas and they are all I have. I don't know what to do or how to feel. It feels a bit unreal. Like, how is this my actual life and not a storyline from Coronation Street?

That sounds like a really difficult and scary situation.

Unfortunately I feel like a lot of people have trouble empathising with other people when they haven't experienced something first hand.

I'm really sorry to hear that, Minoru. It sounds like a horrible situation to be in.

Families have a tendency to let their personal feelings get in the way in situations like these. They don't look at the events objectively, and end up going to bat for the offending party because of how they feel about them, rather than how you do.

I know you have complicated feelings about them, and probably feel obligated to spend Christmas with them, but your well-being should be your first priority.

Please stay safe, Min.

I'd be seriously considering if I even wanted to go back in the same position. If you have to go back (how could you not at Christmas), I'd just try to avoid any sort of heated topic. Though you can never be sure what a heated topic entails until you're already deep into it. Stay safe, and hopefully things don't get that bad again.

OrangeRKN wrote:Also how's it going Richard? Haven't seen you post much in a while (which might just be me!), been playing any games recently?

Hi, I have been around, I play PS5 occasionally (not much since AC Valhalla and Watchdogs Legion) but I’m mainly playing XCloud on my MacBook, it’s a fantastic service with instant load times, no installing and although I just use Wi-Fi no lag or connection issues, it’s fantastic to be able just to click and play from a large selection of games including brand new releases (Halo, Forza etc)

My relationship situation is still the same and complicated, the saying “can't live with them, can't live without them” sums it up, we have been putting everything into working and pushing the business so that we can hopefully next year have a less stressful life and one where I can do and visit places I enjoy probably solo and see if that helps things

Hope you have been ok

Thanks for the support everyone. I'm feeling a bit better than yesterday. I think I've gotten past the initial shock of it all.

I told my mother we couldn't all sit together for Christmas dinner and she didn't take that well at first, but I think I was eventually able to make her understand that I can't just immediately forgive him for this and I'm not being petty. Plan for tomorrow is I'll go over and do presents and dinner in the kitchen while he stays in the living room. They weren't prepared to make him leave the house or even go to his bedroom, which hurt a bit considering they are perfectly prepared to make me stay in a hotel, but I'm mentally distancing myself and accepting that this is where I stand is easily than letting it upset me. I'll be going back to Brighton on the 27th anyway, so whatever, it's their home and he's their son and I'll survive.

Desperately lonely. I hate this time of year, Christmas really ruins winter. There's also university issues but yeah, mainly just crushingly lonely right now.

Sorry to hear that Outrunner. Hope those uni issues can be sorted, whatever they are. As for the lonliness, just know we're here (even if it doesn't feel the same as physically being with someone) should you just want a chat to perk up a bit.

Thank you, I'll see how I get on but I'll keep it in mind. Uni stuff is a bit out of my hands, 3 deadlines all this week and probably the worst work I've produced. I'm also not enjoying this year as much as I'd thought and feel really limited with my modules next semester. I'm just hoping to power through to my year abroad. I know my feelings at this time of year are amplifying all my anxieties around university so hopefully I'll feel more positive in a few days once Christmas has blown over.

I honestly felt the same during uni, though that was because I refused to accept I was on the wrong career path and so continued to get more lax about the work I had to produce until the last semester when I finally accepted what I had ignored for all those years. Hopefully you can get a bit more positive after Christmas is over.

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you're all good no matter what you're doing (or not doing) this season

Merry Christmas! I hope you all have an awesome one!

Merry Christmas, all. Hope you have the greatest of days, no matter if you're celebrating or not.

HDYFRN How Do You Feel Right Now?

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