HDYFRN How Do You Feel Right Now?

Jezo wrote:

Chocolate-Milk wrote:

Jezo wrote:Waiting for a train, AMA

Where ya going?

Also how long will your house be unguar- I mean, unoccupied?

Bournemouth

It won't - I unleashed hundreds of bees before I left

Bees?

Herdanos wrote:

Jezo wrote:

Chocolate-Milk wrote:

Jezo wrote:Waiting for a train, AMA

Where ya going?

Also how long will your house be unguar- I mean, unoccupied?

Bournemouth

It won't - I unleashed hundreds of bees before I left

Bees?

Yes

Jezo wrote:

Herdanos wrote:

Jezo wrote:

Chocolate-Milk wrote:

Jezo wrote:Waiting for a train, AMA

Where ya going?

Also how long will your house be unguar- I mean, unoccupied?

Bournemouth

It won't - I unleashed hundreds of bees before I left

Bees?

Yes

Herdanos wrote:

Jezo wrote:

Chocolate-Milk wrote:

Jezo wrote:Waiting for a train, AMA

Where ya going?

Also how long will your house be unguar- I mean, unoccupied?

Bournemouth

It won't - I unleashed hundreds of bees before I left

Bees?

Beads?

Just had to call the fire brigade - a fire alarm was going off in our neighbours' flat and we couldn't get ahold of them. We'd had a whiff of smoke so had to do it. No-one was hurt, thankfully, which is the main thing. It turned out to be a faulty alarm, and the firemen did some impromptu detective work and figured out that our other neighbours had by coincidence burned their lunch at the same time and that's what the smell was!

EDIT: So, when they came the firefighters broke the neighbours' door to get in. I was feeling bad about that, like, obviously you do have to call the fire brigade if there's any chance of it being a real fire - and they themselves were concerned enough to break in - but it still must have been upsetting and inconvenient for the people living there. Anyway, the agency that owns the building came and replaced it this morning, which was pretty fast all things considered, so I feel less guilty about it all now.

I've been feeling very lonely and disconnected the past few days. I've tried to get in touch with my old friends, who I haven't seen since before the pandemic began, but none of them are interested in meeting up with me. And I know they are all still in touch with each other. And I still feel like I haven't really broken into the social circle at work. I'm accepted, I think, but I haven't felt part of the team this week. I do think there must be something about me that pushes people away. On the rare occasion I do manage to connect with people or make friends, it never lasts. At the moment I just feel like I've been shunned by everyone for reasons beyond me. Even my brother seems off with me and my mum cancelled her visit this week as well.

Just feeling like I can't connect with people at all.

Sorry to hear that Zilnad. It's a bit shitty that that particular group don't seem interested in catching up with you if they're all still catching up with one another on the regular. Do they all live closer to one another and you're an outlier geographically? Because if not... It might not help how you're feeling right now, but - it sounds like they're the type of friends you can do without, to be honest. Excluding people is the move of a primary school bully, not a mature adult.

The pandemic has made it tougher to meet new people and maintain old connections, for sure. Do you live in a place you're familiar with? Are there any local clubs or events or similar you might be able to get involved with to try and build up some new social circles?

And sitey - yeah you definitely did the right thing, you shouldn't feel guilty at all. Plus they got a shiny new door out of it for free.

Zilnad wrote:I've been feeling very lonely and disconnected the past few days. I've tried to get in touch with my old friends, who I haven't seen since before the pandemic began, but none of them are interested in meeting up with me. And I know they are all still in touch with each other. And I still feel like I haven't really broken into the social circle at work. I'm accepted, I think, but I haven't felt part of the team this week. I do think there must be something about me that pushes people away. On the rare occasion I do manage to connect with people or make friends, it never lasts. At the moment I just feel like I've been shunned by everyone for reasons beyond me. Even my brother seems off with me and my mum cancelled her visit this week as well.

Just feeling like I can't connect with people at all.

Seems shitty but it's a very odd time right now with holidays/school hoiidays/easter coming up and rising Covid. Everyone's a bit shirty. Small comfort I know

https://boardgamearena.com/

I meant to post this in the board game thread when you talking about meeting up with people - you'll find lots of people to play with, and often (but by no means always) they'll have a small chat. Only a small thing but might keep you occupied and give you a little interaction (I stress little - don't think you'll make friends for life. Polite small talk is probabl best you'll get)

Thank you both for the thoughtful words. I will give boardgamearena a look at the weekend as I do really miss my gaming nights.

Maybe just be direct and ask if there's a problem, tell them how you feel and see what the response is. I know it would be hard but at least you would know.

I like you have always struggled to make friends but I have got better at it as I get older.

Zilnad wrote:Just feeling like I can't connect with people at all.

I was feeling this recently. I think due to quarantining/lockdown and the lack of social contact, it's almost like you get rusty and forget how to interact with people. I myself feel like I've lost a lot of confidence over the past 2 years, but slowly trying to rectify that and bring myself back up. If you want to stay in touch with old friends, keep reaching out and trying to meet up. You never know, they might be feeling similar to you, which is why things may seem awkward, but give it time and hopefully things will feel comfortable again.

I'm very much in the same boat as this. Struggling to be social with people after two years of very bitty contact, and now with everything else that's going on I'm just a bit adrift in said boat. I don't know how to meet new people, and I can't even comprehend how I'd go about getting back into any kind of relationship anytime soon - I wouldn't even know how to meet a like-minded person.

Making friends as an adult is known to be much harder. It's very rare you get pushed into situations to meet new people unless you're part of some kind of club or you meet people at work. Most people either already have friends and don't go searching for new ones or don't have anyone. The biggest thing that seems to help which seems backwards is having a kid, because you're forced into so many different situations and especially school parent groups that a lot of adults make friends that way.

I got entirely lucky meeting my now best friend through work because he introduced me to all of his friends and I got into a friend group that way, but before that when I first moved to this area I had absolutely nobody and it kinda sucked. I'm lucky in the fact my entire life my main 'social life' has always pretty much been online due to spending 7-8 years at home as a carer for my Mum and due to hating my school life. It may seem weird, but making friends online can be pretty good as well and you can meet some really nice people. One of my current really close friends is a guy in Japan and we hang out over discord pretty much every single day.

The main issue I have is making deeper friendships. Like, I have friends I work with but rarely do anything socially with them, despite attempts on my part. Likewise, I've made friends since starting university, they're people I like and get on with but again, not people I do anything socially with (I'd like to). I'm hoping that changes by September, 2 of us are going to the same University in Hong Kong and it'd be nice to have a friend over there. I do worry that Hong Kong is going to be pretty lonely if I don't make any connections. I know that'll be harder because of the age difference, I'm a mature student and apparently the university I'm going to doesn't have much in the way of older students.

As it stands I have one friend left who I consider close but we're both at university in different cities and her Physics degree is pretty full on compared to my East Asian Studies degree so we barely see each other (or even have much contact these days). I think I've just learned to live with a low level of loneliness and just try to power through the worst of it, which probably isn't healthy.

I guess that's probably the difference SD, in that I struggle a little bit with purely online communication - I'm a little misanthropic at the best of times and I don't always like being outside but the pandemic has shown me I do need "in-person" social connection. That's been slipping away for a while just through life - friends have relocated down south, or to China or Canada and the wide group of mates I had as a young man has largely dissipated now. We're all still in contact, but in-person meet-ups are rarer and rarer.

With that said, online communication definitely has its place, even as a way to kick off potential real friendships. This place has been a refuge for me for my entire adult life(I'll be a twenty-year veteran of GR next March) - if anything I'm too comfortable posting here and being among the like-minded folk who, weirdly, I've known longer than most of my IRL friends in some cases. There are about a dozen people on here who I'd call genuine friends, even though we've either never met or only hung out a few times. I've also met two or three of my absolute best IRL mates through this forum, actually, and they've both been a fantastic help through this week.

Zilnad, Cora, posh, Outrunner, Jezo... I too have felt disconnected from my "usual" - or even "traditional" - social circles since Covid first hit (I had also moved to a new area only a few months before the first pandemic lockdown and had been so busy with work I hadn't built up any local contacts before the point came that I legally couldn't see them anyway). Like Qikz says, making friends as an adult is difficult without shared interests. If you're not lucky enough to make friends through work (and in some cases it isn't appropriate to try, depending on your role and position within your organisational hierarchy!) then you basically have to go out and find them. So it's like... dating but without the romantic element.

This place generally serves as my primary social output, aside from my immediate family. I chat to you lot more than the friends I'd consider to be my closest. Maybe ten years ago, I might have thought that was an odd thing to say. But I'm quite comfortable with it now... to the extent that this page of this thread has made me wonder, why don't we all just be friends?



I only really keep touch with my IRL friends remotely nowadays - WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, the occasional group Skype call. Very rarely we might arrange to meet in person but inevitably only a small proportion of the group can make it.

Pretty sure we could just replicate that if we wanted to? (Maybe apart from the meeting in person. Unless it turns out we all live closer than we realise) We have the same interests after all. The only thing preventing us from deciding we're not friends is centuries of social convention.

Am I misreading the mood here? Anyone wanna be friends?

I'll be honest, I never had many friends to begin with. Jumping from point to point of my educational journey I never kept in contact with anyone from that previous phase of education aside from those closest to me from primary school - and only one of those I'm in regular contact with these days. I never really sought to forge connections that deeply, so while I was friendly enough during that phase of education, I could easily move on. SONM and later here became where I was familiar with people, even if it's only in recent times that I'm forging that deeper connection.

Of course, that's mostly been down to fears and anxiety that I've been working to lessen. And I am opening up a lot more. I've certainly been more open and active in recent years than ever before, and do intend to continue opening up in future, but there's still that thought that - yeah, there's no way I'm gonna forge connections even if I'm out and about. I certainly want to try, though.

And I definitely consider most here friends even if I've not even met any of you IRL or really know much about you. There's been many great memories over the years on these boards that I haven't had from most others I've met.

Herdanos wrote:Zilnad, Cora, posh, Outrunner, Jezo... I too have felt disconnected from my "usual" - or even "traditional" - social circles since Covid first hit (I had also moved to a new area only a few months before the first pandemic lockdown and had been so busy with work I hadn't built up any local contacts before the point came that I legally couldn't see them anyway). Like Qikz says, making friends as an adult is difficult without shared interests. If you're not lucky enough to make friends through work (and in some cases it isn't appropriate to try, depending on your role and position within your organisational hierarchy!) then you basically have to go out and find them. So it's like... dating but without the romantic element.

This place generally serves as my primary social output, aside from my immediate family. I chat to you lot more than the friends I'd consider to be my closest. Maybe ten years ago, I might have thought that was an odd thing to say. But I'm quite comfortable with it now... to the extent that this page of this thread has made me wonder, why don't we all just be friends?

(Had to do it)

I only really keep touch with my IRL friends remotely nowadays - WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, the occasional group Skype call. Very rarely we might arrange to meet in person but inevitably only a small proportion of the group can make it.

Pretty sure we could just replicate that if we wanted to? (Maybe apart from the meeting in person. Unless it turns out we all live closer than we realise) We have the same interests after all. The only thing preventing us from deciding we're not friends is centuries of social convention.

Am I misreading the mood here? Anyone wanna be friends?

We're already friends.

I'll be your friend, Herdanos.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds making lasting friends, I’ve made what I’d like to think are more lasting friends through work than I have through school, outside of the school environment you become friends with people with similar interests, at school you just find a few people you like and become friends just from spending so much time together. Even a couple of the ones who aren’t colleagues anymore I still talk to fairly regularly (as with many on here I imagine, Covid has meant I’ve not seen any of the ones I don’t work with for ages though). I feel like I’m at a very different stage of life to quite a few of my friends though, they’re getting married, buying a house etc, while I’m still looking like I’ll be single for the long run

This place is great for socialising though, a lot of great people on here!