Hey guess what I'm a massive alcoholic

Ah wow, thanks for announcing this, it actually made me a little emotional. I've been on GR, pretty regularly, since the beginning of 2003 and so I've built up a picture of most of you in my head. You're all actual people that exist, that I've essentially grown up with, in a parasocial sense I guess. If my girlfriend said to me 'hey, tell me about Skarjo', I could reel off a couple of things, probably more than I could for some people I know in real life and see regularly. In a sense, despite us never really interacting in any direct manner, you announcing this has hit me in a similar respect to how it'd hit me if a personal friend were to say the same thing. We've inhabited this same space for so long, I dunno, it's weird.

The reason is made me emotional is because tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my mother's funeral. She was just 50, liver failure. She'd been an alcoholic for years. I remember during my teens, finding empty cans of Strongbow stuffed down the back of beds, or in the toilet cistern. Empty wine bottles under the kitchen sink. At the time it was social; she was in her 30s and she was having a good time! It was easy to excuse because drinking to excess was basically normalised in my family. Her father was an alcoholic, and her 3 brothers were working down the market and in the pub at lunchtime from when they were 13. So as long as she wasn't as bad as them, she was fine, in her mind.

She briefly stopped in her early 40s when she had my two youngest brothers (she was able to have a baby at 40, and another at 41), but it picked up again and it was no longer social. She would lie and say anything to appease you, and I funded her habit for years in a fiver here or a tenner there. Whenever I would call her, I would know within 3 or 4 seconds whether she was pissed and so whether I would actually have a meaningful conversation with her. Whenever I'd make plans to visit, I'd often get some last minute bullshit attempt to dissuade me from coming because she knew she wasn't in a state to see me face to face.

October 2020, she nosedived and essentially turned yellow overnight. What followed was what I can only imagine was 3 months of agony. Her abdomen ballooned through swelling and fluid build up which needed to constantly be drained. In total, she probably spent about 12 weeks of her last 3 months in the hospital. When I went in to see her after she'd gone, she was a husk.

Don't go down that path.

Good luck Skarjo, really good to see you taking the first step in admitting you have a problem and getting rid of the temptation of booze around your house/flat by tipping it down the sink.

Massive props to you Skarjo.
It takes a lot to even realise there's a problem, let alone take steps to tackle it. I wish you absolutely all the best on tackling this

Good luck man, it's a huge step to acknowledge there's a problem and seek help so well done on getting the ball rolling

Tomous wrote:

Preezy wrote:

Tomous wrote:No problem. It surprised me how god-bothery AA is, which completely put me off to be honest! And hence why I went with SMART instead.

Isn't one of the "12 steps" to admit that there's a higher power? Such a sneaky bit of proselytising.

Yeah....it's not exactly just a sneaky bit

I'd be out of there in an instant as soon as anyone started spouting that twaddle.

Anyway, good luck Skarjo.

Igor wrote:Ah wow, thanks for announcing this, it actually made me a little emotional. I've been on GR, pretty regularly, since the beginning of 2003 and so I've built up a picture of most of you in my head. You're all actual people that exist, that I've essentially grown up with, in a parasocial sense I guess. If my girlfriend said to me 'hey, tell me about Skarjo', I could reel off a couple of things, probably more than I could for some people I know in real life and see regularly. In a sense, despite us never really interacting in any direct manner, you announcing this has hit me in a similar respect to how it'd hit me if a personal friend were to say the same thing. We've inhabited this same space for so long, I dunno, it's weird.

The reason is made me emotional is because tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my mother's funeral. She was just 50, liver failure. She'd been an alcoholic for years. I remember during my teens, finding empty cans of Strongbow stuffed down the back of beds, or in the toilet cistern. Empty wine bottles under the kitchen sink. At the time it was social; she was in her 30s and she was having a good time! It was easy to excuse because drinking to excess was basically normalised in my family. Her father was an alcoholic, and her 3 brothers were working down the market and in the pub at lunchtime from when they were 13. So as long as she wasn't as bad as them, she was fine, in her mind.

She briefly stopped in her early 40s when she had my two youngest brothers (she was able to have a baby at 40, and another at 41), but it picked up again and it was no longer social. She would lie and say anything to appease you, and I funded her habit for years in a fiver here or a tenner there. Whenever I would call her, I would know within 3 or 4 seconds whether she was pissed and so whether I would actually have a meaningful conversation with her. Whenever I'd make plans to visit, I'd often get some last minute bullshit attempt to dissuade me from coming because she knew she wasn't in a state to see me face to face.

October 2020, she nosedived and essentially turned yellow overnight. What followed was what I can only imagine was 3 months of agony. Her abdomen ballooned through swelling and fluid build up which needed to constantly be drained. In total, she probably spent about 12 weeks of her last 3 months in the hospital. When I went in to see her after she'd gone, she was a husk.

Don't go down that path.

Great post. And thoroughly agree with your 1st paragraph.

Reading your experience is genuinely upsetting to hear. Makes me think long and hard about my own decisions.

Good luck Skarjo, lots of respect for owning it

Good luck Skarjo.

I wish my father had done this 30 years ago.

Timely reminder that if anyone wants to unload any problems, the judgment-free mental health thread is here: viewtopic.php?f=7&t=1213

Well done Skarjo.

I stopped drinking three years ago now and I'm much better for it. Had a couple of days over last Christmas where I had one drink as a holiday treat and I was happy with that. Not feeling any desire for more and I'm back on the 0.0% stuff now so I'm very proud of myself. Proud I quit and proud I now have self control even in the face of temptation.

Again, big well done to you.

Best of luck Skarjo. Can't be easy to make the first step of recognising you have a problem.

Good luck Scarjo. Arent you in Japan? - Do they have a bit of a whiskey drinking culture there?

good luck Skarjo - remember you may relapse and not to beat yourself up about it, as long as youre making progress youll get there in the end!

<]:^D wrote:good luck Skarjo - remember you may relapse and not to beat yourself up about it, as long as youre making progress youll get there in the end!

100% this.

Everyone relapses and relapses aren't the end of the world. Nothing is ruined, all that matters is how you deal with them and make sure it doesn't cause you to give up.

Tomous wrote:

<]:^D wrote:good luck Skarjo - remember you may relapse and not to beat yourself up about it, as long as youre making progress youll get there in the end!

100% this.

Everyone relapses and relapses aren't the end of the world. Nothing is ruined, all that matters is how you deal with them and make sure it doesn't cause you to give up.

I say this to EVERY SINGLE PERSON who comes into my clinic and says they smoke. The amount of people who look down at their feet and say "I quit for X years but job/family/death/life happened and I started again". I multiply their daily intake by the days they quit and tell them how many thousands of cigs they avoided and tell them to start thinking in terms of achievements rather than setbacks (NOT FAILURES).

Dowbocop wrote:

Tomous wrote:

<]:^D wrote:good luck Skarjo - remember you may relapse and not to beat yourself up about it, as long as youre making progress youll get there in the end!

100% this.

Everyone relapses and relapses aren't the end of the world. Nothing is ruined, all that matters is how you deal with them and make sure it doesn't cause you to give up.

I say this to EVERY SINGLE PERSON who comes into my clinic and says they smoke. The amount of people who look down at their feet and say "I quit for X years but job/family/death/life happened and I started again". I multiply their daily intake by the days they quit and tell them how many thousands of cigs they avoided and tell them to start thinking in terms of achievements rather than setbacks (NOT FAILURES).

Exactly.

Every day you don't give in is a success. One day relapsing is a minor blip!

You're a big dude for owning up to it and taking charge like that. Wish you the best of luck here.

Well done Skarjo. That's an awesome step to take. It's so hard to shake addictions especially when they come hand to hand with socialising. I'm sure you will power through it.

Great first step. It's not like we know each other at all well, but I've enjoyed your posts and like everybody else I'll be rooting for you.

All the best mate. I wouldn't say I've ever been an alcoholic (contrary to my drunk posts on here before at 2am on a Saturday night) but I've definitely stood on the precipice of falling into that hole. You know the typical buy a bottle of wine on the way home from a bad day at work kind of thing. Not done that in years now though. Still got loads of alcohol from Christmas sealed.

It's very easy when you're an adult to fall foul of your vices and make a promise to yourself that you'll sort yourself out later and end up making that same promise on a nightly basis. Especially if you're depressed and your attitude when reading about the danger of substance abuse ends up like if I die then whatever job done...

So good on you for grabbing the bull by the horns, hangovers aren't worth it mate.