Jimmy Savile Discussion: "Dr" Fox cleared of all charges

hideous_enigma wrote:The infamous HIGNFY transcript:

Apparently, this was actually recorded during the last series of "Have I Got
News For You" when Jimmy Saville was a guest on Paul Merton's team.
Incredibly, it didn't make our screens. (It seems that Mr. Merton doesn't
like Mr. Saville very much)

Out-take 3:09'36
During the headline round:
DEAYTON: You used to be a wrestler didn't you?
SAVILLE: I still am.
DEAYTON: Are you?
SAVILLE: I'm feared in every girls' school in the country.
(Audience laugh)
DEAYTON: Yeah, I've heard about that.
SAVILLE: What have you heard?
DEAYTON: I've...
MERTON: Something about a c*nt with a rancid, pus-filled cock.
(Huge audience laugh; Awkward pause)
SAVILLE: I advise you to wash your mouth out, my friend...
MERTON: That's what she had to do! (Audience laughs)
HISLOP: Weren't you leaving money in phone boxes or something?
(Saville glares at him) Or have I got completely the wrong end of the...
SAVILLE: (To Deayton, heavily) The question you asked was about wrestling.
DEAYTON: Yes. And then you mentioned girls' schools. I don't know whe...
SAVILLE: Well I understood this was a comedy programme. I realise now how wrong I was. (Audience laugh)
DEAYTON: So were you a professional wrestler?
SAVILLE: Yes I was.
DEAYTON: (To audience) Glad we got that cleared up.(Pulls face; audience giggles)
HISLOP: Feared by every girls' school in the country...
SAVILLE: That's right.
MERTON: Due to having a rancid, pus-filled cock.(Huge audience laugh)
DEAYTON: Erm...
HISLOP: You're on top form tonight, Paul...
SAVILLE: (Strangely) I'm...this is not what I...
FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV) OK, do you...(inaudible section)...shall we, for pick-ups...
MERTON: I'm terribly sorry. I don't know what came over me.
SAVILLE: A pus-filled cock, I imagine. (Shocked audience laugh)
MERTON: Oh, it's nice to see you joining in. We'd been waiting for you, you sad senile old shitter. (Audience appears to do double-take)
DEAYTON: I think we...d-d-you you want to apologise to our guest, Paul?
MERTON: Sorry, I do apologise. Sir senile old shitter, is what I meant to say.
(Audience laugh; pause) Sir senile old shitter...who strawberry floats minors.
(Audience unrest)
HISLOP: Sorry, I'm just looking at our lawyer again. (Waves) Hello!
(Audience laughs)
DEAYTON: Shall we get back on course with this, or sha...
SAVILLE: I do strawberry float miners, that's quite correct. I have always done so. They can do the most wonderful things with cigars. The coal...
MERTON: What, they stick them up your senile, pus-filled arse?
(Audience laughs)
FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV): Come on...I'm getting an ear-bashing here. It's...
MERTON: Oh they want to continue. Sorry, I'll contain myself. Carry on...
DEAYTON: Right (Pause) You used to be a professional wrestler didn't you?
(Huge audience laugh)
SAVILLE: (Calmly) I did.
DEAYTON: You didn't have a nickname or anything?
SAVILLE: Yes - 'Loser'. (Audience laughs)
___________________________________
Out-take 4: 21'20
Following a discussion about caravans:
DEAYTON: Last month, Roger Moore sold his luxury caravan in Malta. Asked by the...
MERTON: I visited your caravan the other week, Jimmy.
SAVILLE: Did you really?
MERTON: Oh yes. Interesting what you can find, if you have a bit of a poke.
(Audience laugh)
HISLOP: He just told you, it was twelve years ago...
SAVILLE: No, I lived in it for twelve years.
MERTON: And strawberry floated twelve year olds. (Audience laugh)
DEAYTON: Here we go again...I'll be backstage if anyone wants me.
MERTON: (Indicating Saville) That's what you said to the kids on your show, wasn't it?
(Audience laugh)
SAVILLE: No, they never did want me.
HISLOP: Not even Sarah Cornley?
SAVILLE: She was an exception.
DEAYTON: Who's Sarah Cornley?
SAVILLE: Sarah Cornley is...
HISLOP: About fifteen grand in damages, wasn't she?
(Uncertain audience laugh)
SAVILLE: That's right.
HISLOP: So if I was going to mention that you threatened to break her arm if she said anything...
SAVILLE: You'd be very wrong. (Pause) I said I'd break both her arms.
(Audience unease)
MERTON: strawberry floating hell. I mean, you're just sitting there, all shell suit and cigar wearing those strawberry floating...I don't know what they are.
SAVILLE: Chrome-plated SC-700 sun-visors, these are. Sent to me by...
MERTON: We don't give a gooseberry fool. Ladies and gentlemen, Sir James Saville OBE. Jim has fixed it for me to have my arms broken. Meet this depressing old strawberry floated up c*nt of a strawberry floater on television who's riddled with cancer and strawberry floating pubic lice.
HISLOP: (To lawyer again) Hello! (Audience laughs)
MERTON: Christ, I mean ha ha, big strawberry floating joke - the strawberry floating lawyers are involved, tee hee. It doesn't change anything.
DEAYTON: (Visibly out of character) Do you wanna stop, or...?
MERTON: No I don't strawberry floating want to stop. It's all gooseberry fool! You'll expect a comedy walkout in a minute, won't you? I mean, big bloody joke - I'm going to quote Shakespeare in a minute, how strawberry floating out of character. And Ian knows about football - oh my strawberry floating sides.
SAVILLE: You've never strawberry floated anyone in your life, boy.
MERTON: Oh strawberry float off...
FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV) ...About five minutes, just to...(Phil Davey enters)
PHIL DAVEY: OK, well top that as they say. You're looking troubled by that, aren't you mate? I tell you, I came back from Amsterdam recently...
RECORDING PLACED ON STAND-BY; CUTS BACK TO CLOSE-UP OF DEAYTON
AWAITING HIS CUE
DEAYTON: OK. Second time lucky. (Pause) Last month, Roger Moore sold his luxury caravan in Malta. Asked by the New York Times about his relaxed acting style...

Monkey Man wrote:Looks like that HIGNFY script is fake.

Zellery wrote:

Monkey Man wrote:Looks like that HIGNFY script is fake.

How so?

Lucy Rouse's TV gossip

Lucy Rouse
Guardian

Friday July 21, 2000


You may have recently come across an email, which has been doing the rounds for the last week or so. It purports to be a transcript of out-takes from one of last year's episodes of BBC2's Have I Got News for You, featuring Sir Jimmy Saville.

With it goes just about every lesson you ever needed to learn about the perils of the electronic revolution: anything goes if it's in electronic form but you really shouldn't treat every email you read as gospel.

TV producers could never be accused of telling the truth, relying, as they do, on a whole series of out-takes before they hit on a version of events they're happy to broadcast. And this seems to have been the case with this particular episode of Have I Got News.

The supposed out-takes are said to have come from sources close to the producers and were being widely circulated over the internet at the end of last week.

Paul Merton is always a man to push the televisual boundaries of libel laws as far as they will stretch but the transcript went a lot further than anything you would have seen on the show. The trouble is - according to sources - a huge chunk of the middle section of the email is fabricated.

In one particularly terse exchange appearing in the "transcript", for example, Merton supposedly attacks Saville about his personal hygiene. In another, the comedian seemingly loses the plot completely and launches into an incoherent rant before being asked by a rattled Angus Deayton if he wants to stop the recording.

It may have been a piece of fiction, but it made an afternoon wading through 112 messages in Outlook a lot more amusing than it might otherwise have been.

Lucy Rouse is editor of Broadcast magazine

jambot wrote: Hislop in particular was goading the lawyers.

Bunni wrote:Aw. Met him while doing the Great Glasgow Run. What a lovely chap. Sad news

Scotticus Erroticus' bad photo taking skills, as he managed to get me with my eyes closed