One Star Movie Reviews Quiz! *WE HAVE A CHAMPION!*
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Vermilion
- Gnome Thief
- Joined in 2018
- Location: Everywhere
- Contact:
Welcome to One Star Movie Reviews!
Please read the following bolded rules...
Below, you will see a selection of reviews where the writer has given the movie in question 1 star (so basically, they hated it). The aim here is to guess which film (some will be harder than others) they are talking about. To enter, simply PM your answers to me (DO NOT POST YOUR ANSWERS IN TOPIC, ANYONE WHO DOES THIS WILL BE DISQUALIFIED). At the end of each round which will normally last for a couple of days, i will post the scores, and we will then move on to the next one.
This game will last for five rounds, and the first begins right now, good luck...
ONE STAR MOVIE REVIEWS: ROUND 1
1. This film was always going to have problems being that it is so obviously shoehorned last minute into the franchise, and the actress was always gonna catch heat for coming in as a major player into a world so many others worked for over a decade to develop... and it did, it got atrocious reviews and major criticism and studios and media went onto overtime trying to rescue it and label critics as evil alt right misogynists. So is it good, or is it bad? The film doesn't really know what it wants to be, from lazy pop culture references and an even lazier soundtrack, to a painfully weak plot and WORST POWER ORIGIN STORY EVER, she literally just shot an engine and was blown up and absorbed the power... that's it... it's not a spoiler, you can't spoil something that utterly terrible. The fundamentals here are undeniably weak, even the most devoted fan will have trouble defending this, it is Green Lantern level abysmal.
2. Charmless. Needlessly and annoyingly smutty & vulgar. Wooden actors. Fatal reliance on murky CGI scares which fail to thrill. Overall it's just plain boring and instantly forgettable. I couldn't care less about the characters or the threat they face. The 1990 version is superior in every way. As an example contrast how Richie's character is portrayed in the original compared with this version. The original Richie was wholly believable as a boy who aspired to and would ultimately grow up to be an entertainer and comedian; There was a warmth to him which made him endearing which meant you cared about his fate. The Richie you find in this version though is anything but. He's a cheap facsimile of Jonah Hill's 'Seth' from Superbad. In fact, if you told me that Seth Rogan and Jonah HIll had written and produced this movie I'd have believed you.
3. Slow, ponderous and filled with a sense of its own importance, this movie is chock full of the usual Hollywood clichés alongside a sound track so poor that I had to turn the volume up to full, and still couldn't make out much of what mumbler McConaughey was on about......What has happened to McConaughey's face? Has he had an accident,illness or plastic surgery? His features are quite different from how he has looked in previous films. He has to play a great many scenes from inside a helmet and this only makes things even more difficult for the viewer. What could have been an interesting meditation on the destructiveness of humankind and the possibility of positive change turns out to be nothing more than a shaggy dog tale which meanders to a limp and sentimental conclusion. A waste of time and money.The science is utter drivel, and the relationship issues are cliched and highly improbable. There are too many scenes of agonising emotionalism. This is a film about screwed up humans missing each other. A dreadful waste of time.
4. I have no idea why people have rated this film so highly. From the cover I expected a fun light hearted action romp. Then the pink credits and terrible 80s style music played and I thought maybe it was a John Hughes Style film. But no it's a dark gritty thriller; which I would have normally enjoyed were it not for the terribly out of place music, strange cinematography, straight forward plot, uninventive action scenes, shocking violence that seemed to be there for the sake of it, uncomfortable scenes of silence which almost looked like the actors couldn't remember their lines, and to cap it all lack of character set up and mediocre performance from the lead in a stupid jacket. I would never normally rate a film so low, but I really feel that this film does not deserve being rated so highly, so hopefully my rating will play a part in bringing it down.
5. When a comedian descends to obscenities to try to get laughs you know he's not funny anymore. When a movie is full of coarse language you know you are watching rubbish. This film was pretentious unfunny rubbish. The acting was appalling mostly, the American accents jarred, and the scenes seemed pointless. The lead actor rushed around the hotel pompously as if he thought that was funny but that pose just looked awkward and too full of itself. Norton, Brody etc looked like fish out of water. The hotel itself had a splendid charm and could have been the scene of a great movie by a top director from the 1940s or 50s but it was completely wasted in this movie. There is nothing worse than when a bunch of actors think they are funny when they most certainly aren't and that was the case here. But we live in a day and age in which such films are considered gems. Hollywood used to produce great films but they don't seem to have an original idea left and film fans have to put up with a stream of remakes, superhero films, and this kind of absurd mishmash.
6. After seeing the trailer for this movie I actually thought I may have found the first Seth Rogen movie I would find amusing. I was wrong. If you're a Seth Rogen fan this review will be of no further interest to you, don't bother reading further. For everyone else, everything funny about this movie you've already seen in the trailer. It has a promising first act that's largely saved by the cameos of Hollywood B-Listers playing caricatures of themselves that is genuinely amusing. The problems set in once the scene has been set and the first act is over, because from that point on all we're left with is Seth and his five buddies trying to prop up the remaining hour with bad improv, and they mostly suck at it. With the exceptions of James (who I normally hate but who's surprisingly good in this), everyone else is persistently unfunny for the rest of the movie.
7. If you like watching people's brains being splattered all over the inside of a car and enjoy bucketloads of foul obscene language with at least 3 incidences of the "F" word in every sentence, then this movie is for you. It's not for me! Whilst I'm not a prude, I just don't appreciate unnecessary and pointless mouthfuls of very crude language and gratuitous violence. What's worse, there's very little if any storyline to hold the viewer's attention. For me the only part of the film that held anything like any interest was the section where the gangster's wife was revived from a drug induced coma. The rest of the film was totally pointless - nothing more than a tirade of mindless violence and foul-mouthed obscenity. This was my first (and it will most likely be the last) purchase of a film by this director. For those like me who want more, save your money and invest it more sensibly in something like one of the series of "24" with Kiefer Sutherland. There's far more to exercise the brain - and a lot less foul language as well! I just can't find any reason at all to recommend buying this film. An utterly pointless and mindless waste of time and money!
8. This is a film told from the perspective of two robots. One cowardly yellow bot like Walter from Walter and the Softees in the Beano and a second smaller stumpy little dwarf mute bot played by Garry Coleman with his mouth full of donuts and booze if you take the time to listen to the audio commentary. We follow these two bots who help us to find our most odd looking hero, whose later career consists unsurprisingly of mainly voice over work in animated TV shows (The Hobgoblin in Spider-Man: The Animated Series and Chanukah Zombie on Futurama). His family are killed by an evil witch and he is left with only his trusty magic wand and slippers. With the help of his two bumbling chums the Tin Man and Totobot he is then joined by Hans Scarecrow and Lionbaca to go in search of the old wizard played by leather faced stalwart Alec Guiness. Oh, i can't be bothered...
9. A good movie stimulates the senses and rouses emotion. This movie does it brilliantly, but in a bad way. Nausea, boredom and disbelief I can do without. The story nearly grinds to a near halt as we watch our hero's pointless adolescent struggle to find himself before he realises as we head towards the credits that he is indeed a hero and it's time to kick some butt. Too little too late in my view. Some of the plot is laughable. For example, the incompetent scientist and villain, while holding a piece of trillium says that he has "the power of the sun in his hand" and later, when the fusion reaction gets out of control that "There's no way to stop it...unless you drown it." Whaaaat? The power of the sun extinguished in a puddle of water? You have to laugh.
10. Maybe the youngsters haven't seen a dinosaur film before so this might be a bit of scary popcorn fun for them. But if you've seen the original and sequels then you're in for a disappointment. There's no tension or hide-behind-the-sofa moments, it's all crash bang wallop and special effects and by the middle the ending is all too predictable. None of the characters are likeable and their acting is pretty much "going through the motions" on a CGI set. The two boys sent to stay with their aunt on the island are excruciatingly annoying. It might have piqued my interest, and possibly the granting of another star, if they'd met a suitably creative and bloody end, sadly it wasn't to be. The middle onwards is a like poor remake of an Aliens fire fight, with marines being picked off by CGI snapping teeth, only nowhere near as good. The ending is just a glorified Godzilla fight scene. Glad I rented this on Prime rather than shelling out for the physical media. Seriously, don't pay for this, if you've don't have Prime or PPV wait until it hits the bargain buckets in your local co-op or supermarket.
11. First off let me just say that the whole concept is a good one and the first movie was very good, the idea of living in an atrificial enviroment constructed my an atrifical life form is a very unique and interesting concept. However the idoligy aside this film is a giant turd that has just droppped out of satans bottom into my lunch and left a taste that i can only remove with bleach, the over styalised and formulaic kind of direction of this second movie is old hat and not very imaginative in its extreme. The acting in the movie is below avarage at best and in its better moments it could almost have been a wallpapering documentary. The irony of this movie is that the CG out performs the actors the selfs, boring script, pointless dialogue, MTV style directing and that wooden bloke from Bill and Ted. I gave this 1 Star, because there was no zero.
12. It was a nightmare... there was a horrific talking and singing snow man... honestly i expected something, maybe not great, but at least decent. I could happily never watch this ever again for as long as i live. And now it's in the house.. with us.. it's always watching. I'm not sure what to do. I am to blame. I brought it into the house. The whole world seems to have done the same. It's taking over. I know it's winning, we have no chance now, we've brought this destruction unto ourselves. It's already tainted the children. I see them, singing.. singing that song. We may have to consider the next generation lost to us.. but even we are vulnerable. You can identify the infected though, there are signs, the hair may go white, and they're starting to dress in blue and sparkles. I can hear the song wherever i go now, feel it trying to break my spirit. The message is clear, telling us to give up, to let it go.. But we must fight back, and keep fighting. If we resist.. we might save ourselves yet. It's too late for many, i know. but we can't lose hope. It can't be too late.. please.
Please read the following bolded rules...
Below, you will see a selection of reviews where the writer has given the movie in question 1 star (so basically, they hated it). The aim here is to guess which film (some will be harder than others) they are talking about. To enter, simply PM your answers to me (DO NOT POST YOUR ANSWERS IN TOPIC, ANYONE WHO DOES THIS WILL BE DISQUALIFIED). At the end of each round which will normally last for a couple of days, i will post the scores, and we will then move on to the next one.
This game will last for five rounds, and the first begins right now, good luck...
ONE STAR MOVIE REVIEWS: ROUND 1
1. This film was always going to have problems being that it is so obviously shoehorned last minute into the franchise, and the actress was always gonna catch heat for coming in as a major player into a world so many others worked for over a decade to develop... and it did, it got atrocious reviews and major criticism and studios and media went onto overtime trying to rescue it and label critics as evil alt right misogynists. So is it good, or is it bad? The film doesn't really know what it wants to be, from lazy pop culture references and an even lazier soundtrack, to a painfully weak plot and WORST POWER ORIGIN STORY EVER, she literally just shot an engine and was blown up and absorbed the power... that's it... it's not a spoiler, you can't spoil something that utterly terrible. The fundamentals here are undeniably weak, even the most devoted fan will have trouble defending this, it is Green Lantern level abysmal.
2. Charmless. Needlessly and annoyingly smutty & vulgar. Wooden actors. Fatal reliance on murky CGI scares which fail to thrill. Overall it's just plain boring and instantly forgettable. I couldn't care less about the characters or the threat they face. The 1990 version is superior in every way. As an example contrast how Richie's character is portrayed in the original compared with this version. The original Richie was wholly believable as a boy who aspired to and would ultimately grow up to be an entertainer and comedian; There was a warmth to him which made him endearing which meant you cared about his fate. The Richie you find in this version though is anything but. He's a cheap facsimile of Jonah Hill's 'Seth' from Superbad. In fact, if you told me that Seth Rogan and Jonah HIll had written and produced this movie I'd have believed you.
3. Slow, ponderous and filled with a sense of its own importance, this movie is chock full of the usual Hollywood clichés alongside a sound track so poor that I had to turn the volume up to full, and still couldn't make out much of what mumbler McConaughey was on about......What has happened to McConaughey's face? Has he had an accident,illness or plastic surgery? His features are quite different from how he has looked in previous films. He has to play a great many scenes from inside a helmet and this only makes things even more difficult for the viewer. What could have been an interesting meditation on the destructiveness of humankind and the possibility of positive change turns out to be nothing more than a shaggy dog tale which meanders to a limp and sentimental conclusion. A waste of time and money.The science is utter drivel, and the relationship issues are cliched and highly improbable. There are too many scenes of agonising emotionalism. This is a film about screwed up humans missing each other. A dreadful waste of time.
4. I have no idea why people have rated this film so highly. From the cover I expected a fun light hearted action romp. Then the pink credits and terrible 80s style music played and I thought maybe it was a John Hughes Style film. But no it's a dark gritty thriller; which I would have normally enjoyed were it not for the terribly out of place music, strange cinematography, straight forward plot, uninventive action scenes, shocking violence that seemed to be there for the sake of it, uncomfortable scenes of silence which almost looked like the actors couldn't remember their lines, and to cap it all lack of character set up and mediocre performance from the lead in a stupid jacket. I would never normally rate a film so low, but I really feel that this film does not deserve being rated so highly, so hopefully my rating will play a part in bringing it down.
5. When a comedian descends to obscenities to try to get laughs you know he's not funny anymore. When a movie is full of coarse language you know you are watching rubbish. This film was pretentious unfunny rubbish. The acting was appalling mostly, the American accents jarred, and the scenes seemed pointless. The lead actor rushed around the hotel pompously as if he thought that was funny but that pose just looked awkward and too full of itself. Norton, Brody etc looked like fish out of water. The hotel itself had a splendid charm and could have been the scene of a great movie by a top director from the 1940s or 50s but it was completely wasted in this movie. There is nothing worse than when a bunch of actors think they are funny when they most certainly aren't and that was the case here. But we live in a day and age in which such films are considered gems. Hollywood used to produce great films but they don't seem to have an original idea left and film fans have to put up with a stream of remakes, superhero films, and this kind of absurd mishmash.
6. After seeing the trailer for this movie I actually thought I may have found the first Seth Rogen movie I would find amusing. I was wrong. If you're a Seth Rogen fan this review will be of no further interest to you, don't bother reading further. For everyone else, everything funny about this movie you've already seen in the trailer. It has a promising first act that's largely saved by the cameos of Hollywood B-Listers playing caricatures of themselves that is genuinely amusing. The problems set in once the scene has been set and the first act is over, because from that point on all we're left with is Seth and his five buddies trying to prop up the remaining hour with bad improv, and they mostly suck at it. With the exceptions of James (who I normally hate but who's surprisingly good in this), everyone else is persistently unfunny for the rest of the movie.
7. If you like watching people's brains being splattered all over the inside of a car and enjoy bucketloads of foul obscene language with at least 3 incidences of the "F" word in every sentence, then this movie is for you. It's not for me! Whilst I'm not a prude, I just don't appreciate unnecessary and pointless mouthfuls of very crude language and gratuitous violence. What's worse, there's very little if any storyline to hold the viewer's attention. For me the only part of the film that held anything like any interest was the section where the gangster's wife was revived from a drug induced coma. The rest of the film was totally pointless - nothing more than a tirade of mindless violence and foul-mouthed obscenity. This was my first (and it will most likely be the last) purchase of a film by this director. For those like me who want more, save your money and invest it more sensibly in something like one of the series of "24" with Kiefer Sutherland. There's far more to exercise the brain - and a lot less foul language as well! I just can't find any reason at all to recommend buying this film. An utterly pointless and mindless waste of time and money!
8. This is a film told from the perspective of two robots. One cowardly yellow bot like Walter from Walter and the Softees in the Beano and a second smaller stumpy little dwarf mute bot played by Garry Coleman with his mouth full of donuts and booze if you take the time to listen to the audio commentary. We follow these two bots who help us to find our most odd looking hero, whose later career consists unsurprisingly of mainly voice over work in animated TV shows (The Hobgoblin in Spider-Man: The Animated Series and Chanukah Zombie on Futurama). His family are killed by an evil witch and he is left with only his trusty magic wand and slippers. With the help of his two bumbling chums the Tin Man and Totobot he is then joined by Hans Scarecrow and Lionbaca to go in search of the old wizard played by leather faced stalwart Alec Guiness. Oh, i can't be bothered...
9. A good movie stimulates the senses and rouses emotion. This movie does it brilliantly, but in a bad way. Nausea, boredom and disbelief I can do without. The story nearly grinds to a near halt as we watch our hero's pointless adolescent struggle to find himself before he realises as we head towards the credits that he is indeed a hero and it's time to kick some butt. Too little too late in my view. Some of the plot is laughable. For example, the incompetent scientist and villain, while holding a piece of trillium says that he has "the power of the sun in his hand" and later, when the fusion reaction gets out of control that "There's no way to stop it...unless you drown it." Whaaaat? The power of the sun extinguished in a puddle of water? You have to laugh.
10. Maybe the youngsters haven't seen a dinosaur film before so this might be a bit of scary popcorn fun for them. But if you've seen the original and sequels then you're in for a disappointment. There's no tension or hide-behind-the-sofa moments, it's all crash bang wallop and special effects and by the middle the ending is all too predictable. None of the characters are likeable and their acting is pretty much "going through the motions" on a CGI set. The two boys sent to stay with their aunt on the island are excruciatingly annoying. It might have piqued my interest, and possibly the granting of another star, if they'd met a suitably creative and bloody end, sadly it wasn't to be. The middle onwards is a like poor remake of an Aliens fire fight, with marines being picked off by CGI snapping teeth, only nowhere near as good. The ending is just a glorified Godzilla fight scene. Glad I rented this on Prime rather than shelling out for the physical media. Seriously, don't pay for this, if you've don't have Prime or PPV wait until it hits the bargain buckets in your local co-op or supermarket.
11. First off let me just say that the whole concept is a good one and the first movie was very good, the idea of living in an atrificial enviroment constructed my an atrifical life form is a very unique and interesting concept. However the idoligy aside this film is a giant turd that has just droppped out of satans bottom into my lunch and left a taste that i can only remove with bleach, the over styalised and formulaic kind of direction of this second movie is old hat and not very imaginative in its extreme. The acting in the movie is below avarage at best and in its better moments it could almost have been a wallpapering documentary. The irony of this movie is that the CG out performs the actors the selfs, boring script, pointless dialogue, MTV style directing and that wooden bloke from Bill and Ted. I gave this 1 Star, because there was no zero.
12. It was a nightmare... there was a horrific talking and singing snow man... honestly i expected something, maybe not great, but at least decent. I could happily never watch this ever again for as long as i live. And now it's in the house.. with us.. it's always watching. I'm not sure what to do. I am to blame. I brought it into the house. The whole world seems to have done the same. It's taking over. I know it's winning, we have no chance now, we've brought this destruction unto ourselves. It's already tainted the children. I see them, singing.. singing that song. We may have to consider the next generation lost to us.. but even we are vulnerable. You can identify the infected though, there are signs, the hair may go white, and they're starting to dress in blue and sparkles. I can hear the song wherever i go now, feel it trying to break my spirit. The message is clear, telling us to give up, to let it go.. But we must fight back, and keep fighting. If we resist.. we might save ourselves yet. It's too late for many, i know. but we can't lose hope. It can't be too late.. please.
Last edited by Vermilion on Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:07 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Corazon de Leon
Love these. PMed my answers. 
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Jenuall
- Member
- Joined in 2008
- AKA: Jenuall
- Location: 40 light-years outside of the Exeter nebula
- Contact:
Yeah great idea!
Although there is obviously no way to police this I'm presuming there is a ban on people just googling the answers right? I imagine you could either locate the original review or simply deduce the answer by googling some of the dates/names that are mentioned.
Although there is obviously no way to police this I'm presuming there is a ban on people just googling the answers right? I imagine you could either locate the original review or simply deduce the answer by googling some of the dates/names that are mentioned.
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Corazon de Leon
Jenuall wrote:Yeah great idea!
Although there is obviously no way to police this I'm presuming there is a ban on people just googling the answers right? I imagine you could either locate the original review or simply deduce the answer by googling some of the dates/names that are mentioned.
We can only self moderate really. Hopefully nobody is a dick about it.
With that said I think I have a chance at 12/12 here, so am opening myself up to accusations of googling. I haven't, honestly.
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Jenuall
- Member
- Joined in 2008
- AKA: Jenuall
- Location: 40 light-years outside of the Exeter nebula
- Contact:
Corazon de Leon wrote:Jenuall wrote:Yeah great idea!
Although there is obviously no way to police this I'm presuming there is a ban on people just googling the answers right? I imagine you could either locate the original review or simply deduce the answer by googling some of the dates/names that are mentioned.
We can only self moderate really. Hopefully nobody is a dick about it.
With that said I think I have a chance at 12/12 here, so am opening myself up to accusations of googling. I haven't, honestly.
Haha, I absolutely haven't got 12/12 so I'm clearly no cheater!
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Edd
- Member
- Joined in 2015
- Contact:
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Tafdolphin
- RETURN POLICY ABUSER
- Joined in 2008
---------------------------
Games wot I worked on:
Night Call: Out now!
Rip Them Off: Out now!
Chinatown Detective Agency: 2021!
EXOGATE Initiative: Early Access Summer 2021
t: @Tafdolphin | Twitch: Tafdolphin
Games wot I worked on:
Night Call: Out now!
Rip Them Off: Out now!
Chinatown Detective Agency: 2021!
EXOGATE Initiative: Early Access Summer 2021
t: @Tafdolphin | Twitch: Tafdolphin
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Moggy
- "Special"
- Joined in 2008
- AKA: Moggy
Corazon de Leon wrote:Jenuall wrote:Yeah great idea!
Although there is obviously no way to police this I'm presuming there is a ban on people just googling the answers right? I imagine you could either locate the original review or simply deduce the answer by googling some of the dates/names that are mentioned.
We can only self moderate really. Hopefully nobody is a dick about it.
With that said I think I have a chance at 12/12 here, so am opening myself up to accusations of googling. I haven't, honestly.
I’m confident on the majority of them and took a guess on a couple.
Great idea for a game.
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Skarjo
- Emeritus
- Joined in 2008
I was pretty confident on all of them, bar one.
My biggest itch was thinking that the review made really weird pop culture references if it was meant to be contemporaneous with the release of the film, but who would look back on a film that important and think 'Nah, its gooseberry fool'.
My biggest itch was thinking that the review made really weird pop culture references if it was meant to be contemporaneous with the release of the film, but who would look back on a film that important and think 'Nah, its gooseberry fool'.
Karl wrote:Can't believe I got baited into expressing a political stance on hentai
Skarjo's Scary Stories...
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Vermilion
- Gnome Thief
- Joined in 2018
- Location: Everywhere
- Contact:
Tafdolphin wrote:As I said in my DM, I really hope these didn't all come from the same guy!
All the reviews were written by different people.
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McCoughlan
- Member
- Joined in 2018
- AKA: AnOpenCasket
- Location: Earth
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Victor Mildew
- Member
- Joined in 2009
Hexx wrote:Ad7 is older and balder than I thought.
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Vermilion
- Gnome Thief
- Joined in 2018
- Location: Everywhere
- Contact:
-
Vermilion
- Gnome Thief
- Joined in 2018
- Location: Everywhere
- Contact:
-
Vermilion
- Gnome Thief
- Joined in 2018
- Location: Everywhere
- Contact:
Right then, round 1 has concluded, and the answers are...
1. Captain Marvel
2. IT: Chapter 1
3. Interstellar
4. Drive
5. The Grand Budapest Hotel
6. This is the End
7. Pulp Fiction
8. Star Wars IV: A New Hope
9. Spiderman 2
10. Jurassic World
11. The Matrix Reloaded
12. Frozen
----------------------------
...and here's the scoreboard...
One Star Movie Reviews: Leaderboard
Taf - 12pts
Sawyerpip - 12pts
Cora - 11pts
Skarjo - 11pts
Moggy - 11pts
Edd - 10pts
Ironhide - 10pts
Rax - 9pts
LightWanderer - 9pts
OrangeRKN - 8pts
Jenuall - 8pts
Right then, on with the next round...
ONE STAR MOVIE REVIEWS QUIZ: ROUND 2
1. WTF?... The planet is flooded and dry land is long gone. So where does everyone get their cigarettes from? Dennis Hopper seems to know but isn't telling. Fuel to power jet-skis?... But where did everyone get their jet-skis?... Bullets for all the guns? Who makes those?... Nobody seems to be thirsty, even though fresh water is centuries gone... Trees and plants are gone. How is air made? Everyone seems to still be breathing. I think I'll stop, it's hurting my intelligence.
2. This movie is the greatest load of dung i have ever seen.I'm an avid sci-fi/horror fan and would give any movie the benifit of the doubt,but this is so bad,i can't describe how bad.I love the old 50's sci-fi mvie's, and to-day they get a lot of stick with they're dodgey space ships and rubber aliens,but they did what they could with what they had at the time,and some turned out to be classics.With the budget these guys had they could have done alot better.'Thrilling action packed movie'they say on the cover of the box,well if you call two aliens getting it on,waving there glowy tenticles at one another in the last scene ,then enjoy because thats as good as it gets,the rest is all talking,a few gunshots fired,a few fighter jets in the distance,but that is realy it.DO NOT BUY THIS MOVIE,trust me if you want action watch Coronation street.
3. This film has provoked debates in the Japanese parliament and is being regarded as a "Clockwork Orange" for the new millenium. It's a shame - but sadly, not surprising - that the film does not live up to it's controversial reputation. In terms of gore and violence, the film definitely delivers and is likely to cause offence in some quarters. Unfortunately, there is such a large dose of stupidity in the proceedings that it fails dismally as social commentary/satire. Example: at the start of the movie we see a TV news reporter excitedly proclaiming that the "victor" of the latest contest is a young girl. However, when the next class arrives on the island, they act and speak as if they've never heard of the setup and can't understand why they're there. The ending is also extremely dumb, making it seem as if the director has progressed very little since he helmed a film about some goo. The only scene that is really effective takes place in a lighthouse, ending with a spectacular bloodbath after a girl mistakenly eats a plate of poisoned noodles. I don't expect all films to adhere to the rules of strict logic, but this movie has a very unconvincing air about it. Japan has always produced striking, unconventional cinema, why make such a fuss over something that resembles a boring "shoot 'em up" computer game in school uniforms? The "Ring" tilogy and "Audition" are much more insidiously disturbing examples of Japanese cinema. The makers of this crpa hoped to make a "Clockwork Orange" for the computer generation, but their film should have been "wound up" on the first day of shooting!
4. James Cameron has made a spectacular Sci-Fi film... cliched Space Marines, futuristic helecopter gunships, a ruthless corporation with a slimy exec, tough female Latinos, hypersleep, a distant mysterious world attempting to be settled by humanity, Sigourney Weaver and an amazing exoskeleton v alien fight at the end...but that was called Aliens and was in 1986. Should the similarities between that classic and this truly awful film not be instantly noticeable it perhaps because the first film connection your brain makes is to Dances With Wolves... but in space! Or Ferngully... but in space! Or A Man Called Horse... but in space! Or An Inconvenient Truth... but in space! Or The Emerald Forest... but in space! You get the idea. The intelligent cultured mysterious Native Americans, sorry blue aliens, are very fortunate that the White Man turns up to save them and show them how to win the war against the other invading White Men... wow really? Does this sounds like a familiar plot?.
Sadly however, the Amazonian Tribes (sorry blue space aliens) instead of using their knowledge of the geography of THEIR home to an advantage, for some reason go along with the White Man. Our Space Marine hero decides the best tactic is to charge (or fly) straight at better equipped and armed opponents?! He must have missed that lecture at Space Marine Academy. Luckily the entire planets ecosystem and beasts come to the rescue, however when it really really counts the planet can strangely only muster a single space dog jaguar thing (Two-Socks?!) to help Poccohontis rescue our hero. There is of course the obligatory love interest, conflict with the Alpha Male Brave and Right of Passage... the latter requiring to all intents and purpose a wild, flying prarie Mustang. I hoped to see Toothless and Hiccup keeping pace but sadly it wasn't to be. Just one odd thing.... our hero can't walk. The technology and money is there to fly accross the galaxy and clone blue Aboriginals but his procedure would cost too much... what kind of medical insurance over does Space Marine service give you? Sounds like a a pretty raw deal for the Grunts? Perhaps he could have had an exoskeleton, stayed at home and this awful film would never have needed to be made?
5. Despite the cast, this must rate as the worst film that I have seen. There was no plot and not much of a cast apart from the two already mentioned and one of them disappeared halfway through the film. How this film was nominated for any awards is beyond me. Basically, the actors are part of a space shuttle crew who are hit by space debris. From then on most of the action is one of them hyperventilating, urging and arring and general bumping into parts of space craft. while the other had the good sense to just leave her to get on with it. Not much conversation from then on, apart from a very brief stint when the latter suddenly reappears as a ghost/vision and then just vanishes again. Waste of time.
6. I'm not a big fan of movies for critics, I prefer 90 minute long hack and slash, blood and guts, guns and glory special effect filled nonsense so I was expecting this to be right up my street. How wrong was I! It's bad, really really bad. Instead of filling the void where the plot should be with kick ass action scenes and alien massacre they've insisted in locking some rubbish actors in a block of flats, all for our pleasure. The isn't a single scene that redeems this film and it looks as though the makers got bored as well, instead of finsihing the film they run a comic strip over the end titles to try and explain what went on! Seriously, I'd happily sit through Independence Day and AvP Requiem a hundred times before watching this again.
7. SPOLERS! The movie has a leading man with absolutely no charisma whatsoever: actor Diego Luna. In fact, no-one has any character, but Luna is a complete non-entity. There is one single well-written and acted line in the movie: "There's one!".
"Plot":
Girl's parents taken/killed.
Now she's grown up.
Father working from inside.
Bit of force bs by cliched Far East actor choice.
Girl follows father's instructions.
Shooting. Shooting. Shooting. Shooting. Shooting.
Pathetic "he's behind you!" pantomime moment as non-entity comes up behind bad guy after seeming to be out of it.
8. I regret every penny I spent for this absolute idiotic, disgusting film that tries to amuse with countless scenes of homosexual practices. I cannot understand what people liked in this film. It is only vulgar and without any sense at all, even the Austrian accent is everything else but Austrian, it looks as if the Director of this film couldn`t have bothered less to have them pronounce the words in German. And the icing of the cake was the scene where the adopted black baby joins in a group of homosexuals in a whirlpool in a more than obvious scene. This should definitely have been censured, as paedophiles shouldn`t be encouraged even more by such LEGAL scenes. If I could have, I would have rated it minus 5 stars.
9. Cliche-ridden, shallow, indulgent, worryingly keen to portray every last lash of violence. It just wore me out. I think McQuen may have a bit of a problem: he obviously really enjoys the nasty stuff. And it's a tad suspect in my opinion. Does he perhaps over-indulge his own appetite? (Take a look at Hunger too...) In this we are bombarded with graphically violent scenes undoubtedly intended to shock and persuade - but where is the subtlety, the nuances, the shading? I'm already persuaded! So what I'm left with here is this trivial, thin, one-dimensional stuff. Good vs evil. The horror, the horror. And when you finish this movie, what do you take away from it? "Slavery was awful" just isn't enough. Slavery was a terrible thing. Of course it was! But this, I'm afraid, is not a very good movie, simple as that.
10. Ended up being dragged to the theatre with my sisters to see this crapfest way back in 2007. And upon seeing the movie on the TV it brought my attention back to how awful a movie it really is.
1. The attempts at being "funny" epicly failed at every point.
2. The director was Michael Bay, enough to create a awful movie, him and Uwe Boll.
3. The script(if I can call it one) was also terrible.
4. Excessivly boring.
5. Relyed to much on the 'special effects' and countless 'explosions' to make the movie 'cool'.
Overall I wouldn't reccomend it to anyone. Unless they were die hard action fans that enjoy movies that consist of explosions, destrucion, bad humor, robots and terrible script and production.
One star is me being generous. If it where possible I'd give it a half-of-a-star.
But unfortunatley that's impossible.
11. To paraphrase the song, They've saved the worst 'til last. Unrecognisable from the book, this piece of dross was like one of those computer games where the action sequences are ludicrously implausible. The plot was all over the place: Galadriel turning up to rescue Gandhi and battle the Nine with Saruman and Elrond just about sums it up. Was it meant to be a joke that Cate Blanchett ended up looking like the creature from the Japanese horror Ring when she scares off the monster? It was as if the team that had been working together for nearly 20 years suddenly had had enough. A great shame.
12. BAN THIS SICK FILTH! Disney just will NOT stop with it's cultural appropriation of minorities and it's sickening portrayal of women. It happened with Aladdin, with Mulan and now this! IT IS 2017 WE ARE MEANT TO BE LIVING IN A MORE PROGRESSIVE WORLD BUT SOMEONE FORGOT TO TELL DISNEY! Boycott Disney and it's white corporate imperial slavers who profit off the backs of the oppressed and minorities, who promote rape culture and women as nothing but sex objects in it's films. Just as it did with the utterly sick filth that was Frozen. BOYCOTT DISNEY! WOMEN AND SOUTH SEE MINORITIES ARE NOT THERE FOR YOUR CORPORATE GREED!
------------------------------
Good luck.
1. Captain Marvel
2. IT: Chapter 1
3. Interstellar
4. Drive
5. The Grand Budapest Hotel
6. This is the End
7. Pulp Fiction
8. Star Wars IV: A New Hope
9. Spiderman 2
10. Jurassic World
11. The Matrix Reloaded
12. Frozen
----------------------------
...and here's the scoreboard...
One Star Movie Reviews: Leaderboard
Taf - 12pts
Sawyerpip - 12pts
Cora - 11pts
Skarjo - 11pts
Moggy - 11pts
Edd - 10pts
Ironhide - 10pts
Rax - 9pts
LightWanderer - 9pts
OrangeRKN - 8pts
Jenuall - 8pts
Right then, on with the next round...
ONE STAR MOVIE REVIEWS QUIZ: ROUND 2
1. WTF?... The planet is flooded and dry land is long gone. So where does everyone get their cigarettes from? Dennis Hopper seems to know but isn't telling. Fuel to power jet-skis?... But where did everyone get their jet-skis?... Bullets for all the guns? Who makes those?... Nobody seems to be thirsty, even though fresh water is centuries gone... Trees and plants are gone. How is air made? Everyone seems to still be breathing. I think I'll stop, it's hurting my intelligence.
2. This movie is the greatest load of dung i have ever seen.I'm an avid sci-fi/horror fan and would give any movie the benifit of the doubt,but this is so bad,i can't describe how bad.I love the old 50's sci-fi mvie's, and to-day they get a lot of stick with they're dodgey space ships and rubber aliens,but they did what they could with what they had at the time,and some turned out to be classics.With the budget these guys had they could have done alot better.'Thrilling action packed movie'they say on the cover of the box,well if you call two aliens getting it on,waving there glowy tenticles at one another in the last scene ,then enjoy because thats as good as it gets,the rest is all talking,a few gunshots fired,a few fighter jets in the distance,but that is realy it.DO NOT BUY THIS MOVIE,trust me if you want action watch Coronation street.
3. This film has provoked debates in the Japanese parliament and is being regarded as a "Clockwork Orange" for the new millenium. It's a shame - but sadly, not surprising - that the film does not live up to it's controversial reputation. In terms of gore and violence, the film definitely delivers and is likely to cause offence in some quarters. Unfortunately, there is such a large dose of stupidity in the proceedings that it fails dismally as social commentary/satire. Example: at the start of the movie we see a TV news reporter excitedly proclaiming that the "victor" of the latest contest is a young girl. However, when the next class arrives on the island, they act and speak as if they've never heard of the setup and can't understand why they're there. The ending is also extremely dumb, making it seem as if the director has progressed very little since he helmed a film about some goo. The only scene that is really effective takes place in a lighthouse, ending with a spectacular bloodbath after a girl mistakenly eats a plate of poisoned noodles. I don't expect all films to adhere to the rules of strict logic, but this movie has a very unconvincing air about it. Japan has always produced striking, unconventional cinema, why make such a fuss over something that resembles a boring "shoot 'em up" computer game in school uniforms? The "Ring" tilogy and "Audition" are much more insidiously disturbing examples of Japanese cinema. The makers of this crpa hoped to make a "Clockwork Orange" for the computer generation, but their film should have been "wound up" on the first day of shooting!
4. James Cameron has made a spectacular Sci-Fi film... cliched Space Marines, futuristic helecopter gunships, a ruthless corporation with a slimy exec, tough female Latinos, hypersleep, a distant mysterious world attempting to be settled by humanity, Sigourney Weaver and an amazing exoskeleton v alien fight at the end...but that was called Aliens and was in 1986. Should the similarities between that classic and this truly awful film not be instantly noticeable it perhaps because the first film connection your brain makes is to Dances With Wolves... but in space! Or Ferngully... but in space! Or A Man Called Horse... but in space! Or An Inconvenient Truth... but in space! Or The Emerald Forest... but in space! You get the idea. The intelligent cultured mysterious Native Americans, sorry blue aliens, are very fortunate that the White Man turns up to save them and show them how to win the war against the other invading White Men... wow really? Does this sounds like a familiar plot?.
Sadly however, the Amazonian Tribes (sorry blue space aliens) instead of using their knowledge of the geography of THEIR home to an advantage, for some reason go along with the White Man. Our Space Marine hero decides the best tactic is to charge (or fly) straight at better equipped and armed opponents?! He must have missed that lecture at Space Marine Academy. Luckily the entire planets ecosystem and beasts come to the rescue, however when it really really counts the planet can strangely only muster a single space dog jaguar thing (Two-Socks?!) to help Poccohontis rescue our hero. There is of course the obligatory love interest, conflict with the Alpha Male Brave and Right of Passage... the latter requiring to all intents and purpose a wild, flying prarie Mustang. I hoped to see Toothless and Hiccup keeping pace but sadly it wasn't to be. Just one odd thing.... our hero can't walk. The technology and money is there to fly accross the galaxy and clone blue Aboriginals but his procedure would cost too much... what kind of medical insurance over does Space Marine service give you? Sounds like a a pretty raw deal for the Grunts? Perhaps he could have had an exoskeleton, stayed at home and this awful film would never have needed to be made?
5. Despite the cast, this must rate as the worst film that I have seen. There was no plot and not much of a cast apart from the two already mentioned and one of them disappeared halfway through the film. How this film was nominated for any awards is beyond me. Basically, the actors are part of a space shuttle crew who are hit by space debris. From then on most of the action is one of them hyperventilating, urging and arring and general bumping into parts of space craft. while the other had the good sense to just leave her to get on with it. Not much conversation from then on, apart from a very brief stint when the latter suddenly reappears as a ghost/vision and then just vanishes again. Waste of time.
6. I'm not a big fan of movies for critics, I prefer 90 minute long hack and slash, blood and guts, guns and glory special effect filled nonsense so I was expecting this to be right up my street. How wrong was I! It's bad, really really bad. Instead of filling the void where the plot should be with kick ass action scenes and alien massacre they've insisted in locking some rubbish actors in a block of flats, all for our pleasure. The isn't a single scene that redeems this film and it looks as though the makers got bored as well, instead of finsihing the film they run a comic strip over the end titles to try and explain what went on! Seriously, I'd happily sit through Independence Day and AvP Requiem a hundred times before watching this again.
7. SPOLERS! The movie has a leading man with absolutely no charisma whatsoever: actor Diego Luna. In fact, no-one has any character, but Luna is a complete non-entity. There is one single well-written and acted line in the movie: "There's one!".
"Plot":
Girl's parents taken/killed.
Now she's grown up.
Father working from inside.
Bit of force bs by cliched Far East actor choice.
Girl follows father's instructions.
Shooting. Shooting. Shooting. Shooting. Shooting.
Pathetic "he's behind you!" pantomime moment as non-entity comes up behind bad guy after seeming to be out of it.
8. I regret every penny I spent for this absolute idiotic, disgusting film that tries to amuse with countless scenes of homosexual practices. I cannot understand what people liked in this film. It is only vulgar and without any sense at all, even the Austrian accent is everything else but Austrian, it looks as if the Director of this film couldn`t have bothered less to have them pronounce the words in German. And the icing of the cake was the scene where the adopted black baby joins in a group of homosexuals in a whirlpool in a more than obvious scene. This should definitely have been censured, as paedophiles shouldn`t be encouraged even more by such LEGAL scenes. If I could have, I would have rated it minus 5 stars.
9. Cliche-ridden, shallow, indulgent, worryingly keen to portray every last lash of violence. It just wore me out. I think McQuen may have a bit of a problem: he obviously really enjoys the nasty stuff. And it's a tad suspect in my opinion. Does he perhaps over-indulge his own appetite? (Take a look at Hunger too...) In this we are bombarded with graphically violent scenes undoubtedly intended to shock and persuade - but where is the subtlety, the nuances, the shading? I'm already persuaded! So what I'm left with here is this trivial, thin, one-dimensional stuff. Good vs evil. The horror, the horror. And when you finish this movie, what do you take away from it? "Slavery was awful" just isn't enough. Slavery was a terrible thing. Of course it was! But this, I'm afraid, is not a very good movie, simple as that.
10. Ended up being dragged to the theatre with my sisters to see this crapfest way back in 2007. And upon seeing the movie on the TV it brought my attention back to how awful a movie it really is.
1. The attempts at being "funny" epicly failed at every point.
2. The director was Michael Bay, enough to create a awful movie, him and Uwe Boll.
3. The script(if I can call it one) was also terrible.
4. Excessivly boring.
5. Relyed to much on the 'special effects' and countless 'explosions' to make the movie 'cool'.
Overall I wouldn't reccomend it to anyone. Unless they were die hard action fans that enjoy movies that consist of explosions, destrucion, bad humor, robots and terrible script and production.
One star is me being generous. If it where possible I'd give it a half-of-a-star.
But unfortunatley that's impossible.
11. To paraphrase the song, They've saved the worst 'til last. Unrecognisable from the book, this piece of dross was like one of those computer games where the action sequences are ludicrously implausible. The plot was all over the place: Galadriel turning up to rescue Gandhi and battle the Nine with Saruman and Elrond just about sums it up. Was it meant to be a joke that Cate Blanchett ended up looking like the creature from the Japanese horror Ring when she scares off the monster? It was as if the team that had been working together for nearly 20 years suddenly had had enough. A great shame.
12. BAN THIS SICK FILTH! Disney just will NOT stop with it's cultural appropriation of minorities and it's sickening portrayal of women. It happened with Aladdin, with Mulan and now this! IT IS 2017 WE ARE MEANT TO BE LIVING IN A MORE PROGRESSIVE WORLD BUT SOMEONE FORGOT TO TELL DISNEY! Boycott Disney and it's white corporate imperial slavers who profit off the backs of the oppressed and minorities, who promote rape culture and women as nothing but sex objects in it's films. Just as it did with the utterly sick filth that was Frozen. BOYCOTT DISNEY! WOMEN AND SOUTH SEE MINORITIES ARE NOT THERE FOR YOUR CORPORATE GREED!
------------------------------
Good luck.
-
McCoughlan
- Member
- Joined in 2018
- AKA: AnOpenCasket
- Location: Earth
