Online dating

Tomous wrote:

Curls wrote:Don’t live near a bunch of better looking and more confident military dudes if you want to do dating guys

Sounds like exactly what you should do if you want to do dating guys

The curse of the comma.

Used both Tinder and Bumble over the years, usually went through phases over using it and having a bunch of dates, then not using it for a while. People I've always met are perfectly pleasant but have never led to more than a few dates. It can take a lot of swiping to get going though.

Meeting people in person through activities and things have always led to more attraction.

Also I did once do the Guardian Blind Date column- which was an experience. (I would share but they used a picture of my bad side).

Met my wife on Tinder back in 2015. Had a few awkward dates with other people before then, and some decent casual few month long flings prior to that too.

Abacus wrote:
But, at the end of the day, I still think it's a better system than randomly bumping into people in real life if it's a relationship you're after. Most of the weddings I've been at in the last few years have been people that have met online.

I think in general it does let you meet a lot more people than you would in real life. On the flip side the (tiny) handful of relationships I've had have been with women I've met in real life. It's not been a great success rate but better than my 0% success rate with online dating. I'm clearly doing something wrong with online dating having never even managed one date but I'm not sure what.

For the most part I'm happy enough on my own but I do go through patches where I think it'd be nice to have someone special in my life, especially when I'm travelling solo.

RainbowGazelle wrote:Oof, this is so me. Trying to date, in Japan, during corona, is basically impossible for me. I've tried mostly Bumble for the last year. One date and one online gaming session. That's been about it. I'm also trying to make myself happy being alone, but it's really tough.

Yeah, it's hard. I tend to feel it most when I'm on holiday alone. I sometimes get relationship envy towards other people. But I've been single for most of my life and don't see it changing any time soon so I've tried to make the best of it.

I've only ever been in relationships with people I met online

I think because I'm so wary of making someone uncomfortable I just find it really hard to show an interest or flirt in person unless the other person makes it really obvious they're into me.

Even then though I remember when I worked in a shop and this girl tried to start a conversation with me and I just gave her like a one word response and she looked really disappointed

Made me giggle a bit when my mate told me he needed to hire a professional photographer to do a photo shoot for his tinder profile because he wasn't getting any ladies he liked on it.

Fade wrote:I've only ever been in relationships with people I met online

I think because I'm so wary of making someone uncomfortable I just find it really hard to show an interest or flirt in person unless the other person makes it really obvious they're into me.

Even then though I remember when I worked in a shop and this girl tried to start a conversation with me and I just gave her like a one word response and she looked really disappointed

I'm really bad at picking up on signals. I don't know whether it's just because it rarely happens so I'm just out of practice or I'm just genuinely clueless. I've been told a few times that women have flirted with me at work in the past but I've only ever flagged it as being friendly. Likewise I've been told I'm flirting when all I'm doing it literally just being friendly. This is usually me:

Outrunner wrote:

Fade wrote:I've only ever been in relationships with people I met online

I think because I'm so wary of making someone uncomfortable I just find it really hard to show an interest or flirt in person unless the other person makes it really obvious they're into me.

Even then though I remember when I worked in a shop and this girl tried to start a conversation with me and I just gave her like a one word response and she looked really disappointed

I'm really bad at picking up on signals. I don't know whether it's just because it rarely happens so I'm just out of practice or I'm just genuinely clueless. I've been told a few times that women have flirted with me at work in the past but I've only ever flagged it as being friendly. Likewise I've been told I'm flirting when all I'm doing it literally just being friendly. This is usually me:

That video is far too accurate for myself too

I’m definitely with you though, the last thing I want is to make someone feel uncomfortable so most of the time I just tell myself they’re just being a nice, normal person rather than the slight chance they’re trying to flirt with me, even if they came out and said straight up I’d just think they were having me on

I meet my partner nearly 14 years ago on a site called Chat Avenue I doubt it’s still going because it was before apps, my relationship is a tricky one because I’m pretty much always thinking about leaving but when ever I have in the past (last time September 2019) I always go back, it’s either love or the shock after all these years of being alone

Outrunner wrote:I'm really bad at picking up on signals. I don't know whether it's just because it rarely happens so I'm just out of practice or I'm just genuinely clueless. I've been told a few times that women have flirted with me at work in the past but I've only ever flagged it as being friendly. Likewise I've been told I'm flirting when all I'm doing it literally just being friendly. This is usually me:

This is a biiiiiiiiig mood. When I got together with my current fiancée there were apparently two people in the same place who were set on me. I had no idea. A friend who had apparently wanted something more for a loooooong time stormed off in tears because I didn't realise, started flirting heavily with CF, then said something flippant to her. Only then did another friend tell me this woman liked me. Having multiple people into you isn't as fun as it sounds!

On-topic: I tried Tinder and OkCupid. I was terrible at both. I think the problem was I approached them like I would meeting in person: let's have a chat, get to know each other, and see if there's any chemistry going on (that I will no doubt completely miss). I didn't get a single date out of either, then quit because they were demoralising. The one site I did get a single date out of was a pretentious one. She was hideous in person. The date was really awkward.

I've been much better (NB not good just much better) at finding women in real life. Sometimes better than I know apparently...

Balladeer wrote:

Outrunner wrote:I'm really bad at picking up on signals. I don't know whether it's just because it rarely happens so I'm just out of practice or I'm just genuinely clueless. I've been told a few times that women have flirted with me at work in the past but I've only ever flagged it as being friendly. Likewise I've been told I'm flirting when all I'm doing it literally just being friendly. This is usually me:

This is a biiiiiiiiig mood. When I got together with my current fiancée there were apparently two people in the same place who were set on me. I had no idea. A friend who had apparently wanted something more for a loooooong time stormed off in tears because I didn't realise, started flirting heavily with CF, then said something flippant to her. Only then did another friend tell me this woman liked me. Having multiple people into you isn't as fun as it sounds!

On-topic: I tried Tinder and OkCupid. I was terrible at both. I think the problem was I approached them like I would meeting in person: let's have a chat, get to know each other, and see if there's any chemistry going on (that I will no doubt completely miss). I didn't get a single date out of either, then quit because they were demoralising. The one site I did get a single date out of was a pretentious one. She was hideous in person. The date was really awkward.

I've been much better (NB not good just much better) at finding women in real life. Sometimes better than I know apparently...

Pro tip: don't refer to your fiancée as your "current fiancée".

Balladeer wrote:

Outrunner wrote:I'm really bad at picking up on signals. I don't know whether it's just because it rarely happens so I'm just out of practice or I'm just genuinely clueless. I've been told a few times that women have flirted with me at work in the past but I've only ever flagged it as being friendly. Likewise I've been told I'm flirting when all I'm doing it literally just being friendly. This is usually me:

This is a biiiiiiiiig mood. When I got together with my current fiancée there were apparently two people in the same place who were set on me. I had no idea. A friend who had apparently wanted something more for a loooooong time stormed off in tears because I didn't realise, started flirting heavily with CF, then said something flippant to her. Only then did another friend tell me this woman liked me. Having multiple people into you isn't as fun as it sounds!

On-topic: I tried Tinder and OkCupid. I was terrible at both. I think the problem was I approached them like I would meeting in person: let's have a chat, get to know each other, and see if there's any chemistry going on (that I will no doubt completely miss). I didn't get a single date out of either, then quit because they were demoralising. The one site I did get a single date out of was a pretentious one. She was hideous in person. The date was really awkward.

I've been much better (NB not good just much better) at finding women in real life. Sometimes better than I know apparently...

I realised on Tinder you have to be quite forward, I usually only talked to someone for a max of a week before asking them out.

Most of the time it was a few days.

If you leave it too long people just seem to get distracted by someone else they're talking to or has already asked them out.

I find it's better to just meet someone if you have a few things in common and see how get on, rather than spend weeks talking, meet and then find you have no chemistry.

Yeah, people don't want penpals, key to Tinder and apps like that is after having a good conversation with someone, asking them on a date and not dragging it out chatting for weeks.

Tomous wrote:

Balladeer wrote:When I got together with my current fiancée...

Pro tip: don't refer to your fiancée as your "current fiancée".

Tomous wrote:Pro tip: don't refer to your fiancée as your "current fiancée".

I started off saying 'current girlfriend' and changed girlfriend to fiancée and my brain didn't... follow... through?

I'm not sure current girlfriend is any better

Fade wrote:I realised on Tinder you have to be quite forward, I usually only talked to someone for a max of a week before asking them out.

Most of the time it was a few days.

If you leave it too long people just seem to get distracted by someone else they're talking to or has already asked them out.

I find it's better to just meet someone if you have a few things in common and see how get on, rather than spend weeks talking, meet and then find you have no chemistry.

This is all valid and I did none of it. I like to think that if I ever had to go back to it I'd have learned that lesson and do better. And if I keep using 'current fiancée' I might have to...

Balladeer wrote:This is a biiiiiiiiig mood. When I got together with my current fiancée there were apparently two people in the same place who were set on me. I had no idea. A friend who had apparently wanted something more for a loooooong time stormed off in tears because I didn't realise, started flirting heavily with CF, then said something flippant to her. Only then did another friend tell me this woman liked me. Having multiple people into you isn't as fun as it sounds!

My worst clueless moment was when I'd apparently been dating a woman without realising it. We'd been introduced by my brother (not setting us up, we just happened to both be out for birthday drinks with him). Anyway, we'd been chatting on got on pretty well. After that we went out a few times. I literally didn't pick up on any signals, we just went to the cinema and out for drinks a few times, the sort of thing I'd do with any of my friends. The closest thing I could pick up as a sign was when she hugged me before I went on holiday but I (unfortunately) have a lot of hugger friends so to me it was just a friendship thing.

Anyway, she went absolutely psycho when I got into a relationship, told all her friends we belonged together, how she was going to break us up. Oh and came up to my house at 3am banging on the door shouting through the letter box. I genuinely didn't mean to lead her on and if I did I was unaware that I had, to me she was just a friend.

If you haven't kissed her I don't think it counts as 'dating'! Platonic hugs are great!