Online dating

Outrunner wrote:

Balladeer wrote:This is a biiiiiiiiig mood. When I got together with my current fiancée there were apparently two people in the same place who were set on me. I had no idea. A friend who had apparently wanted something more for a loooooong time stormed off in tears because I didn't realise, started flirting heavily with CF, then said something flippant to her. Only then did another friend tell me this woman liked me. Having multiple people into you isn't as fun as it sounds!

My worst clueless moment was when I'd apparently been dating a woman without realising it. We'd been introduced by my brother (not setting us up, we just happened to both be out for birthday drinks with him). Anyway, we'd been chatting on got on pretty well. After that we went out a few times. I literally didn't pick up on any signals, we just went to the cinema and out for drinks a few times, the sort of thing I'd do with any of my friends. The closest thing I could pick up as a sign was when she hugged me before I went on holiday but I (unfortunately) have a lot of hugger friends so to me it was just a friendship thing.

Anyway, she went absolutely psycho when I got into a relationship, told all her friends we belonged together, how she was going to break us up. Oh and came up to my house at 3am banging on the door shouting through the letter box. I genuinely didn't mean to lead her on and if I did I was unaware that I had, to me she was just a friend.

At uni I started hanging out with a female friend a bit more than we previously had, but I only saw her as a friend. I eventuality noticed some comments my friends were making about us and began to think people had been convincing her something was going to happen between us. I asked to have a chat with her, and explained what I heard, and that I saw her as a mate. She apparently was a bit disappointed by this, and ended up going back to her house share and getting pretty wasted, which was out of character for her. We only saw each other in group settings after that, which was a shame.

Fade wrote:

Balladeer wrote:

Outrunner wrote:I'm really bad at picking up on signals. I don't know whether it's just because it rarely happens so I'm just out of practice or I'm just genuinely clueless. I've been told a few times that women have flirted with me at work in the past but I've only ever flagged it as being friendly. Likewise I've been told I'm flirting when all I'm doing it literally just being friendly. This is usually me:

This is a biiiiiiiiig mood. When I got together with my current fiancée there were apparently two people in the same place who were set on me. I had no idea. A friend who had apparently wanted something more for a loooooong time stormed off in tears because I didn't realise, started flirting heavily with CF, then said something flippant to her. Only then did another friend tell me this woman liked me. Having multiple people into you isn't as fun as it sounds!

On-topic: I tried Tinder and OkCupid. I was terrible at both. I think the problem was I approached them like I would meeting in person: let's have a chat, get to know each other, and see if there's any chemistry going on (that I will no doubt completely miss). I didn't get a single date out of either, then quit because they were demoralising. The one site I did get a single date out of was a pretentious one. She was hideous in person. The date was really awkward.

I've been much better (NB not good just much better) at finding women in real life. Sometimes better than I know apparently...

I realised on Tinder you have to be quite forward, I usually only talked to someone for a max of a week before asking them out.

Most of the time it was a few days.

If you leave it too long people just seem to get distracted by someone else they're talking to or has already asked them out.

I find it's better to just meet someone if you have a few things in common and see how get on, rather than spend weeks talking, meet and then find you have no chemistry.

Absolutely this- after I while I basically did 6 messages then asked for a drink, it's what everyone is therefore after all.

I've had plenty of success on POF. Met up with about 8 women, had 2 night stands with 3 and relationships with 3(1 short term, 1 for about a year and a half and one more of strawberry float buddy but over a fair amount of time, it ended because she wanted more than I could offer, ie love and marriage) of them. I haven't used it for a couple of years though due to mental health issues(the antidepressants I'm on have pretty much destroyed my libido) and just preferring to be on my own.

All 3 of the one night stands (one of which I would have eloped with, liked the same music, sexually 100% compatible and she had an NES under her TV, we really hit it off, a completely mutual attraction that was more intense than anything I'd felt before. Circumstances stopped that being more than a one night stand ) then went on to marry the next person they met and had a kid with them.

Also, recently signed up to the Facebook dating thing and within an hour I had 3 absolute howlers(and much older) contact me with messages and likes. I quickly erased myself from it.

I have used them in the past and despite being an overweight nerd I did pretty well out of it really, the best part would be finding my fiancée on one.

The funniest part was probably when I had pictures of me up with hair and no one was responding, shaved my head bold the next day and couldn't keep up with the messages, even had people who had said things like ''nice message but no offense your ugly'' message back and ask me for a date.

I used to grow my hair then shave it, then grow it and shave it and I used to do the same with my beard.

Yeah... the key to being able to message people on those apps is to get a match first...

Can't ask someone for a drink if they don't know you exist, after all.

kerr9000 wrote:I have used them in the past and despite being an overweight nerd I did pretty well out of it really, the best part would be finding my fiancée on one.

My mate was complaining the other day to a few of us that most women on dating apps were 'racist', as he's Indian and he gets basically no matches (the rest of us are white and were saying it was an alright, if flawed, way to meet other people). I, in a moment of misjudged intentions, figured it would be better he directs his mind away from this mentality and tried to frame his difficulties as partially being the result of something that was in his control and he could change if he put his mind to it: I said he would have better luck if he lost some weight (he's put on quite a bit this last year, something his family has given him a bit of light ribbing for too recently), which went down like a lead balloon with the group who were also participating in this conversation. I tried to save face, by explaining it's just a matter of context - these apps encourage people to be superficial as it's all about swiping based on appearance, and it was likely people on there were just shallow rather than 'racist' and it's just about playing the game. But by then the damage was done.

Also, I had a first date last night which went really well and I'm now in a slight limbo phase where I hope we meet up again, but I don't want to burn bridges with other people I'm arranging dates with just in case she doesn't feel the same. I was actually considering cancelling because I was really tired and feeling lazy and really glad I wasn't such an idiot. I was literally on my way to meet her thinking "might as well see how it goes, you'll kick yourself if it goes well for thinking of cancelling".

That's not a growth wrote:

kerr9000 wrote:I have used them in the past and despite being an overweight nerd I did pretty well out of it really, the best part would be finding my fiancée on one.

My mate was complaining the other day to a few of us that most women on dating apps were 'racist', as he's Indian and he gets basically no matches (the rest of us are white and were saying it was an alright, if flawed, way to meet other people). I, in a moment of misjudged intentions, figured it would be better he directs his mind away from this mentality and tried to frame his difficulties as partially being the result of something that was in his control and he could change if he put his mind to it: I said he would have better luck if he lost some weight (he's put on quite a bit this last year, something his family has given him a bit of light ribbing for too recently), which went down like a lead balloon with the group who were also participating in this conversation. I tried to save face, by explaining it's just a matter of context - these apps encourage people to be superficial as it's all about swiping based on appearance, and it was likely people on there were just shallow rather than 'racist' and it's just about playing the game. But by then the damage was done.

"Nah mate, they don't hate you because you're brown, they hate you because you're a massive fatty!"

"Mate?"

"Hello?"

"Why is nobody talking to me?"

" "

Thankfully the conversation moved on quickly from that.

That's not a growth wrote:

kerr9000 wrote:I have used them in the past and despite being an overweight nerd I did pretty well out of it really, the best part would be finding my fiancée on one.

My mate was complaining the other day to a few of us that most women on dating apps were 'racist', as he's Indian and he gets basically no matches (the rest of us are white and were saying it was an alright, if flawed, way to meet other people). I, in a moment of misjudged intentions, figured it would be better he directs his mind away from this mentality and tried to frame his difficulties as partially being the result of something that was in his control and he could change if he put his mind to it: I said he would have better luck if he lost some weight (he's put on quite a bit this last year, something his family has given him a bit of light ribbing for too recently), which went down like a lead balloon with the group who were also participating in this conversation. I tried to save face, by explaining it's just a matter of context - these apps encourage people to be superficial as it's all about swiping based on appearance, and it was likely people on there were just shallow rather than 'racist' and it's just about playing the game. But by then the damage was done.

He is right to an extent though, white people do much better on dating apps and he will find it harder as an Indian regardless of his weight. Losing weight will help though of course so you were right to point out he's turned into a fatty fatty boom boom.

That's not a growth wrote::slol: Thankfully the conversation moved on quickly from that.

I was out a few Fridays ago and met this guy through the people I was with. He was saying a lot of the same things. And in the 20 minutes I was speaking to him, I could see it was mostly him and his attitude. I couldn't imagine being around that guy for longer than a few moments at most. It was on the tip of my tongue but I never said anything to him.

Tomous wrote:Losing weight will help though of course so you were right to point out he's turned into a fatty fatty boom boom.

Maybe I should have worded it like that...

Squinty wrote:

That's not a growth wrote::slol: Thankfully the conversation moved on quickly from that.

I was out a few Fridays ago and met this guy through the people I was with. He was saying a lot of the same things. And in the 20 minutes I was speaking to him, I could see it was mostly him and his attitude. I couldn't imagine being around that guy for longer than a few moments at most. It was on the tip of my tongue but I never said anything to him.

That was partially my concern, when it comes down to it he was just moaning (thankfully he's not like that normally, but I guess this has really knocked him). I understand it can be really difficult and rough, it's not often I've had a decent date from these things myself, but I was hoping to push the conversation away from something he couldn't change. It's just not the greatest of subjects to bring up at the best of times, but strawberry float it I always wished people pointed out to me when I was overweight (when looking back at photos, after I lost the weight, thinking '"strawberry float I was really oblivious then") so I'd might as well be that person myself.

Just because you're not attracted to people of a particular colour does not make you a racist. We all like what we like.

Rapidly-Greying wrote:Just because you're not attracted to people of a particular colour does not make you a racist. We all like what we like.

I think it's pretty racist to say "I don't find anybody in this ethnic group attractive".

They don't all look the same.

Actually downloaded Hinge today (as it seems like the best of a bad bunch almost? ), not set it up yet probably will never set it up and I’ll end up deleting it in a few months.

Had another meet up, thought it went really nicely. They only want to be friends, which I tried to mentally prepare myself for, but still hurts a bit. Good to make a new friend, though.

Been texting this woman for about a week now. I had a complete strawberry floating blast with her on Saturday past.

Fairly sure I'm getting slow ghosted, the communications I've had from her have been sporadic over the last few days

My ex boss is trying to get into my gooseberry fool as well again. Nice girl, but she's not my type. It's awkward as hell.

Ah well.