Work Simulation Thread [Please advise]

Fed up talking videogames? Why?
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Jenuall
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AKA: Jenuall
Location: 40 light-years outside of the Exeter nebula
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PostRe: Work Simulation Thread [Please advise]
by Jenuall » Fri Nov 13, 2020 1:24 pm

Balladeer wrote:
Qikz wrote:Hi All,

This is a phishing email, please check in future before you click any links or take any advice from any emails with dodgy spelling and at least check with us if you're unsure. We don't have an Excel 2003 spreadsheet, our budget didn't stretch that far after what the government gave to us so we're currently running by carrier pigeon. Reminder it will take a good few hours for the pigeons to go too and from both locations so please don't overloard the pigeon with attachments as it will slow things down.

Regards,
Actual IT.

Dear IT,

Somebody has shot and eaten my pigeon. Please advise.

Kind regards,
Balladeer

Dear Balladeer,

We've had growing reports of similar incidents and have managed to identify a potential culprit:

Image

The authorities have been informed and we are expecting an update before close of play.

Thank you for your patience in this matter.

Regards,
Jenuall - Head of PR (Pigeon Resources)
We are an eco-conscious enterprise, please don't print this email

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Balladeer
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Location: Lord's

PostRe: Work Simulation Thread [Please advise]
by Balladeer » Fri Nov 13, 2020 1:30 pm

Dear Jenuall,

Thanks for your help! Please can you also have a word with E. Blackadder re. pigeons? He hasn't responded to any correspondences for a while, and there seem to be speckled feathers on his desk.

Many thanks,
Balladeer

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Somebody Else's Problem
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AKA: Moggy

PostRe: Work Simulation Thread [Please advise]
by Somebody Else's Problem » Fri Nov 13, 2020 1:31 pm

Jenuall wrote:
Balladeer wrote:
Qikz wrote:Hi All,

This is a phishing email, please check in future before you click any links or take any advice from any emails with dodgy spelling and at least check with us if you're unsure. We don't have an Excel 2003 spreadsheet, our budget didn't stretch that far after what the government gave to us so we're currently running by carrier pigeon. Reminder it will take a good few hours for the pigeons to go too and from both locations so please don't overloard the pigeon with attachments as it will slow things down.

Regards,
Actual IT.

Dear IT,

Somebody has shot and eaten my pigeon. Please advise.

Kind regards,
Balladeer

Dear Balladeer,

We've had growing reports of similar incidents and have managed to identify a potential culprit:

Image

The authorities have been informed and we are expecting an update before close of play.

Thank you for your patience in this matter.

Regards,
Jenuall - Head of PR (Pigeon Resources)
We are an eco-conscious enterprise, please don't print this email


Dear Jenuall,

I believe it may also be worth investigating Edmund Blackadder regarding this matter, as I noticed he had what appeared to be a dead pigeon in the communal fridge.

In line with the company's whistleblower policy, I wish to remain anonymous.

Kind regards,
Somebody Else's Problem

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Jenuall
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Joined in 2008
AKA: Jenuall
Location: 40 light-years outside of the Exeter nebula
Contact:

PostRe: Work Simulation Thread [Please advise]
by Jenuall » Fri Nov 13, 2020 1:36 pm

Somebody Else's Problem wrote:
Jenuall wrote:
Balladeer wrote:
Qikz wrote:Hi All,

This is a phishing email, please check in future before you click any links or take any advice from any emails with dodgy spelling and at least check with us if you're unsure. We don't have an Excel 2003 spreadsheet, our budget didn't stretch that far after what the government gave to us so we're currently running by carrier pigeon. Reminder it will take a good few hours for the pigeons to go too and from both locations so please don't overloard the pigeon with attachments as it will slow things down.

Regards,
Actual IT.

Dear IT,

Somebody has shot and eaten my pigeon. Please advise.

Kind regards,
Balladeer

Dear Balladeer,

We've had growing reports of similar incidents and have managed to identify a potential culprit:

Image

The authorities have been informed and we are expecting an update before close of play.

Thank you for your patience in this matter.

Regards,
Jenuall - Head of PR (Pigeon Resources)
We are an eco-conscious enterprise, please don't print this email


Dear Jenuall,

I believe it may also be worth investigating Edmund Blackadder regarding this matter, as I noticed he had what appeared to be a dead pigeon in the communal fridge.

In line with the company's whistleblower policy, I wish to remain anonymous.

Kind regards,
Somebody Else's Problem

Dear Anon,

Thank you for your email. I passed this onto my contact in the department investigating and received the following in response:

"Edmund Blackadder (AKA the Flanders Pigeon Murderer) was our first suspect but unfortunately on further investigation we discovered that he died over 100 years ago so we reluctantly removed him from our list of suspects."

Many thanks,

Jenuall

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OrangeRKN
SONM & Cake Sec.
SONM & Cake Sec.
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PostFW: Improve your SEO
by OrangeRKN » Fri Nov 13, 2020 2:13 pm

Dear IT,

Let me know what you think J

Regards,

Colin

Colin Smith

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Balladeer
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Location: Lord's

PostRe: Work Simulation Thread [Please advise]
by Balladeer » Fri Nov 13, 2020 3:16 pm

Somebody Else's Problem wrote:Dear Jenuall,

I believe it may also be worth investigating Edmund Blackadder regarding this matter, as I noticed he had what appeared to be a dead pigeon in the communal fridge.

In line with the company's whistleblower policy, I wish to remain anonymous.

Kind regards,
Somebody Else's Problem

Dear HR,

Attaching this e-mail as evidence of the joke-stealing we discussed in our earlier meeting.

Kind regards,
Balladeer

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Jenuall
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AKA: Jenuall
Location: 40 light-years outside of the Exeter nebula
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PostRe: Work Simulation Thread [Please advise]
by Jenuall » Fri Nov 13, 2020 3:23 pm

<This email is sent high priortity>

!SECURITY ALERT!

We have detected increased joke stealing activity on the network that is presenting a major risk to the business.

As a result I have arranged for our sys admin to deliver a two hour training exercise over MS Teams next week to ensure all members are aware of their responsibilities with respect to protecting against this risk.

Attendance is mandatory.

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Snowcannon
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Location: New York

PostRe: Work Simulation Thread [Please advise]
by Snowcannon » Fri Nov 13, 2020 6:18 pm

Jenuall wrote:<This email is sent high priortity>


<copies Jenuall's boss>

This is highly inappropriate and unacceptable language in a workplace email.


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