Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x

[Gemini73]

I think the reality of the situation hit home for the wife tonight and so there were a few tears. Didn't make me feel great as you might imagine. No rowing or shouting, just all a bit depressing, but thankfully the kids were in bed asleep.

It basically boiled down to her asking me if this is what I really wanted. A pretty stupid strawberry floating question was my first thought, no one wants to throw 18 years of their life down the toilet, but I bit my tongue. Anyway long story short, after a lengthy chat it was agreed that we're both equally to blame for our marriage reaching this point, (which I already thought anyway), and so we're going to give it a few days to see how things pan out and talk some more before any rash decisions are made. I do love my wife, I'm sure of that even if it might feel different, more sedate, but The Beatles were wrong when they sang "All You Need is Love". If only were it that simple.

Just want to say thanks for the support folks after I spent a good part of the day spilling my guts out on here. Made difficult conversation far easier this evening and I was able to keep my anxiety in check, so yeah, cheers guys. I started the weekend thinking "Well that's the end of that then" and now, after being able to approach the situation in a clam and collected manner, I believe that there might just be a sliver of hope in saving my marriage. Amazing what a bit of honest chit-chat can achieve. That said I'll just have to see how it goes. We're certainly not out of the woods yet.

Being a grown up sucks, which is why once she'd gone to bed I lost myself in Conan Exiles for a few hours. Video games are great. strawberry floating glad I'm on the 11am-7pm shift tomorrow though!

[Corazon de Leon]

Good luck mate.

[Mini E]

I know nothing about this.

Why would they give away half of someone's home. Sure, decided she's the one that can keep living in it so the kids have continuity, but that should mean all the money he's put into it is essentials hers?! If they've both paid in equally then he should be reimbursed, surely?

Unfortunately this doesn't seem to be how it works. My sister is going through divorce proceedings at the moment and has paid £150,000 of their mortgage (compared to £0 on the other side) but it looks like she will only be walking away from the divorce with £75,000 of this. Seems pretty rotten.

All the best, Gemini.

[ITSMILNER]

Out of interest, what did you write on your profile/how did you lay it out?

I’m thinking of jumping onto one of these sites as i’ve been single for 8 months now and feel it’s time but, like you, I have never tried the online dating thing before.

My profile probably isn't a good example, but I just downloaded Bumble, added a couple of pictures, and then for the bio I literally just listed things I liked and another list of things I didn't like. I was going to come back later and write a proper paragraph but as it's on the woman to start the conversation I think simply giving them lots of topics to choose from could be a legit strategy.

So then you have to swipe right on people you like and to start with I was reading every bio carefully before deciding which way to swipe. I quickly learned that most of these profiles are old or not actively looking for a match, so the best option is to swipe quickly based only on the main picture. For every 100 swipes you might get 1 or 2 matches, and then 50% or less will bother to start a conversation. It's a numbers game. If you accidently match with someone that you don't like then you can just ignore them and after 24hrs they are unmatched. They are probably messaging lots of people so it's no big deal.

Col, i’ve not heard of Bumble before so i’ll start with that and Tinder I think and see how it goes

[Gemini73]

Just an update on the relationship status. Things are a bit delicate at home, but a little more stability has seeped back in. I've booked half term off and we're going to the caravan in Weymouth with the kids. Hopefully a little time away from day to day life, work etc might mend a few bridges.

Im still uncertain of our future together, but I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet.

[Hexx]

Out of interest, what did you write on your profile/how did you lay it out?

I’m thinking of jumping onto one of these sites as i’ve been single for 8 months now and feel it’s time but, like you, I have never tried the online dating thing before.

My profile probably isn't a good example, but I just downloaded Bumble, added a couple of pictures, and then for the bio I literally just listed things I liked and another list of things I didn't like. I was going to come back later and write a proper paragraph but as it's on the woman to start the conversation I think simply giving them lots of topics to choose from could be a legit strategy.

So then you have to swipe right on people you like and to start with I was reading every bio carefully before deciding which way to swipe. I quickly learned that most of these profiles are old or not actively looking for a match, so the best option is to swipe quickly based only on the main picture. For every 100 swipes you might get 1 or 2 matches, and then 50% or less will bother to start a conversation. It's a numbers game. If you accidently match with someone that you don't like then you can just ignore them and after 24hrs they are unmatched. They are probably messaging lots of people so it's no big deal.

PICS!

[Jenuall]

Just an update on the relationship status. Things are a bit delicate at home, but a little more stability has seeped back in. I've booked half term off and we're going to the caravan in Weymouth with the kids. Hopefully a little time away from day to day life, work etc might mend a few bridges.

Im still uncertain of our future together, but I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet.

Hi Gemini - just been reading your posts on this over the last few days, it sounds like you're in a tough situation there and I really hope you can work towards a resolution that works for all involved.

I've no real personal experience of separation but as others have said I think that a degree of "hope for the best, plan for the worst" is a sensible position to start from. Like you say nobody wants to throw away 18 years worth of a relationship unless you really have to so don't give up on it if there is still something there to fight for, but if that's the way things do end up going then you want to be prepared to ensure that everyone - including you - gets out the other side in the best way possible.

A real positive I would say is that it sounds like you still have some good communication going with your wife. I think trying to keep that going and make the most of your opportunities to openly discuss your situation from both perspectives is going to be important. Do you both agree that there is a problem, and if so what the causes of that problem might be? If you can find a shared understanding of where you are and how you arrived there then hopefully the pair of you can keep working together on what happens next.

[Gemini73]

Thanks Jenuall, really appreciate the support from the community here.

I admit I was a bit anxious of discussing such a personal issue on GRcade that wasn't just about me, but seeing how the community comes together when required, and already having received help and advice with other issues/topics, it made sense to discuss it rather than keep it bottled up. Of course I've not told the wife I've discussed our marriage on here as she isn't privy to the kind of community we are, so it's probably for the best that I don't

Anyway, where we were at the weekend (and the week building up to that) and where we are now with plans to enjoy a little family break next week I'm feeling far more confident that we can work through this.

We properly laughed together for the first time in a while this morning after our eldest daughter who, half asleep, was unaware that as she was getting dressed for school she had unknowingly tucked her pyjama top into her school skirt as opposed to her actually school top. A little thing, but Molly, my daughter, started laughing at herself as well and she has one of those lovely, infectious laughs.

[No:1 Final Fantasy Fan]

Met someone nice at my new apartment block. We met up a few times to watch films but nothing deeper is happening. I still get messages from him but seems we are only going to be just mates.
So confusing how people can approach you and ask you to hang out etc, message you, get your hopes up lol then just want to be mates. O well at least I have a new friend but didn't enjoy the part where he was getting my hopes up...or maybe its just me expecting too much.

[Oblomov Boblomov]

Keep working at it, Gemini. We're all rooting for you .

[Somebody Else's Presents]

Met someone nice at my new apartment block. We met up a few times to watch films but nothing deeper is happening. I still get messages from him but seems we are only going to be just mates.
So confusing how people can approach you and ask you to hang out etc, message you, get your hopes up lol then just want to be mates. O well at least I have a new friend but didn't enjoy the part where he was getting my hopes up...or maybe its just me expecting too much.

Mates tend to hang out and watch movies and talk to each other. That's perfectly normal behaviour from him.

[Kezzer]

Met someone nice at my new apartment block. We met up a few times to watch films but nothing deeper is happening. I still get messages from him but seems we are only going to be just mates.
So confusing how people can approach you and ask you to hang out etc, message you, get your hopes up lol then just want to be mates. O well at least I have a new friend but didn't enjoy the part where he was getting my hopes up...or maybe its just me expecting too much.

have a wank?

[That's not a growth]

gooseberry fool on his pecs.

[Hexx]

Don't read too much into things? Sounds like it was just chum stuff not a "I want your todger, on no I don't" bait and switch

[Hexx]

DP

(As in double post, not the sex act FFNo1 is after)

[Kezzer]

Don't read too much into things? Sounds like it was just chum stuff not a "I want your todger, on no I don't" bait and switch

[No:1 Final Fantasy Fan]

Thanks! Guess I have to learn not to read too much into things . Thanks for the advice! Much appreciated!

[Errkal]

New thread is up: t:relationship-thread-v3?f=7