Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by LightWanderer » Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:10 am

Somebody Else's Problem wrote:Today I initiated conversation with a woman, asked her out for coffee, and she said yes. These are huge steps for me, as usually I am utterly incapable of doing these things.


Good going! Hope the date goes great!
I'm incapable of talking to any hot guys I see in coffee shops so you've definitely made a big step.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Somebody Else's Problem » Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:23 am

I didn't even use email to do it!

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Ad7 » Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:30 am

Resistance is futile :datass:

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Somebody Else's Problem » Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:36 am

Ad7 wrote:Resistance is futile :datass:


Alright, Locutus?

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Errkal » Sun Jul 07, 2019 6:52 am

Somebody Else's Problem wrote:I didn't even use email to do it!


Well you are s crewed then, everyone knows you should at the very least follow up with an email and a good solid stare at her in a lift.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Oblomov Boblomov » Sun Jul 07, 2019 9:49 am

Somebody Else's Problem wrote:I didn't even use email to do it!

You're doomed. :shock:

So, when's the big day? ;)

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by LightWanderer » Sun Jul 07, 2019 9:55 am

Taking her somewhere fancy?

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Corazon de Leon » Sun Jul 07, 2019 1:22 pm

Am I in the wrong here?

Long story short, my dad's what the Scots call "a mad shagger," and was divorced from my mum about five years ago after his umpteenth affair. He's been generally very manipulative and lies an awful lot - he once told me that he was receiving weekly treatment for alcohol addiction when he wasn't getting anything of the sort, for example.

Anyway, he's taken up with a new partner in the last few years and she's aggressively trying to make inroads on having some sort of relationship with me and my brother, and our respective partners. We don't really speak to my dad too much so aren't interested in being friends with her or her family, and we've politely said so.

I'm getting married shortly, and she kept messaging asking to meet with my Mrs to talk about dresses and weddings etc, a request which was again politely declined as my partner really isn't comfortable with the situation. She started a Facebook group chat with me, my brother and our respective partners(but not my dad) to try and arrange meets and things, but with every explanation as to why we didn't want this the messages became a little more aggressive, uncomfortable and inconsiderate to the point where my partner left the group. And she's not one to take any gooseberry fool, let me tell you.

Ultimately we decided to invite my dad to our wedding - we have gone out with him a couple of times over the past year or two, and I felt like I should do it against the advice of other family members. He offered to pay for the hotel we've booked for our wedding night as a wedding gift, which we happily accepted. But he sent us a text during the week asking us to thank his partner, because she apparently contributed to this gift as well.

This felt to me quite manipulative because I didn't know she'd done that and it wasn't mentioned when we last met my dad last week. He knows that we don't want her involvement. It feels like some kind of attempt to insinuate her into our wedding planning despite my efforts to avoid this, and like a return to the bad old days of five or ten years ago, when we were regularly being manipulated and pushed into compromising situations by the hurricane of chaos that is my dad's personal life.

More to the point, it doesn't feel right to accept a gift from someone who isn't invited. We talked it over, and because I've been very clear that I don't want her involved in our wedding at all, we decided it would be best not to accept the money. It's contradictory, isn't it, to tell someone you don't want their involvement and then take their money? I tried to call the bank to have them reverse the transaction, they couldn't do it. So I texted him saying basically "thanks, we appreciate the gesture but we don't feel right taking your partner's money, can you chuck me your bank details so I can send you the money back?" and I've just received a 76 line(!) text message which, among other things, calls me petty and cruel and ends with "you're better than that mate."

This seems harsh to me - I'm simply not accepting a gift from someone who isn't invited to my wedding because it doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm being manipulated.

So my question is - am I being petty and cruel? Or am I right to stick to my principles here?

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Trelliz » Sun Jul 07, 2019 1:35 pm

Corazon de Leon wrote: I've just received a 76 line(!) text message which, among other things, calls me petty and cruel and ends with "you're better than that mate."

This seems harsh to me - I'm simply not accepting a gift from someone who isn't invited to my wedding because it doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm being manipulated.

So my question is - am I being petty and cruel? Or am I right to stick to my principles here?


Any predicament where one of the options is sticking to your principles, that is clearly the right answer. It sounds like a way to undermine your confidence after previous efforts of infiltration didn't work. Do you have any proof that this new partner did contribute, or just what you've been told? That whole thing sounds shady and manipulative as hell - get offered help for wedding costs and then asked to thank new partner for their contribution when you've already made clear you want nothing to do with them, after its been paid, then get chewed out for offering to send the money back with a sly complement at the end? Your dad basically negged you.

I imagine you want to get married fewer times than your dad, so do you want this little nugget of doubt and insinuation ruining what should be one of the best and most memorable days of your life?

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Bunni » Sun Jul 07, 2019 1:36 pm

Tell him where to go with the money. He's been lucky enough to have you throw him a bone he doesn't really deserve. That doesn't automatically include his new missus. If he can't be a good dad figure you certainly don't need a step mum figure on top.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by That's not a growth » Sun Jul 07, 2019 1:42 pm

You counted the amount of lines in the text message? You're better than that mate.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Moggy » Sun Jul 07, 2019 1:44 pm

I say you shag his new missus and then scream “WHO’S BETTER THAN THAT NOW OLD MAN!” in his face.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Kezzer » Sun Jul 07, 2019 3:52 pm

Corazon de Leon wrote:Am I in the wrong here?

Long story short, my dad's what the Scots call "a mad shagger," and was divorced from my mum about five years ago after his umpteenth affair. He's been generally very manipulative and lies an awful lot - he once told me that he was receiving weekly treatment for alcohol addiction when he wasn't getting anything of the sort, for example.

Anyway, he's taken up with a new partner in the last few years and she's aggressively trying to make inroads on having some sort of relationship with me and my brother, and our respective partners. We don't really speak to my dad too much so aren't interested in being friends with her or her family, and we've politely said so.

I'm getting married shortly, and she kept messaging asking to meet with my Mrs to talk about dresses and weddings etc, a request which was again politely declined as my partner really isn't comfortable with the situation. She started a Facebook group chat with me, my brother and our respective partners(but not my dad) to try and arrange meets and things, but with every explanation as to why we didn't want this the messages became a little more aggressive, uncomfortable and inconsiderate to the point where my partner left the group. And she's not one to take any gooseberry fool, let me tell you.

Ultimately we decided to invite my dad to our wedding - we have gone out with him a couple of times over the past year or two, and I felt like I should do it against the advice of other family members. He offered to pay for the hotel we've booked for our wedding night as a wedding gift, which we happily accepted. But he sent us a text during the week asking us to thank his partner, because she apparently contributed to this gift as well.

This felt to me quite manipulative because I didn't know she'd done that and it wasn't mentioned when we last met my dad last week. He knows that we don't want her involvement. It feels like some kind of attempt to insinuate her into our wedding planning despite my efforts to avoid this, and like a return to the bad old days of five or ten years ago, when we were regularly being manipulated and pushed into compromising situations by the hurricane of chaos that is my dad's personal life.

More to the point, it doesn't feel right to accept a gift from someone who isn't invited. We talked it over, and because I've been very clear that I don't want her involved in our wedding at all, we decided it would be best not to accept the money. It's contradictory, isn't it, to tell someone you don't want their involvement and then take their money? I tried to call the bank to have them reverse the transaction, they couldn't do it. So I texted him saying basically "thanks, we appreciate the gesture but we don't feel right taking your partner's money, can you chuck me your bank details so I can send you the money back?" and I've just received a 76 line(!) text message which, among other things, calls me petty and cruel and ends with "you're better than that mate."

This seems harsh to me - I'm simply not accepting a gift from someone who isn't invited to my wedding because it doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm being manipulated.

So my question is - am I being petty and cruel? Or am I right to stick to my principles here?


Cora, you've got to do what feels right for you and your family. If Your'd dad can't accept (sorry to say this but) strawberry float him. I think you are right to stick to your principles.

It's not the same but similar to this, a closes friend called me arrogant, and said I had an abhorrent attitude - all because I said I couldn't make it to a small get together for 7pm on the dot. I told him where to go and haven't spoken since.

Life it too short to be dealing with other peoples shite.


Bunni wrote:Tell him where to go with the money. He's been lucky enough to have you throw him a bone he doesn't really deserve. That doesn't automatically include his new missus. If he can't be a good dad figure you certainly don't need a step mum figure on top.


Totally agree with Bunni too, do what makes you happy Cora.

Last edited by Kezzer on Sun Jul 07, 2019 5:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Karl_ » Sun Jul 07, 2019 3:57 pm

Corazon de Leon wrote:am I being petty and cruel?

Nah mate. You don't have a petty or cruel bone in you. It's your dad that's being petty, trying to make your wedding about his girlfriend.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Corazon de Leon » Sun Jul 07, 2019 4:55 pm

Cheers guys. Chuys. I think I just needed a vent on this, because the text has really thrown me off my game today. Wasn't expecting the level of vitriol.

EDIT: And now a Facebook message from his partner saying that she's been reading my messages to my dad, is shaken and upset, and doesn't want to "buy my way into your family," before asking if my wife-to-be wants to go and see some play called "The Wedding Planners" that her friend has written. The level of insanity here is off the charts.

Jesus, I'm actually seething. :lol:

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by LightWanderer » Sun Jul 07, 2019 8:15 pm

Corazon de Leon wrote:Am I in the wrong here?

Long story short, my dad's what the Scots call "a mad shagger," and was divorced from my mum about five years ago after his umpteenth affair. He's been generally very manipulative and lies an awful lot - he once told me that he was receiving weekly treatment for alcohol addiction when he wasn't getting anything of the sort, for example.

Anyway, he's taken up with a new partner in the last few years and she's aggressively trying to make inroads on having some sort of relationship with me and my brother, and our respective partners. We don't really speak to my dad too much so aren't interested in being friends with her or her family, and we've politely said so.

I'm getting married shortly, and she kept messaging asking to meet with my Mrs to talk about dresses and weddings etc, a request which was again politely declined as my partner really isn't comfortable with the situation. She started a Facebook group chat with me, my brother and our respective partners(but not my dad) to try and arrange meets and things, but with every explanation as to why we didn't want this the messages became a little more aggressive, uncomfortable and inconsiderate to the point where my partner left the group. And she's not one to take any gooseberry fool, let me tell you.

Ultimately we decided to invite my dad to our wedding - we have gone out with him a couple of times over the past year or two, and I felt like I should do it against the advice of other family members. He offered to pay for the hotel we've booked for our wedding night as a wedding gift, which we happily accepted. But he sent us a text during the week asking us to thank his partner, because she apparently contributed to this gift as well.

This felt to me quite manipulative because I didn't know she'd done that and it wasn't mentioned when we last met my dad last week. He knows that we don't want her involvement. It feels like some kind of attempt to insinuate her into our wedding planning despite my efforts to avoid this, and like a return to the bad old days of five or ten years ago, when we were regularly being manipulated and pushed into compromising situations by the hurricane of chaos that is my dad's personal life.

More to the point, it doesn't feel right to accept a gift from someone who isn't invited. We talked it over, and because I've been very clear that I don't want her involved in our wedding at all, we decided it would be best not to accept the money. It's contradictory, isn't it, to tell someone you don't want their involvement and then take their money? I tried to call the bank to have them reverse the transaction, they couldn't do it. So I texted him saying basically "thanks, we appreciate the gesture but we don't feel right taking your partner's money, can you chuck me your bank details so I can send you the money back?" and I've just received a 76 line(!) text message which, among other things, calls me petty and cruel and ends with "you're better than that mate."

This seems harsh to me - I'm simply not accepting a gift from someone who isn't invited to my wedding because it doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm being manipulated.

So my question is - am I being petty and cruel? Or am I right to stick to my principles here?


So your dad treated your mother like crap. You've invited him to your wedding even when other family don't like him very much. And you refuse to take money off someone who's quite rightly not invited to your wedding. You have done nothing wrong here. If anything, from the information you've given us, I'd call this money emotional blackmail.

When is the wedding?

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Tsunade » Sun Jul 07, 2019 9:15 pm

If I were you or your partner, I'd just ignore any more texts, messages and calls from your dad and his partner till after your wedding. It's your big day coming up, they shouldn't be adding to the stress you probably already have with making sure everything is done and ready for it.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by pjbetman » Sun Jul 07, 2019 9:50 pm

Corazon de Leon wrote:Am I in the wrong here?

Long story short, my dad's what the Scots call "a mad shagger," and was divorced from my mum about five years ago after his umpteenth affair. He's been generally very manipulative and lies an awful lot - he once told me that he was receiving weekly treatment for alcohol addiction when he wasn't getting anything of the sort, for example.

Anyway, he's taken up with a new partner in the last few years and she's aggressively trying to make inroads on having some sort of relationship with me and my brother, and our respective partners. We don't really speak to my dad too much so aren't interested in being friends with her or her family, and we've politely said so.

I'm getting married shortly, and she kept messaging asking to meet with my Mrs to talk about dresses and weddings etc, a request which was again politely declined as my partner really isn't comfortable with the situation. She started a Facebook group chat with me, my brother and our respective partners(but not my dad) to try and arrange meets and things, but with every explanation as to why we didn't want this the messages became a little more aggressive, uncomfortable and inconsiderate to the point where my partner left the group. And she's not one to take any gooseberry fool, let me tell you.

Ultimately we decided to invite my dad to our wedding - we have gone out with him a couple of times over the past year or two, and I felt like I should do it against the advice of other family members. He offered to pay for the hotel we've booked for our wedding night as a wedding gift, which we happily accepted. But he sent us a text during the week asking us to thank his partner, because she apparently contributed to this gift as well.

This felt to me quite manipulative because I didn't know she'd done that and it wasn't mentioned when we last met my dad last week. He knows that we don't want her involvement. It feels like some kind of attempt to insinuate her into our wedding planning despite my efforts to avoid this, and like a return to the bad old days of five or ten years ago, when we were regularly being manipulated and pushed into compromising situations by the hurricane of chaos that is my dad's personal life.

More to the point, it doesn't feel right to accept a gift from someone who isn't invited. We talked it over, and because I've been very clear that I don't want her involved in our wedding at all, we decided it would be best not to accept the money. It's contradictory, isn't it, to tell someone you don't want their involvement and then take their money? I tried to call the bank to have them reverse the transaction, they couldn't do it. So I texted him saying basically "thanks, we appreciate the gesture but we don't feel right taking your partner's money, can you chuck me your bank details so I can send you the money back?" and I've just received a 76 line(!) text message which, among other things, calls me petty and cruel and ends with "you're better than that mate."

This seems harsh to me - I'm simply not accepting a gift from someone who isn't invited to my wedding because it doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm being manipulated.

So my question is - am I being petty and cruel? Or am I right to stick to my principles here?


Nah mate. You're right to do what you're doing. Except maybe accepting the money off him in the first place, but not a biggie.

Maybe his partner should be told what he's been up to with cheating etc? Or manipulate the strawberry floater back, and threaten to disclose that to her.

Then no more contact.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Tomous » Sun Jul 07, 2019 10:32 pm

Cora, you are absolutely not in the wrong at all.

I suppose you don't know exactly what he's told her about the past, and so she may have a distorted viewpoint in the situation but her attempts to force her way into your lives and using your wedding as an opportunity to do so, is not on.

I would scale back the dialogue, say no once, explain your reasons and then ignore. If she persists simply reply with "sorry I thought we'd already discussed this". The more engage, the more she'll push.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Johnny Jalfrezi » Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:43 am

Texts and whatnot are way too open to misinterpretation. Get him/them the opposite side of a coffee table and have an open conversation.


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