Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by False » Sun Jun 21, 2020 4:04 pm

Hypes wrote:I find reminiscing about all the times she was a psycho and made your life hell helps :lol:


I saw this yesterday and it dawned on me... never even occurred before but makes perfect sense

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by blackoutHERO » Mon Jun 22, 2020 10:14 am

Corazon de Leon wrote:Sorry to hear that mate, that really sucks.

It is good to see you back here though, and we're here if you need us.


Cheers pal.

False wrote:I went from house, family, no worries, over 4 years in, 'proposing' and looking for rings, to being destitute in my old bedroom and ready to end it all

its really really gooseberry fool is the understatement of the forever, it stays gooseberry fool for a long time, and the only way to stop it being gooseberry fool is to drag your own ass out of it - there is no timefram on it, Im still working on it a year later, but it gets better every day, and then one morning you wake up and you dont care about her anymore

it was that fast, I just woke up and felt nothing

block all avenues of contact unless there is a need for one essential one for sorting finances and everything, remain constantly civil, avoid the urge to call up and remember if shes with someone else it will really feel terrible, but what bearing does this person have on your life? nothing

you run your own gooseberry fool and get your own ass stood up and youll be better for it in the end

I managed to get out there and meet a girl and realise that there was a life beyond it, I stopped seeing her as it wasnt what I wanted at the time but Ive since met an amazing girl and we really seem to have something

its been a strawberry floating hard year but my close friends and gr helped me throughout, just use the resources you have available and remember you are the only banana split who can tell you how to live your life and where its going

having no money is just awful, but money is transient and will return in time if you work hard and keep your eyes on the prize


Thanks for the reply. Appreciate it. The weirdness of not speaking to her at all and having to act like I don't know her is getting to me just now. So strange. Just got to trust everyone that it will be OK and I'm trying to convince myself logically that it wasn't meant to be. Lots of stuff that happened that weren't healthy after talking to friends about it.

Parksey wrote:Yep, you have to burn every single bridge you can. A break up is a beareavement and you have to go through the grieving process. You can't do that if you keep tricking your brain with little endorphin hits like a text message from them, a look at their photos or some belief that you can still be friends.

Human beings are remarkably adaptable and your mind can course correct itself, so even if you don't think you have that strength, you do. The important thing is to not waiver or compromise, as once you compromise once it's basically just a clock ticking down to when you'll compromise again.

Though it's also important not to beat yourself up over it if you do have a wobbly moment. Putting yourself down and thinking you're weak isn't going to do you any favours.

And there is no "one" just "some-"one. Your happiness wasn't some miraculous 1 in 7 billion shot.

Stick that on your shitty cards, Clinton's.


Thank you. I think I do need to just go down the 'erase from my life' route. I'd done some steps to do this but not completely.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Drumstick » Mon Jun 22, 2020 10:23 am

blackoutHERO wrote:
Corazon de Leon wrote:Sorry to hear that mate, that really sucks.

It is good to see you back here though, and we're here if you need us.

Cheers pal.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by False » Mon Jun 22, 2020 10:33 am

blackoutHERO wrote:Thanks for the reply. Appreciate it. The weirdness of not speaking to her at all and having to act like I don't know her is getting to me just now. So strange. Just got to trust everyone that it will be OK and I'm trying to convince myself logically that it wasn't meant to be. Lots of stuff that happened that weren't healthy after talking to friends about it.

---

Thank you. I think I do need to just go down the 'erase from my life' route. I'd done some steps to do this but not completely.


yeah I had the same unhealthy thing, when I was out of it it tooks friends and months myself to realise that it was really wrong, but you dont see it when you are in it - its when you speak to other people and they are like wtf and you find yourself making excuses for it, then you are like dude what am i doing

and the erasure is really hard but it has to be done, I feel so much better after cutting all of these toxic people out, disabling any form of checking on people stuff like receipts or online times

I also deleted the entire like 5 years of chat histories wherever they were and again its difficult but cathartic

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Igor » Thu Jun 25, 2020 3:16 pm

How do you explain to your girlfriend that sex has gotten boring and unarousing when you know a conversation on that subject will be impossible? I'm venting below, not really sure what to do.

We've been together for almost six years and this has been going on for a while. It's always the same; we get into bed, she lies down facing away from me, she wiggles her arse against me a few times and expects an instant erection and then I basically just move her through various positions.

She doesn't like talking about sex, or what she likes. We have some toys but they'd stay in the box unopened if I never got them out. We might sometimes watch porn together but I pick it and she'll never talk about what she's in to. I made the mistake a month or two ago of suggesting we try and be a bit 'sexier' but my phrasing was off and she ended up being massively offended, assuming I don't and never have thought she was sexy. I apologised, pleaded with her to understand that I don't think she's 'not sexy', I just want us to be a bit more energetic, a bit more aware that we're in a sexual relationship. Long story short, it fell on deaf ears. If I asked her now, her take away from that conversation would still be that I just don't find her sexy.

The other night, she was apparently in the mood. I know this because I felt that faint wiggle against me again and to be honest, I couldn't be bothered. I'm 31, not 17. I don't pop a boner when I feel a light breeze anymore. It just feels like she believes that she only needs to demonstrate her willingness for me to have sex with her and I'll be good to go.

Last night, I'm a bit more willing. Starts the same; she's facing away from me, awkwardly reaching behind her to grab at my cock. I decide to actually do something and take control. Take my time, paying attention to her, going down on her and then suddenly 'okay, you can have sex with me now'. I'm not ready to go yet myself, so I make it clear like 'okay cool, but can I get some foreplay first as well?'.

Less than a minute of what was essentially tickling my lower abdomen, very little attention on my cock and balls before she says 'looks like it's not gonna happen' and then it stops.

That was it. Today she's telling me we should talk about why I'm not into sex. I say 'okay, let's turn this around. Let's say you were sucking my cock for ten minutes and I was well into it. I stop you and say okay, you can ride me now but you're not ready. I spend about 45 seconds rubbing the area roughly surrounding your genitals and then when you're not suddenly soaking wet I say 'huh, guess you're not into it' and stop'.

'Well I think you're just not into sex, are you sure there's not something else going on?'

I ended the conversation there, she's now gone out, and I've just received a message asking me to think about what I want from this relationship and the future and I just can't be bothered to have that talk. She's my best friend in every way and it hurts to know that she not only thinks I don't find her sexually arousing but that any conversation to try and fix that will only end up making things worse.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Fade » Thu Jun 25, 2020 3:41 pm

Igor wrote:How do you explain to your girlfriend that sex has gotten boring and unarousing when you know a conversation on that subject will be impossible? I'm venting below, not really sure what to do.

We've been together for almost six years and this has been going on for a while. It's always the same; we get into bed, she lies down facing away from me, she wiggles her arse against me a few times and expects an instant erection and then I basically just move her through various positions.

She doesn't like talking about sex, or what she likes. We have some toys but they'd stay in the box unopened if I never got them out. We might sometimes watch porn together but I pick it and she'll never talk about what she's in to. I made the mistake a month or two ago of suggesting we try and be a bit 'sexier' but my phrasing was off and she ended up being massively offended, assuming I don't and never have thought she was sexy. I apologised, pleaded with her to understand that I don't think she's 'not sexy', I just want us to be a bit more energetic, a bit more aware that we're in a sexual relationship. Long story short, it fell on deaf ears. If I asked her now, her take away from that conversation would still be that I just don't find her sexy.

The other night, she was apparently in the mood. I know this because I felt that faint wiggle against me again and to be honest, I couldn't be bothered. I'm 31, not 17. I don't pop a boner when I feel a light breeze anymore. It just feels like she believes that she only needs to demonstrate her willingness for me to have sex with her and I'll be good to go.

Last night, I'm a bit more willing. Starts the same; she's facing away from me, awkwardly reaching behind her to grab at my cock. I decide to actually do something and take control. Take my time, paying attention to her, going down on her and then suddenly 'okay, you can have sex with me now'. I'm not ready to go yet myself, so I make it clear like 'okay cool, but can I get some foreplay first as well?'.

Less than a minute of what was essentially tickling my lower abdomen, very little attention on my cock and balls before she says 'looks like it's not gonna happen' and then it stops.

That was it. Today she's telling me we should talk about why I'm not into sex. I say 'okay, let's turn this around. Let's say you were sucking my cock for ten minutes and I was well into it. I stop you and say okay, you can ride me now but you're not ready. I spend about 45 seconds rubbing the area roughly surrounding your genitals and then when you're not suddenly soaking wet I say 'huh, guess you're not into it' and stop'.

'Well I think you're just not into sex, are you sure there's not something else going on?'

I ended the conversation there, she's now gone out, and I've just received a message asking me to think about what I want from this relationship and the future and I just can't be bothered to have that talk. She's my best friend in every way and it hurts to know that she not only thinks I don't find her sexually arousing but that any conversation to try and fix that will only end up making things worse.

Seems like she has a very unhealthy view of what men want from sex, especially considering you've tried to explain to her and instead of listening to you she's tried to tell you how you feel. She's definitely not being very respectful of how you feel.

Best thing to do is sit down and have an in depth conversation about it so you understand how each other feels. But if that's not possible then maybe you could try saying something like you prefer it when she's in control? That way you can make her feel confident while at the same time pushing her towards some variety. I dunno.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by That's not a growth » Thu Jun 25, 2020 8:51 pm

I'm sorry to hear that Igor. I've been in a slightly similar situation in the past.

You certainly need to speak to her, and get more dialogue going. But perhaps rather than approach it right away straight on, since that didn't work so well, approach things that are related. Perhaps talk about new things you both want to try. Maybe it you have a night each where the other one needs to learn more about what causes the other pleasure, and is only about the other person? Have a session that's not allowed to involve penetrative sex, and neither of you are allowed to make yourselves cum.
Force each of you to really understanding what you both desire and what you find a bit dull. If you don't talk much during sex then have a session that's all about that. Take it in turns to direct the other person, and have a rule you have to change it up so often or can't keep quiet for a certain amount of time of there's a forfeit - and you can't do anything unless told to. Really tell each other exactly what you want all the way through. Maybe share with each other porn that you find arousing or want to recreate and roll-play. Combine it up, and with other things. If you're both interested by the idea, use rope and a blind fold and combine with no penetrative sex, and the person who's restrictive is calling the shots.

But primarily it's about communication, and learning - so I would encourage you to think of scenarios that facilitate this if direct communication isn't possible right away.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Drumstick » Thu Jun 25, 2020 10:55 pm

The word that jumped into my brain when reading that was immature.

That was it. Today she's telling me we should talk about why I'm not into sex. I say 'okay, let's turn this around. Let's say you were sucking my cock for ten minutes and I was well into it. I stop you and say okay, you can ride me now but you're not ready. I spend about 45 seconds rubbing the area roughly surrounding your genitals and then when you're not suddenly soaking wet I say 'huh, guess you're not into it' and stop'.

'Well I think you're just not into sex, are you sure there's not something else going on?'

Seems like she's made her mind up and isn't interested in listening to you.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by False » Fri Jun 26, 2020 10:07 am

lots of women are extremely sexually passive in this way and just take it as something that 'just happens'

I dont have any amazing sage advice as Ive been in these kind of situations and if your mind isnt wired that way then it just seems to be deaf ears

last few people Ive been with have been very nice but christ I dont wanna just rub the weiner and then pound away in 3 rotating positions, never lasts

I know this isnt helpful in any way but I can empathise

it seems like you have already taken the right steps in trying to talk to her, and aside from just sitting her down and non-confrontationally putting it the way you put it to us

"listen, you are beautiful and the sexiest thing in the world to me, but I want you to take a more active and interested role in our sexual life - I think for the long term health of our relationship we should look at this as we did in the start - you are my best friend etc etc but sometimes we do just need to strawberry floating rutt like beasts"

or something you know, just dont call her out as she seems the sort to take offence at straight talking

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by <]:^D » Fri Jun 26, 2020 2:58 pm

Igor what was the sex like when you first met? because you say 'this' which i assume to mean the current situation has been going on a while, but not since you met her right? might be worth just talking about those times in a non-confrontational manner and see how she reacts?

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Christopher » Fri Jul 03, 2020 9:35 am

Found out that the wife is strawberry floating somebody else, so that's nice :cry:

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Victor Mildew » Fri Jul 03, 2020 9:39 am

suzzopher wrote:Found out that the wife is strawberry floating somebody else, so that's nice :cry:


There's a surprise :|

Not that it's any consolation, but I'd imagine in most cases where a marriage breaks down from that side instigating, someone else is involved.

You alright? Remember that's her doing, not yours. If she's after cheap thrills then it'll soon wear off. See OS and the Brandon situation.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Christopher » Fri Jul 03, 2020 9:42 am

Victor Mildew wrote:
suzzopher wrote:Found out that the wife is strawberry floating somebody else, so that's nice :cry:


There's a surprise :|

Not that it's any consolation, but I'd imagine in most cases where a marriage breaks down from that side instigating, someone else is involved.

You alright? Remember that's her doing, not yours. If she's after cheap thrills then it'll soon wear off. See OS and the Brandon situation.


Yeah I know, but no I am not alright I didn't think I could feel more gooseberry fool than I did, but now I feel lower than I ever have :(

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by False » Fri Jul 03, 2020 9:47 am

my ex was attacked by the guy who was part of our problems the other day

she was working and he broke in and stole a load of her gooseberry fool and the puppy, she went round to his and he tried to drag her into the house and broke her knee - police came, put him in cells and hes in court today for gbh, its not his first sentence so this one will be a wild ride im sure

im not 'happy' about it but, like, i warned her he was a worthless piece of gooseberry fool, so like, told you so

it gets better suzz, the best way i could frame it in my mind was that its out of my hands and not my problem, shes off doing her own thing and although you cant right now because its you whos been left in the gooseberry fool, some time before you realise youll be able to do your own thing

shes not your problem anymore, but that doesnt help i know

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Christopher » Fri Jul 03, 2020 9:50 am

False wrote:my ex was attacked by the guy who was part of our problems the other day

she was working and he broke in and stole a load of her gooseberry fool and the puppy, she went round to his and he tried to drag her into the house and broke her knee - police came, put him in cells and hes in court today for gbh, its not his first sentence so this one will be a wild ride im sure

im not 'happy' about it but, like, i warned her he was a worthless piece of gooseberry fool, so like, told you so

it gets better suzz, the best way i could frame it in my mind was that its out of my hands and not my problem, shes off doing her own thing and although you cant right now because its you whos been left in the gooseberry fool, some time before you realise youll be able to do your own thing

shes not your problem anymore, but that doesnt help i know


gooseberry fool, sounds like a real banana split :|

Thanks mate, I just feel sick to be honest.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by False » Fri Jul 03, 2020 9:57 am

yeah i did too, it really plays on your mind all the reasons etc, never gets you anywhere though, just freezing you in time and you dont want that gooseberry fool

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Moggy » Fri Jul 03, 2020 9:59 am

Christopher wrote:
Victor Mildew wrote:
suzzopher wrote:Found out that the wife is strawberry floating somebody else, so that's nice :cry:


There's a surprise :|

Not that it's any consolation, but I'd imagine in most cases where a marriage breaks down from that side instigating, someone else is involved.

You alright? Remember that's her doing, not yours. If she's after cheap thrills then it'll soon wear off. See OS and the Brandon situation.


Yeah I know, but no I am not alright I didn't think I could feel more gooseberry fool than I did, but now I feel lower than I ever have :(


That's awful.

But it will get better and you will find happiness again. It'll take time and it'll be gooseberry fool for a while yet, but one day you'll look back and see that you're better off without her.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Victor Mildew » Fri Jul 03, 2020 10:08 am

If you've not done so already, now is the time to remove and block from social media, because she'll be all over it trying to convince herself what a great choice she's made.

My last proper gf, who I was with for a long time, was seeing someone else. It had started when she told me ( why would you even do that) that someone had asked her on a date when she was in work (the postman of all people). Then a while later, she started going out with a friend who she'd fallen out with prior, and I wasn't invited to wherever they were going. Once this friend came to pick her up from our house, and was waiting around the corner ( :roll: ). I went outside after she'd left the house to see the car go past with two guys sat in the back. A short while after she came home once and wouldnt let me touch her in bed (so she probably had a backside full of spunk or something). We were due to go on holiday, and while I was at work she sends me an email saying she wants to finish with me. This is about a week before our holiday. After I move out that weekend, I see her on Facebook, on our holiday, loved up with some guy, who I then realise is this postman. I defriend her, she notices and then has a go at ME for doing so. I replied with "I don't need to see you rubbing this in my face".

Not that it's comparable to you, but social media really is awful to be on in these situations.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Trelliz » Fri Jul 03, 2020 10:35 am

Victor Mildew wrote:Awful relationship stuff


Do people who act like this have any self awareness or reflect on their actions at all? I suspect either never because they're awful, or many years down the line have a sudden epiphany about how much of an utter gooseberry fool they were.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
by Victor Mildew » Fri Jul 03, 2020 11:18 am

I have no idea. We all seem to either have experienced it to some degree or know of someone who has.

Please keep in touch Chris, vent all you need to. The other more serious thread is available if you need it.

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