Relationship Thread V4

[Victor Mildew]

Congrats hun. One less virgin on the 'Cade

[Knoyleo]

He really is.

Congrats Knoy! It’s been quite a year for weddings on here.

All the best members got married this year.

EDIT: Congrats Knoyleo!

We're all getting so grown up.

Thanks, all!

[pjbetman]

He’s waiting for the BJ

[Bunni]

Married for a year. It's been wonderful.

[Corazon de Leon]

Congrats! That's strawberry floating frightening though.

[Tafdolphin]

If, in an argument, you say to your significant other something along the lines of "Your constant negative feedback after I try and help out with the chores is engendering in me a 'Why bother?' attitude in relation to said chores", is the response "That interpretation is your problem, sort your gooseberry fool out." warranted?

Asking for a friend.

[Victor Mildew]

You said those exact words in that order?

[Corazon de Leon]

Need more context to offer an informed opinion.

[Pedz]

Do actually people speak like that?

[Victor Mildew]

Do actually people speak like that?

Outside of a pantomime, it would appear so.

[Moggy]

If, in an argument, you say to your significant other something along the lines of "Your constant negative feedback after I try and help out with the chores is engendering in me a 'Why bother?' attitude in relation to said chores", is the response "That interpretation is your problem, sort your gooseberry fool out." warranted?

Asking for a friend.

You get the wife to do all of the chores like the good little wife she is?

Proper old school, fair play Taf

[Jenuall]

Agreed, more context required.

Also what version of the OS were these two Protocol Droids running at the time?

[Pedz]

If, in an argument, you say to your significant other something along the lines of "Your constant negative feedback after I try and help out with the chores is engendering in me a 'Why bother?' attitude in relation to said chores", is the response "That interpretation is your problem, sort your gooseberry fool out." warranted?

Asking for a friend.

You get the wife to do all of the chores like the good little wife she is?

Proper old school, fair play Taf

She won't mind if he tells her by email.

[<]:^D]

if youre doing chores badly, sort it out and do it properly - but theres not enough context here tbh so youre going to get widely useless responses

[Victor Mildew]

I guess you could say pussy in Taff's house tonight is

....

...

An engendered species

YEEEAAAAAHHHHH

[Tafdolphin]

Basically my wife has far higher standards of cleanliness than I do. By her own admission we're talking close to OCD levels. She's taken the kitchen bin and full on bleached it out in the bath twice in the last two days as a couple of flies flew out of it. She spent 4 hours doing the kitchen on Sunday. She goes crazy if I put washing on the line if its a) inside out or b) hasn't been aired out by wafting it multiple times.

Because of this difference, oftentimes she will do chores before I think they need doing. This means she does most of the chores. Now, whenever I try and do said chores in line with her standards, the usual response is a variation of 'no, you've done it wrong.' When I suggested that her constant belittling of my efforts to meet her standards is affecting my mood she turned around and said 'Not my problem, stop interpreting my words that way.'

Although I'm not going to deny that it is my interpretation of her words that's bringing me down, constant negative reinforcement is inevitably going to lead to that interpretation. When I asked her if we could work on our communication regarding this she straight up said no.

Is she right? Should I man up and stop being so sensitive or is there a legitimate issue to be talked about?

[Jenuall]

If she's genuinely got OCD about it then there may be very little you can do, in this situations anyone will likely fail to meet the required standards even if they objectively do the job exactly the same.

I think a key is understanding whether she is genuinely happy doing these things in which case leave her to it, or if she is resenting the fact that you're not "pulling your weight" so to speak.

I think something has to give one way or another - whether that's you accepting that she does these jobs and you find a way to not let that bother you, you keep trying to help and get better at dealing with the critique that comes with it, or she learns to accept the help from you but that it also comes with accepting the standard may not be quite at her level.

Basically communication is the key, making sure you discuss it and reach a conclusion that everyone is happy with (or accepts at least!)

[That]

Relationships absolutely need to be equitable but they don't have to be exactly equal. Is your partner happy to do the majority of the cleaning? Could you do something else instead (i.e. cooking?) to balance it out? If that works for you both, then that would be fair enough and there would be no need to feel guilty about that kind of arrangement.

[Jenuall]

Exactly, it's okay for different members of a partnership to take the lead in certain activities. A relationship should be a complimentary pairing of responsibility not a straight 50:50 split of all chores.

[Tafdolphin]

Short answer: she's not happy doing most of the chores. She wants me to do more.

This is not the first time we've had this fight and last night I think we boiled it down to its essence: agency. She feels I don't take any, I feel like I'm not allowed any. She wants me to do more I feel that by the time I get around to doing more she's already done everything.

I'm not sure what to do. This is turning into potential deal breaker I think. She told me years ago that she had a very specific set of criteria for a relationship and wasn't going to back down from them. One of these was someone who could look after a house and cook. I can do both of those things, but not to the standards she requires.

As an example of the latter, last night I asked her what she wanted for tea. She didn't answer. I asked her again. Nothing. I suggested a meal. She said 'no it's not balanced enough' and before I knew it she was making something for both of us herself. She then accused me of not putting sufficient effort into meal prep which she classes as planning out all meals a week beforehand.

I just don't know.