Relationship Thread V4

Not quite a "quick, to GR" moment as this has been ongoing for about a week and a half, but my marriage is coming to an end. We last almost three years, just under six in total. My wife has been unhappy for a long time, struggling to build a life in Scotland. Job prospects weren't amazing, her health suffered from pollen-based asthma(that she doesn't have in Australia) and from the cold, and she just couldn't build a support network of friends beyond what I could provide - she's a few years older than me, in an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar customs and culture. We'd talked about moving away even to another part of the UK but I was resistant to it - I have spent most of my life here, my family is here and I find it hard to leave them. I don't think I always understood her concerns, and as much as I tried to empathise and help her to move forward, I didn't do enough.

I think, in the end, I wasn't enough to keep her here, and it's not really feasible for me to relocate so we were on a time limit for a while. Things weren't particularly rosy either, but a lot of that stemmed from the challenges she faced just staying in the country - we almost always got on really well, things were good and we had a lot of fun together(which is how I'd prefer to remember the relationship, I dunno how she feels).

And again, we ultimately knew what was going to have to happen eventually. But it was still a shock, and the way it's gone down - she went home because a family member has taken unwell and it's been decided she won't be coming back - has left me feeling robbed of the chance to come to terms with it. And I feel robbed of the chance to say goodbye properly. She's so far away now, the odds are strong that we'll never see one another again. I'm stuck in a flat with all her possessions in, and everywhere I go in the local area I see reminders of things we did or were going to do. It feels like she's died.

Today is the first time in almost six years that we haven't exchanged a message or spoken at all. I just feel so...empty, I guess. Like this was my one chance, you know? I suffer from a few mental health issues(ADD, anxiety, social anxiety) and I felt like my wife was the one person who "got" that about me.

Sorry for the downer of a post, I think I maybe just had to get it out somewhere.

RetroCora wrote:Not quite a "quick, to GR" moment as this has been ongoing for about a week and a half, but my marriage is coming to an end. We last almost three years, just under six in total. My wife has been unhappy for a long time, struggling to build a life in Scotland. Job prospects weren't amazing, her health suffered from pollen-based asthma(that she doesn't have in Australia) and from the cold, and she just couldn't build a support network of friends beyond what I could provide - she's a few years older than me, in an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar customs and culture. We'd talked about moving away even to another part of the UK but I was resistant to it - I have spent most of my life here, my family is here and I find it hard to leave them. I don't think I always understood her concerns, and as much as I tried to empathise and help her to move forward, I didn't do enough.

I think, in the end, I wasn't enough to keep her here, and it's not really feasible for me to relocate so we were on a time limit for a while. Things weren't particularly rosy either, but a lot of that stemmed from the challenges she faced just staying in the country - we almost always got on really well, things were good and we had a lot of fun together(which is how I'd prefer to remember the relationship, I dunno how she feels).

And again, we ultimately knew what was going to have to happen eventually. But it was still a shock, and the way it's gone down - she went home because a family member has taken unwell and it's been decided she won't be coming back - has left me feeling robbed of the chance to come to terms with it. And I feel robbed of the chance to say goodbye properly. She's so far away now, the odds are strong that we'll never see one another again. I'm stuck in a flat with all her possessions in, and everywhere I go in the local area I see reminders of things we did or were going to do. It feels like she's died.

Today is the first time in almost six years that we haven't exchanged a message or spoken at all. I just feel so...empty, I guess. Like this was my one chance, you know? I suffer from a few mental health issues(ADD, anxiety, social anxiety) and I felt like my wife was the one person who "got" that about me.

Sorry for the downer of a post, I think I maybe just had to get it out somewhere.

Really sorry to hear this Cora, long term relationships ending in such a way are never easy.

RetroCora wrote:Not quite a "quick, to GR" moment as this has been ongoing for about a week and a half, but my marriage is coming to an end. We last almost three years, just under six in total. My wife has been unhappy for a long time, struggling to build a life in Scotland. Job prospects weren't amazing, her health suffered from pollen-based asthma(that she doesn't have in Australia) and from the cold, and she just couldn't build a support network of friends beyond what I could provide - she's a few years older than me, in an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar customs and culture. We'd talked about moving away even to another part of the UK but I was resistant to it - I have spent most of my life here, my family is here and I find it hard to leave them. I don't think I always understood her concerns, and as much as I tried to empathise and help her to move forward, I didn't do enough.

I think, in the end, I wasn't enough to keep her here, and it's not really feasible for me to relocate so we were on a time limit for a while. Things weren't particularly rosy either, but a lot of that stemmed from the challenges she faced just staying in the country - we almost always got on really well, things were good and we had a lot of fun together(which is how I'd prefer to remember the relationship, I dunno how she feels).

And again, we ultimately knew what was going to have to happen eventually. But it was still a shock, and the way it's gone down - she went home because a family member has taken unwell and it's been decided she won't be coming back - has left me feeling robbed of the chance to come to terms with it. And I feel robbed of the chance to say goodbye properly. She's so far away now, the odds are strong that we'll never see one another again. I'm stuck in a flat with all her possessions in, and everywhere I go in the local area I see reminders of things we did or were going to do. It feels like she's died.

Today is the first time in almost six years that we haven't exchanged a message or spoken at all. I just feel so...empty, I guess. Like this was my one chance, you know? I suffer from a few mental health issues(ADD, anxiety, social anxiety) and I felt like my wife was the one person who "got" that about me.

Sorry for the downer of a post, I think I maybe just had to get it out somewhere.

Really sorry to hear that mate. The abruptness of how it ended sounds really harsh, not even having a chance to have a face to face conversation to discuss it.

I'd try not to beat yourself too much about you not doing enough, it sounds like circumstances were just really against you both and sadly things sometimes just don't work out for reasons beyond your control.

I think trying not to dwell on what went wrong but instead on remembering the fun you had together is a good approach, but understand that can be easier said than done.

Anyway, hope you're doing alright fella.

gooseberry fool, genuinely really sad to read your post, Cora

.

I don't know what to say and I'm really sorry about that, but I also don't want to not at least send this message to share my sympathy and let you know I'm thinking of you.

That sounds really gooseberry fool, sorry to hear that.

I'm so sorry to hear that Cora. I have no idea what to say, but you know we are all here for you whenever you need to talk or even if you just want to vent.

That's horrible Cora, I'm so sorry to hear that.

.....

When are we going to a strip club then?

Thanks guys. Yeah I mean Tomous, like I say this was not expected in the way it played out but it also wasn't a surprising development. I think we've been fighting a losing battle to stay together for quite a while. She's wanted to go home for a long time now and we've had conversations about the fact that going back there for any reason would make it more difficult for her to return here. If that makes sense.

I knew by the way she said goodbye to me at the airport last week that she thought it might be the last time she'd see me, and I think the first week of being back over there with a group of friends and family kind of solidified that for her. This is the right thing for her, and I know that, but it's so strawberry floating hard to take. I feel like a failure, and like I've failed her. She came here thinking she'd be able to build a fantastic life - moving to Scotland was something she wanted to do since childhood - and that I haven't been able to help make it work will live with me for the rest of my life.

I'm barely functioning, but have so much work to do this week. Typical. :lol:

And I've inherited our cat by default. Maia's closer to my wife than she is to me, and has cried every night for her at the time she usually goes to bed. I'm at the point of tears every time I look at the poor strawberry floater, because she has no idea what's going on and I feel so sorry for her.

RetroCora wrote:Not quite a "quick, to GR" moment as this has been ongoing for about a week and a half, but my marriage is coming to an end. We last almost three years, just under six in total. My wife has been unhappy for a long time, struggling to build a life in Scotland. Job prospects weren't amazing, her health suffered from pollen-based asthma(that she doesn't have in Australia) and from the cold, and she just couldn't build a support network of friends beyond what I could provide - she's a few years older than me, in an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar customs and culture. We'd talked about moving away even to another part of the UK but I was resistant to it - I have spent most of my life here, my family is here and I find it hard to leave them. I don't think I always understood her concerns, and as much as I tried to empathise and help her to move forward, I didn't do enough.

I think, in the end, I wasn't enough to keep her here, and it's not really feasible for me to relocate so we were on a time limit for a while. Things weren't particularly rosy either, but a lot of that stemmed from the challenges she faced just staying in the country - we almost always got on really well, things were good and we had a lot of fun together(which is how I'd prefer to remember the relationship, I dunno how she feels).

And again, we ultimately knew what was going to have to happen eventually. But it was still a shock, and the way it's gone down - she went home because a family member has taken unwell and it's been decided she won't be coming back - has left me feeling robbed of the chance to come to terms with it. And I feel robbed of the chance to say goodbye properly. She's so far away now, the odds are strong that we'll never see one another again. I'm stuck in a flat with all her possessions in, and everywhere I go in the local area I see reminders of things we did or were going to do. It feels like she's died.

Today is the first time in almost six years that we haven't exchanged a message or spoken at all. I just feel so...empty, I guess. Like this was my one chance, you know? I suffer from a few mental health issues(ADD, anxiety, social anxiety) and I felt like my wife was the one person who "got" that about me.

Sorry for the downer of a post, I think I maybe just had to get it out somewhere.

MrKirov wrote:
suzzopher wrote:Thing is I don’t think I can do this without her, she was my whole world for 15 years.

You can.

Sorry I dont post much so you probably dont really know me, but reading up on your situation, I see a lot of similarities with what happened to me a year ago- so wanted to weigh in to tell you it does get better.

A quick recap. Was with my ex for 10 years. Lived together for 9, engaged in September 2018, bought and moved into our "forever home" in order to have kids in December 2018.

February 2019- come home from my third day at my new job, and shes gone. Took my cat, all her stuff, and left me a note saying she couldnt be in the relationship anymore. Havent spoken to her really since, and no closure.

I get the heart-wrenching, emptiness and the big black void you feel right now. Constantly thinking of the why's and the how's and thinking you cant get through the day. You have to ride it out. Slowly but surely those thoughts get easier to deal with. Eventually, you can think back on your past without the sadness involved. You wont see that yet as its too soon- but trust me when I say that however hard it gets- and as cliche as it sounds- the ending is a new beginning. You're growing, and growing stronger and more independent with every passing minute.

You'll have ups and downs. You'll have sleepless nights and feel like you cant shut your brain up. But eventually, without realising it, you'll end up in a daily routine- one of your own making, defined by your own choices, wants and needs.

Personally, im in a better place mentally, and physically than I was. And the same will happen to you.

Just dont force it, and dont let anyone or thing dictate to you what or how you should be feeling. It takes as long as it takes- but trust me when I say it does get better, and one day without noticing, you'll realise you're suddenly free of the hurt, and the pain, and you'll start to see that optimism and excitement for the future again.

For now, do whatever makes you happy. Gaming, eating, running, cooking, TV- whatever YOU need to go on through the next day, the next hour- the next minute. Now is the time to be kind to yourself, with no judgements or pre-conceived notions of what you should be doing or feeling. Ride it out brother- you'll be your best self soon enough.

Reposting this from a while back, as I think its apt here. I truly understand what you're going through, and how tough it is- and for different reasons, the sudden change and loss, and the inability to have any closure. But here I am 3 years later, still fighting fit, and in a much better place. The same will be the case for you. But let yourself ride through what you're feeling now, it would be abnormal if you didnt feel it. But things can and will improve. Here for a chat if you need it from someone who gets it.

Sorry to hear it, Cora. Hopefully you'll soon feel better about it, no matter how long it takes.

Other people on here have said what I'd say Cora. I'm really sorry this has happened to you. You know we're all here for you.

I'm really sorry to hear that Cora. That's a really tough situation. I can empathise a bit, I had a long term gf who had to leave the country as her visa ran out, but really she wasn't enjoying the country any more and it really dragged on her - and this essentially lead to our break up. I too was stuck around a load of her stuff (although not everything like you) and trying to pick things from there was tough, but as much of a cliche as it is you just go one day at a time and deal with the problem in front of you. Eventually, with hindsight, you'll notice some days were easier than others and eventually you'll be in a new routine that is manageable. You'll get there, and I'm sure you've got the support of those close to you, and you certainly do of us here.

Sorry to hear about this Cora. This is a horrible situation for you and I'm sure you did your best.

I'm really sorry to hear that Cora - that's a horrible situation to find yourself in. Don't blame yourself! It's not your fault. It sounds like it happened despite the best will and efforts of both of you.

Shite Cora, sorry to hear it.

You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel in the pits of depression right now thinking the world has ended. Because it probably does feel like that.

But the fact of the matter is, you ****will**** bounce back. I guarantee it.

Keep on keeping on.

Sounds awful Cora

Even knowing it’s happening to a degree it must have still come as a shock.

I imagine it’ll take a good while before you start to feel anything like your old self but you will get there.

Hey, Cora, I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. I hope that, after however long it takes, you get to a point where you're feeling a bit better.

RetroCora wrote:Not quite a "quick, to GR" moment as this has been ongoing for about a week and a half, but my marriage is coming to an end. We last almost three years, just under six in total. My wife has been unhappy for a long time, struggling to build a life in Scotland. Job prospects weren't amazing, her health suffered from pollen-based asthma(that she doesn't have in Australia) and from the cold, and she just couldn't build a support network of friends beyond what I could provide - she's a few years older than me, in an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar customs and culture. We'd talked about moving away even to another part of the UK but I was resistant to it - I have spent most of my life here, my family is here and I find it hard to leave them. I don't think I always understood her concerns, and as much as I tried to empathise and help her to move forward, I didn't do enough.

I think, in the end, I wasn't enough to keep her here, and it's not really feasible for me to relocate so we were on a time limit for a while. Things weren't particularly rosy either, but a lot of that stemmed from the challenges she faced just staying in the country - we almost always got on really well, things were good and we had a lot of fun together(which is how I'd prefer to remember the relationship, I dunno how she feels).

And again, we ultimately knew what was going to have to happen eventually. But it was still a shock, and the way it's gone down - she went home because a family member has taken unwell and it's been decided she won't be coming back - has left me feeling robbed of the chance to come to terms with it. And I feel robbed of the chance to say goodbye properly. She's so far away now, the odds are strong that we'll never see one another again. I'm stuck in a flat with all her possessions in, and everywhere I go in the local area I see reminders of things we did or were going to do. It feels like she's died.

Today is the first time in almost six years that we haven't exchanged a message or spoken at all. I just feel so...empty, I guess. Like this was my one chance, you know? I suffer from a few mental health issues(ADD, anxiety, social anxiety) and I felt like my wife was the one person who "got" that about me.

Sorry for the downer of a post, I think I maybe just had to get it out somewhere.

Really sorry to hear that mate. I hadn't tuned in for a while but you guys always seemed so great together on streams, so it's really surprising to read about his.

It's going to take time but you'll get yourself through this in a way that works best for you. I can absolutely see (Though admittedly not understand) what you mean about feeling robbed of a chance to come to terms with it with how things have happened.
As hard as it is to feel otherwise, you haven't missed your chance, you're still a young guy (I'm pretty sure you're younger than me!).

It's going to be a while I'm sure, but I'm going to try and keep an eye put for the next time you do feel like streaming just so I can pop along and say Hello and give that bit of support.

sorry Cora, hope things are ok and you can lean on your support network there

same thing happened to my brother, his wife went to the states and didn’t come back, it can be super tough

Ah Cora dude, I'm so so sorry to hear that. What an absolutely shite situation all round.

I have been in (much less serious, lasting for far less of a time) which you both know will end by a set date. It doesn't make it any easier and in many ways it's almost harder because it could have worked if circumstances were a bit different. And you didn't even have that set date, it just sort of happened for you.

Always down for a chat or game sesh if you need it. x x x

Relationship Thread V4

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