Relationship Thread V4

[Octoroc]

This seems more promising....

[7256930752]

My mind is in a bit of a state at the moment so I'm going to try and get to the point without waffling. Basically, I'm getting married in 6 weeks and everything is going really well but I've had a bit of a shake over the weekend and it's not really the sort of thing I'd chat to my IRL friends with so was hoping you lot could help me out with some perspective and advice. What happened is that I was on a golfing holiday over the weekend and ended up chatting to this incredibly attractive girl and it became very apparent that there was incredible chemistry between us. She was also in a relationship but she made it clear that if I tried to progress things she would have been up for it. I didn't do anything because I love my girlfriend too much and that is just about the worst thing that I could do to her.

The thing that is getting me is that I've been thinking about this girl since I got home and I'm having full blown anxiety which I've managed to suppress for a number of years now and I don't really know why. For as long as I can remember I've gotten pretty bad downers after good night's out or holidays and I now put this down to being something to do with the anxiety but should I really feel like this now? I spent my 20's basically bouncing from relationship to relationship so maybe there is some wedding jitters that I didn't get enough of that sort of stuff out of my system? I hate feeling like this, I'm struggling to concentrate and feel terribly guilty for feeling like this as my fiance is bloody incredible and doesn't deserve it.

I'm hoping you'll all have similar stories and tell me it's totally normal.

[Moggy]

My mind is in a bit of a state at the moment so I'm going to try and get to the point without waffling. Basically, I'm getting married in 6 weeks and everything is going really well but I've had a bit of a shake over the weekend and it's not really the sort of thing I'd chat to my IRL friends with so was hoping you lot could help me out with some perspective and advice. What happened is that I was on a golfing holiday over the weekend and ended up chatting to this incredibly attractive girl and it became very apparent that there was incredible chemistry between us. She was also in a relationship but she made it clear that if I tried to progress things she would have been up for it. I didn't do anything because I love my girlfriend too much and that is just about the worst thing that I could do to her.

The thing that is getting me is that I've been thinking about this girl since I got home and I'm having full blown anxiety which I've managed to suppress for a number of years now and I don't really know why. For as long as I can remember I've gotten pretty bad downers after good night's out or holidays and I now put this down to being something to do with the anxiety but should I really feel like this now? I spent my 20's basically bouncing from relationship to relationship so maybe there is some wedding jitters that I didn't get enough of that sort of stuff out of my system? I hate feeling like this, I'm struggling to concentrate and feel terribly guilty for feeling like this as my fiance is bloody incredible and doesn't deserve it.

I'm hoping you'll all have similar stories and tell me it's totally normal.

I think we all have jitters and find other people attractive/desirable.

You say you love your fiancée, are you sure that you want to be married to her? Is she the person that you see yourself staying with for the rest of your life? Was this other girl somebody you would want to be with, or was she just somebody you’d like a one night stand with?

Basically you have 6 weeks to decide whether your fiancée is the person you want to be with forever and whether these feelings are just jitters or something more serious.

I am not sure that it is something anybody else can tell you what to do with, you are the only one who knows what you feel and what you want, it’s up to you.

[Tsunade]

I was in a similar situation, but nowhere near down the road of marriage as you are now.

About 5 years ago I was engaged for a year to a guy I was in a long distance relationship with for 2 years. I thought he was the one and we had good chemistry. That was until I met my current partner.

The chemistry between us was unreal and I dumped my fiance, knowing that, for me, it was the right thing to do. As I said, it was a long distance relationship, it was intense at the start, but my feelings for him had faltered. I didn't feel the same way about him as I had done before, and that was before I met my current partner.

I made the right decision for myself as I knew my feelings weren't the same for my fiance as it was for this guy (who was single). By the sounds of it your feelings for your soon to be wife seem to be the same as before you met this woman, and she's in a relationship. Things could get very messy for you both.

It may be pre wedding jitters you have here. As you said, you have underlying anxiety that could be making you feel a lot worse about this.

I agree with everything moggy said. We all find other people attractive. It is ultimately up to you what you do here. Best thing I can do is say to think very carefully.

[Sandy]

All humans change and grow at different rates. Just because you love someone when you're 25 doesn't mean you'll both be the same people you were when you hit 40.

Marriage is a weird concept because it presumes people never change, which definitely isn't the case.

I'm not telling you not to get married...just make sure it's the right thing for you and for your fiance...with 6 weeks to go

[OrangeRKN]

You don't stop being attracted to other people just because you're in a relationship, and I can only assume that goes for getting married too. You didn't do anything, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

The only thing that should raise doubts out of that situation is if you /wanted/ to do something, because that would potentially mean you aren't as committed as you thought. Judging by the way you say you love her I don't think that's the case.

Any general jitters you should be able to talk to your fiance about. You're marrying her, she's your confidant. That should help reassure you.

[Sandy]

She'll probably tell you she has the same kinds of worries and jitters. Just with James from accounts at work instead of a golfing holiday lady. Nothing to worry about.

[OrangeRKN]

She'll probably tell you she has the same kinds of worries and jitters. Just with James from accounts at work instead of a golfing holiday lady. Nothing to worry about.

[Victor Mildew]

The skarjo virus has mutated and now spreads via web browser

[Rocsteady]

You don't stop being attracted to other people just because you're in a relationship, and I can only assume that goes for getting married too. You didn't do anything, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

The only thing that should raise doubts out of that situation is if you /wanted/ to do something, because that would potentially mean you aren't as committed as you thought. Judging by the way you say you love her I don't think that's the case.

Any general jitters you should be able to talk to your fiance about. You're marrying her, she's your confidant. That should help reassure you.

Surely a part of everyone would want to do something in this case though? Not that they would actually do it but if some really hot lass approaches you're always physically going to be tempted to do something.

[OrangeRKN]

You don't stop being attracted to other people just because you're in a relationship, and I can only assume that goes for getting married too. You didn't do anything, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

The only thing that should raise doubts out of that situation is if you /wanted/ to do something, because that would potentially mean you aren't as committed as you thought. Judging by the way you say you love her I don't think that's the case.

Any general jitters you should be able to talk to your fiance about. You're marrying her, she's your confidant. That should help reassure you.

Surely a part of everyone would want to do something in this case though? Not that they would actually do it but if some really hot lass approaches you're always physically going to be tempted to do something.

Sure, but then there is also a more significant part of you that is committed to your relationship and values everything it brings you, and that should be the reason you don't act on the temptation. What I really meant is that you should only have doubts if the reasons you didn't act were less noble like a fear of getting caught.

[Tsunade]

You don't stop being attracted to other people just because you're in a relationship, and I can only assume that goes for getting married too. You didn't do anything, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

The only thing that should raise doubts out of that situation is if you /wanted/ to do something, because that would potentially mean you aren't as committed as you thought. Judging by the way you say you love her I don't think that's the case.

Any general jitters you should be able to talk to your fiance about. You're marrying her, she's your confidant. That should help reassure you.

Surely a part of everyone would want to do something in this case though? Not that they would actually do it but if some really hot lass approaches you're always physically going to be tempted to do something.

I didn't know penises could talk... (JK)

[7256930752]

You don't stop being attracted to other people just because you're in a relationship, and I can only assume that goes for getting married too. You didn't do anything, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

The only thing that should raise doubts out of that situation is if you /wanted/ to do something, because that would potentially mean you aren't as committed as you thought. Judging by the way you say you love her I don't think that's the case.

Any general jitters you should be able to talk to your fiance about. You're marrying her, she's your confidant. That should help reassure you.

Surely a part of everyone would want to do something in this case though? Not that they would actually do it but if some really hot lass approaches you're always physically going to be tempted to do something.

Sure, but then there is also a more significant part of you that is committed to your relationship and values everything it brings you, and that should be the reason you don't act on the temptation. What I really meant is that you should only have doubts if the reasons you didn't act were less noble like a fear of getting caught.

This is pretty much the problem in my mind, are those two things mutually exclusive in that you don't act on your desires because you don't want to do it or you don't want to get caught? I can't say for sure where I sit but I guess it has to be a positive that I didn't do anything.

See I know for sure that she will definitely not have this kind of thing as she has major loyalty issues coming from a broken home and to be honest she isn't that outwardly sexual. That probably makes me feel worse, especially when I can't say that I will never be in this situation again. That in itself brings a load more complications as how do you know that you won't meet someone you're more compatible with?

God only knows what the stag do is going to do me mentally.

[Dual]

Best to bury these feelings deep down and see if they resurface at a later point in the marriage

[Oblomov Boblomov]

[Victor Mildew]

[7256930752]

[Victor Mildew]

Sorry, I couldn't resist, I watched that episode earlier and that bit cracked me up

[<]:^D]

Best to bury these feelings deep down and see if they resurface at a later point in the marriage

[Rightey]

Sure, but then there is also a more significant part of you that is committed to your relationship and values everything it brings you, and that should be the reason you don't act on the temptation. What I really meant is that you should only have doubts if the reasons you didn't act were less noble like a fear of getting caught.

This is pretty much the problem in my mind, are those two things mutually exclusive in that you don't act on your desires because you don't want to do it or you don't want to get caught? I can't say for sure where I sit but I guess it has to be a positive that I didn't do anything.

See I know for sure that she will definitely not have this kind of thing as she has major loyalty issues coming from a broken home and to be honest she isn't that outwardly sexual. That probably makes me feel worse, especially when I can't say that I will never be in this situation again. That in itself brings a load more complications as how do you know that you won't meet someone you're more compatible with?

God only knows what the stag do is going to do me mentally.[/quote]

Sounds like it's just jitters, don't let anxiety ruin your chance of a happy marriage. I assume you asked your fiance to marry you because you actually like her overall as a person, when you meet someone new you'll just see that tiny bit of them and think wow they seem great and might be excited, but it's only a temporary feeling. Don't be a Skarjo.