Re: Relationship Thread V3 + Fade Broke Up With His Tortoise :(
Posted: Wed Aug 28, 2019 11:45 am
Just to say I don't think planning a week of meals is that odd - I thought most people did this to be fair?
False wrote:just because she likes to clean doesnt mean she wont strawberry float yer arse mate
False wrote:heres the thing though, Ive been holding onto a silver bullet for well over a year now
I clean the dishes way better than she does
it takes me like 30 mins at least to do a bowl of washing, I clean every little thing on its own until its sparkling - cant abide dirty utensils - so I just put a show on the ipad, put it next to the sink and clean away - I do the dishes most days
she does the dishes really fast, gets them what I call surface clean
but when I go to put them away after drying, they are frequently greasy, or with the stubborn marks still there, and I secretly clean them again without saying anything
Ive been waiting for the perfect argument to drop this bomb for well over a year
Jenuall wrote:Just to say I don't think planning a week of meals is that odd - I thought most people did this to be fair?
Tafdolphin wrote:Basically my wife has far higher standards of cleanliness than I do. By her own admission we're talking close to OCD levels. She's taken the kitchen bin and full on bleached it out in the bath twice in the last two days as a couple of flies flew out of it. She spent 4 hours doing the kitchen on Sunday. She goes crazy if I put washing on the line if its a) inside out or b) hasn't been aired out by wafting it multiple times.
Because of this difference, oftentimes she will do chores before I think they need doing. This means she does most of the chores. Now, whenever I try and do said chores in line with her standards, the usual response is a variation of 'no, you've done it wrong.' When I suggested that her constant belittling of my efforts to meet her standards is affecting my mood she turned around and said 'Not my problem, stop interpreting my words that way.'
Although I'm not going to deny that it is my interpretation of her words that's bringing me down, constant negative reinforcement is inevitably going to lead to that interpretation. When I asked her if we could work on our communication regarding this she straight up said no.
Is she right? Should I man up and stop being so sensitive or is there a legitimate issue to be talked about?
Tafdolphin wrote:Basically my wife has far higher standards of cleanliness than I do. By her own admission we're talking close to OCD levels. She's taken the kitchen bin and full on bleached it out in the bath twice in the last two days as a couple of flies flew out of it. She spent 4 hours doing the kitchen on Sunday. She goes crazy if I put washing on the line if its a) inside out or b) hasn't been aired out by wafting it multiple times.
Because of this difference, oftentimes she will do chores before I think they need doing. This means she does most of the chores. Now, whenever I try and do said chores in line with her standards, the usual response is a variation of 'no, you've done it wrong.' When I suggested that her constant belittling of my efforts to meet her standards is affecting my mood she turned around and said 'Not my problem, stop interpreting my words that way.'
Although I'm not going to deny that it is my interpretation of her words that's bringing me down, constant negative reinforcement is inevitably going to lead to that interpretation. When I asked her if we could work on our communication regarding this she straight up said no.
Is she right? Should I man up and stop being so sensitive or is there a legitimate issue to be talked about?
pjbetman wrote:Tafdolphin wrote:Basically my wife has far higher standards of cleanliness than I do. By her own admission we're talking close to OCD levels. She's taken the kitchen bin and full on bleached it out in the bath twice in the last two days as a couple of flies flew out of it. She spent 4 hours doing the kitchen on Sunday. She goes crazy if I put washing on the line if its a) inside out or b) hasn't been aired out by wafting it multiple times.
Because of this difference, oftentimes she will do chores before I think they need doing. This means she does most of the chores. Now, whenever I try and do said chores in line with her standards, the usual response is a variation of 'no, you've done it wrong.' When I suggested that her constant belittling of my efforts to meet her standards is affecting my mood she turned around and said 'Not my problem, stop interpreting my words that way.'
Although I'm not going to deny that it is my interpretation of her words that's bringing me down, constant negative reinforcement is inevitably going to lead to that interpretation. When I asked her if we could work on our communication regarding this she straight up said no.
Is she right? Should I man up and stop being so sensitive or is there a legitimate issue to be talked about?
Broom her.
Tafdolphin wrote:Lotus wrote:There has to be some compromise / understanding - she can't insist on ridiculous standards and berate you when you don't meet them, but also complain that you don't do any cleaning (which ultimately is as a result of the former point). Might be worth agreeing on 'ownership' of certain chores and that way you each know what you have to focus on and keep on top off. But if she then starts sticking her nose into your chores and having a go / criticising, you can make the point that you can't win. Doesn't sound like the kind of thing that's conducive to a healthy relationship though, and she doesn't sound particularly willing to listem
That's where we are unfortunately. I tried to explain my problem with the duality of the situation, but she can't seem to get her head around it.
And we did the ownership thing. The bathroom was her domain for example, by her own choice.
My biggest issue right now is her complete and utter inflexibility. She came out of a bad relationship with a guy who was bone idle and set herself a bunch of rules for her next partner. Problem is, and we've talked about this before, everything she sees or does around the house is dictated by her own lens and anything that deviates from it is not just insufficient but wrong.
Take the meal prep. If left to my own devices I will create lunch/dinner based entirely in the moment on what's in the kitchen. I don't think this is lazy or odd, in fact I think it's probably pretty normal. Last night, as mentioned, I tried to ask her what she wanted to which I didn't get an answer. When I suggested something I got a no. I go and check my phone for a minute and next thing I know she's asking me if I want beans and has started cooking.
How am I supposed to meal prep if every time I try I'm working blind and if my first suggestion isn't good enough the task is taken from me?
In our argument last night she defined efficient meal preparation as a whole week's worth of meals ready to go each Monday. I'm not going to plan out meals a week beforehand. That's ridiculous. But that's her standard and me not matching it is a problem for her.
I'm genuinely worried, lads. I've moved countries, quit my job and left all my friends to be with her and now we're unable to see eye to eye over strawberry floating chores.
Heskimo wrote:pjbetman wrote:Tafdolphin wrote:Basically my wife has far higher standards of cleanliness than I do. By her own admission we're talking close to OCD levels. She's taken the kitchen bin and full on bleached it out in the bath twice in the last two days as a couple of flies flew out of it. She spent 4 hours doing the kitchen on Sunday. She goes crazy if I put washing on the line if its a) inside out or b) hasn't been aired out by wafting it multiple times.
Because of this difference, oftentimes she will do chores before I think they need doing. This means she does most of the chores. Now, whenever I try and do said chores in line with her standards, the usual response is a variation of 'no, you've done it wrong.' When I suggested that her constant belittling of my efforts to meet her standards is affecting my mood she turned around and said 'Not my problem, stop interpreting my words that way.'
Although I'm not going to deny that it is my interpretation of her words that's bringing me down, constant negative reinforcement is inevitably going to lead to that interpretation. When I asked her if we could work on our communication regarding this she straight up said no.
Is she right? Should I man up and stop being so sensitive or is there a legitimate issue to be talked about?
Broom her.
Unfortunately the brooming won't be up to her standards.
Johnny Ryall wrote:Not sure what I'll do next.