GRcade

Got a dilemma in that I've been dating a new lass for a couple of months now. She's lovely and we generally have a great time together but there's almost a complete lack of sexual chemistry.

Her sex drive is considerably lower than mine and she finds it very difficult to orgasm. We're meeting probably 4/5 times a week and will have sex maybe two or three times in that time. I know in an LTR that'd be a good amount but for the beginnings of a relationship, for me, it's a really low amount.

Basically I'm trying to work out in my mind if I can continue dating her. The only issue we have is the sex, but sex is massively important in relationships for me. I brought it up at the weekend so we could discuss it and we agreed to try meet in the middle. The issue then is that she has much less enthusiasm for me during if we're doing it more frequently which just feels depressing.

Anyone had similar experiences? What did you do? Anyone managed to considerably improve sex life over time?

You’re having sex with her between 8 and 15 times per week and you think she has a low sex drive?

You need counselling mate.

Moggy wrote:You’re having sex with her between 8 and 15 times per week and you think she has a low sex drive?

You need counselling mate.

I assume he means 2-3 times during the week but yeah just think of it as a warm-up for marriage!

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:I assume he means 2-3 times during the week but yeah just think of it as a warm-up for marriage!

Maybe he meant that.

2 or 3 times a decade sounds good to me at the moment.

Moggy wrote:

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:I assume he means 2-3 times during the week but yeah just think of it as a warm-up for marriage!

Maybe he meant that.

2 or 3 times a decade sounds good to me at the moment.

You absolute machine where do you find the stamina?

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:

Moggy wrote:

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:I assume he means 2-3 times during the week but yeah just think of it as a warm-up for marriage!

Maybe he meant that.

2 or 3 times a decade sounds good to me at the moment.

You absolute machine where do you find the stamina?

The 2 or 3 happened in 2010. I was still (just) in my 20s then.

Moggy wrote:You’re having sex with her between 8 and 15 times per week and you think she has a low sex drive?

You need counselling mate.

Proper got me that one!

Lads

Was distracted when writing that post, 2-3 times a week.

Although I did date a nymphomaniac where it was that 8-15 constantly, was strawberry floating awful.

It's a concern to me that if we're doing it this amount at this point it's going to be massively downhill in future though. And even the sex we do have isn't exactly mind blowing, harsh as it may sound. It's tough for me that she finds it so difficult to finish as it takes away a large part of the enjoyment for me, even if she says she doesn't mind.

Like I say I've discussed it with her already but need to figure out if it's a deal breaker for me. Been reading a lot about avoidant attachment today which is for sure me too, I'm hopeless at sticking with someone in the medium to long term.

Otherwise she's caring and fun and all the rest of it but ultimately if I can't get over this I'm not sure what the alternative is. Apart from wanking a bunch and resigning myself to sub-par sex.

Sounds like your heart (and dick) isn't in it.

Maybe. I do want to like her, I just overly fixate on this one problem.

Whatever, I'll see how it goes and let you all know.

my ex has secretly charged the house tax, her insurance, debits etc to my accounts

only found out today when checking money for the weekend

she has also been awol from any form of contact since 7pm yesterday

left me 300 overdrawn on main account and 500 over my credit limit on card

False wrote:my ex has secretly charged the house tax, her insurance, debits etc to my accounts

only found out today when checking money for the weekend

she has also been awol from any form of contact since 7pm yesterday

left me 300 overdrawn on main account and 500 over my credit limit on card

Is she banking on you not pursuing that legally because she'll be in a whole heap of gooseberry fool from that if you do.

Dare we ask about the PS4?

Thsst is really scummy.

I have the ps4

she still has my xbox and media server

Rocsteady wrote:Otherwise she's caring and fun and all the rest of it but ultimately if I can't get over this I'm not sure what the alternative is. Apart from wanking a bunch and resigning myself to sub-par sex.

Welcome to the club, we've saved you a seat.

Tomous wrote:

False wrote:my ex has secretly charged the house tax, her insurance, debits etc to my accounts

only found out today when checking money for the weekend

she has also been awol from any form of contact since 7pm yesterday

left me 300 overdrawn on main account and 500 over my credit limit on card

Is she banking on you not pursuing that legally because she'll be in a whole heap of gooseberry fool from that if you do.

Yeah that's crazy, surely you can take action against that?

Also regarding Rocsteady's situation it sounds like the girl you are dating is the one who has the dilemma if anything - does she stay with the guy who is unable to satisfy her or ditch him and find someone better at doing the deed.

But genuinely I think incompatibility in the bedroom is a tricky one - if neither party cares about it then that's fine but if it is a big deal to one of you but not the other then you obviously can't just ignore that. I guess you have to work out whether there is any possibility of things changing to improve the situation from both of your perspectives or alternatively whether you are happy for things to stay as they are because other aspects of the relationship make it worth overlooking.

Rocsteady wrote:Got a dilemma in that I've been dating a new lass for a couple of months now. She's lovely and we generally have a great time together but there's almost a complete lack of sexual chemistry.

Her sex drive is considerably lower than mine and she finds it very difficult to orgasm. We're meeting probably 4/5 times a week and will have sex maybe two or three times in that time. I know in an LTR that'd be a good amount but for the beginnings of a relationship, for me, it's a really low amount.

Basically I'm trying to work out in my mind if I can continue dating her. The only issue we have is the sex, but sex is massively important in relationships for me. I brought it up at the weekend so we could discuss it and we agreed to try meet in the middle. The issue then is that she has much less enthusiasm for me during if we're doing it more frequently which just feels depressing.

Anyone had similar experiences? What did you do? Anyone managed to considerably improve sex life over time?

Stop being bad at sex, lol.

But seriously, maybe just try getting her a small vibrator or something she can put on her bean during sex to increase stimulation and help her finish. Either that or increase the foreplay before sex and just finish her off once with your hand before the actual sex?

Yeah, there's no way of saying it without sounding like a dick but I know how to get women off, I've been with enough.

There's a few contributory factors as to why it's so difficult for her. As much as anything it's just the lack of upfront passion from her side that's a killer this early in a relationship. Had another great night with her apart from that yesterday though so will try a while longer.

Does she like being tied up?

If she does, tie her up and go at her like a bulldog eating porridge.