GRcade

Rightey wrote:

Hime wrote:Sure, but then there is also a more significant part of you that is committed to your relationship and values everything it brings you, and that should be the reason you don't act on the temptation. What I really meant is that you should only have doubts if the reasons you didn't act were less noble like a fear of getting caught.

This is pretty much the problem in my mind, are those two things mutually exclusive in that you don't act on your desires because you don't want to do it or you don't want to get caught? I can't say for sure where I sit but I guess it has to be a positive that I didn't do anything.

See I know for sure that she will definitely not have this kind of thing as she has major loyalty issues coming from a broken home and to be honest she isn't that outwardly sexual. That probably makes me feel worse, especially when I can't say that I will never be in this situation again. That in itself brings a load more complications as how do you know that you won't meet someone you're more compatible with?

God only knows what the stag do is going to do me mentally.

Sounds like it's just jitters, don't let anxiety ruin your chance of a happy marriage. I assume you asked your fiance to marry you because you actually like her overall as a person, when you meet someone new you'll just see that tiny bit of them and think wow they seem great and might be excited, but it's only a temporary feeling. Don't be a Skarjo.[/quote]
Thanks man.

I'm obviously the only person who doesn't know what happened with Skarjo, can someone give me a brief summary?

Which time?

Hime wrote:Thanks man.

No problem. For what it's worth I felt pretty nervous as well before I got married, thinking I was giving up some grand single life which I didn't actually have because, lets face it I post on here so it's obvious I'm not cool. But once I actually was married I realized I had made the right decision, my wife is amazing and I really love her. I'm glad I didn't fall into the trap of thinking you shouldn't settle down before age x.

Hime wrote:I'm obviously the only person who doesn't know what happened with Skarjo, can someone give me a brief summary?

He did what you were thinking of doing... and then he did it again like two more times.

Rightey wrote:

Hime wrote:Thanks man.

No problem. For what it's worth I felt pretty nervous as well before I got married, thinking I was giving up some grand single life which I didn't actually have because, lets face it I post on here so it's obvious I'm not cool. But once I actually was married I realized I had made the right decision, my wife is amazing and I really love her. I'm glad I didn't fall into the trap of thinking you shouldn't settle down before age x.

Hime wrote:I'm obviously the only person who doesn't know what happened with Skarjo, can someone give me a brief summary?

He did what you were thinking of doing... and then he did it again like two more times.

Yeah I know what you mean, that's the point I was making that I was a pretty rubbish single person. I'm too much of a melt really as I don't know how people go to the effort of building some sort of connection to just bang and never see each other again. I wish I had a bit more of that quality as I wouldn't have wasted literal years in unhappy relationships though.

I wouldn't judge Skarjo as I do understand how you can get in that situation, I just don't know how I'd live with the guilt.

I must have seen that at some point and didn't twig.

Drumstick wrote:Which time?

Hime wrote:I didn't do anything because I love my girlfriend too much and that is just about the worst thing that I could do to her.

That's the only bit that really matters, the rest is just jitters.

In my case it was a case that the other woman made me realise I didn't love my fiance anymore, so calling it off was the right thing to do.

If you're still in love, then just enjoy the butterflies and be sensible about it.

Be sure to Get a tattoo to remember the experience.

Skarjo wrote:

Hime wrote:I didn't do anything because I love my girlfriend too much and that is just about the worst thing that I could do to her.

That's the only bit that really matters, the rest is just jitters.

In my case it was a case that the other woman made me realise I didn't love my fiance anymore, so calling it off was the right thing to do.

If you're still in love, then just enjoy the butterflies and be sensible about it.

Thanks for taking the time to post after the pasting you've gotten.

It's a funny one because on hand it's something I really wanted but on the other hand I wasn't willing to jeopardize my relationship. Mad how these things happen though, the idea of getting married hasn't phased me one bit until this.

Did everything work out for you in the end?

Hime wrote:

Skarjo wrote:

Hime wrote:I didn't do anything because I love my girlfriend too much and that is just about the worst thing that I could do to her.

That's the only bit that really matters, the rest is just jitters.

In my case it was a case that the other woman made me realise I didn't love my fiance anymore, so calling it off was the right thing to do.

If you're still in love, then just enjoy the butterflies and be sensible about it.

Thanks for taking the time to post after the pasting you've gotten.

It's a funny one because on hand it's something I really wanted but on the other hand I wasn't willing to jeopardize my relationship. Mad how these things happen though, the idea of getting married hasn't phased me one bit until this.

Did everything work out for you in the end?

Yes and no. It didn't work out with the scarlet woman, but there's no denying it was a good move on my part. Left the UK, big improvement in career, on paper it's all gravy. But the emotional fallout was strawberry floating immense. No way would I have predicted how far the ripples would go, in terms of lost friends and basically being persona very much non strawberry floating grata in a lot of peoples eyes. I knew they'd be fallout, obviously, but strawberry float it's been a tough few years. The old saying about really knowing who you are friends are in situations like that couldn't be more true.

I also won't lie that the personal emotional side was rough as strawberry float, and probably played a massive role in why things didn't work out with the new lady. Whilst it was never a case of 'You wish you stayed with her!' or 'She never would have done that' or anything that coarse, I guess it put a huge pressure on everything. You'd be amazed at the level of expectation when she's 'the girl he left his fiancee for', it did make what was a very new relationship extremely claustrophobic.

But that said, I do love my life out here, and I know that my ex fiancee used the opportunity to do something she'd always wanted to and that, if I'm honest in retrospect, I held her back from (moving to South America). And there is no two ways about it, I didn't love her anymore, and though it's been horrible it's still a divorce avoided.

Yeah as others have said I don't think you have anything to worry about based on what you have described here Hime.

There are billions of people in the world so there are always going to be situations where you encounter people who you feel attraction towards and similarly those who feel attracted to you. That's just an unavoidable outcome of the numbers! But there's a world of difference between an initial flirtatious attraction to someone based on a chat at a bar, and a genuine deep connection with someone based on a growing understanding of pretty much every aspect of them as a person.

The other thing to remember is that feelings in a relationship, and how those manifest, are always going to develop over time. Those early hormonal rushes of attraction toward someone will naturally evolve into something different as a relationship develops. The feeling you get when meeting a new person for the first time, finding them attractive and really hitting it off with them is always going to be somewhat different to the way the chemistry expresses itself between two people who have been sharing their life together for a longer time.

The more short term, first meeting and early days relationship stuff is much more of a directly reactive kind of feeling - you like the way each other look and have had a bit of a spark in conversation with one another and you feel that click and desire to be with them more because your hormones are telling you to! Love for a long term partner is a much more complex beast and is in many ways a more proactive thing - I always think that love isn't really a feeling, or at least a feeling is only part of it, it's more of a way of being and interacting with someone else that you consciously choose to show based on so much more than just how hot they look and how much you want to do certain things to them (although that is obviously still part of it! )

Skarjo wrote:

Hime wrote:

Skarjo wrote:

Hime wrote:I didn't do anything because I love my girlfriend too much and that is just about the worst thing that I could do to her.

That's the only bit that really matters, the rest is just jitters.

In my case it was a case that the other woman made me realise I didn't love my fiance anymore, so calling it off was the right thing to do.

If you're still in love, then just enjoy the butterflies and be sensible about it.

Thanks for taking the time to post after the pasting you've gotten.

It's a funny one because on hand it's something I really wanted but on the other hand I wasn't willing to jeopardize my relationship. Mad how these things happen though, the idea of getting married hasn't phased me one bit until this.

Did everything work out for you in the end?

Yes and no. It didn't work out with the scarlet woman, but there's no denying it was a good move on my part. Left the UK, big improvement in career, on paper it's all gravy. But the emotional fallout was strawberry floating immense. No way would I have predicted how far the ripples would go, in terms of lost friends and basically being persona very much non strawberry floating grata in a lot of peoples eyes. I knew they'd be fallout, obviously, but strawberry float it's been a tough few years. The old saying about really knowing who you are friends are in situations like that couldn't be more true.

I also won't lie that the personal emotional side was rough as strawberry float, and probably played a massive role in why things didn't work out with the new lady. Whilst it was never a case of 'You wish you stayed with her!' or 'She never would have done that' or anything that coarse, I guess it put a huge pressure on everything. You'd be amazed at the level of expectation when she's 'the girl he left his fiancee for', it did make what was a very new relationship extremely claustrophobic.

But that said, I do love my life out here, and I know that my ex fiancee used the opportunity to do something she'd always wanted to and that, if I'm honest in retrospect, I held her back from (moving to South America). And there is no two ways about it, I didn't love her anymore, and though it's been horrible it's still a divorce avoided.

Wow! I didn't realise it'd been that long..seems like just 18-24 months ago

Skarjo wrote:

Hime wrote:

Skarjo wrote:

Hime wrote:I didn't do anything because I love my girlfriend too much and that is just about the worst thing that I could do to her.

That's the only bit that really matters, the rest is just jitters.

In my case it was a case that the other woman made me realise I didn't love my fiance anymore, so calling it off was the right thing to do.

If you're still in love, then just enjoy the butterflies and be sensible about it.

Thanks for taking the time to post after the pasting you've gotten.

It's a funny one because on hand it's something I really wanted but on the other hand I wasn't willing to jeopardize my relationship. Mad how these things happen though, the idea of getting married hasn't phased me one bit until this.

Did everything work out for you in the end?

Yes and no. It didn't work out with the scarlet woman, but there's no denying it was a good move on my part. Left the UK, big improvement in career, on paper it's all gravy. But the emotional fallout was strawberry floating immense. No way would I have predicted how far the ripples would go, in terms of lost friends and basically being persona very much non strawberry floating grata in a lot of peoples eyes. I knew they'd be fallout, obviously, but strawberry float it's been a tough few years. The old saying about really knowing who you are friends are in situations like that couldn't be more true.

I also won't lie that the personal emotional side was rough as strawberry float, and probably played a massive role in why things didn't work out with the new lady. Whilst it was never a case of 'You wish you stayed with her!' or 'She never would have done that' or anything that coarse, I guess it put a huge pressure on everything. You'd be amazed at the level of expectation when she's 'the girl he left his fiancee for', it did make what was a very new relationship extremely claustrophobic.

But that said, I do love my life out here, and I know that my ex fiancee used the opportunity to do something she'd always wanted to and that, if I'm honest in retrospect, I held her back from (moving to South America). And there is no two ways about it, I didn't love her anymore, and though it's been horrible it's still a divorce avoided.

Sounds like you've been through a divorce minus the legal stuff. I'm glad it's worked out though man, ultimately though it sounds like you made the right choice.

So I got engaged last week

get out while you still can

Congrats! Any idea when the wedding will be?

Tomous wrote:So I got engaged last week

PaperMacheMario wrote:get out while you still can

Congrats! Any idea when the wedding will be?

Cheers! Hopefully next year but not sure if that'll be too late to find a venue etc

Tomous wrote:...Hopefully next year but not sure if that'll be too late to find a venue etc

Surely you're looking at the possibility of holding the event at the Vetch Field? .

Congrats, Tom - it was great that we got a sneak preview of the news thanks to the power of Jazzem's livestream .

Tomous wrote:So I got engaged last week

Congratulations dude