Relationship Thread V4

[Pedz]

Yeah, there's no way of saying it without sounding like a dick but I know how to get women off, I've been with enough.

GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY JEE-ZUS

But having lots of sex doesn't mean you are good at it

[Errkal]

Yeah, there's no way of saying it without sounding like a dick but I know how to get women off, I've been with enough.

GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY JEE-ZUS

But having lots of sex doesn't mean you are good at it

As Rocsteady has proved.

[Moggy]

Yeah, there's no way of saying it without sounding like a dick but I know how to get women off, I've been with enough.

GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY JEE-ZUS

But having lots of sex doesn't mean you are good at it

As Rocsteady has proved.

[Pedz]

Yeah, there's no way of saying it without sounding like a dick but I know how to get women off, I've been with enough.

GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY JEE-ZUS

But having lots of sex doesn't mean you are good at it

As Rocsteady has proved.

[Rightey]

Yeah, there's no way of saying it without sounding like a dick but I know how to get women off, I've been with enough.

GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY JEE-ZUS

But having lots of sex doesn't mean you are good at it

As Rocsteady has proved.

[Tafdolphin]

Love to see ethno-fascists in my memes.

[pjbetman]

I had a random call off a mutual friend today that lasted over an hour, she was telling me all the ways Eve is trying to ruin my life behind the scenes

apparently this mutual friend is now completely disinterested in what she has to say because she know its fabrications having been in the situations or whatever is being described to try and shoot me down

she literally just said to me that she is being a nasty bitch and is trying to destroy my life via every avenue she has access to

Get her strawberry floatin banged up...unless she has something on your media server...

[Rocsteady]

Yeah, there's no way of saying it without sounding like a dick but I know how to get women off, I've been with enough.

GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY JEE-ZUS

But having lots of sex doesn't mean you are good at it

To be fair, true. You can't have consistent long-term fwb style situations without putting the work in though.

From my experience of more promiscuous women vs the opposite, there's definitely a strong correlation.

[Tafdolphin]

Quick Am I The Asshole post:

My wife is starting anti-depressents today. She's worried about the side effects which include increased anxiety and other nasty things. She told me this morning she was taking the first one at lunch. I asked her if she could let me know when she's taken it so I can take care not to be annoying or, you know, extra. She repeats that she's taking it at lunch. I know, I say, but can you just let me know once you have.

She then launches into a rant about how I'm like a dude she had interacted with on twitter who was constantly asking her, a stranger, to remind him when certain podcasts were happening etc. I took mild offense at this as I was trying to be considerate but she was turning it into a situation where I was putting an emotional burden on her. Queue a huge argument and now we're not speaking.

So. AITA?

[SEP]

Quick Am I The Asshole post:

My wife is starting anti-depressents today. She's worried about the side effects which include increased anxiety and other nasty things. She told me this morning she was taking the first one at lunch. I asked her if she could let me know when she's taken it so I can take care not to be annoying or, you know, extra. She repeats that she's taking it at lunch. I know, I say, but can you just let me know once you have.

She then launches into a rant about how I'm like a dude she had interacted with on twitter who was constantly asking her, a stranger, to remind him when certain podcasts were happening etc. I took mild offense at this as I was trying to be considerate but she was turning it into a situation where I was putting an emotional burden on her. Queue a huge argument and now we're not speaking.

So. AITA?

I think the expectation is that you avoid being annoying or "extra" anyway. Also, arguing with her about it certainly won't have helped with her mental state. Just apologise, and back off a little.

[Corazon de Leon]

Agree with MCN. It’s just miscommunication, neither of you is the bad guy - she’s thinking that telling you she’ll be taking it at lunch is giving you the information you’re looking for, you are looking for a more specific time. She might feel like you questioning the time she’s taking tablets is adding to the stress she’s already feeling.

For me, best option is probably to apologise, let her know you’ll be there if needed whatever happens, and move forward.

[Moggy]

Quick Am I The Asshole post:

My wife is starting anti-depressents today. She's worried about the side effects which include increased anxiety and other nasty things. She told me this morning she was taking the first one at lunch. I asked her if she could let me know when she's taken it so I can take care not to be annoying or, you know, extra. She repeats that she's taking it at lunch. I know, I say, but can you just let me know once you have.

She then launches into a rant about how I'm like a dude she had interacted with on twitter who was constantly asking her, a stranger, to remind him when certain podcasts were happening etc. I took mild offense at this as I was trying to be considerate but she was turning it into a situation where I was putting an emotional burden on her. Queue a huge argument and now we're not speaking.

So. AITA?

I don’t think you were an arsehole to ask in the first place, but after she reacted badly you should have just left it alone. “Lunchtime” might not be precise enough for you, but it gives you a rough idea and probably wasn’t worth pushing her on.

You’re not an arsehole but as she is going to take anti-depressants it doesn’t sound like she is in the right frame of mind to deal with things and you should probably make a mental note to let things drop and not repeat questions.

[Oblomov Boblomov]

It's an unnecessary action/question. Firstly because you aren't planning on being annoying anyway (right?!) and secondly because I doubt she will be comfortable with the idea of you consciously adapting your standard behaviour. If it were me, I would want to take my medication and for everyone/everything else to carry on as usual. I wouldn't want to feel like people were pandering to me, like I'm an emotional-charity case.

[Dual]

You're the asshole.

Just because.

[Tafdolphin]

You're the asshole.

Just because.

AI(More of an)A(Than Usual)

Thanks guys. I don't disagree with anything that's been said, and I think I regret expressing my own offence as I did. I might try to apologise, but she won't accept it. She's very much a "If you're apologising you strawberry floated up and saying sorry changes nothing" sort of person. I'm just going to work in the bedroom today and leave her alone.

Also, I'm annoying as gooseberry fool normally.

[That]

Hey Taf, I don't mean this in the wrong way at all, it's just an honest observation.

The only time I really argue a little bit with my partner is when we're both feeling low or frustrated at something. It usually goes like this:
ONE OF US: [is a bit prickly]
THE OTHER: [wrapped up in their own feelings] Ouch, that was a bit hurtful.
ONE OF US: Ugh, I'm already here upset, now I've got to pretend I'm OK to worry about you?

Step one doesn't happen if we're both fine, and step two doesn't happen if there is one fine one who is able to do the emotional labour to be particularly considerate, but if we're both not doing OK then we do tend to fall into that trap sometimes.

If your girlfriend's just been diagnosed with depression, now might not be the best time to do anything that she perceives as her "having to take your feelings into account". If it's her first time on them she's going to be very worried, and if she's going back to them then she might feel quite frustrated deep down, and that's on top of the depression itself which does compromise you emotionally.

I think the best thing you can do is be as cheerful and positive in yourself as possible (I'm aware you have your own mental health stuff and this could be difficult, but she'll appreciate the effort), try to be confident and decisive about things that only involve you (or that she says she might like to defer to you), and at the same time try not to overtly treat her too differently (it's very important a depressed person not feel like a burden).

[Mommy Christmas]

I'm probably in the asshole category but one thing I know is when to let things lie. "lunchtime" should have just been met with "cool" and left at that. You (Taf) had little to gain by asking the exact time of her taking the pill and it's likely to have made her more stressed by emphasising the point.

[Jenuall]

For the reasons that have already been posted by others you were being a low to moderate level asshole, but I can appreciate the rationale behind why you were enquiring in the way that you were.

It's amazing how often in relationships actions which have the best intentions can end up exacerbating things - particularly as Karl points out if both parties are operating somewhat below par at that point in time!

[Tafdolphin]

Hey Taf, I don't mean this in the wrong way at all, it's just an honest observation.

The only time I really argue a little bit with my partner is when we're both feeling low or frustrated at something. It usually goes like this:
ONE OF US: [is a bit prickly]
THE OTHER: [wrapped up in their own feelings] Ouch, that was a bit hurtful.
ONE OF US: Ugh, I'm already here upset, now I've got to pretend I'm OK to worry about you?

Step one doesn't happen if we're both fine, and step two doesn't happen if there is one fine one who is able to do the emotional labour to be particularly considerate, but if we're both not doing OK then we do tend to fall into that trap sometimes.

If your girlfriend's just been diagnosed with depression, now might not be the best time to do anything that she perceives as her "having to take your feelings into account". If it's her first time on them she's going to be very worried, and if she's going back to them then she might feel quite frustrated deep down, and that's on top of the depression itself which does compromise you emotionally.

I think the best thing you can do is be as cheerful and positive in yourself as possible (I'm aware you have your own mental health stuff and this could be difficult, but she'll appreciate the effort), try to be confident and decisive about things that only involve you (or that she says she might like to defer to you), and at the same time try not to overtly treat her too differently (it's very important a depressed person not feel like a burden).

This is pretty bang on I think.

Neither of us are in good emotional places at the moment. We both deal with our issues in very different ways: she bottles everything up, I vocalise everything. This has led to an unbalanced level of emotional burden on her for sure. It's not why she's taking these new pills (or so I'm told, there are complicated and long standing family issues that are driving that condition) but because of the different ways we deal with these things she feels burdened and I feel guilty whenever I talk about my feelings.

This morning was an odd one as we were both fairly chipper. But I regret pushing the fact I was offended. I should have bowed to the context. I'm not sure why I didn't and I feel bad about it.

In terms of me treating her differently, that's good advice. I wasn't planning on being softly softly, but I'm often a bit full on with my affections and wanted to avoid the needling we sometimes engage in (consensually I must add). Like I say, I'm just going to give her her space today.

[Wedgie]

Tag I don’t think you have to worry about the side effects kicking in at this point as it would have hardly any effect at the start.

It usually take a few days before effects of the side effects start to kick in.