We've been together for almost six years and this has been going on for a while. It's always the same; we get into bed, she lies down facing away from me, she wiggles her arse against me a few times and expects an instant erection and then I basically just move her through various positions.
She doesn't like talking about sex, or what she likes. We have some toys but they'd stay in the box unopened if I never got them out. We might sometimes watch porn together but I pick it and she'll never talk about what she's in to. I made the mistake a month or two ago of suggesting we try and be a bit 'sexier' but my phrasing was off and she ended up being massively offended, assuming I don't and never have thought she was sexy. I apologised, pleaded with her to understand that I don't think she's 'not sexy', I just want us to be a bit more energetic, a bit more aware that we're in a sexual relationship. Long story short, it fell on deaf ears. If I asked her now, her take away from that conversation would still be that I just don't find her sexy.
The other night, she was apparently in the mood. I know this because I felt that faint wiggle against me again and to be honest, I couldn't be bothered. I'm 31, not 17. I don't pop a boner when I feel a light breeze anymore. It just feels like she believes that she only needs to demonstrate her willingness for me to have sex with her and I'll be good to go.
Last night, I'm a bit more willing. Starts the same; she's facing away from me, awkwardly reaching behind her to grab at my cock. I decide to actually do something and take control. Take my time, paying attention to her, going down on her and then suddenly 'okay, you can have sex with me now'. I'm not ready to go yet myself, so I make it clear like 'okay cool, but can I get some foreplay first as well?'.
Less than a minute of what was essentially tickling my lower abdomen, very little attention on my cock and balls before she says 'looks like it's not gonna happen' and then it stops.
That was it. Today she's telling me we should talk about why I'm not into sex. I say 'okay, let's turn this around. Let's say you were sucking my cock for ten minutes and I was well into it. I stop you and say okay, you can ride me now but you're not ready. I spend about 45 seconds rubbing the area roughly surrounding your genitals and then when you're not suddenly soaking wet I say 'huh, guess you're not into it' and stop'.
'Well I think you're just not into sex, are you sure there's not something else going on?'
I ended the conversation there, she's now gone out, and I've just received a message asking me to think about what I want from this relationship and the future and I just can't be bothered to have that talk. She's my best friend in every way and it hurts to know that she not only thinks I don't find her sexually arousing but that any conversation to try and fix that will only end up making things worse.