False wrote:the first time was just a quick deal and i felt bad but forgot about it, this time the girl was a bit more emotionally involved and im going to have to keep it going for a few weeks to emotionally spare her as much as possible
It's not the same as what's happening with you, False, but I've been in a strawberry floating awkward situation this year. In October 2019 I broke up with my ex of 7.5 years and I started a new relationship in early 2020, but it became clear to me early on that this new one wasn't going to work long-term. Unfortunately we were just too different people. However, my new girlfriend was really into it and made that very clear. She hadn't been in a relationship for a while and thought this was 'the one'. Rather than confronting the situation, though, I just let it drift on, and lockdown then complicated things further as it affected her badly in terms of her emotional state. And that had the knock-on effect of taking the enjoyment out of being with her. Previously, even though I didn't think it would ultimately go anywhere, at least we had fun together. Without the physical aspects of the relationship propping things up, though, the issues were laid more bare for me, and her being in a mood for reasons that she said had nothing to do with me was getting me down further, particularly as I was also struggling with lockdown. It got to the point where meeting up outside with her or sitting in her garden after people were allowed to see each other from a distance again, seemed like a penance rather than a date. I didn't want to break up with her while she was having such a shitty time of it. She's a lovely woman, just not right for me, and the fact that she's lovely made me feel even worse about how I felt. I had also become a bit annoyed about how she reacted to things in a way that I thought was massively OTT - for example, when lockdown happened she thought that I should have gone to hers to stay until lockdown ended. I thought it was waaaaaaaay too early for such shenanigans, but she took me saying no as a bit of an insult, and we didn't communicate for a few days. We were only weeks into our relationship, and it was ridiculous to live together. That was my opinion, anyway. And her reaction there was just one example of many. She's the kind of person who you can't turn the mood around on, you just have to lump it until she stops.
Even more complications were introduced when my ex and I started talking a lot more during lockdown, and it became clear that we had unresolved feelings. She wanted me to break up with my girlfriend as a result of these feelings, and was putting quite a bit of emotional pressure on me to do so. So what you mention about 'emotionally sparing' someone resonates with me, False... since lockdown I've pretty much been taking it a day at a time and operating based on what's not going to annoy the members of the opposite sex in my life. I was shitting myself about lockdown being lifted because at that point my girlfriend would want me to stay overnight with her, and I was worried about my actions then being the opposite of what I'd told my ex about the state of my relationship. (My ex would be pretty controlling by ensuring that we would either play Rocket League at the end of a night or talk before we went to sleep. She said that this wasn't related to her being worried about me staying the night with my girlfriend, but that's 100% bullshit. I allowed this. I enabled it.) I've figured out that I hate the thought of people I like not liking me anymore to the point where I will do anything, say anything to make that not happen, and it's totally counter-productive. I react to the possibility by covering things and feelings up, and not being true to myself. So I was wanting my girlfriend not to be annoyed with me. I was wanting my ex not to be annoyed with me. And was just in a mess that I'd created.
I finally broke up with my girlfriend a week and a half ago as I couldn't take the constant stress anymore. I didn't do it very well, though, as I didn't explain properly why we wouldn't work. I felt that to do so would feel like I was insulting her, as the negative things would have come across badly, and probably as me being selfish. Sigh. She sent me a lovely letter at the end of last week about her feelings for me, and I have delayed replying as I don't know what to say and I'm stressed enough as it is. I have to get back to her today, though. Aaaargh x 1,000,000. And now my ex is gently pressuring me to get back together. I don't know what I think about that, but I do know - again - that I want to spare my 2020-girlfriend-now-ex's feelings. It would be awful on her if I just jumped back with my now-ex-ex quickly, and would also make me look like a right prick.
The way I avoid things really irritates the strawberry float out of me.