Relationship Thread V4

[Christopher]

Are you sure she's not just after your eggs?

That was my first thought as she’s way more attractive than me.

Christopher every morning.

[<]:^D]

amazing

[MrKirov]

That does give some more detail to that decision. I think if you have that bond with each other, it shouldn't matter much if she can give 100% as long as you support each other. I can understand if she is unable to see it like that, though. Troubles such as that can also cause unsure decisions.

If you are willing to support her, and make her see that you will no matter what, it might be worth keeping it going.

She knows I’m there and won’t be going anywhere.

Just... be careful with this whole situation, and dont drop your guard completely. Its sounds like you're a bit all in with this, but with a bit of realism- its still early days and could easily fall apart- in the length of time youve known her, you dont truly know her yet, and you need to consider your own feelings and protect yourself too here.

After my 10 year thing ended, I understand where youre coming from. You kind of want that scenario back in your life, to love and to be loved and all that. I found myself in the same situation, so I get it. But time alone to really gather yourself and understand what your needs truly are is also important, you might think you know right now, but maybe you dont- thats certainly what happened to me. Initially you want that connection and safe relationship back that sometimes you miss red flags- and that only causes you hurt and pain later, on top of what you havent already dealt with.

This happened to me- very similar situation, amazing connection, great times, same wavelength and all that stuff. I made allowances because of her unusual situation (her husband passed away 2 years prior) and fell so hard for her I didnt see the truth of the matter. She told me she was in love with me after 2 weeks, went through all the motions you describe including being all in and showing nothing but affection for me one minute, then being cold and distant the next- but i ignored reg flags, because she was giving me what I craved- but in the end she was an incredible narcissist, who was in no way ready for a relationship with anyone anyway, but on top of that, when I started realising and questioning, she quickly became distant- then exited stage left and went off with someone else at the drop of a hat.

I was then left in limbo, dealing with brand new pain, and the hurt and pain I hadnt coped with previously.

I'm saying to still keep your guard up, and dont be prepared to give up everything at the drop of a hat because shes shown you the affection you crave- there will be others that do that in a non drama filled way.

You mentioned shes leaving to NI, this whole distance/cant be 100% could be a way to spare your feelings. She could have gotten super involved quickly. and think its a mistake to have, and is now pulling back - but doesnt want to hurt your feelings or something to that effect.

I'm not saying thats whats happening- but it could be, and its something in these early days you need to be prepared for the potential of, no matter how good it is. For example, ive also dated someone for 2-3 weeks, everythings been great, and then been ghosted- its kind of how the dating world is now, and its something that takes some getting used too. Ive equally done the same, been with someone for a couple of months, she was super into me, and on paper everything was amazing, but in reality either i wasnt ready or just something was "off" and I backed out.

Right now, to me, your situation sounds wishy washy "i want to be with you but im not ready, maybe later". To me, it sounds like you need a clear answer- what does 100% mean? Are we still together now? If the answer isnt acceptable, dont allow yourself to be put in a pocket as backup- if shes not ready, certainly dont wait around hoping- it'll only lead to more pain and issues for you that wont get dealt with as easily because its stacked.

EDIT: Reading this back, it might sound harsh. But its just honesty- ive been there, and I had to learn this the hard way. I was lucky that I had a good friend guiding me through the whole dating situation after 10 years, but I still made some massive errors.

[Rocsteady]

^

I think that's a really good post tbh, and sums up some of my feelings when reading this. I'd be very cautious if I were you. Time alone can hurt but is also when you can grow as a person and figure out what exactly you want from a future relationship.

[Joer]

I think i've finished my speech for my wedding in a couple of weeks and it's the only thing i'm nervous about. It's so weird writing in jokes hoping they're going to land but no way of knowing until the day itself.

[Buffalo]

Tell them to us and we’ll let you know if they’re any good or not.

[Jenuall]

I completely forgot about my speech when it came to our wedding so just did something off the cuff, it worked out amazingly well and I got a really got response from everyone but there was a 10 second window when I was called up to speak and my brain was just going "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-----"

[Christopher]

That does give some more detail to that decision. I think if you have that bond with each other, it shouldn't matter much if she can give 100% as long as you support each other. I can understand if she is unable to see it like that, though. Troubles such as that can also cause unsure decisions.

If you are willing to support her, and make her see that you will no matter what, it might be worth keeping it going.

She knows I’m there and won’t be going anywhere.

Just... be careful with this whole situation, and dont drop your guard completely. Its sounds like you're a bit all in with this, but with a bit of realism- its still early days and could easily fall apart- in the length of time youve known her, you dont truly know her yet, and you need to consider your own feelings and protect yourself too here.

After my 10 year thing ended, I understand where youre coming from. You kind of want that scenario back in your life, to love and to be loved and all that. I found myself in the same situation, so I get it. But time alone to really gather yourself and understand what your needs truly are is also important, you might think you know right now, but maybe you dont- thats certainly what happened to me. Initially you want that connection and safe relationship back that sometimes you miss red flags- and that only causes you hurt and pain later, on top of what you havent already dealt with.

This happened to me- very similar situation, amazing connection, great times, same wavelength and all that stuff. I made allowances because of her unusual situation (her husband passed away 2 years prior) and fell so hard for her I didnt see the truth of the matter. She told me she was in love with me after 2 weeks, went through all the motions you describe including being all in and showing nothing but affection for me one minute, then being cold and distant the next- but i ignored reg flags, because she was giving me what I craved- but in the end she was an incredible narcissist, who was in no way ready for a relationship with anyone anyway, but on top of that, when I started realising and questioning, she quickly became distant- then exited stage left and went off with someone else at the drop of a hat.

I was then left in limbo, dealing with brand new pain, and the hurt and pain I hadnt coped with previously.

I'm saying to still keep your guard up, and dont be prepared to give up everything at the drop of a hat because shes shown you the affection you crave- there will be others that do that in a non drama filled way.

You mentioned shes leaving to NI, this whole distance/cant be 100% could be a way to spare your feelings. She could have gotten super involved quickly. and think its a mistake to have, and is now pulling back - but doesnt want to hurt your feelings or something to that effect.

I'm not saying thats whats happening- but it could be, and its something in these early days you need to be prepared for the potential of, no matter how good it is. For example, ive also dated someone for 2-3 weeks, everythings been great, and then been ghosted- its kind of how the dating world is now, and its something that takes some getting used too. Ive equally done the same, been with someone for a couple of months, she was super into me, and on paper everything was amazing, but in reality either i wasnt ready or just something was "off" and I backed out.

Right now, to me, your situation sounds wishy washy "i want to be with you but im not ready, maybe later". To me, it sounds like you need a clear answer- what does 100% mean? Are we still together now? If the answer isnt acceptable, dont allow yourself to be put in a pocket as backup- if shes not ready, certainly dont wait around hoping- it'll only lead to more pain and issues for you that wont get dealt with as easily because its stacked.

EDIT: Reading this back, it might sound harsh. But its just honesty- ive been there, and I had to learn this the hard way. I was lucky that I had a good friend guiding me through the whole dating situation after 10 years, but I still made some massive errors.

Thanks for that, yeah I know I need to hold back a bit and judge this for what it is not what it could be.

To be honest I wasn’t looking for anything new, I love time to myself and part of me was really looking forward to being alone for a long time after the mess that was my marriage.

I told my ex about this new lass as I didn’t want to hide anything and if the kids heard me on the phone to her they’d tell her so best to get it out there. She wasn’t mad she was happy weirdly, she’s even tried to give me advice on the situation.

[Drumstick]

I completely forgot about my speech when it came to our wedding so just did something off the cuff, it worked out amazingly well and I got a really got response from everyone but there was a 10 second window when I was called up to speak and my brain was just going "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-----"

"You know, guys and girls, this day reminds me of a time that I was in Exeter..."

[Jenuall]

[Victor Mildew]

My best man speech was pretty good and well received. I even (unintentionally) started with Jeremy's templated intro (hey I needed some starting point).

I lost my place and went off script a few times (was using prompts which is put down to make sure I was looking at people around the room), and at one point I lost my place on my prompts page, it went quiet, it felt awkward and I started shaking and decided that was a perfectly appropriate time to make a Parkinson's joke

[Oblomov Boblomov]

How on earth do you forget to do a groom's speech surely it crosses your mind at some point during the period of engagement?!

Absolutely loved doing mine. Really went to town on it.

[Jenuall]

How on earth do you forget to do a groom's speech surely it crosses your mind at some point during the period of engagement?!

Absolutely loved doing mine. Really went to town on it.

Only had 3 months between engagement and wedding day so it was quite a busy period!

Like I say it worked out really bloody well and if anything it was probably better to not have any pressure in worrying about it during the build up!

[Lotus]

I was best man for a mate about 10 years ago, but I can't remember a thing about it; can't remember anything I said, whether I'd memorised the speech or used prompts, or anyone's reactions or comments.

If I get married, strawberry float doing a speech - can't be arsed at all.

[Victor Mildew]

I didn't have a stag or do any speeches for my wedding, but then We had a very small group with us, so I just said thanks and we took each of them out for a meal in the days before and after.

[Hexx]

How on earth do you forget to do a groom's speech surely it crosses your mind at some point during the period of engagement?!

Absolutely loved doing mine. Really went to town on it.

Only had 3 months between engagement and wedding day so it was quite a busy period!

Presumably you were also preparing for the baby coming soon after the wedding?

[Drumstick]

I didn't have a stag or do any speeches for my wedding, but then We had a very small group with us, so I just said thanks and we took each of them out for a meal in the days before and after.

I'm kind of staggered you were down for the whole marriage thing - you seem the sort to rally against every bit of it with every fibre of your being.

[Jenuall]

How on earth do you forget to do a groom's speech surely it crosses your mind at some point during the period of engagement?!

Absolutely loved doing mine. Really went to town on it.

Only had 3 months between engagement and wedding day so it was quite a busy period!

Presumably you were also preparing for the baby coming soon after the wedding?

How dare you make such a suggestion!

But no, it was not a baby related time pressure - we just really wanted to get married in the winter so it was either do it in the short space of time or wait ages. I couldn't be dealing with the faff of planning for over a year so went with the quick option!

[Robbo-92]

I had been asked to be my brothers best man but obviously COVID put aside any reception after they did get married, just as well as there is no single task that is feel less suited too than doing a speech in front of a large audience

If I ever get married the most I’ll do as a grooms speech is “thanks for all coming, made it a wonderful day so far and I hope you enjoy the evening” etc, that’ll be more than enough for me!

[Dowbocop]

I was going to do my groom speech the night before but spent the night on the piss with my best man and one of my ushers and his missus instead. I felt like I was back in sixth form not starting a piece of work until past midnight

Does anyone else's mother/MIL make people dry off the bath after they've had a shower? Seems weird to me.