Christopher wrote:DarkRula wrote:That does give some more detail to that decision. I think if you have that bond with each other, it shouldn't matter much if she can give 100% as long as you support each other. I can understand if she is unable to see it like that, though. Troubles such as that can also cause unsure decisions.
If you are willing to support her, and make her see that you will no matter what, it might be worth keeping it going.
She knows I’m there and won’t be going anywhere.
Just... be careful with this whole situation, and dont drop your guard completely. Its sounds like you're a bit all in with this, but with a bit of realism- its still early days and could easily fall apart- in the length of time youve known her, you dont truly know her yet, and you need to consider your own feelings and protect yourself too here.
After my 10 year thing ended, I understand where youre coming from. You kind of want that scenario back in your life, to love and to be loved and all that. I found myself in the same situation, so I get it. But time alone to really gather yourself and understand what your needs truly are is also important, you might think you know right now, but maybe you dont- thats certainly what happened to me. Initially you want that connection and safe relationship back that sometimes you miss red flags- and that only causes you hurt and pain later, on top of what you havent already dealt with.
This happened to me- very similar situation, amazing connection, great times, same wavelength and all that stuff. I made allowances because of her unusual situation (her husband passed away 2 years prior) and fell so hard for her I didnt see the truth of the matter. She told me she was in love with me after 2 weeks, went through all the motions you describe including being all in and showing nothing but affection for me one minute, then being cold and distant the next- but i ignored reg flags, because she was giving me what I craved- but in the end she was an incredible narcissist, who was in no way ready for a relationship with anyone anyway, but on top of that, when I started realising and questioning, she quickly became distant- then exited stage left and went off with someone else at the drop of a hat.
I was then left in limbo, dealing with brand new pain, and the hurt and pain I hadnt coped with previously.
I'm saying to still keep your guard up, and dont be prepared to give up everything at the drop of a hat because shes shown you the affection you crave- there will be others that do that in a non drama filled way.
You mentioned shes leaving to NI, this whole distance/cant be 100% could be a way to spare your feelings. She could have gotten super involved quickly. and think its a mistake to have, and is now pulling back - but doesnt want to hurt your feelings or something to that effect.
I'm not saying thats whats happening- but it could be, and its something in these early days you need to be prepared for the potential of, no matter how good it is. For example, ive also dated someone for 2-3 weeks, everythings been great, and then been ghosted- its kind of how the dating world is now, and its something that takes some getting used too. Ive equally done the same, been with someone for a couple of months, she was super into me, and on paper everything was amazing, but in reality either i wasnt ready or just something was "off" and I backed out.
Right now, to me, your situation sounds wishy washy "i want to be with you but im not ready, maybe later". To me, it sounds like you need a clear answer- what does 100% mean? Are we still together now? If the answer isnt acceptable, dont allow yourself to be put in a pocket as backup- if shes not ready, certainly dont wait around hoping- it'll only lead to more pain and issues for you that wont get dealt with as easily because its stacked.
EDIT: Reading this back, it might sound harsh. But its just honesty- ive been there, and I had to learn this the hard way. I was lucky that I had a good friend guiding me through the whole dating situation after 10 years, but I still made some massive errors.